Top 100 Mitch Quotes
#1. Now how about waffles for breakfast? Or is too late for breakfast?"
Mitch rested back in his chair. "Maybe too late for breakfast, but it's never too late for waffles.
Shelly Laurenston
#2. Your penguin. You know, penguins. They mate for life. Penguins are one of the only animals on the planet that do that, like humans. It's sweet. You've got yourself a little penguin, Uncle Mitch.
Elisabeth Naughton
#3. Mitch Glazer and I went to high school together, and his mother was my English teacher for two years. She was my favorite teacher, and I followed Mitch's career as a journalist, so we've kind of kept in touch over the years.
Mickey Rourke
#4. The last thing Mitch really remembered was ... being on top of Sissy. He'd had a split second of thinking, Wow. This feels really good.
Shelly Laurenston
#5. What's Mitch's better-than-love?" Randy snorted. "He and his slut-bunny husband are those disgusting nougat-center people who just flat out like being in love best. And fucking. Which, I gotta admit, is hot as all hell to watch.
Heidi Cullinan
#6. Mitch Hurwitz was like a father figure to me. He was so sweet, and he's just so smart.
Alia Shawkat
#7. This was a smokescreen. Morrie made that obvious. Mitch, if you're trying to show off for people at the top, forget it. They will look down at you anyhow. And if you're trying to show off for people at the bottom, forget it. They will only envy you. Status will get you nowhere.
Anonymous
#8. I got a business card because I wanna win some lunches. That's what my business card says: Mitch Hedberg, Potential Lunch Winner. Gimme a call, maybe we'll have lunch. If I'm lucky!
Mitch Hedberg
#9. I don't own a cell phone or a pager. I just hang around everyone I know, all the time. If someone wants to get a hold of me, they just say 'Mitch,' and I say 'what?' and turn my head slightly.
Mitch Hedberg
#10. Mitch says he was destined to meet me. He says I could go back and do my whole life over, and I'd still end up marrying him.
Rainbow Rowell
#11. Mitch and I have known each other for such a long time, and we're both so pleased to be given this opportunity at this point in our lives to play characters that we've never really had a chance to play before. It's a great gift. Plus we're wise enough to appreciate it.
Susan Sullivan
#12. Every time I walk by a spy shop, I think that I need to put some surveillance on somebody. Rick's been acting fishy! I need to buy a safe that looks like a Spray 'N Wash can. "Hey, Mitch, can I use the Spray 'N Wash?" "Yeah, if you want to spray your shirt with documents!"
Mitch Hedberg
#13. I wanted to play around with the format, really tear it to pieces and shake it up. For example, if Mitch saves someone from drowning, and that person then goes out and releases a virus that kills a million people. Imagine the moral implications of that.
David Hasselhoff
#14. They hate you."
"Why?"
"Cause you're a dick, Mitch.
Andy Weir
#15. I don't want to have my face on the cover of a Wheaties box. I wanna have my face on the cover of a Rice Krispies box. "Snap, Krackle, Mitch and Pop"!
Mitch Hedberg
#16. People are familiar with 'the stick' of the Tea Party ... challenging incumbents, flooding the phone lines. What they're not so much familiar with, and what I want to expand, is 'the carrot.' So when a Mitch McConnell, or when a Republican caucus stands firm ... we have to reward them.
Niger Innis
#17. Keep listening to music, it gets you through everything. I promise.
- Mitch Lucker
Mitch Lucker
#18. This was the weird, scary stuff Denny and Mitch lived for. Every afternoon, they would gather up their papers to sell and hoof it over to the library to check the District Department of Transportation (DDOT) website for wherever rush-hour traffic was at its worst. Logjams were their meat.
James Patterson
#20. Mitch's take on humanity had deteriorated to the point where he assumed someone was lying if her lips were moving.
Jennifer Crusie
#21. I take it you just etched your name on the invitation list for our little coffee klatch," Mitch noted, now looking at Sebring. Knight grinned. "I'll bring the pastries.
Kristen Ashley
#22. 'Arrested Development' is great; Mitch Hurwitz is great. Plus, it's the one show I've ever had where, on the small parts, he just let me cast people.
Allison Jones
#23. An unmarked cop car carrying Mitch Lawson and Brock Lucas, both detectives with the DPD.
Kristen Ashley
#24. It's too bad Mitch can't be the pregnant one.
Oh my God, he'd love that.
Rainbow Rowell
#25. Mitch stared at where her hand lay on Blake's crotch and appreciated that his friend didn't comment.
"Please tell me I don't have my hand some place inappropriate." Alana's voice broke.
Eden Summers
#26. My family are police officers, detectives. My brother Mitch is FBI. Mitch is like that - a stern enforcer.
Bernie Mac
#27. And I think that at a certain point, after all the time and all the conjecture and everything that had kind of gone on surrounding this show, I think that Mitch just felt like it was time to let it go. It was best for the show.
Will Arnett
#28. Ray: What else did they get rid of, truth, justice and the American way?
Leto jr.: Nah, truth ended when they shot M.L.K.. The American way died over in Vietnam.
Mitch: And Justice?
Leto jr.: Shit, man, there's no justice ... There's just us.
Brian K. Vaughan
#29. Mitch, that's what faith is. If they spit in your face, you say it must be raining. But you still come back tomorrow.
Mitch Albom
#30. I'll go gentle, baby," he whispered against my lips. "I promise. You'll always be safe with me."
Oh. My.
"Mitch," I breathed.
His soulful eyes held mine captive as he repeated firmly, "Always.
Kristen Ashley
#31. Don't you see Blaynie." Mitch put his arm around her shoulders. "You're like an illegitimate little sister that I never wanted.
Shelly Laurenston
#32. I use the word totally too much. I need to change it up and use a word that is different but has the same meaning. Mitch do you like submarine sandwiches? All-encompassingly ...
Mitch Hedberg
#33. Mitch grabbed hold of the car keys and held them over his head so Sissy couldn't get them. She, in turn, grabbed his nuts and twisted until he gave her the damn keys.
Shelly Laurenston
#34. Rice is great when you're hungry and you want two thousand of something." - Mitch Hedberg
Holden Blunts
#35. The next time I move I hope I get a real easy phone number, something like 2222222. People will ask, "Mitch, how do I get a hold of you?" I'll say, "Just press two for a while, when I answer, you'll know that you've pressed two enough."
Mitch Hedberg
#36. Gotta be a full moon bringing out the crazy," Mitch said. "Maybe the crazy just follows you," Aidan suggested. In turn, Mitch suggested Aidan was number one. With his middle finger.
Jill Shalvis
#38. Yeah, I get it. I'll be cool as a well digger's ass."
He jumped when the front door slammed shut, the harsh bang echoing around the trees.
Mitch shook his head. "That well digger must be working in a hot spring.
Hunter Shea
#39. Mitch waved his hand in front of his nose. "Christ almighty! What is that funk on you?"
Gwen smirked. "Eau de Grizzly.
Shelly Laurenston
#40. And a six-week cap on the relationship was perfect. He could enjoy the getting-to-know-you sex and the know-you-well-enough-to-push-the-right-buttons sex, but be gone before the I'm-falling-in-love-with-you-Mitch sex.
Shannon Stacey
#41. Mitch had a particular way with women - a formula of giving and withholding that almost always managed to hook them. Getting them to talk about themselves was the first step; remaining enigmatic was the second. There were other steps, but he used only the first two during that encounter.
Lisa Lutz
#42. They stared at each other for several seconds. Finally, Mitch said, "Thanks for your high level of concern."
"It doesn't quite live up to your high level of whining.
Shelly Laurenston
#43. Bebop was like humming along to Mitch Miller to me.
Albert Ayler
#44. Telling me your name wouldn't kill you.
Did you hear me tell you my name's Mitch? I'd really like to hear you use it when I'm fucking you later.
Kindle Alexander
#45. I loved Stephen Wright, and I loved Mitch Hedberg, but they seemed like geniuses you could never emulate. You'd just be ripping them off.
Anthony Jeselnik
#46. If a drink was ice cold, it would be impossible to drink. Because it would be solid. Here's a drink, Mitch - it's ice cold. I guess I could lick it.
Mitch Hedberg
#47. I'll miss all my teammates. I'll miss Elvis (Andrus) and (Adrian) Beltre, Mitch (Moreland), Matt Harrison and [manager Ron] Washington. To be honest with you, I hope they go 0-162. I got friends, and I love my friends, but I hope they lose their ass.
Ian Kinsler
#48. I agree with Sen. Rand Paul on issues more than I do Mitch McConnell.
Thomas Massie
#49. What exactly do you think you're doing?" Hell if he knew. Mitch was in pure reaction mode - the words "keep her" pounded in his brain like a mantra, refusing to be ignored.
Jennifer Dawson
#50. Sissy didn't know feeding Mitch would be so enjoyable - except for the expense, of course. He'd pretty much groaned and purred during the whole meal. Everything she put in front of him made him smile, and then he'd feed like he hadn't eaten in days.
Shelly Laurenston
#51. Mitch glanced at Ralph and back at Brendon. "I think he's snoring."
"Or those are hunger growls."
"Bastard.
Shelly Laurenston
#52. Mitch's Pizzaria ... this week's coupon: unlimited free pizza. Special Note: coupon not good at any of the Mitch's Pizza locations. Free pizza oven with purchase of a small Coke. Two-for Tuesday: buy one pizza, get one franchise free.
Mitch Hedberg
#53. She glanced down at the ground and the inert form of her brother. "What happened to Travis?"
Mitch winced. "I hit him with the door after I tore it off. It was a total accident."
"Marry me," she spouted before she could stop herself.
Shelly Laurenston
#54. No, it was because Hawk, Brock and Mitch stormed that house at Tack's side. This meant, to Tack, they were different kinds of brothers. Not of blood. Not of the cut. But that bond was unshakable all the same.
Kristen Ashley
#55. All of us hate to be caged, Mitch. For Hyde, and maybe Chastity, it's necessary. But for the rest of us, it's a choice." Eden stalked out, wondering which choice she was making.
Lauren Stewart
#56. You sleep okay, sweetie?"
"Miss my teddy," Billie replied.
Personally, I thought Detective Mitch Lawson was far superior to a tiny pink teddy bear but I wasn't six years old.
Kristen Ashley
#57. Senator Mitch McConnell, the Republican leader in the Senate, said that Republicans' number one priority was the defeat of President Obama.
Steny Hoyer
#58. Mental note when dealing with Mitch: he was a police detective and he had ways of getting information therefore never let your guard down
Kristen Ashley
#59. If everyone were like him (Mitch Williams) I wouldn't play. I'd find a safer way to make a living.
Andy Van Slyke
#60. Lock grinned at Gwen. "He's fun," he said, reaching out and cuffing Mitch without even looking at him. "He just keeps trying to get back up." Bam! "It's great." Bam! "Like 'The Little Lion Who Could.'" Bam!
Shelly Laurenston
#61. Lord Jesus, help me to give my life, and live my life, for you. Mitch
Terence Hegarty
#62. AirWalker. With a name like that, it had to be Mitch Walker's plane. Was it possible she'd found herself a bush pilot with a poetic soul?
Cheryl Cooke Harrington
#63. Mitch thought she looked like an angel might - if the angel had fallen very hard into a very naughty position.
Lauren Stewart
#64. Abu, torturing guys and breaking them down is not something I look forward to, although your case is a little different. I think you're such a despicable fuck that I might actually enjoy our little session. (Mitch Rapp to Abu Haggani)
Vince Flynn
#65. Just promise me, Mitch, whenever you decide to make the decision, you make it for you. And if you can't make the decision yourself, then you call me. Any time. Any place. I'll be there. No matter what. And we'll make it together. You think you can handle that?
River Savage
#66. Do you believe in God, Venkat?" Mitch asked.
"Sure, lots of 'em," Venkat said. "I'm Hindu.
Andy Weir
#67. Either Mitch goes with me ... or get used to finding your wife hiding in trees."
"That's just mean."
"I'm a Smith. What did you expect?"
"Good point.
Shelly Laurenston
#68. Hello." Sara's soft, sexy voice sounded on the other end. "Mitch?" "Yeah?" Forgoing pleasantries and getting right to the point, she said, "My kitty stopped purring. I think it needs to be resuscitated."
Cathryn Fox
#69. I don't need men like Ross on my side. I just need them to get out of my way. (Mitch Rapp)
Vince Flynn
#70. Mitch", but then reattach it and call it "Mitch-all-together.
Mitch Hedberg
#71. Any concerns or reservations?" Venkat asked. "Yeah. I'm concerned about what I ate last night. I think it had an eyeball in it." "I'm sure there wasn't an eyeball." "The engineers here made it for me special," Mitch said. "There may have been an eyeball," Venkat said. "They hate you.
Andy Weir
#73. Hailey shook her head. "Nobody cares about the meatloaf, Paige. Mitch is in town for six weeks and you could do with a little less tension. Don't want you killing anybody.
"So what you're saying is that I have to have sex with Mitch to save lives?"
"Absolutely.
Shannon Stacey
#74. I feel kind of bad for calling him Twatwaffle now."
"You should feel bad," I yelled. "For all we know, Twatwaffle saved our lives and maybe Mitch did too. There's obviously something out here. Who the fuck decapitates a llama?"
"I'm sure this particular llama was on many a hit list.
Karina Halle
#75. I live with fellow speed skaters and National Team members Heather Richardson, Sugar Todd and Mitch Whitmore, and Sugar lives up to her name. She spoils our household with baked goods, and not just at Christmastime.
Brittany Bowe
#76. Isn't it enough you have poor Mitch here playing against bears?"
They all looked at "poor Mitch," who seemed to be having the equivalent of an orgasm eating that slice of cherry pie.
Shelly Laurenston
#77. I like when they say a movie is inspired by a true story. That's kind of silly. "Hey, Mitch, did you hear that story about that lady who drove her car into the lake with her kids and they all drowned?" "Yeah, I did, and you know what - that inspires me to write a movie about a gorilla!"
Mitch Hedberg
#78. Revenge is more wild, less calculated ... deeply personal. Retribution is a punishment that is morally right and fully deserved. (Mitch Rapp)
Vince Flynn
#79. The only candidate pocketing big money from people who want to destroy coal is Mitch McConnell.
Alison Lundergan Grimes
#80. Did you hear that Mitch? Your mom thinks you're beautiful.
Nicholas Sparks
#81. You know what, Julia?" Mitch asked. "I love you. I even like you, a lot, which is pretty important to me because love is a requisite in families, liking each other isn't. But you're acting like a spoiled brat right now.
Elisabeth Naughton
#82. For the first time since 1979, we are talking to the Islamic Republic of Iran. Obama says talking to him is probably pointless, but it's a hell of a relief from Mitch McConnell.
Bill Maher
#83. By ten o'clock, the sidewalk along Vine Street looks like the Fourth of July parade. Mama minds the cash box while Daddy and Mitch go to haul more tomatoes and peppers from the truck. The basket of beans is almost empty, so I fill it up again.
Paul Brett Johnson
#84. Mitch studied me with a questioning, smug smile. Men did it so easily, that immediate parceling of value. And how they seemed to want you to collude on your own judgement.
Emma Cline
#85. He wondered if somewhere far off, defying the laws of science, Mitch's two screams were still echoing, if those vibrations had traveled into space, if they moved on and on like rays in a light-year. There might be other forms of life who were receiving the noise and trying to interpret the tones.
Jane Hamilton
#86. Mitch stood. "How is this my fault? I'm not the one with the pussy that drains the life from a man!"
"And i'm not the one hung like an overendowed donkey
Shelly Laurenston
#87. The only problem with Mitch [Pileggi, the actor who plays Skinner] is that his bald head means there's nothing to hold onto when he starts to buck.
David Duchovny
#89. She really never lies?"
"Never."
"How is that possible?" Mitch leaned back in his chair. "I lie before breakfast. And, if no one else is around, I lie to myself.
Lauren Stewart
#90. The old joke was Mitch Leigh, land baron, barren land.
Mitch Leigh
#91. It's August, which means Congress is on recess and Mitch McConnell has shimmied back into the ocean to seek a mate.
Stephen Colbert
#92. Every comic went through their Mitch Hedberg phase - the glasses, the hair in the face - and you knew immediately when they were doing it.
Anthony Jeselnik
#93. I didn't want their tears. I didn't want them to think of me. I wanted nothing from them. That asshole Mitch Johnson saved my life today. What a prick.
Tiffany King
#94. The door opened and Tack's eyes cut to it to see Brock "Slim" Lucas and Mitch Lawson coming through the door.
Kristen Ashley
#95. I have a history of disregarding orders. - Mitch Rapp
Vince Flynn
#97. I don't want to hear another word about my attitude. i don't want anyone looking over my shoulder, and I sure as hell don't want anyone second-guessing what I do. (Mitch Rapp)
Vince Flynn
#98. Gwen stopped putting her money in the bag. "You're giving your father a picture of a door for his birthday?" And she'd thought Mitch marking up pages in her copy of Vogue and telling her, "This is what I'd get you for your birthday if I had money" had been cheap.
Shelly Laurenston
#99. The two had been in each other's company for a long time. They knew when the other wanted to talk, and when they wanted to think. The only problem was that more often than not, Victor wanted to think, and more often than not, Mitch wanted to talk.
Victoria Schwab
#100. I wanna hear you say my name when you come. Just so you know who made you feel like this. - Mitch Knox
Kindle Alexander
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