Top 100 Colfer's Quotes
#1. It felt like my teeth were sweating. Eoin Colfer's The Legend of Spud Murphy
Eoin Colfer
#2. Not taking yourself too seriously, that's the important thing.
Chris Colfer
#3. Listen to me, goblin. You're stupid, let's accept that and move on.
Eoin Colfer
#4. but that's what growing up is all about- learning nothing is sacred in this world
Chris Colfer
#5. I have no time for babbling foolishness."
"Don't be so hasty," said Victor. "There's always time for babbling.
Eoin Colfer
#6. Busts, carvings, engravings, and symbols of King Ludwig's
Chris Colfer
#7. I must capture the flag,' he breathed. 'That's what a pirate captain is supposed to do. Go to the roof, so I can capture the flag and gloat.'
'Capture the flag and goat?'
'Gloat.'
Isabella stood hands on hips. 'It's pronounced goooaaat, idiot.
Eoin Colfer
#8. Everything rests on the poisoned wine. If it were just the queen, I could force it down her gullet, but Declan Broekhart would run me through with that damned ceremonial sword, and if his wife's stares were daggers, he'd be dead already.
Eoin Colfer
#9. My most scientific analysis, with all means of science and technology in mind, is that it's magic.
Chris Colfer
#10. people give you the wrong expecctations and then blame you when you can't meet them. It's your fault for not being the person they want you to be . You're the freak. You're the monster. When in reality, you're just trying to be... yourself.
Chris Colfer
#11. Every time I get injured I measure it's severity by asking myself 'Would this stop me from going to Disneyland?'
Chris Colfer
#12. Mother Goose chuckled to herself. "Jack is nimble, Jack is quick - but Jack can be such a - " She stopped herself from finishing the thought, perhaps remembering she was talking to thirteen-year-olds. "I think I've had enough bubbly for one night. It's time for bed anyway.
Chris Colfer
#13. Laughing at someone's dream was one of the cruelest things a person can do to another.
Chris Colfer
#14. I do remember, Holly. I remember it all. Especially you. It's a real comfort to have you here.
Eoin Colfer
#15. It's like learning to ride a unicorn. You never forget.
Eoin Colfer
#16. Maybe greatness isn't about being immortal, or glorious, or popular - it's about choosing to fight for the greater good of the world, even when the world's turned its back on you.
Chris Colfer
#17. Always have a plan B and a friend with bail, and you're guaranteed to never fail," Mother Goose said and took another drink. "That's my motto.
Chris Colfer
#18. I wonder if people would learn from the Little Mermaid's heartbreak when she dies at the end of her real story. I
Chris Colfer
#19. It's such a shame," Red said, shaking her head as she searched the ground. "The people you depend on and trust always disappoint you the most.
Chris Colfer
#20. The person who sat the kid down on the breadboard to cut off thier diaper with a huge knife was the most elderly person in the family, who was blind in one eye..and had the shakes ... of course the kids uncouncious, He's lost two pints of blood!
Eoin Colfer
#21. Orion nodded, then asked, "Dwarf cheese?"
"Cheese made by dwarfs."
"Oh," said Orion, relieved. "They make it. It's not actually ... "
"No. What a horrible thought."
"Exactly.
Eoin Colfer
#22. Life comes at you fast. It runs through your body and tries to escape and be expressed in any way possible. It's a lot like lightning.
Chris Colfer
#23. Yes, Chix, it's between us. Everyone has a right to be temporarily unstable.
- Foaly
Eoin Colfer
#24. Anyone can have a once-upon-a-time or a happily-ever-after, but it's the journey between that makes the story worth telling.
Chris Colfer
#25. No Fletcher. Wake up, boy. Those are the flames of Hell. Dermont dropped out of school, so that's where he's headed. See the little horns? -Ms. Quinn
Eoin Colfer
#26. Alex gave him a dirty look. The dark green coloring faded from Froggy's face.
Chris Colfer
#27. There's nothing wrong with you. There's a lot wrong with the world you live in. And definitely get out of high school and make everyone sorry.
Chris Colfer
#28. We are all but characters in the books of God's library.
Chris Colfer
#29. I remember wanting to laugh, but I held it in. I guess even then I thought laughing at someone's dream was one of the cruelest things one person could do to another.
Chris Colfer
#30. Grandma loved helping people, especially if it was against their will. "Let's
Chris Colfer
#31. When Holly Short had opened the door of her makeshift basement cell, she had found her helmet bouncing on the spot in front of her with a 3-D image of Foaly's face projected onto it. That is really creepy,
Eoin Colfer
#32. For every tear that rolled down Conner's face there were a dozen he fought back.
Chris Colfer
#33. I think every time a movie gets made, it's a miracle. I would love to get to a point where it became easier and it wasn't so much of a struggle to get it done or finished.
Chris Colfer
#34. I feel a little dizzy," said Orion. "But also wonderfully elated. I feel that I am on the verge of finding a rhyme for the word orange."
"Oxygen deprivation," said Foaly. "Or maybe it's just him.
Eoin Colfer
#35. To be injured on this tundra would lead to a quick and painful death - or at the very least abject humiliation before the popping flashes of the tourist season's tail end, which was slightly less painful than a painful death, but lasted longer.
Eoin Colfer
#36. Confidence is ignorance. If you're feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know.
Eoin Colfer
#37. Forgive me, I don't mean to be rude," Red said to the twins. "It's just every time I see you two I'm heartbroken, kidnapped, or homeless.
Chris Colfer
#38. It's a game box. They were invented so teenagers wouldn't have to talk to grownups.
Eoin Colfer
#39. I know heroes exist because i'm my little brother's hero. It isn't easy, it's not always fun, it's full of hard choices, and sometimes you have to put yourself second to help the people you love. But being a hero is a choice
Chris Colfer
#40. It would take less than a second for you to die. But that's quite long enough to be in mortal agony, don't you think?
Eoin Colfer
#41. A few of the girls and I jumped into my jetta and took off. "Lets go stand outside someone from Glee's house now," one of them said
Chris Colfer
#42. High School. Society's bright idea to put all their aggressive, naive youth into one environment to torment and emotionally scar each other for life.
Chris Colfer
#43. queen had just invited that crazy enchantress to their daughter's party in the first place, none of that stuff ever
Chris Colfer
#44. Is that how you're going to take me? Scare me into voluntarily coming aboard, then steal my Ice Cube?"
"It's always cubes with you," noted Foaly, somewhat randomly. "What's wrong with a nice sphere?
Eoin Colfer
#45. Let's just follow the Boy Scouts from Hades and hope for the best.
Chris Colfer
#47. My most educated analysis, with all means of science and technology in mind, is that it's magic," Alex said. "There's no other possible explanation!" -Alex Bailey, The Land of Stories; The Wishing Spell
Chris Colfer The Land Of Stories
#48. Certainly, Doctor. Let's talk about your chair. Victorian?
Eoin Colfer
#49. My truffles? You took them? That's just mean!
Eoin Colfer
#50. What's that supposed to mean? A wolf's head on a stick. Big wolf barbecue tonight? Bring your own wolf?
Eoin Colfer
#51. (about his terrible attempt at making a sandwich) It's more difficult than it looks. (Artemis Fowl)
Eoin Colfer
#52. I'm the handsome Butterboy," Jack announced. "I'm the queen's soul mate. I just don't know it yet because I'm emotionally immature. Sorry Connor.
Chris Colfer
#53. It looks like you've found an intellectual equal, Mulch," said Holly. "It's a pity he isn't a girl; then you could marry him."
Mulch imitated shock. "Romance outside your species. Now THAT's disgusting. What kind of weirdo would kiss someone when they weren't even part of the same species?
Eoin Colfer
#54. Grazing around a perfect little stream ahead of them, to their amazement, was a herd of unicorns. They were beautiful: white with silver horns, silver hooves, and silver manes. Conner's
Chris Colfer
#55. Whoa, whoa, whoa," I said, not being able to stop myself. "What's the i?"
"The i is an imaginary number," he said, and coughed.
"There are imaginary numbers now?" I said in disbelief. "Are there unicorns in the next lesson?
Chris Colfer
#56. I'm horrible at auditions anyway. Maybe that's why I never got anything.
Chris Colfer
#57. He took a deep, shuddering breath. Okay. I said it, it's out there. And I am fine now. So let's move on, shall we? What's the plan?
Eoin Colfer
#58. Quickly, Holly," said Artemis urgently. "Follow those bubbles."
Holly opened the throttle. "Now there's an order I never thought I'd hear from you.
Eoin Colfer
#59. Nobody's death is impending."
... "Well technically everyone's death is impending.
Eoin Colfer
#60. Oh,It's going to be so easy to kill you,scoffed Opal.
Eoin Colfer
#61. If I win, I'm a prodigy. If I lose, then I'm crazy. That's the way history is written.
Eoin Colfer
#62. Mulch's tongue lolled out, resting on the centaur's neck. "Mmm," he mumbled around his tongue. "Horse. Tasty"
"Let's go," said Foaly nervously. "Let's go right now.
Eoin Colfer
#64. You guys looking for my dad? People are always, like, looking for him, and he's never around. Daddy is so not here. And I mean that literally and spiritually.
Eoin Colfer
#65. A monkey glances up and sees a banana, and that's as far as he looks. A visionary looks up and sees the moon.
Eoin Colfer
#66. I can grow cameras!" she had shrieked at the Brill brothers during one briefing. "Who's to say that despicable centaur Foaly hasn't succeded in splicing surveillance equiptment to plants? So get rid of all the flowers. Rocks, too. I don't trust them. Sullen little blebers.
Eoin Colfer
#68. And it's amazing how much noise people ignoring each other can make.
Eoin Colfer
#69. I am older and have more control over my empathy,' said Qwan. 'That's why I didn't throw up.' And having said that, he threw up.
Eoin Colfer
#70. No matter what dimension you're in, there's a big-headed male trying to take over the world.
Eoin Colfer
#71. Grab some caviar from the kitchen. You wouldn't believe the muck they feed us in Bartleby's for ten thousand a term.
Eoin Colfer
#72. He threw his head back and sang, "'I am a centaur, yes, a centaur is what I am.' It's not like you to wax, Artemis"
"Foaly is singing," said Holly. "Surely that's illegal?
Eoin Colfer
#73. Really, I'm trying to care, Artemis, really. But I thought it was all supposed to be over when the fat lady sings. Well, she's singing, but it doesn't appear to be over
Eoin Colfer
#74. Commander: What's that?
Foaly: It's a finger, what does look like?
Eoin Colfer
#75. Too much damned TV. Thinks he's Sherlock Holmes."
"That's professor Moriarty," corrected Foaly.
"Holmes, Moriarty, they both look the same with the flesh scorched off their skulls.
Eoin Colfer
#76. What's this?" he inquired, none too pleasantly. "A circus?"
"No, Julius. It's the end of the circus."
"I see. And these are the clowns?"
Foaly's head poked through the doorway.
"Pardon me for interrupting your extended circus metaphor, but what the hell is that?
Eoin Colfer
#77. I feel him near in the twist of me guts. It's something I've always been able to do.
The Reluctant Assassin
Eoin Colfer
#78. No one's ever really ready for a troll.
Eoin Colfer
#79. It doesn't matter how greatly you've been hurt or how much you're hurting, it's what you do with the pain that counts. You could cry for years or you could choose to learn and grow from it.
Chris Colfer
#80. He's a gem, sir. I wish I had one just like him." He rattled the ring of keys on Artemis's belt. "And what are these?" Artemis scratched his head. "Uh, keys?
Eoin Colfer
#81. You gave goldilocks her first sword? That's like giving Shakespeare his first pen.
Chris Colfer
#82. If it looks like a Dwarf, and it smells like a Dwarf, then it's probably a Dwarf or a latrine wearing dungerees.
Eoin Colfer
#84. Chris Colfer ... he's like a ... playful wood-nymph.
Darren Criss
#85. Young love is common, but that doesn't mean it's not precious.
Eoin Colfer
#86. Giving evidence against one's employers was the first step to unemployment.
Eoin Colfer
#87. I hope to write someday and that's even more terrifying than performing. You don't just entertain the audience, you give them little bits of your soul.
Chris Colfer
#88. Chaos reigned, and the survivalists eagerly unwrapped the kidskin from their crossbows.
Phase one of Opal's plan was complete.
Eoin Colfer
#89. THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS AN INNOCENT WITCH!
Chris Colfer
#90. We all do our part," Alex teased. "But if it's any consolation, Red's problems are a lot like weeds. No matter how many times you pull them, they just keep coming back.
Chris Colfer
#91. There's no solution to life, there's going to be problems no matter what.
Chris Colfer
#92. The Hitchhiker's Guide is a hundred percent accurate. Reality, however, is not as reliable.
Eoin Colfer
#93. I am not exuding anything," said Holly through gritted teeth.
Orion tapped her shoulder. "I beg to differ. You're exuding right now, a wonderful aura. It's pastel blue with little dolphins.
Eoin Colfer
#94. Onscreen, Foaly rubbed his eyelids with his index fingers.
Yeah, yeah. Here we go. Captain Short goes rogue once more. Hands up who's surprised. Anyone?
Eoin Colfer
#95. If there's one thing life is good at, it's surprising you," Jack said. "And sometimes it surprises you in the best ways.
Chris Colfer
#96. The craft's occupants clutched their armrests, and more than one of them closed their eyes. But not Artemis. He couldn't. There was something morbidly fascinating about flying into an uncharted tunnel at a reckless speed with only a kleptomaniac dwarf's word for what lay at the other end.
Eoin Colfer
#97. Nobody ever got rich by wearing a heart on their sleeve, unless it was someone else's heart.
Eoin Colfer
#98. Victor Vigny: A monkey glances up and sees a banana, and that's as far as he looks. A visionary looks up and sees the moon.
Conor Broekhart: Which resembles a giant banana.
Eoin Colfer
#99. I have a lovely office at the back of my house; it's an old stable and you can see right out to the countryside on one side and into the house on the other side.
Eoin Colfer
#100. Like having a great idea, life comes at you fast. It hits you and tries to escape and be expressed in any way possible. In a way, it's a lot like ... lightning.
Chris Colfer
