Top 100 Colfer Quotes
#1. People like me, LB, the truly great ones ... we are always alone.
Eoin Colfer
#2. What's this?" he inquired, none too pleasantly. "A circus?"
"No, Julius. It's the end of the circus."
"I see. And these are the clowns?"
Foaly's head poked through the doorway.
"Pardon me for interrupting your extended circus metaphor, but what the hell is that?
Eoin Colfer
#3. This is working out pretty well, all things considered. My giddy side wants to giggle, but I choke it down. Later for the girlishness.
Eoin Colfer
#4. Too much damned TV. Thinks he's Sherlock Holmes."
"That's professor Moriarty," corrected Foaly.
"Holmes, Moriarty, they both look the same with the flesh scorched off their skulls.
Eoin Colfer
#5. The cruelest thing you can do to
someone is force them to hurt alone
Chris Colfer
#6. Don't listen to what people tell you because they'll try to bring you down. And don't listen to yourself, either, because yourself will try to bring you down even more so than anyone else. As long as you just put all your energy into one thing, it can happen.
Chris Colfer
#7. Family Farms, she declared. A hush fell over the room. Little Bo Peep was a very
Chris Colfer
#8. If you truly own who you are, no one can use you against you.
Chris Colfer
#9. Commander: What's that?
Foaly: It's a finger, what does look like?
Eoin Colfer
#10. JUST BECAUSE ANYONE CAN, DOESN'T MEAN EVERYONE SHOULD (Mrs. Peters to Conner Bailey)
Chris Colfer
#11. The next minute or so was spent howling on the ceiling . Imp No.1 joined in, but he wasn't really feeling it. It shouldn't be "Who do we hate?", he thought, it really should be "whom", but this probably wasn't a good time to bring that up.
Eoin Colfer
#12. I couldn't do country, with all due respect to all country music artists. My parents dressed me up with a cowboy hat and we'd go to the rodeo when I was younger and it traumatized me for life.
Chris Colfer
#13. Really, I'm trying to care, Artemis, really. But I thought it was all supposed to be over when the fat lady sings. Well, she's singing, but it doesn't appear to be over
Eoin Colfer
#14. He threw his head back and sang, "'I am a centaur, yes, a centaur is what I am.' It's not like you to wax, Artemis"
"Foaly is singing," said Holly. "Surely that's illegal?
Eoin Colfer
#15. Grab some caviar from the kitchen. You wouldn't believe the muck they feed us in Bartleby's for ten thousand a term.
Eoin Colfer
#16. No self-respecting criminal mastermind would be caught dead even using the word lollipops. He really would have to put together a database of witty responses for occasions such as this. It
Eoin Colfer
#17. No matter what dimension you're in, there's a big-headed male trying to take over the world.
Eoin Colfer
#18. I am older and have more control over my empathy,' said Qwan. 'That's why I didn't throw up.' And having said that, he threw up.
Eoin Colfer
#19. As long as someone remains standing with a noble heart there will always be a way for good to triumph over evil.
Chris Colfer
#20. Thank you for your enthusiasm. Earlier today I told another student I was getting new encyclopedias - he asked me how long I'd be in the hospital!
Chris Colfer
#21. Conor, I could search the world for another swashbuckling scientist, but I doubt if I would find one like you.
Eoin Colfer
#22. And it's amazing how much noise people ignoring each other can make.
Eoin Colfer
#23. If we make it through this, we will be friends. Bonded by trauma.
Eoin Colfer
#25. *to thor* Zeus had replied that he had pulled fluffballs of lint out of his bellybutton that were bigger than Asgard
Eoin Colfer
#26. I can grow cameras!" she had shrieked at the Brill brothers during one briefing. "Who's to say that despicable centaur Foaly hasn't succeded in splicing surveillance equiptment to plants? So get rid of all the flowers. Rocks, too. I don't trust them. Sullen little blebers.
Eoin Colfer
#27. Just because anyone can do something doesn't mean everyone should, Mrs.
Chris Colfer
#28. Sometimes Spiro missed the times when a troublesome worker was thrown out of a high window and that was the end of him. These days, if you threw someone out of a window, they'd phone their lawyer on the way down.
Eoin Colfer
#29. I'm the handsome Butterboy," Jack announced. "I'm the queen's soul mate. I just don't know it yet because I'm emotionally immature. Sorry Connor.
Chris Colfer
#30. Then find out what your sword is - find your own advantage - and wear it proudly.
Chris Colfer
#31. There were only two men on the planet better educated in the various martial arts than Butler, and he was related to one of them. The other lived on an island in the South China Sea, and spent his days meditating and beating up palm trees. You had to feel sorry for the B'wa Kell.
Eoin Colfer
#32. The sun slowly set and night started to fall. I almost felt betrayed in a way, knowing the sun would rise again the next day. How could life continue after a day like this?
Chris Colfer
#33. You guys looking for my dad? People are always, like, looking for him, and he's never around. Daddy is so not here. And I mean that literally and spiritually.
Eoin Colfer
#36. I've learned that the more people embrace their disadvantages, the less disadvantaged they become!
Chris Colfer
#37. It'll be messy, but after a day you'll be zipping around as though you were a thousand years old again.
Eoin Colfer
#39. A date with the boy she loved, and has been running from
Chris Colfer
#40. He used to be so happy, but now he walks around with so much negative energy. Sometimes a personal rain cloud can be deadly, you know.
Chris Colfer
#41. The two of them went down in a heap, with not even a turkey to break their fall.
Eoin Colfer
#42. Listen to me, convict. I have not traveled all this way to listen to your war stories. So shut your trap before I shut it for you.
Commander Julius Root
Eoin Colfer
#43. Being famous is like putting yourself on a pedestal for the entire world to see, and not caring about what judgements are made of you.
Chris Colfer
#44. I was made fun of a lot in high school because of the way I sound and the way I was.
Chris Colfer
#45. I was consumed by my love for Chris Colfer, and I just couldn't hold it in any longer.
Darren Criss
#46. Evolution is a theory with more holes than a Dutch dam of swiss cheese.
Eoin Colfer
#47. You wouldn't know a clue if it danced in front of you with a T-Shirt that read 'I'm a clue
Eoin Colfer
#48. Mulch's tongue lolled out, resting on the centaur's neck. "Mmm," he mumbled around his tongue. "Horse. Tasty"
"Let's go," said Foaly nervously. "Let's go right now.
Eoin Colfer
#49. Hit that back-stabber where it hurts, right in the ambition.
Eoin Colfer
#50. If I win, I'm a prodigy. If I lose, then I'm crazy. That's the way history is written.
Eoin Colfer
#51. the most extraordinary ideas come from children," the queen said. "If only we all could be so perceptive, we would find the simplest solutions to the greatest problems are right under our noses.
Chris Colfer
#52. Don't you worry about that, Mr. Adamsson. Why don't you head back to Reykjavik and spend some of that extortionate fee you charged me for a couple of hours' usage of your frankly third-rate restaurant and perhaps find a friendless tree stump to listen to your woes?
Eoin Colfer
#53. Oh,It's going to be so easy to kill you,scoffed Opal.
Eoin Colfer
#54. How was your ... eh ... trip?"
Artemis felt the sting of tears in his own eyes. "Um, eventful ...
Eoin Colfer
#55. Sometimes for your own sanity you just have to agree with idiocy.
Chris Colfer
#57. Stay back, human. You don't know what you're dealing with.
Eoin Colfer
#58. Nobody's death is impending."
... "Well technically everyone's death is impending.
Eoin Colfer
#59. I bet," said Mulch, "that you would set the world on fire just to watch it burn."
Opal tapped the suggestion into a small electronic notepad on her pocket computer.
Thanks for that. Now, tell me everything.
Eoin Colfer
#60. Quickly, Holly," said Artemis urgently. "Follow those bubbles."
Holly opened the throttle. "Now there's an order I never thought I'd hear from you.
Eoin Colfer
#61. I have always loved 'Stig of the Dump.' I think reading that book made me officially realise that I was a reader.
Eoin Colfer
#62. Whatever their circumstances, people still had to eat, live, and love.
Eoin Colfer
#63. He took a deep, shuddering breath. Okay. I said it, it's out there. And I am fine now. So let's move on, shall we? What's the plan?
Eoin Colfer
#64. Certain battles were won by retreating.
Eoin Colfer
#65. The gay people I knew in real life were soft spoken and didn't want to call attention to themselves because they were terrified of exposing themselves, of people finding out that they're gay.
Chris Colfer
#66. Artemis Fowl grinned right back at him and pointed his index finger to the sky ... from the tip of this finger sprang a small blue spark that exploded like a tiny firework.
"I know magic can be stolen," said Artemis. "Because I stole some myself.
Eoin Colfer
#67. I know you secretly agree with me," Conner said, bumping her shoulder with his. "Conner,
Chris Colfer
#68. No one ever stops being a student in the classroom of life
Chris Colfer
#69. If things go badly for me tonight, I want you to stay with Mr. Wynter; he will pay you a decent wage."
"Will he make me bathe?"
"No, he will debate the matter with you until you decide to wash."
"Ah. One of those.
Eoin Colfer
#70. I'm horrible at auditions anyway. Maybe that's why I never got anything.
Chris Colfer
#71. Courage is one thing that no one can ever take away from you.
Chris Colfer
#73. Whoa, whoa, whoa," I said, not being able to stop myself. "What's the i?"
"The i is an imaginary number," he said, and coughed.
"There are imaginary numbers now?" I said in disbelief. "Are there unicorns in the next lesson?
Chris Colfer
#74. Grazing around a perfect little stream ahead of them, to their amazement, was a herd of unicorns. They were beautiful: white with silver horns, silver hooves, and silver manes. Conner's
Chris Colfer
#75. It looks like you've found an intellectual equal, Mulch," said Holly. "It's a pity he isn't a girl; then you could marry him."
Mulch imitated shock. "Romance outside your species. Now THAT's disgusting. What kind of weirdo would kiss someone when they weren't even part of the same species?
Eoin Colfer
#76. I'm LEP. A captain. No rent-a-cop gnome is going to stand in the way of my orders.
Eoin Colfer
#77. I really think, without trying to give us credit that we don't deserve, I really feel like Kurt and Blaine are a modern version of Lucy and Ricky. Oh, I'm Lucy for sure.
Chris Colfer
#78. A monkey glances up and sees a banana, and that's as far as he looks. A visionary looks up and sees the moon.
Eoin Colfer
#79. I wear a name tag to help people find me. It saves time when you're dealing with idiots.
Eoin Colfer
#80. Like having a great idea, life comes at you fast. It hits you and tries to escape and be expressed in any way possible. In a way, it's a lot like ... lightning.
Chris Colfer
#81. I have a lovely office at the back of my house; it's an old stable and you can see right out to the countryside on one side and into the house on the other side.
Eoin Colfer
#82. Friendship isn't a science mudboy. Just do what you think is right.
Eoin Colfer
#83. Victor Vigny: A monkey glances up and sees a banana, and that's as far as he looks. A visionary looks up and sees the moon.
Conor Broekhart: Which resembles a giant banana.
Eoin Colfer
#84. What can be as small as a pea or as large as the sky and is not owned by the person who purchases it? it asked.
Chris Colfer
#85. Nobody ever got rich by wearing a heart on their sleeve, unless it was someone else's heart.
Eoin Colfer
#86. I feel like little bits of my soul are being shipped domestically.
Chris Colfer
#87. BOOKS ARE A UNIQUELY PORTABLE MAGIC." - STEPHEN KING
Chris Colfer
#88. I hate to say I'm a Cinderfella, but I've been watching the Globes since I was an embryo. I got a Facebook message from an elementary school friend who said, 'I remember you standing up and talking about attending the Golden Globes when we were little.'
Chris Colfer
#89. My imaginary friends have become my imaginary children.
Chris Colfer
#90. I'm sorry I could never be the brother you wanted," Rumpelstiltskin said. "But one day I'll make things right between us. One day I'll be a brother you can be proud of.
Chris Colfer
#91. The craft's occupants clutched their armrests, and more than one of them closed their eyes. But not Artemis. He couldn't. There was something morbidly fascinating about flying into an uncharted tunnel at a reckless speed with only a kleptomaniac dwarf's word for what lay at the other end.
Eoin Colfer
#92. She had to hang on to the bars tightly because the fairy dust was making her drift back to the sky.
Chris Colfer
#93. If there's one thing life is good at, it's surprising you," Jack said. "And sometimes it surprises you in the best ways.
Chris Colfer
#94. And I will not be beaten by that jackass."
"Jackass?" said Foaly, wounded. "My favorite uncle is a jackass.
Eoin Colfer
#95. King Chase Charming is the second oldest and is married to Queen Sleeping Beauty,
Chris Colfer
#96. People are afraid of you, Arty. Girls are terrified of you. You're a fifteen-year-old in a bespoke suit, and nobody died.
Eoin Colfer
#97. Onscreen, Foaly rubbed his eyelids with his index fingers.
Yeah, yeah. Here we go. Captain Short goes rogue once more. Hands up who's surprised. Anyone?
Eoin Colfer
#98. Doobie always wanted to see the badge. It was shiny, and he was eight.
Eoin Colfer
#99. It doesn't matter what life you're living, life never has a solution. No matter how hard the struggles are that you leave behind, new struggles alway take their place.
Chris Colfer
#100. I am not exuding anything," said Holly through gritted teeth.
Orion tapped her shoulder. "I beg to differ. You're exuding right now, a wonderful aura. It's pastel blue with little dolphins.
Eoin Colfer