Top 100 Eoin Colfer Quotes: Famous Quotes & Sayings About Eoin Colfer

#1. It felt like my teeth were sweating. Eoin Colfer's The Legend of Spud Murphy

#2. People like me, LB, the truly great ones ... we are always alone.

#3. What's this?" he inquired, none too pleasantly. "A circus?"
"No, Julius. It's the end of the circus."
"I see. And these are the clowns?"
Foaly's head poked through the doorway.
"Pardon me for interrupting your extended circus metaphor, but what the hell is that?

Eoin Colfer

#4. This is working out pretty well, all things considered. My giddy side wants to giggle, but I choke it down. Later for the girlishness.

Eoin Colfer

#5. Too much damned TV. Thinks he's Sherlock Holmes."
"That's professor Moriarty," corrected Foaly.
"Holmes, Moriarty, they both look the same with the flesh scorched off their skulls.

Eoin Colfer

#6. Commander: What's that?
Foaly: It's a finger, what does look like?

Eoin Colfer

#7. The next minute or so was spent howling on the ceiling . Imp No.1 joined in, but he wasn't really feeling it. It shouldn't be "Who do we hate?", he thought, it really should be "whom", but this probably wasn't a good time to bring that up.

Eoin Colfer

#8. Really, I'm trying to care, Artemis, really. But I thought it was all supposed to be over when the fat lady sings. Well, she's singing, but it doesn't appear to be over

Eoin Colfer

#9. He threw his head back and sang, "'I am a centaur, yes, a centaur is what I am.' It's not like you to wax, Artemis"
"Foaly is singing," said Holly. "Surely that's illegal?

Eoin Colfer

#10. Grab some caviar from the kitchen. You wouldn't believe the muck they feed us in Bartleby's for ten thousand a term.

Eoin Colfer

#11. No self-respecting criminal mastermind would be caught dead even using the word lollipops. He really would have to put together a database of witty responses for occasions such as this. It

Eoin Colfer

#12. No matter what dimension you're in, there's a big-headed male trying to take over the world.

Eoin Colfer

#13. I am older and have more control over my empathy,' said Qwan. 'That's why I didn't throw up.' And having said that, he threw up.

Eoin Colfer

#14. Conor, I could search the world for another swashbuckling scientist, but I doubt if I would find one like you.

Eoin Colfer

#15. And it's amazing how much noise people ignoring each other can make.

Eoin Colfer

#16. If we make it through this, we will be friends. Bonded by trauma.

Eoin Colfer

#17. The name's Bond. James Omar Bond.

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#18. *to thor* Zeus had replied that he had pulled fluffballs of lint out of his bellybutton that were bigger than Asgard

Eoin Colfer

#19. I can grow cameras!" she had shrieked at the Brill brothers during one briefing. "Who's to say that despicable centaur Foaly hasn't succeded in splicing surveillance equiptment to plants? So get rid of all the flowers. Rocks, too. I don't trust them. Sullen little blebers.

Eoin Colfer

#20. Sometimes Spiro missed the times when a troublesome worker was thrown out of a high window and that was the end of him. These days, if you threw someone out of a window, they'd phone their lawyer on the way down.

Eoin Colfer

#21. There were only two men on the planet better educated in the various martial arts than Butler, and he was related to one of them. The other lived on an island in the South China Sea, and spent his days meditating and beating up palm trees. You had to feel sorry for the B'wa Kell.

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#22. You guys looking for my dad? People are always, like, looking for him, and he's never around. Daddy is so not here. And I mean that literally and spiritually.

Eoin Colfer

#23. Miss me? Bet you did ... so would I.

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#24. There's always time for babbling.

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#25. It'll be messy, but after a day you'll be zipping around as though you were a thousand years old again.

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#26. Trust me. I'm a genius.

Eoin Colfer

#27. The two of them went down in a heap, with not even a turkey to break their fall.

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#28. Listen to me, convict. I have not traveled all this way to listen to your war stories. So shut your trap before I shut it for you.
Commander Julius Root

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#29. Evolution is a theory with more holes than a Dutch dam of swiss cheese.

Eoin Colfer

#30. You wouldn't know a clue if it danced in front of you with a T-Shirt that read 'I'm a clue

Eoin Colfer

#31. Mulch's tongue lolled out, resting on the centaur's neck. "Mmm," he mumbled around his tongue. "Horse. Tasty"
"Let's go," said Foaly nervously. "Let's go right now.

Eoin Colfer

#32. Hit that back-stabber where it hurts, right in the ambition.

Eoin Colfer

#33. If I win, I'm a prodigy. If I lose, then I'm crazy. That's the way history is written.

Eoin Colfer

#34. Don't you worry about that, Mr. Adamsson. Why don't you head back to Reykjavik and spend some of that extortionate fee you charged me for a couple of hours' usage of your frankly third-rate restaurant and perhaps find a friendless tree stump to listen to your woes?

Eoin Colfer

#35. Oh,It's going to be so easy to kill you,scoffed Opal.

Eoin Colfer

#36. How was your ... eh ... trip?"
Artemis felt the sting of tears in his own eyes. "Um, eventful ...

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#37. Mortals, screw 'em.

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#38. Stay back, human. You don't know what you're dealing with.

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#39. Nobody's death is impending."
... "Well technically everyone's death is impending.

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#40. I bet," said Mulch, "that you would set the world on fire just to watch it burn."
Opal tapped the suggestion into a small electronic notepad on her pocket computer.
Thanks for that. Now, tell me everything.

Eoin Colfer

#41. Quickly, Holly," said Artemis urgently. "Follow those bubbles."
Holly opened the throttle. "Now there's an order I never thought I'd hear from you.

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#42. I have always loved 'Stig of the Dump.' I think reading that book made me officially realise that I was a reader.

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#43. Whatever their circumstances, people still had to eat, live, and love.

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#44. He took a deep, shuddering breath. Okay. I said it, it's out there. And I am fine now. So let's move on, shall we? What's the plan?

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#45. Certain battles were won by retreating.

Eoin Colfer

#46. Artemis Fowl grinned right back at him and pointed his index finger to the sky ... from the tip of this finger sprang a small blue spark that exploded like a tiny firework.
"I know magic can be stolen," said Artemis. "Because I stole some myself.

Eoin Colfer

#47. If things go badly for me tonight, I want you to stay with Mr. Wynter; he will pay you a decent wage."
"Will he make me bathe?"
"No, he will debate the matter with you until you decide to wash."
"Ah. One of those.

Eoin Colfer

#48. It looks like you've found an intellectual equal, Mulch," said Holly. "It's a pity he isn't a girl; then you could marry him."
Mulch imitated shock. "Romance outside your species. Now THAT's disgusting. What kind of weirdo would kiss someone when they weren't even part of the same species?

Eoin Colfer

#49. I'm LEP. A captain. No rent-a-cop gnome is going to stand in the way of my orders.

Eoin Colfer

#50. A monkey glances up and sees a banana, and that's as far as he looks. A visionary looks up and sees the moon.

Eoin Colfer

#51. I wear a name tag to help people find me. It saves time when you're dealing with idiots.

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#52. I have a lovely office at the back of my house; it's an old stable and you can see right out to the countryside on one side and into the house on the other side.

Eoin Colfer

#53. Friendship isn't a science mudboy. Just do what you think is right.

Eoin Colfer

#54. Victor Vigny: A monkey glances up and sees a banana, and that's as far as he looks. A visionary looks up and sees the moon.
Conor Broekhart: Which resembles a giant banana.

Eoin Colfer

#55. Nobody ever got rich by wearing a heart on their sleeve, unless it was someone else's heart.

Eoin Colfer

#56. The craft's occupants clutched their armrests, and more than one of them closed their eyes. But not Artemis. He couldn't. There was something morbidly fascinating about flying into an uncharted tunnel at a reckless speed with only a kleptomaniac dwarf's word for what lay at the other end.

Eoin Colfer

#57. And I will not be beaten by that jackass."
"Jackass?" said Foaly, wounded. "My favorite uncle is a jackass.

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#58. People are afraid of you, Arty. Girls are terrified of you. You're a fifteen-year-old in a bespoke suit, and nobody died.

Eoin Colfer

#59. Onscreen, Foaly rubbed his eyelids with his index fingers.
Yeah, yeah. Here we go. Captain Short goes rogue once more. Hands up who's surprised. Anyone?

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#60. Doobie always wanted to see the badge. It was shiny, and he was eight.

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#61. I am not exuding anything," said Holly through gritted teeth.
Orion tapped her shoulder. "I beg to differ. You're exuding right now, a wonderful aura. It's pastel blue with little dolphins.

Eoin Colfer

#62. Excuse me, Captain. Are you two going to weep salty tears of admiration over a helmet all night, or do we have matters to discuss?

Eoin Colfer

#63. Have you ever heard of the theory of relativity?"
Artemis blinked. "Is this a joke? I have traveled through time, Doctor. I think I know a little something about relativity.

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#64. The thing about reading is that if you are hooked, you're not going to stop just because one series is over; you're going to go and find something else.

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#65. Artemis felt like he was six again and caught hacking the school computers trying to make the test questions harder

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#66. I am surprised. 'A disk? A bloody disk. What do I look like to you? Jason goddamn Bourne?

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#67. Control puberty?" snorted the bodyguard."If you manage that, you'll be the first.

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#68. The humans were protecting their heritage, or so they thought. Strange that Mud Men seem more concerned about the past than the present.

Eoin Colfer

#69. The sun was already long past the spire when Garrick purchased a mug of coffee from his regular man on the tip of Oxford Street. But his palate had been educated by 21st century coffee, and he judged this mug as bilge water not fit for the Irish.

Eoin Colfer

#70. I often meet frustrated young writers who say they've only got so far and just can't finish a book. Even if you don't happen to use what you've worked on that day, it has taught you something and you'll be amazed when you might come back to it and use it again.

Eoin Colfer

#71. When I went to school, I was already reading and writing. In fact, I was offended that the other kids couldn't.

Eoin Colfer

#72. If I win, I'm a prodigy. If I lose then I'm mad. That's the way history is written

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#73. The Hitchhiker's Guide is a hundred percent accurate. Reality, however, is not as reliable.

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#74. That, as my cousin Nord would say, is where my improvised lie falls apart.

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#75. This was a nightmare scenario for any bodyguard: stuck in the middle of a transparent tube, several miles underwater, with a murdering band of fugitives at one end and an enthralled but still highly skilled police officer at the other.

Eoin Colfer

#76. Holly is alive,' thought Foaly
'My princess lives,'exulted Orion. 'And we're chasing a dragon

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#77. We get an apartment together, and after a whirlwind courtship you marry my sister and honeymoon in Vegas.

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#78. I feel him near in the twist of me guts. It's something I've always been able to do.
The Reluctant Assassin

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#79. I'm not impressed

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#80. Chaos reigned, and the survivalists eagerly unwrapped the kidskin from their crossbows.
Phase one of Opal's plan was complete.

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#81. You know you're in trouble when your own imagination starts punishing you.

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#82. This is what love does, he realized, and in that moment he understood why Artemis had kidnapped a fairy to get the money to find his father.
Love makes everything else seem
inconsequential

Eoin Colfer

#83. I'm the crazy girly captain, Remember?

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#84. You display inordinate pride for someone who has completed a task which could have been performed by a lesser primate in a shorter time.

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#85. In comic books, people with gifts became superheroes; in real life they became outcasts.

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#86. Tonight, history was going to be made. And it wasn't the discovery-of-radium, first-man-on-the-moon happy kind of history. It was the Spanish-Inquisition, here-comes-the-Hindenburg bad kind of history.

Eoin Colfer