Business Humour Quotes

#1. A firm's income statement may be, likened to a bikini-what it reveals is interesting but what it conceals is vital.

Burton G. Malkiel

#2. Idiocy in the modern age isn't an all-encompassing, twenty-four-hour situation for most people. It's a condition that everybody slips into many times a day. Life is just too complicated to be smart all the time.

Scott Adams

#3. I have a head for business and a body for sin. Unfortunately, the sin appears to be gluttony.

Jenny Colgan

#4. No matter how strong you are, you cannot hold open the jaws of a great-white shark with your bare hands ... that can do your brain.

Ivan Stoikov

#5. It doesn't matter what your boss thinks as long as he doesn't cry.

Gerry Geek

#6. Japanese horror films take the business of being frightening seriously. There is no attempt at postmodernism or humour. They are incredibly melancholy, with a strong emotional core, while remaining absolutely terrifying.

Jane Goldman

#7. To run this business ... you need ... optimism, humanism, enthusiasm, intuition, curiosity, love, humour, magic and fun, and that secret ingredient-euph oria.

Anita Roddick

#8. I? KILL? said Death, obviously offended. CERTAINLY NOT. PEOPLE GET KILLED, BUT THAT'S THEIR BUSINESS. I JUST TAKE OVER FROM THEN ON. AFTER ALL, IT'D BE A BLOODY STUPID WORLD IF PEOPLE GOT KILLED WITHOUT DYING, WOULDN'T IT?

Terry Pratchett

#9. Suddenly he caught his reflection in the mirror behind her. His face was twisted into a dark scowl, and he was standing there naked, with a boner, and another man's business card in his hand.
He looked like a dick.

Sarah Mayberry

#10. This is an essential element of the business of being a man: to flood everyone around you in a great radiant arc of bullshit,

Michael Chabon

#11. Are you sure I can't mend a shirt or darn a sock for you in trade? Anything?"
"You can quit your yammerin' and carry this table downstairs so I can get back to minding my own business instead of messing around in yours.

Karen Witemeyer

#12. What I say is, if a witch can't look after herself, she's got no business calling herself a witch.

Terry Pratchett

#13. I don't like you two going off on you won. Just remember: behave. If I hear about any funny business, I will ground you until the Styx freezes over.

Rick Riordan

#14. The pressures of business relationships: so I tell the guy I usually have my tea time at 10 o'clock every morning. He calls me at noon (very upset) because I didn't meet him on the golf course.

Eric Christopher Jackson

#15. During the gold rush its a good time to be in the pick and shovel business

Mark Twain

#16. We can't all be bakers or chefs. Many of us have modest ambitions. But we can all buy a piece of the pie.

Amah Lambert

#17. Mma Ramotswe tucked the cheque safely away in her bodice. Modern business methods were all very well, she thought, but when it came to the safeguarding of money there were some places which had yet to be bettered.

Alexander McCall Smith

#18. I love to bring humour into my work. Because comedy is not a huge part of the art world. And big-business film takes itself very seriously.

James Franco

#19. It was the list of activities thing. Like the menu with price, only I'm not the restaurant; I'm the meal.

Damon Suede

#20. Every day's a negotiation and sometimes it's done with guns.

Joss Whedon

#21. Here is a story in the worst way. I have no business being anywhere in it. It comes between me and the life I have coming.

Gary Lutz

#22. Theory of Evolution (Summary)
First, there were some amoebas. Deviant amoebas adapted better to the environment, thus becoming monkeys. Then came Total Quality Management.

Scott Adams

#23. Lately ... the Peter Principle has given way to the "Dilbert Principle." The basic concept of the Dilbert Principle is that the most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: management.

Scott Adams

#24. Manager! Have brain - use it!

Gerry Geek

#25. Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took the road less traveled by and they CANCELLED MY FRIKKIN' SHOW. I totally shoulda took the road that had all those people on it. Damn.

Joss Whedon