Top 100 Bad Aunt Quotes
#1. Aunt Mary, you hurt my feelings." "Well, child, I'm glad to learn your feelings are hurt," returned the aunt. "I'm sure, Carley, that underneath all this--this blase ultra something you've acquired, there's a real heart. Only you must hurry and listen to it--or--
Zane Grey
#2. I'm a substitute mom."
"You're more like a crazy aunt who only gets called when somebody needs bailing out of jail.
Ilona Andrews
#4. The first song I wrote, in fifth grade, was totally ripped from Jeffrey Lewis. My aunt's boyfriend gave me bass lessons, and I played drums for a year in sixth grade. Around seventh grade, I got a guitar and forgot everything else.
Frankie Cosmos
#5. I would not be a good mother. I mean, I love being an aunt to my niece and nephew. And I used to want to, like, adopt 10 kids - because I had friends who were adopted, and I thought that was the coolest thing, to be chosen. But again, my job is too selfish.
Kelly Clarkson
#6. I was in my recliner bundled up in my terrycloth robe, a gift from my great aunt Maureen, that came with some sage advice: darling, after a warm body, a terrycloth robe is the next best thing to cuddle up with on a cold night.
Suzanne M. Trauth
#7. A six-inch blade. I smiled. Did he buy it? It was actually just shy of four - but very nicely weighted - and as Aunt Bernice noted, a little exaggeration was always expected when describing weapons, victories, and body parts.
Mary E. Pearson
#8. Matilda told such dreadful lies, It made one gasp and stretch one's eyes Her aunt, who, from her earliest youth, Had kept a strict regard for truth, Attempted to believe Matilda The effort very nearly killed her.
Hilaire Belloc
#9. There are some secrets darker than witchcraft." - Aunt Dora
April Aasheim
#11. Aunt Josephine had been so careful to avoid anything that she thought might harm her, but harm had still come her way.
Lemony Snicket
#12. How's Uncle Louis today?" "Who?" "And Aunt Maude?
Ray Bradbury
#13. Tipsy actress Vera Charles (who had 'more changes of costume than facial expression,' according to one critic to whom she never spoke again) ...
Patrick Dennis
#14. It's Charley's Aunt and The Odd Couple rolled into one.
Allan Carr
#16. Seven o'clock and all's well," said Atticus. "You've been swearing at your aunt." "I have not." "She told me you had." "I was crude, but I didn't cuss her.
Harper Lee
#17. September had only had coffee once, when her Aunt Margaret had snuck her a sip while her mother wasn't looking. It tasted bitter, but wild and strange. She rather wanted to taste it again.
Catherynne M Valente
#18. Aunt Maria would mildly observe that, next time Uncle Podger was going to hammer a nail into the wall, she hoped he'd let her know in time, so that she could make arrangements to go and spend a week with her mother while it was being done.
Jerome K. Jerome
#19. I am not a fairy godmother or anything of that sort, but I hope to give you a happy home and a good education, and to send you out into the world true, brave, generous men, prepared to serve God truly all the days of your life."
~Aunt Persis
Constance Savery
#20. My face is muffled in my mother's clothing. Her rhinestones injure me. See: my feet are going. Fish flee the forefinger of my aunt. The sun streams over the geraniums. What has this to do with what I feel, with what I am.
William H Gass
#21. Dear Aunt Loretta,
Thank you so much for the awesome pants!
How did you know I wanted that for Christmas?
I love the way the pants look on my legs!
All my friends will be so jealous that I have my very own pants.
Thank you for making this the best Christmas ever!
Sincerely, Greg
Jeff Kinney
#22. With my aunt, I definitely can relate to how she makes a movie because she does it with her own demeanor, which isn't this loud presence.
Gia Coppola
#23. Prince Caspian lived in a great castle in the center of Narnia with his uncle, Miraz, the King of Narnia, and his aunt, who had red hair and was called Queen Prunaprismia.
C.S. Lewis
#24. Well, I suggest you sleep on it," said Aunt Zelda sensibly. "Things always look better in the morning.
Angie Sage
#25. Aunt Jane observed, the second time She tumbled off a bus, 'The step is short from the Sublime To the Ridiculous.
Harry Graham
#26. My parents separated before I was 1 year old. I moved in with my aunt and uncle when I was in fourth grade. I was, like, 8 or 9 years old. I was getting in a lot of trouble when I was in Southern California. My older sisters were in gangs. My older brother was in gangs.
Troy Polamalu
#27. We need a language that lets us scribble and smudge and smear, not a language where you have to sit with a teacup of types balanced on your knee and make polite conversation with a strict old aunt of a compiler.
Paul Graham
#28. Lucille always loved a strong breeze. She said it was nature's way of blowing away our sorrows.'
Just then another gust of wind whipped around us. Aunt Tootie smiled. I smiled too.
Beth Hoffman
#29. Fern," Aunt Angie said softly. "I was just telling Bailey that it's true. He is going to die.
Amy Harmon
#30. This is your aunt, Regin the Radiant. We don't believe she possesses verbal governors of any kind.
Kresley Cole
#31. Even I recognize that I'm not being a proper role model right now. But I need you to understand. As your mother, it's my duty to protect you from the evil intentions of whoever did this ... and I'll become a demon if I have to. That's all there is to it.
Ryukishi07
#32. He doesn't tell Aunt Fostalina she looks good, like I've heard other people do; he tells her she looks like sunrise.
NoViolet Bulawayo
#33. My aunt had a season ticket for the Friday afternoon concerts, and I would go down for lessons. My lessons were Saturday morning.
Robert Ripley
#34. Maybe this was what Aunt Peg meant all along - returning was a weird thing. You can never visit the same place twice. Each time, it's a different story. By the very act of coming back, you wipe our what came before.
Maureen Johnson
#35. I found myself in the doldrums in the early Nineties. I was too old to play the dolly bird any longer and I looked too young to play a woman of my real age. No one ever saw me as the aunt, mother or grandmother.
Barbara Windsor
#36. Aunt Flo's love is not a soft thing, I think, but something hard and unyielding, which can be good or bad.
Jan Strnad
#37. Every man should have aunts. They illustrate the triumph of guess work over logic.
Agatha Christie
#38. I noticed nearly everyone had a cup of Aunt Jewel's punch. It was the weirdest thing to me how everyone openly acknowledged that it was terrible, but kept drinking it anyway. Manners in action, I guess.
Rachel Hawkins
#39. When I meet people who say - which they do all of the time - 'I must just tell you, my great aunt had cancer of the elbow and the doctors gave her 10 seconds to live, but last I heard she was climbing Mount Everest,' and so forth, I switch off quite early.
Christopher Hitchens
#40. [On journalists:] They are the scavengers of society who, possessing no guts of their own, tear out the guts of celebrities. They have the sycophantic, false enthusing gush of maiden aunts: who are accustomed to being trampled on doormats.
Caitlin Thomas
#41. Swithin! And the fellow had gone and died, last November, at the age of seventy-nine, renewing the doubt whether Forsytes could live for ever, which had first arisen when Aunt Ann passed away.
John Galsworthy
#42. Harry, I've left a letter telling your aunt and uncle not to worry
"
"They won't," said Harry.
"That you're safe
"
"That'll just depress them."
"
and you'll see them next summer."
"Do I have to?
J.K. Rowling
#43. I spent most of this weekend sitting on the sofa reading Proust. The only time my mother left her studio, which she locked behind her, was to go to Thanksgiving dinner at my aunt's house.
Rachel Klein
#44. I need a special-shiny-greeny-stone. I have pressed that button many times, but nothing happens.
Button? Don't you mean 'big-red-flat-pressy-thing?
I most certainly do not. It is a button. I named it after my Aunt Button.
Neil Gaiman
#45. I make a bad mom, but I can pull off a crazy aunt.
Ilona Andrews
#46. To Aunt Peggy, an angel on earth if ever there was one
David Baldacci
#47. [On an anarchist acquaintance:] Everything in appearance the most alarmist aunt could wish.
Sylvia Townsend Warner
#48. Aunt Mimi possessed a horror of silence, which she battled with endless chat. The Typhoid Mary of the Telephone started her calls at 6:30 each morning.
Rita Mae Brown
#49. Uncle Drew is completely inappropriate and one hundred percent of the time, and Aunt Jenny is a few fries short of a Happy Meal.
Tara Sivec Love And Lists
#50. Then a far more grotesque and insulting marriage was arranged between the twenty-year-old John Woodville and Katherine Neville, Warwick's aunt and the dowager duchess of Norfolk. Katherine was not only a four-time widow but also about sixty-five years old.
Dan Jones
#51. I'm very busy, aunt, Henry replied, although he was clearly watching video game walk-throughs in his underwear.
Maggie Stiefvater
#52. In the kitchen Valeria was making breakfast, his aunt never made breakfast even though Carlo insisted for years that a hotel hoping to cater to French and Americans must offer breakfast. "It's a lazy man's meal.", she always said. "What laggard expects to eat before doing any work?
Jess Walter
#53. Sloane motioned for him to follow and Dex did, happily, his eyes glued to Sloane's ass. Sweet Aunt Jemima, what he wouldn't give to have a piece of that tasty - "You hungry?" "Starved," Dex muttered, clearing his throat and tearing his gaze away.
Charlie Cochet
#54. Not even Fanny had tears for aunt Norris, not even when she was gone for ever.
Jane Austen
#55. In some circles, admitting you love Top 40 radio is tantamount to bragging you gave your grandmother the clap, in church, in the front row at your aunt's funeral, but those are the circles I avoid like the plague or, for that matter, the clap.
Rob Sheffield
#56. My mother wasn't strong like my aunt. She was just very passive.
Tyler Perry
#57. Mother believed in enjoying herself. Aunt Mimi believed in enjoying herself, then feeling guilty about it.
Rita Mae Brown
#58. It's like my old Aunt Joan always used to say: if you're going to end up fighting monsters, Pirate Captain, try to stick to ventriloquist's dummies who have gone alive.
Gideon Defoe
#59. When my cousin Anil-da started telling us what he'd heard at the market about the groom's family, at my aunt Moina-pehi's wedding in January 2002, his eyes shone like inky marbles reflecting sunlight.
Aruni Kashyap
#60. But a chair, sunlight, flowers: these are not to be dismissed. I am alive, I live, I breathe, I put my hand out, unfolded, into the sunlight. Where I am is not a prison but a privilege, as Aunt Lydia said, who was in love with either/or.
Margaret Atwood
#61. Ambassador Winters, allow me to introduce my aunt Abby and her ... boyfriend.' Townsed tensed. Abby glared. And Rebecca Baxter looked like she was going to choke on her chewing gum.
Ally Carter
#62. The school crossing guard is a zombie?" screams the youngest Smiley. Then she starts crying. "I hugged her once, Mommy! Am I gonna turn into a zombie, too?" "Take it easy, dear," says Aunt Smiley. "It's just a joke. I think. Right, Jamie?
James Patterson
#63. Aunt Helen Beck had many intentions about her death. She was about being dead the way some people are about being British - she wasn't, and it seemed she would never be, but it was clearly something she aspired to, since all the people she respected were.
Elizabeth McCracken
#64. My aunt took me to see 'Salad Days' when I was seven. This story of a magic piano that infects everyone who hears it infected me, too. It was a Road to Damascus moment in my life.
Cameron Mackintosh
#65. Men are sex machines, said Aunt Lydia, and not much more. They only want one thing. You must learn to manipulate them, for your own good.
Margaret Atwood
#66. Your sister is the only creature on earth who shares your heritage, history, environment, DNA, bone structure, and contempt for stupid Aunt Gertie.
Linda Sunshine
#67. Aunt Elizabeth said, 'Do you expect to attend many balls, if I may ask?' and I said, 'Yes, when I am rich and famous.' and Aunt Elizabeth said, 'Yes, when the moon is made of green cheese.
L.M. Montgomery
#68. It gave Boy 412 the impression that Aunt Zelda had walked into a large patchwork tent and had just, that very minute, poked her head out of the top to see what was going on.
Angie Sage
#69. My Aunt Marsha ruled the family with a rod of iron. She was one wicked, mean woman.
Karolyn Grimes
#70. When I got the episode where Spider-Man meets Aunt May (voiced by Misty Lee), it was another one of those things where I was like, "I can't believe I have a scene with Aunt May. That's just amazing to me." And they drew her a lot younger and hotter then the Aunt May that I remember.
Clark Gregg
#71. I am single and childless, but I have lots of friends and I am an aunt to three lovely children.
Kate DiCamillo
#72. He found his aunt in the kitchen, and he grabbed her by the waist of her pants
Jeanne DuPrau
#73. Since nostaglia is fueled by inflation, could it be that inflation is the result of a conspiracy by the people who are trying to palm off McGovern buttons and Howdy Doody puppets and their Aunt Thelma's toaster as antiques.
Calvin Trillin
#74. My mom was always pretty supportive. She saw me do plays and she'd always act out the parts I did. My aunt, who played a big part in my life, was a little bit more reserved, because if they don't see you on TV every week they think you must be starving.
Angela Bassett
#75. The porch light came on and Aunt B swung the door open. Middle-aged and stout, with graying hair rolled into a bun, she looked like she should be baking cookies, not ruling a brood of social deviants with a penchant for hysterical laughter and kinky sex.
Ilona Andrews
#76. My aunt once said the world would never find peace until men fell at their women's feet and asked for forgiveness.
Jack Kerouac
#77. And then they all sang a song called "I've Got a Loverly Bunch of Hard-hairy-wet-white-crunchers," which was an ancient dinosaur song that had apparently been written by Professor Steg's Aunt Button.
Neil Gaiman
#78. When my wife's Aunt Caroline was in her nineties, she lived with us, and she once remarked: 'Remembrance is sufficient of the beauty we have seen.' I cherish the remembrance of the beauty I have seen. I cherish the grave, compulsive word.
E.B. White
#79. I hope that my niece in 20 years is going to say to me, 'Aunt Stevie, what was with your hair?'
Stevie Nicks
#80. I'd rather be the cool aunt than the authoritative aunt.
Solange Knowles
#81. Never," said my aunt, "be mean in anything; never be false; never be cruel. Avoid those three vices, Trot, and I can always be hopeful of you.
Charles Dickens
#82. John Quincy Adams' depression was treated by his aunt with some reliable remedies, first sleep and then compassion. She said, " He was half cared for by having someone to care for him.
Paul C. Nagel
#83. Girls aren't supposed to see wieners, Aunt Dee. And Daddy's wiener was mad that Mommy saw. It was so mad, it was pointing at her!
Harper Sloan
#84. Quin took on the air of someone who has just realized it's time for the yearly visit to the spinster great-aunt in a desperate attempt to woo her inheritance away from her thirty-eight cats.
Amy Fecteau
#85. Maybe! Maybe! Maybe if your aunt had a beard, she'd be your uncle.
Alvah Bessie
#86. My whole family is spiritual. My grandmother, grand aunt, cousins, they're all preachers and pastors. Spirituality is a part of my family, from generations ago.
Ziggy Marley
#87. Aunt Rosa, a fussy, angular, wild-eyed old lady, who had lived in a tremulous world of bad news, bankruptcies, train accidents, cancerous growths - until the Germans put her to death, together with all the people she had worried about.
Vladimir Nabokov
#88. Radio was my life growing up. Then, I started in our family band with my uncle, my father, my aunt and my little brother. We would go to The Chicken Box and all the bars and play.
Meghan Trainor
#89. Was I wrong? Was I imagining a problem where there wasn't one? Of course my great aunt Maureen always said even a broken clock is right twice a day.
Suzanne M. Trauth
#90. I'm none too big on giving advice,'
Aunt Al said. 'Most times when folks ask for advice, they already know what they should do. They just want to hear it from someone else.
Jeannette Walls
#91. Maggie had a sinking suspicion that those stories her Aunt Lizzie told her, the ones that sent her to bed with her head full of leprechauns and fairies, may be more than fairytales after all.
Sara Humphreys
#92. She was a lover and a lewd cohabitator, a liar and a cherished friend, an aunt and a kindly grandmother, a champion of the fallen, and a late-in-coming fighter for reason over fear. Even in those final hours, quite and rocking, arriving and departing, she knew who she was.
Laura Moriarty
#93. Remember the Hottentots?" asked James. "They've become the Khoi now, which means that the Germans will have to retire that wonderful word of theirs, Hottentotenpotentatenstantenattentater, which means, as you know, one who attacks the aunt of a Hottentot potentate.
Alexander McCall Smith
#94. aunt and uncle, and when she was able, to help other women who had suffered the
MaryLu Tyndall
#95. My Aunt Minnie would always be punctual and never hold up production, but who would pay to see my Aunt Minnie?
Billy Wilder
#96. And all the nursemaids and kitchen maids I ever knew when I was a child, always had a aunt, who knew a woman, whose first cousin's boy had been put into just such a box, and had never been seen again.
Susanna Clarke
#97. When Constance was born, Aunt Glo named her after the dormitory she lived in at college: Constance Hall.
Sheri Reynolds
#98. Aunt Claire, may I ask you a question?" "Ask away, young Jedi.
Jeanne Birdsall
#99. You will come across people who always affirm by everything you say, but at the hour of need, they simply disappear! Stay away from such people or simply don't fall for their promises.
K. Hari Kumar
#100. So Aunt Jillian quit her job and hitched her wagon to Brant. Lived off food stamps and her savings account in a spare bedroom at Brant's house for two years. Then she brokered their first deal and all of the Sharps moved their bank account decimals seven places to the right.
Alessandra Torre
