Advertising Humor Quotes

#1. You know when you see an advertisement for a casino, and they have a picture of a guy winning money? That's false advertising, because that happens the least. That's like if you're advertising a hamburger, they could show a guy choking. "This is what happened once."

Mitch Hedberg

#2. I don't know if those things work, where you do, like, this crash diet or crash starvation. It's just not something I've ever been into.

Amanda Peet

#3. Young people can be the catalyst for starting the effort to redefine what's important in America.

Andrew Shue

#4. American grammar doesn't have the sturdiness of British grammar (a British advertising man with a proper education can make magazine copy for ribbed condoms sound like the Magna goddam Carta), but it has its own scruffy charm

Stephen King

#5. President Bush announced tonight that he believes in democracy and that democracy can exist in Iraq. They can have a strong economy, they can have a good health care plan, and they can have a free and fair voting. Iraq? We can't even get this in Florida.

Jay Leno

#6. Both Pasquale and Rino turned out to be surprisingly good dancers, and we learned from them the tango, the waltz, the polka, and the mazurka.

Elena Ferrante

#7. Right now it seems like the girls are drawing more attention to country music.

Miranda Lambert

#8. A flower is a weed with an advertising budget.

Rory Sutherland

#9. I'd like to be remembered as the sower of seeds. That's the greatest parable in the bible as far as I'm concerned. Some seeds fall in the pathway, get stomped on and don't grow. Some fall on the stones and don't even sprout, but others fall on the ground and multiply a thousand fold.

Pete Seeger

#10. I have always understood that money made in the patent medicine business is a practical bar to social success.

George Presbury Rowell

#11. There are no insect eggs in my food." Mrs. White reiterated.
You should use that in your advertising," Nate suggested.

Brandon Mull

#12. . 'Because off-duty cops walk around the city wearing sweatshirts advertising they're cops all the time, never mind it's a hundred degrees outside. And never mind you look like the youngest cop ever recruited in the history of policing.'
He tsks at me. 'Have you never seen 21 Jump Street?

Sarah Alderson

#13. Good evening ladies and gentlemen. Eat pudding. Books are good. Eat pudding. If kids read a lot. Eat pudding. They'll get so they can think clearly. Eat pudding. And if enough kids read and think. Eat pudding. We will have world peace. Eat pudding. Thank you very much. Eat pudding.

Daniel Pinkwater

#14. Today, one must pay for a world where there is nothing to buy.

Girish Kohli

#15. I saw on HBO they were advertising a boxing match "It's a fight to the finish". That's a good place to end.

Mitch Hedberg

#16. Doing business without advertising is like winking at a girl in the dark. You know what you are doing but nobody else does.

Steuart Henderson Britt

#17. An Rh negative mother's blood is said to be "sensitized" when this process has taken place. Procedures such as amniocentesis, aggressive external version, and episiotomy increase the chances of sensitization.

Ina May Gaskin

#18. If the time to begin something new always came with a sign, our life would be like a non stop advertising campaign!

Trishna Damodar

#19. About as much business as a cat owner has selling dog food. Or an Olympic swimmer has advertising for downhill ski equipment. Or a nun writing hard core erotica.
Abso-fucking-none.

Laurel Ulen Curtis

#20. Somebody says, 'Do a Tom Bodett, a folksy kind of thing,' and it sounds like something out of 'Hee Haw,' very insulting. They turn wry humor into disparaging sarcasm, and you get what amounts to insulting advertising.

Tom Bodett

#21. On the prow of the wagon, in an attempt to attract business among the Quarterites, Ignatius taped a sheet of Big Chief paper on which he had printed in crayon: TWELVE INCHES (12) OF PARADISE. So far no one had responded to its message.

John Kennedy Toole

#22. I'm an atheist how unfortunate it is to assign responsibility to the higher up for justice amongst people,

Ani DiFranco

#23. The very first law in advertising is to avoid the concrete promise and cultivate the delightfully vague.

Bill Cosby