You Know You're Getting Old When Quotes

#1. You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

Bob Hope

#2. You know you're getting old when all the names in your black book have M. D. after them.

Harrison Ford

#3. You know you're getting old when everything hurts. And what doesn't hurt doesn't work.

Hy Gardner

#4. You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.

George Burns

#5. You know you're getting old when you go to more funerals than you do weddings.

Jimmy Dean

#6. You know you're getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don't know anyone who can see through it.

Joan Rivers

#7. You know you're getting old when a four-letter word for something pleasurable two people can do in bed together is R-E-A-D.

Denis Norden

#8. You know you're getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.

Joan Rivers

#9. You know you're getting old when kids start to dress like you used to and movies are made about your teen life.

David Brenner

#10. Wherever my career takes me, I know I'll love getting there, because ever since I was 2 1/2 years old, I knew that this was all I ever wanted to do.

Marilu Henner

#11. You know how you can tell that you're getting really old? Nobody says the word 'death' around you anymore.

M. Emmet Walsh

#12. It's funny, I don't feel any older than I did when I was twenty. But I know I am, because recently some twenty-year-old called me 'sir.' Sometimes the only way you know you are getting older is by the way others treat you.

John Van Epp

#13. About the time you think you are getting to know the moves in this game, someone comes along and does everything but undress you on the basketball floor. Standing there under the basket with your hands cupped - and finding that you don't have the ball in them - is a great little old leveler.

Tom Heinsohn

#14. It's not easy getting old, you know. Things become a lot less clear.

Jonathan Evison

#15. You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.

Alan King

#16. I didn't want to become some embittered old hack getting his revenge for the rest of my life. And I didn't want to become some scared creature cowering in a corner. I remember telling myself not to carry the hatred around, although I know where it is. I have it in a trunk in storage.

Salman Rushdie

#17. You know, I'm playing the Mirage in Vegas, the main room ... About 5 percent of all comics end up as the main headliner on the Vegas Strip, so that's a big deal for me. Getting to do my stand-up the way I have this summer is really what I've dreamed of since I was about 10 years old.

Billy Gardell

#18. I know I'm getting old because there will be times when I'm not even doing anything and I'll think, 'I need to go wipe my ass right now.'

Louis C.K.

#19. I know I'm supposed to say ageing doesn't bother me, then suddenly you're like, 'Yeah, I care about it, I really worry about it. I'm getting old. I'm old!'

Tracey Emin

#20. Getting to the Olympics was, has always been, my swimming dream since I was 8 or 9 years old. You know, right after I started swimming it was, 'I want to make an Olympic team. That's where I want to be.'

Eric Shanteau

#21. You don't see me in Los Angeles a lot. I go back home. Because I can't play the game. I can't - my tolerance - I know I'm getting old; I'll be 50 this year. And you know how I know I'm getting old? 'Cause my tolerance level is low.

Bernie Mac

#22. Smell The Cheese Often So You Know When It Is Getting Old Sometime

Spencer Johnson

#23. Playing all of these games, getting to know everything about the NBA, you realize that you are your own business. You have business meetings to go to, signings to go to. Like, I'm only 20, but the stuff I'm doing the average 20-year-old isn't doing.

Derrick Rose

#24. Once you start recognizing your own obsessions, you know you're getting old.

Jeanette Winterson

#25. Do I know my lines? As I'm getting older, they're getting harder to learn. The old brain cells are deteriorating.

Pauline Quirke

#26. It's just that the nature of being a director is being incredibly overwhelmed with getting the shots right, dealing with the locations, and then there's a two-year-old in the scene, and all that stuff - you know, there's a lot of kids in scenes ...

Jay Duplass

#27. The game is getting old, and I don't know if it's because I've mastered the art of it, or if I just have some weird attention-deficit-disorder when it comes to getting my way all the time, every time.

Kris Kidd

#28. Sometimes I think I don't want to grow old as an actress and deal with the fact that I'm getting less jobs 'cause my face is changing, and then the men ... But at the same time, I'm pretty competitive. I don't know if I'd bow out. I might still be acting when I'm in a wheelchair.

Kerry Condon

#29. Everything people do that doesn't work has to be somebody else's fault. Next time you know, geezers'll be suing the government for getting old and kids'll be taking their mommies to court because they came out ugly.

Lionel Shriver

#30. I think, being an actress, you know that you're getting old. I'm 44. I mean, an agent said when I turned 40, "It won't get better."

Charlotte Gainsbourg

#31. The idea is to become an old wizard; to live a long and fruitful life and have family and be healthy and enjoy the ride. And speaking of the ride, why not let it rip, at least a little bit? Everyone I know who's really stoked about getting out of bed in the morning does that to some extent.

Laird Hamilton

#32. I think there's a possibility that comic book movies are getting a tiny bit better on the one hand because they're no longer made by executives, who are, you know, ninety-year-old bald tailors with cigars, going, 'The kids love this!'

Joss Whedon

#33. You know you are getting old when yesterday turns out to be a fading memory you have difficulties recollecting, when today becomes a challenge that is hard to grasp and when tomorrow promises an uncertainty that you dread encountering.

Janvier Chouteu-Chando

#34. I know my generation - a lot of them, they're getting old now, and they want to think back fondly, they want to kid themselves. A lot of them think, 'Yeah, we were the best.' That's the kiss of death. That's non-growth. And also that's very bad for the world.

Joni Mitchell

#35. someone else, bore its way in and feed off that mind too. Even the cute little student mincing along in her flowery dress, the shuffling old fella with his shuffling spaniel, they look Ebola-lethal. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. Maybe I'm getting the flu.

Tana French

#36. A letter to Dear Abby: I am a twenty-three-year-old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting pretty expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.* (f)

Walker Percy

#37. There's nothing wrong with being single and not getting married and being, you know, just an old single lady. Who cares?

Joan Jett

#38. When you start thinking about death more than sex, you know you're getting old.

Nick Nolte

#39. I only wanted to know, Prue. I be getting ancient and old, and the time draws nigh when life'll be a burden. I'd lief know as there was good in store for the best girl ever.

Mary Webb

#40. You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

Will Rogers

#41. As if a great creature had grown old without being able to express its feelings. Not that it didn't know how to express them, but rather it didn't know what to express.

Haruki Murakami

#42. Of course, it's no fun getting old and getting sick and dying; we all know that's coming, and it's a bore.

Jerry Hall

#43. I've listened to a lot of outside stuff and just haven't really heard anything that moves me. I don't know if I'm getting old and crotchety or what.

Josh Turner

#44. I'm kind of a complainer, but not about getting old. I complain about, you know, something that can be fixed.

Martha Stewart

#45. There's no borders or lines you can't cross anymore. Everything is getting blended with everything. That's the dope thing about music now. Some people don't like it, more of the older people. They want to, you know, go back to old-school New York hip-hop.

ASAP Ferg

#46. If you see a biker chick hanging out with a group of bikers and associated with them, stay away. You'll know right away if a biker chick is free; if she's with someone, she's right by his side. Getting with somebody's old lady is a big no-no. That's more serious than anything in that world.

Theo Rossi

#47. You know how to tell when you're getting old? When your broad mind changes places with your narrow waist.

Red Skelton

#48. When I re-read, I know what I'm getting. It's like revisiting an old friend. An unread book holds wonderful unknown promise, but also threatens disappointment. A re-read is a known quantity.

Jo Walton

#49. The high spot of my day has always been getting home to have my dinner with my family. It still is: to have my dinner with Helen. It's a cocktail and dinner. I know I'm a tired old geezer, but there you are.

Terry Wogan

#50. You're getting old when you see a girl who looks like someone you used to know, and it turns out to be her daughter.

Mike Connolly