Top 88 Vimes's Quotes
#1. Vimes's lack of interest in other people's children was limitless.
Terry Pratchett
#2. He quite liked the wizards. They didn't commit crimes. Not Vimes's type of crimes, anyway. The occult wasn't Vimes's beat. The wizards might well mess up the very fabric of time and space but they didn't lead to paperwork, and that was fine by Vimes. There
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#3. Oh dear, here were go again, thought Vimes. Why did I wait until I was married to become strangely attractive to powerful women? Why didn't it happen to me when I was sixteen? I could have done with it then. He
Terry Pratchett
#4. And Sam Vimes thought: Why is Young Sam's nursery full of farmyard animals anyway? Why are his books full of moo-cows and baa-lambs? He is growing up in the city. He will only see them on a plate! They go sizzle!
Terry Pratchett
#5. Vimes had got around to a Clean Desk policy. It was a Clean Floor strategy
that eluded him at the moment.
Terry Pratchett
#6. Vimes took a deep breath. It was such a relief to be right, even though you knew you'd only got there by trying every possible way to be wrong. "Ah." he said.
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#7. I'm not a natural killer! See this? See what it says? I'm supposed to keep the peace, I am! If I kill people to do it, I'm reading the wrong manual!
Terry Pratchett
#8. Do you realize we're very probably seeing something that no one has seen for centuries?"
"Yes, it's a bloody flying alligator setting fire to my city!" shouted Vimes.
Terry Pratchett
#9. Vimes' glare ran from face to face, causing most of the squad to do an immediate impression of the Floorboard and Ceiling Inspectors Synchronised Observation Team.
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#10. What are your duties?" said Vimes. "To Serve The Public Trust, Protect The Innocent, And Seriously Prod Buttock, Sir," said Dorfl.
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#11. Vimes hung up the tube. Trolls with a message. It was unlikely to be an invitation to a literary lunch.
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#12. Yeah, all right, but everyone knows they torture people," mumbled Sam.
"Do they?" said Vimes. "Then why doesn't anyone do anything about it?"
"'cos they torture people.
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#13. Well, we decided to have a bite, so I sent Nobby out to the baker's, see, and, well, we fought the prisoner ought to have something to eat . . .' 'Yes?' said Vimes encouragingly. 'Well, when Nobby asked him if he wanted his figgin toasted, he just give a scream and ran off.
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#14. Vimes had believed all his life that the Watch were called coppers because they carried copper badges, but no, said Carrot, it comes from the old word cappere, to capture.
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#15. Men marched away, Vimes. And men marched back. How glorious the battles would have been that they never had to fight!
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#16. Vimes struggled to his feet, shook his head and set off after it. No thought was involved. It is the ancient instinct of terriers and policemen to chase anything that runs away.
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#17. Vimes took the view that life was so full of things happening erraticaly in all directions, that the chance of any of them making some kind of relevant sense were remote in the extreme.
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#18. They think they want good government and justice for all, Vimes, yet what is it they really crave, deep in their hearts? Only that things go on as normal and tomorrow is pretty much like today.
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#19. Fresh wounds," said Angua. "But one of them did shoot one of the other in the leg by accident."
"I think you'd better put in your report as -self inflicted- wounds while resisting arrest," said Vimes.
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#20. Heroes get kingdoms and princesses, and they take regular exercise, and when they smile the light glints off their teeth, ting
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#21. Vimes groaned. That meant wizards. You got nothing but trouble with wizards.
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#22. Commander, I always used to consider that you had a definite anti-authoritarian streak in you."
"Sir?"
"It seems that you have managed to retain this even though you are authority."
"Sir?"
"That's practically zen.
Terry Pratchett
#23. Oh, my dear Vimes, history changes all the time. It is constantly being re-examined and re-evaluated, otherwise how would we be able to keep historians occupied? We can't possibly allow people with their sort of minds to walk around with time on their hands.
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#24. Then there's the way you krazak your G'ardrgh," said Corporal Littlebottom. "I won't even ask," said Vimes. "I'm afraid I can't explain in any case," said Cheery.
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#25. There may be a lot of things I'm not good at, thought Vimes, but at least I don't treat the punctuation of a sentence like a game of Pin the Tail on the Donkey ...
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#26. That just goes to show that you never know, although what it is we never know I suspect we'll never know.
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#27. Vetinari drummed his fingers on the table. "What would you do if I asked you an outright question, Vimes?" "I'd tell you a downright lie, sir." "Then I will not do so," said Vetinari, smiling faintly.
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#28. A VERY ACCURATE ONE. YOU SEE, YOU ARE HAVING A NEAR-DEATH EXPERIENCE, WHICH INESCAPABLY MEANS THAT I MUST UNDERGO A NEAR-VIMES EXPERIENCE. DON'T MIND ME. CARRY ON WITH WHATEVER YOU WERE DOING. I HAVE A BOOK.
Terry Pratchett
#29. The horsemen came closer.
Vimes was not good at horsemen. Something in him resented being addressed by anyone eight feet above the ground. He didn't like the sensation of being looked at by nostrils.
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#30. I get it,' said the prisoner. 'Good Cop, Bad Cop, eh?'
If you like.' said Vimes. 'But we're a bit short staffed here, so if I give you a cigarette would you mind kicking yourself in the teeth?
Terry Pratchett
#31. We need to borrow your boat," said Vimes.
"Bugger off!"
"I'm choosing to believe that was a salty nautical expression meaning 'Why, certainly,'" said Vimes.
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#32. Really? Men marched away, Vimes. And men marched back. How glorious the battles would have been that they never had to fight!" He hesitated, and then shrugged. "And you say bought and sold? All right. But not, I think, needlessly spent." The
Terry Pratchett
#33. Anyway, Angua seemed to have taken this case personally. She always had a soft spot for the underdog.
So did Vimes. You had to. Not because they were pure or noble, because they weren't. You had to be on the side of underdogs because they weren't overdogs.
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#34. Vimes had found Old Stoneface's journal in the Unseen University library. The man had been hard no doubt about that. But they were hard times. He'd written: "In the Fyres of Struggle let us bake New Men, who Will Notte heed the Old Lies." But the old lies had won in the end.
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#36. No! Please! I'll tell you whatever you want to know!" the man yelled.
"Really?" said Vimes. "What's the orbital velocity of the moon?"
"What?"
"Oh, you'd like something simpler?
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#37. It's political, sir. Apparently he wants a return to the values and traditions that made the city great, sir."
"Does he _know_ what those values and traditions _were_?" said Vimes, aghast.
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#38. What did I tell you about Mister Safety Catch?' said Vimes weakly.
When Mister Safety Catch Is Not On, Mister Crossbow Is Not Your Friend,' recited Detritus, saluting.
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#39. Vimes was already lost. Oh, there was the sun, but that was just a direction. He could feel it on the side of his face.
And the camel rocked from side to side. There was no real way of judging distance, except by haemorrhoids.
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#40. That's the Ankh-Morpork instinct, Vimes thought. Run away, and then stop and see if anything interesting is going to happen to other people.
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#41. A Duke couldn't have the arse hanging out of his trousers when meeting foreign diplomats. Actually even plain old Sam Vimes never had the arse hanging out of his trousers, either, but no one would have actually started a war if he had.
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#42. There's lots of people will help you with alcohol business, but there's no one out there arranging little meetings where you can stand up and say, 'My name is Sam Vimes and I'm a really suspicious bastard.
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#43. He always says that,' muttered Vimes as the two men hurried down the stairs. 'He knows I don't like being married to a duchess.'
'I thought you and Lady Sybil-'
'Oh, being married to Sybil is fine, fine,' said Vimes hurriedly. 'It's just the duchess bit I don't like.
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#44. Pray you never face a good man, Vimes thought. He'll kill you with hardly a word.
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#45. Mr Vimes," said Mrs Winkings, "ve cannot help but notice that you still haf not employed any of our members in the Vatch ... "
Say 'Watch', why don't you? Vimes thought. I know you can. Let the twenty-third letter of the alphabet enter your life.
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#46. The bestselling novel taking the Ankh-Morpork literary world by storm was dedicated to Commander Samuel Vimes.
The title of the book was Pride and Extreme Prejudice.
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#47. Sergeant Colon owed thirty years of happy marriage to the fact that Mrs. Colon worked all day and Sargent Colon worked all night. They communicated by means of notes. They had three grown-up children, all born, Vimes had assumed, as a result of extremely persuasive handwriting.
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#48. I notice it says on your tray, 'Dibbler Enterprises, Est,'" said Vimes. "Shouldn't it say when you were established?
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#49. Vimes hated and despised the privileges of rank, but they had this to be said for them: at least they meant that you could hate and despise them in comfort.
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#50. Shut up sergeant. You're a free troll. That's an order
Sam Vimes
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#51. Vimes thought for a moment and said, 'Well, dear, it is a truth universally acknowledged that a man with a lot of wood must be in want of a wife who can handle a great big
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#52. Vimes could never get a handle on politics, which was full of traps for honest men.
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#53. Yes, thought Vimes. That's the way it was. Privilege, which just means "private law." Two types of people laugh at the law; those that break it and those that make it. Well,
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#54. Gods, it felt good. Hot water was civilization. Vimes could feel the stiffness in his muscles melting away in the warmth.
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#55. I believe you vere an alcoholic, Sir Samuel."
"No," said Vimes, completely taken aback, "I was a drunk. You have to be richer than I was to
be an alcoholic.
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#56. What a mess the world was in, Vimes reflected. Constable Visit had told him the meek would inherit it, and what had the poor devils done to deserve that?
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#57. Vimes woke in damp and utter darkness with sand under his cheek. Some parts of his body reported for duty, others protested that they had a note from their mother.
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#58. You just put that sword away, sir, please," said the voice of Lance-Constable Vimes.
"You will not shoot me, you young idiot. That would be murder," said the captain calmly.
"Not where I'm aiming, sir.
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#59. Well, that's society for you, I'm afraid," said Carrot. "Everything is dumped on the people below until you find someone who's prepared to eat it. That's what Mr. Vimes says.
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#60. And power is a game of smoke and mirrors,' said her ladyship, reaching for the wine. 'Oddly enough, Commander Vimes reminds me of that nearly every day. No civil police force could hold out against an irate and resolute population. The trick is not to let them realize that. Yes?
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#61. Yes, yes, yes, said Vimes, who could recognize the verbal foot getting ready to stick itself in the aural door.
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#62. History was full of the bones of good men who'd followed bad orders in the hope that they could soften the blow. Oh, yes, there were worse things they could do, but most of them began right where they started following bad orders.
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#63. There was no universe, anywhere, where a Sam Vimes would give in on this, because if he did then he wouldn't be Sam Vimes anymore.
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#64. Vimes' meeting with the Patrician ended as all such meetings did, with the guest going away in possession of an unfocused yet very nagging suspicion that he'd only just escaped with his life.
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#65. Everyone wants something from Vimes, even though I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer. Hell, I'm probably a spoon.
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#66. And now, because of a song, Vimes, a simple piece of music, Vimes, soft as a breath, stranger than a mountain, some very powerful states have agreed to work together to heal the problems of another autonomous state and, almost as collateral, turn some animals into people at a stroke.
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#67. It always amazed Vimes how Nobby got along with practically everyone. It must, he'd decided, have something to do with the common denominator. In the entire world of mathematics there could be no denominator as common as Nobby.
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#68. And then you rushed off afterward because of that business with the barber in Gleam Street." "Sweeney Jones," said Vimes. "Well, he was killing people, Sybil. The best you could say is that he didn't mean to. He was just very bad at shaving -
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#69. Cheery was aware that Commander Vimes didn't like the phrase 'The innocent have nothing to fear', believing the innocent had everything to fear, mostly from the guilty but in the longer term even more from those who say things like 'The innocent have nothing to fear'.
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#70. The little dragon turned on Vimes a gaze that would be guaranteed to win it the award for Dragon the Judges would Most Like to Take Home and Use as a Portable Gas Lighter.
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#71. The other two entered the room. Vimes gave his men his usual look of resigned dismay.
"My squad," he mumbled.
"Fine body of men," said Lady Ramkin. "The good old rank and file, eh?"
"The rank, anyway," said Vimes.
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#72. Someone broke from the scrum and, punching and kicking, staggered towards the Klatchian goal.
"Isn't that man your butler?" said Ahmed.
"Yes."
"One of your soldiers said he bit a man's nose off."
Vimes shrugged. "He's got a very pointed look if I don't use the sugar tongs, I know that.
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#73. I assure you I will not kill you," said Inigo.
"I know that," said Vimes. "But will you try?
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#74. Vimes nodded glumly. It was amazing how many people were prepared to do business with a man they'd met in a pub.
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#75. Well, the news has got around. The Duchess of Keepsake has invited us to a ball, Sir Henry and Lady Withering have invited us to a ball, and Lord and Lady Hangfinger have invited us to ... yes, a ball."
"Well, that's a lot of ... "
"Don't you dare, Sam.
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#76. Vimes relaxed a little. Detritus's intelligence wasn't too bad for a troll, falling somewhere between a cuttlefish and a line-dancer, but you could rely on him not to let it slow him down. Detritus
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#77. Vimes felt a sudden surge of civic pride. There had to be something right about a citizenry which, when faced with catastrophe, thought about selling sausages to the participants.
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#78. He could solve this, Vimes told himself. Everything he needed was there, if only he asked the right questions and thought the right way. But
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#79. But we don't do things like that!" said Vimes. "You can't go around arresting the Thieves' Guild. I mean, we'd be at it all day!
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#80. Everyone says it's going to be Snapcase at the palace. He listens to the people."
"Yeah, right," said Vimes. And I listen to the thunder. But I don't do anything about it.
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#81. I'm not a criminal madman,' said Vimes. ( ... )
'Never mind, you'll soon fit in,' said Lawn.
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#83. Vimes stalked gloomily through the crowded streets, feeling like the only pickled onion in a fruit salad.
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#84. Vimes, on the other hand, was prepared to hit anything with anything. The point was that the opponent shouldn't get up again. Everything else was decoration.
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#85. Sometimes it's like watching a wasp land on a stinging nettle: someone's going to get stung and you don't care.
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#86. Vimes awoke with a noseful of camel. There are far worse awakenings, but not as many as you might think.
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#87. And who else could I send? Only Vimes could go to Uberwald.
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#88. Captain Vimes believed in logic, in much the same way as a man in a desert believed in ice
i.e., it was something he really needed, but this just wasn't the world for it.
Terry Pratchett
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