Two And A Half Men Quotes

#1. I want your world to begin and end with me.

E.L. James

#2. There are certain people I'd absolutely love to work with. I was a huge fan of 'Two and a Half Men.' The comedic timing was so perfect on that show. So maybe that show or maybe 'Modern Family.' Both of those shows have great casts.

Billy Unger

#3. I'm not in the business of politics.

Abby Wambach

#4. American history offers no parallel to the friendship between John Adams and Thomas Jefferson, spanning the first half century of the Republic ... The publication, in full and integrated form, of the remarkable correspondence between these two eminent men is a notable event.

Dumas Malone

#5. One of us," said Malcolm, "is worth five hundred of you. I can burn you to the ground in six seconds flat and use the ashes to stuff a teddy bear for my girlfriend. Not that I have a girlfriend at the moment," he added, "but one lives to hope.

Cassandra Clare

#6. I've only done four or five episodes of 'Two and a Half Men,' and its amazing how many people recognize me for that more than anything else in my career.

Joel Murray

#7. An old woman selling piglets from a basket stopped to stare at him, a knight with a half-familiar face went to one knee, and two men-at-arms pissing in a ditch turned and sprayed each other.

George R R Martin

#8. Human kind is made up of two sexes, women and men. Is it possible that a mass is improved by the improvement of only one part and the other part is ignored? Is it possible that if half of a mass is tied to earth with chains and the other half can soar into skies?

Mustafa Kemal Ataturk

#9. Jake from 'Two and a Half Men' means nothing. He is a non-existent character.

Angus T. Jones

#10. Our Minister for Water-closets won't keep two and a half million men in any base in order to get the votes of their women

Ford Madox Ford

#11. I've always got into stunts; even at drama school, I was falling down trap doors, and swinging in on ropes.

Thomas Howes

#12. Without qualification, I am grateful to and have the highest regard and respect for all of the wonderful people on 'Two and Half Men' with whom I have worked and over the past ten years who have become an extension of my family.

Angus T. Jones

#13. Even if your competitor is still small in size or weak, you should take him seriously and treat him as a giant. Likewise, even if your competitor is massive in size, you shouldn't regard yourself as a weakling.

Jack Ma

#14. One day through the primeval wood A calf walked home as good calves should; But made a trail all bent askew, A crooked trail as all calves do ... And men two centuries and a half Trod in the footsteps of that calf.

Sam Walter Foss

#15. Charlie Sheen called his boss on 'Two and a Half Men' a 'Jew ki**' and expected to go back to work. That's crazy. If you could do that and keep your job, then everybody would do it.

Anthony Jeselnik

#16. Just might get lucky enough some random morning to burst right into bloom.

Elizabeth Gilbert

#17. We believe that faith is the cure that heals all troubles.

Paul Torday

#18. I'm on 'Two and a Half Men,' and I don't want to be on it. Please stop watching it, and filling your head with filth.

Angus T. Jones

#19. Man has here two and a half minutes-one to smile, one to sigh, and a half to love: for in the midst of this minute he dies.

Jean Paul

#20. Britney Spears' album Blackout is one of the hottest-selling CDs in the country. We're in a bad place, people: The world is melting, we're at war, and Two and a Half Men is a huge hit.

Chelsea Handler

#21. I can't do any more 'Peep Show' because of my loyalties in Los Angeles to 'Two And A Half Men,' so I'm staying put there for the moment. I'm loving life is L.A. at the moment - I'm out there for work, as that is where the jobs are.

Sophie Winkleman

#22. It's called Two and a Half Men," Dermot was telling his guest.
"I understand," Bellenos said. "Because the two brothers are grown, and the son isn't."
"I think so," Dermot said. "Don't you think the son is useless?"
"The half? Yes. At home, we'd eat him," Bellenos said.

Charlaine Harris

#23. How much blow can Charlie Sheen do? Enough to kill two and a half men.

Jon Lovitz

#24. Out of worship and out of love he would let no one light the stove for her either, as if he would be the warmth and the fire to dry and warm her feet.

Anais Nin

#25. Only death will take me away from you, vampire girl," he whispered. "And even then, I'll watch over you from wherever I end up.

Julie Kagawa

#26. I think if a girl who liked 'Party Down' found out that her boyfriend liked 'Two and a Half Men,' she would break up with him.

Lizzy Caplan

#27. I'd wish the government took honest people into consideration, it shows enough consideration for scoundrels.

Franz Grillparzer

#28. If you believe yourself unfortunate because you have loved and lost, perish the thought. One who has loved truly, can never lose entirely.

Napoleon Hill

#29. So far is it from being true that men are naturally equal, that no two people can be half an hour together, but one shall acquire an evident superiority over the other.

Samuel Johnson

#30. All enterprises that are entered into with indiscreet zeal may be pursued with great vigor at first, but are sure to collapse in the end.

Tacitus

#31. My first seven novels were contemporary spiritual novels, my next nine had strong elements of fantasy, and now I'm writing thrillers, more as a choice to spread my wings than anything. Writers, like good wine, should mature with age.

Ted Dekker

#32. Now, I'm not very vain. If I'd ever been, making my living covered in various grease and dirt mixtures would have cured me quickly. Still, I wasn't up to facing two sexy men when I had one eye swollen mostly shut and half of my face black and blue.

Patricia Briggs

#33. His words are like seawater to the shipwrecked: I'm tempted to drink them in, and at the same time, they feel dangerously deceptive.

Kerry Kletter

#34. If you watch Two and a Half Men, please stop watching Two and a Half Men. I'm on Two and a Half Men and I don't want to be on it. Please stop watching it. Please stop filling your head with filth.

Angus T. Jones