Tsa's Quotes

#1. The TSA's airport body scanners have been shown to be so ineffective, the Homeland Security chairman suggested using traditional metal detectors. While LaGuardia will continue to just have a scarecrow dressed as a cop.

Jimmy Fallon

#2. We've done it in intelligence sharing and certain elements of security. There were parts of the department, in fact, that worked very well in Katrina, like the Coast Guard and TSA.

Michael Chertoff

#3. Every time I travel, government TSA officials seem to recognize that I'm a Muslim and 'randomly' pull me aside for 'special treatment'. My sincere hope and prayer is that, on the Day of Judgment, my Lord's angels also recognize me as a Muslim and pull me aside for special treatment

Abu Ammaar Yasir Qadhi

#4. The TSA must think we're mushrooms. You know, the way they are trying to keep us in the dark, and the way they keep feeding us a fertilizing agent that comes from the south end of a north-bound cow.

Douglas Wilson

#5. I've got a lot of folks who want to get rid of TSA, a bunch of them.

Mike Rogers

#6. The TSA tears through your bags at the airport and the NSA watches what books you buy and what you say over the telephone and online. It doesn't feel like anything is private anymore.

Sandra Cisneros

#7. The TSA holds its screener work force to the highest standards of security and professionalism, .. and will continue to focus on these principles as critical elements in the ongoing effort to provide the traveling public with world-class security and world-class customer service.

Robert Johnson

#8. I love trains. It's the only way to travel anymore where it doesn't involve a TSA agent slowly tracing the curve of my inner thigh.

Bill Maher

#9. I want to take TSA to the next level.

John Pistole

#10. Everything TSA does is reactionary - first they ban the box cutters, then of course you have to take your shoes off, then you have to take the liquids out, now we have to be patted down in our private areas because of the diaper bomber.

John Mica

#11. Getting frisked by the TSA guy would have been more fun if he'd looked like Charlie Hunnam, but then again, everything would be more fun with Charlie.

Kristen Proby

#12. It would be unwise to say the least, irresponsible of us at the TSA, at the Homeland Security Department not to evolve our technology to match the changing threat environment that we inhabit.

Janet Napolitano

#13. The Department of Homeland Security is a strategic feel good measure. It's going to be the Department of Agriculture for the 21st century. TSA - thousands standing around.

Thomas P.M. Barnett

#14. Over the last several years, I've passed defunding Planned Parenthood, the sonogram bill, voter ID. I passed the TSA anti-groping bill, sanctuary cities, loser pay, border security, and the toughest Jessica's law in the entire nation against sexual predators.

David Dewhurst

#15. They swore at airport management, at the TSA, at the airlines, at their useless phones, furious because fury was the last defense against understanding what the news stations were reporting.

Emily St. John Mandel

#16. Increased and better screening for explosives is necessary - and Congress should fund it and TSA should implement it as quickly as possible - however that screening doesn't reduce the risk posed by a trained terrorist with an unconventional weapon.

Dave Reichert

#17. I'm a little disappointed I didn't get fiddled with by a TSA agent at the airport. I feel unwanted. Maybe next time.

William Regal

#18. The TSA gets all upset about things like razor blades and pocket knives. They're narrow minded that way.

Rex Cutty

#19. I just heard about a woman in Germany who just gave birth to a baby boy named "Jihad." Or as the TSA put it, "Hope you like Amtrak!

Jimmy Fallon

#20. Or the woman in front of me in the security line who asked if they would put her cat, Dave, through the luggage X-ray machine because she wanted to see if he'd eaten a necklace.

Jenny Lawson

#21. Bridget adds, "Did Anyone bring a weapon?"
"Confiscated," Zach admits for both of us.
Vesper holds up her metal fingernail file. "They didn't take this."
We're dealing with the forces of evil," I point out. "Not the TSA.

Cynthia Leitich Smith

#22. TSA needs to be totally changed. I would like them to be privatized.

Paul Broun

#23. Why is it that we all - myself included - believe these stories? Why are we so quick to assume that the TSA is a bunch of jack-booted thugs, officious and arbitrary and drunk with power? It's because everything seems so arbitrary, because there's no accountability or transparency in the DHS.

Bruce Schneier

#24. Her head practically swiveled, and her laser-beam stare honed in on Ryan, thoroughly scrutinizing him. He'd felt less violated after a TSA strip search.

Tracy Brogan

#25. skin tone, the TSA might give him a hard time. It

Nicole Dweck

#26. It's not an Israeli model, it's a TSA, screwed-up model. It should actually be the person who's looking at the ticket and talking to the individual. Instead, they've hired people to stand around and observe, which is a bastardization of what should be done.

John Mica

#27. We have got to protect privacy rights. We have got to protect our God-given, constitutionally protected civil liberties, and we are not doing that in the federal government. The Department of Homeland Security, as well as the TSA, is a great culprit in being a Gestapo-type organization.

Paul Broun

#28. What we're going to do is try to get TSA out of the human resources and personnel business and into the security business to connect the dots.

John Mica

#29. We're not trying to harass the average American. We need to convert this now to a risk-based system, with TSA concentrating and focusing on intelligence, on security, setting up again the parameters of which we do this.

John Mica

#30. Other countries, such as Israel, successfully employ behavior detection techniques at their airports, but the bloated, ineffective bureaucracy of TSA has produced another security failure for U.S. transportation systems.

John Mica

#31. I did learn something interesting [while at the Atlanta airport]. You have to be a member of the TSA in order to legally perform a cavity search. My apologies to the staff of Cinnabon, but you guys should really keep that extra frosting where the customers can find it.

Stephen Colbert

#32. What is your preference?" She felt nearly sick asking this question.
"My preference is to pack you in my suitcase,but those TSA people are so picky,and there's some kind of stupid regulation about human trafficing and-"
"Justin. This is serious.

Jessica Park