Top 43 Southern Humor Quotes
#1. People may think of Southern humor in terms of missing teeth and outhouse accidents, but the best of it is a rich vein running through the best of Southern literature.
Roy Blount Jr.
#3. Anybody who has survived his childhood has enough information about life to last him the rest of his days.
Flannery O'Connor
#4. {Summertime she speaks of winter, she eats ham, but speaks of beef, got a good man but, flirts with another. She might as well go to hell, cause she ain't gonna be happy in heaven either!}
Nancy B. Brewer
#6. A SASSY SOUTHERN FEMALE CAN WRITE A LOVE STORY AS WELL AS A MALE...IF Y'ALL GET MY DRIFT.
Lola Faye Arnold
#7. This is a Southern gift, isn't it - tremendous self-regard diluted with humor and modesty. That's what they mean by Southern charm, right?
Michael Cunningham
#8. Total non-retention has kept my education from being a burden to me.
Flannery O'Connor
#9. I tried not to laugh. I thought about how my Southern Baptist friends would respond to the suggestion that their entire denomination was making people gay.
Justin Lee
#10. That's one thing I like about you, Sarah Booth. You put your own personal style on a room. I'd call this boudoir pigsty. Yes sir, any man would find this an enticin' little love nest, if he didn't break his neck tryin' to get to the bed.
Carolyn Haines
#11. Oh that's right, you never lie unless your mouth is open and words are coming out of it
Joshilyn Jackson
#12. There's something about Southern women that is so unique yet so universal. Strong southern women are allowed to be soft and feminine and have a sense of humor. But what I love about Southern women in particular is their universality.
Connie Britton
#13. I could not imagine the kind of person that would, upon seeing a crazy talcum-powder-covered Southern lady think to herself, Hmmmm, she might make a great new friend. The line between normal and crazy seemed impossibly thin.
Augusten Burroughs
#14. ...Southern women are impossible to live with because they will never find a man who treats them like their daddy did.
Maryln Schwartz
#15. I will never apologize for my Southern accent...it just may be my greatest asset.
Lola Faye Arnold
#16. The decor was attractive and strong, but blander than she would have thought his wealth and position afforded him. Caren couldn't see the point of having that much money if all of it led to beige.
Attica Locke
#17. If there were a Mount Rushmore of American humor, Terry Southern would be the mountain they'd carve it from
Michael O'Donoghue
#19. I reckon Southern writers are a lot like biscuit makers...more than one can give ya a good feed.
Lola Faye Arnold
#20. Nothing helps your partner keep his mind on Jesus more than having a sign of His love tanned on your primary erogenous zones.
Scott B. Pruden
#21. So you're lying to me again?" "It's a Southern tradition." "Are there any crocs in the water?" "I done told you there ain't no crocodiles around here." "What's the difference?" "Mostly the spelling, ...
Nick Wilgus
#22. Southern hospitality and Amish cooking - Ya'll Come Back, Danki.
Karen Harper
#23. If you are the type who truly longs to be a Southern Belle at all times, regardless of taking twice the space available in bus, subway or elsewhere, you had best remove yourself to a large estate replete with servants.
Elizabeth Hawes
#24. It felt like I had a thousand packs of Strawberry Pop Rocks simultaneously detonating in my chest, and I dilated at least eight centimeters!
Piper Faust
#25. It's partly the Southernization of America, in that the Southern working-class version of redneck is becoming the national version, and it's good-natured, it has humor and, in some ways, it's a performance.
Robert Charles Wilson
#26. The Kerguelen Islands in the southern Indian Ocean are a six-day boat ride from Madagascar, and their only inhabitants are French scientists.
Cary McNeal
#27. I'm from southern Arelon, Princess," Ahan said, reaching for some more clams. "To us, round is beautiful. Not everyone wants their women to look like starving schoolboys.
Brandon Sanderson
#28. At 2:00 sharp on the afternoon of his internment, with his body resting in a casket in the front room of his home, the pallbearers--all bridge players--stuck a deck of cards in Mr. Hampton's cold hands, shut the lid over his head, and played bridge.
Brenda Sutton Rose
#29. I'm a Kansan by residence, a Missourian by employment, a Louisianan by birth, Southern by the grace of God, and a Tybee Islander at heart.
Dick Peterson
#30. Bein' rich is having leftovers. Good leftovers make yo' tongue fly outta yo' mouth and smack yo' brains out.
Paula H. Deen
#31. That's right honey...It's much easier to follow the bitch than it is to follow the saint.
Maryln Schwartz
#32. Well", Fang said, mimicking a thick Southern drawl. "I must say its mighty nice of them Daimons to clean up after themselves when you kill them" He held his hands up to them. "Look Ma, no mess."
"Does Fang have an off switch?" Talon asked Vane.
Sherrilyn Kenyon
#34. Easy for you to say," Polly said. "You've lived here all your life and stayed under the radar. No one points at you."
"Sometimes small children point at my butt," Aunt Rhea said. "But that's just on account of all the fried chicken.
Kathy Hepinstall
#35. We had a citywide emergency on our hands, as there is no greater affliction for the southern mind than people up north coming down to fix our way of life.
Sue Monk Kidd
#36. Keep your southern fried bullshit to yourself. And know this, Charlie is the sweetest girl I've ever met and if you hurt her, or infect her with some kind of disease, you will die. Slowly.
Eve Dangerfield
#37. Poor boys are easier than middle-class or rich ones. Boys who've been busted are easier than boys who have not. Southern boys are easier than Northern boys. Marines are easier than Masturbation.
John Valentine
#38. The children start school now in August. They say it has to do with air-conditioning, but I know sadism when I see it.
Rick Bragg
#39. I'd sooner wear white shoes in February, drink unsweetened tea, and eat Miracle Whip instead of Duke's than utter the words 'you guys'.
Celia Rivenbark
#40. The first thing the therapist asked me was, 'Are you here because you're depressed?' I said, 'Not at all--I'm here because I'm Southern.'" Anne Herndon
Maryln Schwartz
#41. The ultimate downfall of the computerized holographic receptionist was that there was no amount of flattery, flirtation or chocolate that could convince one to lie for you.
Scott B. Pruden
#42. If John Grisham, Harper Lee, and Larry the Cable Guy were penned up in a remote cabin for a weekend with nothing but good bourbon, fine wine, and a couple of cases of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer, something like Common Pleas (A Tale of Whoa!) might result...
J. Randolph Cresenzo
#43. What I knew for sure was that he had a quick temper, a cocky attitude, and a southern accent ... Apparently he also has a pet cougar.
Stacy Mantle
