Top 100 Sexy Humor Quotes
#2. I wanna punch you in the throat right now. Do you think that's sexy?
K. Langston
#3. Stop," he murmured, or at least that's what he meant to say. It came out sounding more like "Yes," which probably wasn't the same thing at all.
Tawna Fenske
#4. WHAT ARE YOU, NUTS? THE MAN'S A VAMPIRE!
Yeah, but he's a really, REALLY sexy one.
Sherrilyn Kenyon
#5. You looking for a firsthand demonstration of my heterosexual prowess, cowgirl? Because I'm more than up for a challenge.
Lorelei James
#6. You know what's not sexy?" I pushed his hand away. "Barbies. Barbies are not sexy."
"But I bought condoms," he said. "I even practiced putting one on!"
The lost-puppy look on his face made me smile. "I'm proud of you, Boner Man, but that's not enough.
Laurie Halse Anderson
#7. I'd been just like her, a youngster with something to say, a rebel through street art, leaving my mark on public buildings, to taunt the government and humor the public
Kenya Wright
#8. I find intelligence sexy. I find a sense of humor sexy. I find sensitivity sexy.
Nicole Appleton
#9. If I were being honest with myself, he lit a blaze, not just a blush, but that's too much reality for me to admit.
S.L. Scott
#10. I see the beginning, I see the end. And in the middle I just hope I don't fall on my ass to much
Shehanne Moore
#11. He circled around me, whispering in my ear. "I'm O positive. I'm everyone's type.
Dannika Dark
#13. He takes my mouth with such fervor, my heart pounds harder than after I've just run for miles. My legs now feel like over cooked noodles.
A.R. Von
#14. Rampant male predator'," Simon said, shaking his head. "Blatant, Archer."
"Would you prefer 'alpha male'?" Jeremy asked. "I do occasionally feel the urge to roll over and expose my belly in submission, after all - "
"Christ, don't do it now, I'm wiped out.
M. Chandler
#15. I had a dream that Zac Effron showed up at my door shirtless with a bouquet of flowers..yep, I'm still waiting on that one to come true.
Starley Ard
#16. Did you get a secret thrill out of sitting across from me, eating a civilized dinner while pretending not to know you were teasing my cock?" Rate St. Sebastian
Samanthe Beck
#17. One slice of key lime pie. Two forks.' I felt Todd's hand on my arm. 'You'll thank me later.' No doubt I would.
Ophelia London
#18. Lately, my sexual fantasies revolved around once again having a landlord. Looks, age, and hygiene didn't matter, as long as he had a tool belt and said, Don't worry, I'll fix it.
J.A. Konrath
#19. A woman who knows that she doesn't have to get all decked out to look good is sexy. A woman who can make you feel smart with her conversation skills is also sexy. I believe the sense of humor is important.
Benedict Cumberbatch
#20. They all think men are obsolete. useless. as if we're just some sexual appendix.
Chuck Palahniuk
#21. She has all the right equipment to look sexy, pretty even. She just overdoes everything-like she's a coloring-book women who got scribbled on by a toddler,
Bonnie Shimko
#22. What were you saying about the way I smell?" "It's like hot testosterone on a fuckin' cracker, sprinkled with cinnamon." ~Mariss
Tyffani Clark Kemp
#23. I don't want to dig him or his sexy self. But I keep losing my clothes when I'm with him.
Jill Shalvis
#24. Ugh. You're being ... you."
"Was that in English?"
"This is all your fault."
"Nope. Definitely not English."
"You're being all hot and sexy, dammit," she said. She banged her head on his chest a few times. "And I can't seem to ... not notice said hotness and sexiness.
Jill Shalvis
#25. Oh, doctor. I think I'm sick I need some penis-cilin. I fake cough again into my hand.
S.K. Logsdon
#26. I want you in every way possible and in ways you've probably never even imagined. Your saving grace is I don't sleep with vamps. If things were different we wouldn't be talking and you'd be enjoying the hell out of where this could be going." - Lexan, The Way You Bite
Zoe Forward
#27. She had one of those husky voices that sounded as if she were permanently coming down with a cold. Men seemed to find that sexy in a woman, which Jackson thought was odd because it made women sound less like women and more like men. Maybe it was a gay thing.
Kate Atkinson
#28. Piss me off again and I'll rip you a new asshole and then fuck it. And that's just the foreplay.
Larissa Ione
#29. Charity knew there was nothing more coarse and common than an afternoon in bed with a total stranger
but the lad installing the telephone had a grin that made her heart turn flips.
Elizabeth Jane Howard
#30. The best laid plans may not get you laid the way you planned.
Susan Block
#31. Dear God, this was awful. She's been kidnapped by a repressed part of her subconscious, her body taken over by a wanton nympho with no dignity who was sexually aroused by bad behaviour.
Shannon McKenna
#32. He looked like a sexy ninja. Or a tiger ready to pounce on his prey. She just looked like she was sitting sideways on an invisible toilet. Curse the male species for making danger look so good!
Leia Shaw
#33. I have one important question to ask you before I kiss you."
Kiss her? Her eyes had possibly bulged out of their sockets. Not good. "What?"
"Are you allergic to calamari?
Cari Silverwood
#34. She needed to say something sexy and romantic with a mere hint of her vast intelligence. Something that would entice him into bed.
But what came out was, "I wanna fuck."
-Miki Kendrick
Shelly Laurenston
#35. I think a man's "wordplay" can be so fucking sexy!!! I love a good mind fuck!!
Junnita Jackson
#36. It's hot out there." I prowl toward her, pulling off my shirt. I maybe flex my abs a little- anything for my girl.
Ainsley Booth
#37. The boy really needed a haircut. Didn't he know that shoulder-length hair on guys just wasn't sexy unless you looked like Johnny Depp?
Jody Morse
#38. Sex on a rainy afternoon is like getting all the gloom and wetness to go away for a while. And afterwards you don't even notice if the rain's still falling.
Elizabeth Jane Howard
#39. Oh yeah," Zane says and smirks at me. "I had her for dinner once. Best meal of my life.
Nicole Christie
#40. Are we going to be stupid?" she whispered.
"Define stupid."
"Anything that involves either one of us exposing our favorite body parts." Or their hearts ...
"I want to hear about your favorite body part," he said. "In great detail.
Jill Shalvis
#41. If and American flag had been waving behind her, she'd have looked like a very sexy Marine Corps recruiting poster. The few, the proud, the cottontailed.
Susan Elizabeth Phillips
#42. My libido was like a Golden Retriever puppy, ready to jump all over him and lick his face.
Down, girl.
Sarina Bowen
#43. I let my eyes drift down to his.
I like you rumpled. It's very ... sexy.
Katrina Abbott
#44. She wore a fitted white scoop neck shirt under a thin jacket, slim brown pants and tennis shoes. He bet she looked hot in four-inch heels. He wondered how long she'd last in this town, and he decided he wanted to sleep with her before she left.
Tami Lund
#45. Nothing spices up one's sex life like having a partner.
Jacob M. Appel
#46. Handsome hero wanted.
Brave in the face of certain danger.
Must be willing to get naked with other species.
At least six-inch penis required.
Fee is negotiable.
James Cox
#47. I've got a cab waiting so we sh-" he stopped speaking as he entered the
sitting room, his eyes frozen on me.
"Fuck."
Ellie giggled.
I squinted an eye at him. "Is that a good fuck?"
He grinned. "Well you're that too, babe.
Samantha Young
#48. What was she thinking? He was her mechanic, not a piece of meat. Although, if he were a piece of meat, he'd be a big, juicy porterhouse, the naughtier side of her thought. -Gabby, Love in Greener Pastures
Amanda Bretz
#49. Which brings us to the least sexy word in the English language, kids," Dad said, kicking back in his chair. "Inbreeding. Avoid it.
Sarah Rees Brennan
#50. Just don't stare at my ass, Landemere," he added.
"I wasn't staring at your ass," Arranulf, who had been staring at his ass, said.
Andrew Ashling
#51. I might be able to walk away from sexy, dangerous shifters, but chocolate had me at its beck and call.
Meghan Ciana Doidge
#52. Here." He spread his legs wider and patted the floor between them. "You'll be warmer, and I promise I won't grope you or anything."
Yes, because getting groped by a handsome, charming man hours after getting dumped by a workaholic iceberg was such a repulsive notion.
Meg Maguire
#53. It was like my uterus was tapping out a happy dance on the rest of my organs. God, I was dying the longest, most tortuous, and arousing death in the history of the world.
Cora Carmack
#54. Wad Rayyes, you're a man who talks. rubbish. Your whole brain's in the head of your penis and the head of your penis is as small as your brain.
Tayeb Salih
#55. If you're feeling blue, lock yourself in a room, stand in front of a mirror, and dance - and laugh at yourself and be sexy. Dance the silliest and ugliest you've ever danced. Make fun of yourself and try to recover your sense of humor.
Salma Hayek
#56. Curse the genetics that turn me into a lobster after one hour in the sun while everyone else gets to look like a sexy peanut.
A.M. Robinson
#57. Oh, how I want those lips on mine, and not just the ones I use to communicate.
Lena Black
#58. One man's deviance is other man's lunch break.
Jenn Bennett
#59. Could the two people who are making out please be quiet?" the Colonel asked loudly from his sleeping bag. "Those of us who are not making out are drunk and tired.
John Green
#60. You ready for this? You ready for what I'm gonna do to you?
Sherilee Gray
#61. There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?
Dustin Hoffman
#62. Real sex is as much about reciprocity as it is exploration and if you need a reason to resent a man later on, just consider the guy who doesn't believe in cunnilingus ...
Roberto Hogue
#63. Tip #4
Skinny-dip at will!
(Idea)
When single boast about finding your inner most happy place and hold on to it Odds are once married you can kiss personal space Good-Bye.
Hazel Cartwright
#64. Hanks grin almost sent me into meltdown. The kind where I killed him, but first I would stick my tongue down his throat and ride him till he was blind.
Robyn Peterman
#65. How was it that the one man who could take their company down appeared to be the only one who believed in her?
Miranda Liasson
#66. All of Dragos's sentinels were mean and barbaric and sexy. Even that weird harpy-bitch Aryal, who she might have a teensy girl crush on. You know, in a totally hetero kind of way.
Thea Harrison
#67. My body - I do not fall to pieces and be reduced to a big pile of lovable mush over a woman, never!
A.R. Von
#68. Tallish. Check. Built like a bull. Check. Were there tingles in her downstairs department? Mmhmm. Check. Her pearly gates had gone into override and the doors were ready to burst open.
Cari Silverwood
#69. I liked the premise of this material. I love the marriage relationship. They kind of keep each other honest, and they enjoy each other's sense of humor. Kind of a sexy but boring relationship.
Patricia Arquette
#70. I like to play dirty. I can also be very, very exacting." Rate St. Sebastian.
Samanthe Beck
#72. Writing is my dream. From romance to dragons; fairies to fantasy worlds, this is where I live and play. Thanks be to God!
Lisa Hannah Wells
#73. I hate the vamp jobs. They think they're so suave. It's not enough for them to slaughter and eat you like a zombie would. No, they want to be all sexy, too. And trust me: vampires? Not. Sexy.
Kiersten White
#74. You're not as sexy as I think you are. She squinted. Wait. That hadn't come out right.
Thea Harrison
#75. How do you like your eggs?" she said. "Hard or soft?"
"Hard," he bit out. "Why am I not surprised.
J.R. Ward
#76. You're strange."
He looks up from the book with a humor-filled expression. "If, by strange, you mean insanely sexy, then yes, I would have to agree with you." He smirks.
Aly Martinez
#77. Oh for the love of God put a butt plug in the male tough-guy crap.
Larissa Ione
#78. As if reading her mind, he leaned into her again, pupils dark, irises glowing like a forest caught in the last rays of sun before dusk ... "Do you want me to make you come?"
"Is that a trick question?
Dianna Hardy
#79. Many of my ex-girlfriends were habitual half-asian daters. These women considered half-asian men 'exotic,' 'sexy,' and 'just-like-Keanu Reeves-in-the-Matrix. I consider these stereotypes appropriate because I got laid.
Kip Fulbeck
#80. What are you doing?" I asked. "Are we getting all Fifty Shades up in here?"
He shushed me. "Nothing that dangerous. You won't need a safe word.
Sophia Bleu
#81. Nothing could make me pull away meat-market love goddess. My sexy little filet mignon
John Corwin
#82. If I believed in a god, it would be the god of women's asses.
Shay Savage
#83. Old lovers are like socks. They always show up full of static clean and missing their socks.
Paula Wall
#84. It's the only thing sexier than a sexy woman. A sexy woman cooking fuckin' sausages.
Roddy Doyle
#85. Hey, sexy. Why haven't you called?" The cooing sound came from behind me, and I glanced back over my shoulder to see a familiar-looking brunette. "Because I'm the asshole who never calls," I replied with a wink.
Abbi Glines
#86. You better hope she doesn't say a word," Gabe warned, lifting a finger to Uri's nose.
Uri grabbed the finger laughing, "What are you going to do, cupcake? Seduce me to death, in all your sexy glory?"
"Just shut up," Gabe groaned, pushing the door shut in his friend's face.
Wendy Owens
#87. Focus. She's Maddie. Your friend. Would you eyeball Keith or Dane's butt like that? ~ Zach
Monique DeVere
#88. Richelle Mead delivers sexy action and tongue-in-cheek hellish humor-if damnation is this fun, sign me up!
Lilith Saintcrow
#89. I give him a skeptical look. "You want to show me your dick?"
"If it'll help convince you." He drains the last drops of his Scotch and stands up. "Come on, let's go.
Kendall Ryan
#91. Do I really run like that?" (Kitty)
"Yup," Martini confirmed. "Don't worry, I think it's sexy."
"Thank God. I think I look like a cheetah on drugs.
Gini Koch
#92. You call that caring?! I call it a line of crap! The only thing you cared about begins with an "F" and ends with me losing my virginity!
Maggie Adams
#93. You look and sound like you could you use a stiff one.
Mark Willburn
Madison Sevier
#94. If you lie there much longer, I'll be tempted to tie you to the table legs and try buttering your ass instead of the toast.
Cari Silverwood
#95. Guys are like dogs. You wish you could take them all home when they're young. But after they've howled all night and slobbered all over everything, you come to realize the ones already trained are much easier to live with.
Paula Wall
#96. Does he ever eat? Nope. Does he sleep during the day and only comes out at night? Yep. Is he so sexy you'd sell your soul to spend just a night with him? Double-yep. What other proof do you need?
Jayde Scott
#97. He had to say that the thing he found most attractive about her was that she had tried to kill herself. Now that was interesting
sexy, almost, in a morbid kind of way.
Nick Hornby
#98. I hired you for your attitude, and so far I'm pretty happy with my decision. But I'm not sure I can work with you until I've fucked this attraction out of my system.
J.C. Reed
#99. I was tanned, happy, and blowing a kiss to Cary, who'd playacted the role of a highfashion
photographer by calling out ridiculous encouragements. Beautiful, dahling. Show me sassy. Show me sexy. Brilliant.
Show me catty ... rawr ...
Sylvia Day
#100. I tried all kinds of approaches: sexy, friendly, intimidating - nothing worked. I'm starting to think there's an invisible force field that prevents honest communication between X and Y chromosomes.
Jody Gehrman
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