Top 40 Russell Howard Quotes
#1. The Bible says gays arent natural.
What, and a talking snake is?!
Russell Howard
#2. I hardly broke any laws at all. I should drive more often.
Rachel Caine
#3. Are you recycling? Are you!? You just killed a polar bear! YOU!
Russell Howard
#4. I have always been of the opinion that your successes are due not so much to your medical skill as your dogged determination. No one would have the audacity to die when you are doctoring them.
Elizabeth Peters
#5. I had a good time working with Russell Crowe, Ron Howard and Ed Harris. It was a great cast and Russell worked really hard, doing tons of research and questioning everything.
Jennifer Connelly
#6. If I were to die of anything vaguely sex-related or had taken Viagra, you just know there'd be headlines of 'Russell How-hard' in the newspapers.
Russell Howard
#7. I'm the munter of my friends. I've got wonky teeth and a lazy eye. My friend Rob is disgusted I'm a heart-throb.
Russell Howard
#8. Music's the best thing we do as humans, isn't it? Music, I mean you flail your limbs, make you move in a way you don't understand. Or it can make you weep like a sailor's wife staring at a storm.
Russell Howard
#9. We have rejected such spectacles as the Coliseum. How then, when we do not even look on killing lest we should contract guilt and pollution, can we put people to death?
Athenagoras Of Athens
#10. This bloke was so pissed, he thought his vomit had come to life!
Russell Howard
#11. I lost my virginity under a bridge. I was having sex with this poor girl and I was trying my best, but I was like Scotland at a World Cup - just pleased to be there.
Russell Howard
#12. Don't be a bully, don't be mean
Be a hero, don't be afraid to be seen.
Christina Engela
#13. With Michael Jackson, what I thought was really interesting was the people saying: 'He looked really well in that final video.' I was, like: 'No, he didn't - he looked like someone had melted goat's cheese over a sex doll.'
Russell Howard
#15. 'Come back here, I'm a police officer!' and I shouted back 'No you're not! You're a monster!'
Russell Howard
#16. What's the opposite of opposite? Consider yourself bamboozled!
Russell Howard
#17. Little did I conceive of the greatness of the defeat (at Bull Run), the magnitude of the disaster which it had entailed upon the United States. So short-lived has been the American Union, that men who saw it rise may live to see it fall.
William Howard Russell
#18. She's 80 my nan, what do you want for your birthday? "SHREDDER!! GET ME A SHREDDER!!", what do you want a shredder for? "IDENTITY THEFT!!".
Russell Howard
#19. I like the authentic punk dance you did there. It's like a child dizzy off lemonade
Russell Howard
#20. I lived with a guy who had OCD and I used to put Rice Krispies in his slippers before I went out. He went mental, but not before he counted them all.
Russell Howard
#21. So my mum bought a jacuzzi, and I was in there along with my father and my sister, when my mother decided it would be the ideal moment to say - 'Guess what everyone in this jacuzzi has in common? You've all sucked on my tits.'
Russell Howard
#23. Having had this kind of binge reading relationship with online content for 15 years we're starting to think 'Hang on, we only have finite time and there is infinite content'.
Seb Emina
#24. They held up 'The Outlaw' for five years. And Howard Hughes had me doing publicity for it every day, five days a week for five years.
Jane Russell
#25. I'm not a music lover in the sense that I look for something to have on. I've never had that attitude to music.
Harrison Birtwistle
#26. From the makers of Alien vs. Predator: Alien vs. Pingu. K9 - stop humping the toaster!
Russell Howard
#28. Have you ever thought about letting Cheesus into your Life?
Russell Howard
#29. As she read on, her surroundings gradually faded, and soon there lay about her only the mists of dream; the purple, star-strown mists beyond Time, where only gods and dreamers walk.
H.P. Lovecraft
#30. Kids did really well in their A levels, how do we respond? 'A Levels are getting easier, in my day you had to do fifty questions in a minute, if you got one wrong, they killed your dad!
Russell Howard
#31. The last time I saw African kids this excited, Madonna was at their school with a net.
Russell Howard
#32. Some people in England only have their wheelie bins collected once a fortnight. Their suffering is unimaginable.
Russell Howard
#34. Do you reckon the Queen has ever pulled a blanket up so just her head's showing and gone 'Philip, look at me! I'm a stamp!'
Russell Howard
#35. Inner child, what do you suggest? 'I WANT A TREEHOUSE!' Anything else to add? 'FARTY NOISE UNDER THE ARM!'
Russell Howard
#36. She liked to be in the thick of things and did not delegate easily, except where domestic chores were concerned.
Mary Allsebrook
#37. One operator is no big deal. That can be fixed in a jiffy.
Larry Wall
#38. When you're three, you're into custard, and jumping.
Russell Howard
#39. Unlikely things to see in a Valentine's card - "I may be dyslexic but that doesn't mean I don't vole you."
Russell Howard
#40. America's phones are bliss. Their habit of actually working is very disconcerting: Put in a coin, and speak to whoever answers. I truly hope it catches on everywhere.
Jonathan Gash
