Ron White Quotes

#1. Ron White was not one of the very first original members of the Motown staff, but eventually he was.

Smokey Robinson

#2. I've got nothing against tattoos. I don't have one myself. If I did, it would be right there next to my watch. It would say Your wife's birthday is August 2nd, your anniversary is September 18th, don't let Ron White drive your car again.

Jeff Foxworthy

#3. I believe that a bad Super Bowl halftime show is still better than a soccer game.

Ron White

#4. I'm a comedian, and I like to work on my live show, and if I'm doing television, I don't have time to work on my live show, and I can become a lame comic, and that sucks.

Ron White

#5. If you kill someone in Texas, we'll kill ya back.

Ron White

#6. I've got a great cigar collection - it's actually not a collection, because that would imply I wasn't going to smoke every last one of 'em.

Ron White

#7. The way my brain processes information is quite odd. I mean, I have Attention Deficit Disorder and another learning disability I can't even spell. I don't even have a high school diploma. I'm smart, but you can't prove it on paper.

Ron White

#8. In my Comedy Club sets, I just work on what is fresh and try to build that show as long as I can. I don't like to do burnt material on stage. Even though my crowd loves to hear me do old stuff, I don't like to do old stuff.

Ron White

#9. The black players at this club lend the side a lot of skill and flair, but you also need white players to balance things up and give the team some brains and common sense.

Ron Noades

#10. Me and Marcus Allen went over to see Nicole
We heard a knock at the door, must have been Ron Gold'
Jumped behind the door, put the orgy on hold
Killed em both and smeared blood on the white Bronco

Eminem

#11. I believe everything creative is somewhat collaborative. If you're a painter and someone stretches your canvas, it was collaborative on some level.

Ron White

#12. I smoke really good cigars, I don't smoke Cuban cigars. I would never do anything as Un-American as smoke a decent cigar.

Ron White

#13. Apparently I ain't the only cat on the block digs cheetos.

Ron White

#14. People are saying that I'm an alcoholic, and that's not true, because I only drink when I work, and I'm a workaholic.

Ron White

#15. I'm definitely guilty of thinking something is funny but thinking the audience won't. Then three years later I will finally try it and it'll kill them. I got to give them more credit.

Ron White

#16. If you look at the common denominator of all the comics who have had big success, it's being true to their nature ... that's what takes a long time to learn.

Ron White

#17. When life hands you lemons make lemonade. Then find someone who's life gave them Tequila and have a party.

Ron White

#18. From the very beginning I started with a beer and a cigarette because I couldn't figure out what to do with my hands. So usually I have a beer and cigarette and that's what I was doing with my hands because that looked natural and felt good.

Ron White

#19. I really understood a lot more about comedy after listening to Bill Hicks, who died at 32 years old. He's probably the best comedian who ever lived. Although you can't say that because of Carlin, Cosby and Pryor.

Ron White

#20. Identity theft involving these cards is a growing form of white collar crime, facilitating illegal immigration, banking and accounting fraud, tax evasion, and other nefarious activities.

Ron Lewis

#21. What else do we need to know about the political establishment than that it refuses to discuss the crimes that terrify Americans on grounds that doing so is racist? Why isn't that true of complex embezzling, which is 100 percent white and Asian?

Ron Paul

#22. The bulk of my fans are my age, and I'm aging at the same rate they are. That makes me relevant. They like hearing what I have to say. I work hard at it, but it's addicting, really.

Ron White

#23. There are two kinds of comics; there are the ones who build bridges, and then there are the people who walk across the bridges as though they built them. The bridge builders are few and far between.

Ron White

#24. There are a million really good cigars, you gotta really float around cigars. It's not like being locked into a brand of cigarettes; at least to me it's not.

Ron White

#25. If life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade ...

Ron White

#26. They call me Tater Salad

Ron White

#27. I quit smoking cigarettes and with the $70 a month I am saving not smoking cigarettes I'm smoking $700 worth of cigars.

Ron White

#28. I have had a front row seat to observe Darren's success over the last few years and never fully knew the keys to his achievement. He has unselfishly revealed his secrets with The Compound Effect so that others can learn from his success. In my eyes, it is more valuable than gold!

Ron White

#29. Star Wars Episode Three (And One Quarter): Revenge Of The Hicks

Ron White

#30. The current Republican Party is not really the Republican Party. It's been hijacked by this group that is not just Islamophobic but, really, xenophobic. They believe in sort of white, middle America, gun-toting - it's scary. They're seriously racist, racist people.

Ron Schiller

#31. In Texas, we have the death penalty, and we use it. That's right. If you come to Texas and kill somebody, we will kill you back.

Ron White

#32. The hardest that I've laughed at a movie was probably Team America. I laughed 'til I thought I was just gonna throw up. I almost had to turn it off.

Ron White

#33. The problem of South Africa is different than the world thinks. There is no native problem. The native worker gets more than white workers do in England! [ ... ] The South African government is not a police state. It's easier on people than the United States government!

L. Ron Hubbard

#34. I had the right to remain silent ... but I didn't have the ability.

Ron White

#35. The next time you have a thought ... let it go.

Ron White

#36. Now if we can get white population, immigrants and big companies and so on moving into Africa and if we can get with that Scientology well established in Southern Africa, why we can then look forward to a salvage operation base, in case the northern hemisphere's lights go out.

L. Ron Hubbard

#37. The failure of the White House and Congress to seriously address the nation's fiscal situation is certain to broaden the belief among many voters that the U.S. political system is broken.

Ron Fournier

#38. Diamonds - that'll shut her up ... for a minute!

Ron White

#39. When it comes to the Yellow Races overruning the world, you may laugh ... [The Chinese] have neither the foresight or endurance to overrun any white country in any way except by intermarriage. One American marine could stand off a great many yellowmen without much effort.

L. Ron Hubbard

#40. There were years when I was a beer and tequila guy, then I got real fat. And then I found that you could actually go on a diet and drink scotch. Then I got hooked on scotch, and if you get hooked on scotch, then everything else just tastes wrong.

Ron White

#41. I was so in love with the idea of making people laugh for a living that I didn't care what I had to do to get there. Or how much money I was going to make when I did get there.

Ron White

#42. You can't fix stupid. There's not a pill you can take, or a class you can go to.

Ron White

#43. There have been times in my life that I've had a ton of vices, and my demons have run amok for years and years and years.

Ron White

#44. I didn't want to be DRUNK. IN. PUBLIC. I wanted to be drunk in a BAR. I was THROWN. into. public.

Ron White

#45. Barbara was actually Jeff Foxworthy's interior designer when we first met. So, not only was Jeff responsible for my success in my career, he also introduced me to the woman who I'm going to spend the rest of my life with, which, I think, makes us even.

Ron White

#46. Naw, man, I like big, hard, throbbing co- (stunned pause) ... I did not know that about myself.

Ron White

#47. White Castle has a unique position in the Midwest. It is a cult brand that has developed a strong, loyal following.

Ron Paul

#48. I don't even plan things until later, so no I got no plans.

Ron White

#49. I don't do any corporate work.

Ron White

#50. I started selling out comedy clubs before I got to town with no advertising. I was selling out theaters just on the rumor that I was going to be there.

Ron White

#51. I didn't get where I am today by worryin' about how I'd feel tomorrow.

Ron White

#52. I was considered by my peers to be a good comedian. So that's all I ever strived to do was get some recognition from my peers.

Ron White

#53. I believe when life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade ... and try to find someone whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.

Ron White

#54. I was a huge fan of comedy when I was a child.

Ron White

#55. You can't ride home on a bowl of goat.

Ron White

#56. If you write something the White House doesn't like, they take you in and say, 'If you ever write something like you did today, nobody from the White House will ever talk to you again,'

Ron Suskind

#57. When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. Then find someone who's life is givin' them vodka and have a party!

Ron White

#58. Writing about dead white males seems to be out of favor among academics.

Ron Chernow

#59. As South Africa has a white population of only 2.8 million or thereabouts, you can see that every other central organization in the world has been out-created.

L. Ron Hubbard

#60. AP promoted me to the White House beat because I knew Clinton, his family, friends, and staff better than anybody in the national press corps. Those contacts helped me break a few stories and get my career in Washington jump-started.

Ron Fournier

#61. I don't have a specific plan except for as long as people want to listen to me talk, I'm going to keep talking. I can't imagine a life without doing standup.

Ron White

#62. A brown trout sips one off the surface. Beneath the trout, mica-flecked sand gleams white. Come fall the female's caudal fin will nudge the grains to make a nest, the eggs spilling like pearls into a purse.

Ron Rash

#63. His white boots were on fire against Arsenal, and he'll be looking for them to reproduce tonight.

Ron Atkinson

#64. When I was about 12 years old back in Houston, my Dad used to take us to the driving range.

Ron White

#65. My only goal is to make you laugh, not tell you the truth.

Ron White

#66. Other states are trying to abolish the death penalty ... mine's putting in an express lane.

Ron White

#67. You know, my first album, some of those jokes I'd done for twelve years because I couldn't throw 'em out.

Ron White

#68. I've never been one to look up the ladder. I've always looked down the ladder. As long as there's one guy down there, I'm fine.

Ron White

#69. You can only do two things with your life: give it away or throw it away.

Ron White

#70. We should see the leadership from the White House setting dates certain for certain goals of achieving greater alliance on alternative and renewable energy sources, but we are not.

Ron Kind

#71. Ron, you know full well Harry and I were brought up by Muggles!" said Hermione. "We didn't hear stories like that when we were little, we heard 'Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs' and 'Cinderella' - "
"What's that, an illness?" asked Ron.

J.K. Rowling

#72. You wanna get the truth out of me, get me hammered.

Ron White

#73. It's something that's really fun to do. It's a family business.

Ron White

#74. Why does a pair of sunglasses cost more than a 25 inch color television?

Ron White

#75. My goal is just to become a better comedian.

Ron White

#76. I do live like a rock star, but it's not as great as it sounds. It's a lot of traveling.

Ron White

#77. Everybody I know is a joke writer.

Ron White

#78. I did not climb to the top of the food chain to eat carrots.

Ron White

#79. I'd rather do a really good small part than a really bad big part.

Ron White

#80. White House operatives went to great lengths to show Obama shifting focus from wars abroad to domestic issues at home.

Ron Fournier

#81. We have hearing aids in order to fix our ears. We have lasik surgery in order to fix our eyes. People ... you can't fix stupid!

Ron White

#82. Anybody could say anything they want about me, and it literally never penetrates my skin.

Ron White

#83. I feel blessed that I am able to play really dark guys in a business where they usually want you to play the same character over and over. Poor Michael Rapaport will being playing white homeboys till the day he dies. That's not the kind of career I want.

Ron Eldard

#84. But I work harder now because I have so much more exposure. And actually the harder you work as a writer, the better you get at it. It's like anything else. It's a muscle you have to exercise. I write more now than ever.

Ron White