Rogan's Quotes

#1. As an editor, I read Charlotte Rogan's amazing debut novel, 'The Lifeboat,' when it was still in manuscript. I read it in one night, and I really wanted my company to publish it, but we lost it to another house. It's such a wonderful combination of beautiful writing and suspenseful storytelling.

Karen Thompson Walker

#2. Your body's really only meant to compete at the highest levels of combat sports for a few years.

Joe Rogan

#3. There's only 2 reasons that you hate gay marriage;
1. You're dumb, or 2. You're secretly worried that dicks are delicious.

Joe Rogan

#4. It never hurt Lenny Bruce's career to get arrested for swearing. It did back in the time, but he broke those doors down by doing the stuff that he believed in.

Joe Rogan

#5. Greatness and madness are next door neighbours; and they borrow each other's sugar. You don't get there without the other.

Joe Rogan

#6. I'm a nightclub comic. That's what I do. I work in the clubs uncensored because my mind is uncensored, and those are the thoughts that I have. I do the kind of comedy that I would enjoy seeing.

Joe Rogan

#7. Richard Pryor is, in my mind, the most honest comedian. He bared his soul to people. I think that's why everybody loved him so much.

Joe Rogan

#8. When you snatch little pieces of other people's lives and try to palm them off as your own, that's more disgusting than anything. Robin Williams is a huge thief. Denis Leary is a huge thief. His whole stand-up career is based on Bill Hicks, a brilliant guy who died years ago.

Joe Rogan

#9. I don't really like actors. Actors are like terrible comedians with no punch lines. It's all about them. They talk about themselves all the time. They bore the sh - t out of you.

Joe Rogan

#10. Life's full of surprises, and they ain't all bad.

Barbara Rogan

#11. That's the nature of our relationship". A spark lit his eyes. "We both do what's necessary, and after it's over, I watch you freak out about it."
"I don't."
"Oh, I don't want you to stop. I find it highly amusing

Ilona Andrews

#12. Stand-up is still my favorite, but the podcast is a close second. It's so fun, and it's given me the opportunity to have three-hour conversations with people I wouldn't have otherwise been able to talk to. When I talked to Maynard Keenan from Tool, I almost couldn't believe it was happening.

Joe Rogan

#13. The comics I hate are thieves. Nothing's more disgusting than a guy who steals another person's ideas and tries to claim them as his own.

Joe Rogan

#14. There's a confidence and a mental toughness that comes from the very highest level of competition, whatever the sport is. Whether it's boxing or wrestling, or whatever.

Joe Rogan

#15. Phil Hartman was brilliant, and Dave Foley is a really funny guy. Phil Hartman was actually even funnier offstage than he was onstage because he would say nasty things. Dave Foley's very funny, very witty guy, very quick.

Joe Rogan

#16. Chris Hillman (of the Byrds) recounts ... 'What happened to the Buffulo Springfield at the Whisky was similar to what happened to us at Ciro's ... everybody wanted to be there. It became the place to be ... a great gig.'

Johnny Rogan

#17. Omigawa is moving forward like a karate robot

Joe Rogan

#18. I'll go to church with anyone who's willing to smoke pot and look through a telescope with me.

Joe Rogan

#19. And let's be honest, you weren't exactly harmed. I even took you home." "You dumped me on my doorstep. According to my mother, I looked half dead." "Your mother exaggerates. A third dead at most." I stared at him. Wow. Just wow.

Ilona Andrews

#20. Apartment living is tough action. Just the whole idea that you share a washer and dryer always freaked me out.

Joe Rogan

#21. We live in a society that makes it really easy for these pussies to get by.

Joe Rogan

#22. My act is so completely and totally uncensored that the only way I could really pull it off is if I treat the audience like they're my best friends.

Joe Rogan

#23. If the clouds split open and an archangel descended onto the street in all of his heavenly glory and tried to make Rogan see reason, he would fail miserably and have to pack up his flaming sword and go back to Heaven in shame.

Ilona Andrews

#24. I'm afraid of heights. Not unreasonably, but rationally afraid of heights. I think everyone is.

Joe Rogan

#25. And I wondered, not for the first time, if some of life's tragedy arose when people put themselves in situations they were not by nature suited for.

Charlotte Rogan

#26. To me, comedy is a great occupation because I don't really worry that much about what other people think of me.

Joe Rogan

#27. Although not considered a martial art, boxing is really a martial art. It's a very limited martial art as long as you agree to just box ... but in an actual physical fight against someone who's just a wrestler, you're going to get killed.

Joe Rogan

#28. Comedy is really not like any other art form in that it's very specialized and varied in it's content, but generic in it's title.

Joe Rogan

#29. I want to make sure that everything that I'm creating, I'm creating it so other people get enjoyment out of it. And that's the reward that you get for that.

Joe Rogan

#30. My company is called Talking Monkey, Inc. It's because that's what I think all people are: talking monkeys.

Joe Rogan

#31. What's interesting about science is that we're constantly discovering new things about the universe, about ourselves, about our bodies, about diseases, about the possibilities of the future. It's amazing. Science is one of the coolest things about being a human being - without a doubt.

Joe Rogan

#32. What people like are things to laugh at. Funny shows. It's all in the execution, the writing and the characters, not the setting. And the writing and the execution and the characters are GREAT on (Everybody Loves Raymond).

Joe Rogan

#33. Being a celebrity or anything else where you're really ambitious, it's really a game to see how successful you can get.

Joe Rogan

#34. For many people the reason why they're idiots is not necessarily that their brain doesn't work well, it's that they got in a terrible pattern.

Joe Rogan

#35. Haters ... are all failures. It's 100% across the board. No one who is truly brilliant at anything is a hater.

Joe Rogan

#36. I really feel like it's a travesty to make a child famous. I really do.

Joe Rogan

#37. Maybe I should drive," Troy said. "She knows what she's doing," Mad Rogan said. I sniffed. "What?" "The fragrance of a genuine compliment from Mad Rogan. So rare and sweet.

Ilona Andrews

#38. I've done jiujitsu a huge chunk of my life, and I try to spend a lot of time educating people on the nuances, the subtleness of the ground game. It's a big part of mixed martial arts.

Joe Rogan

#39. Reality really is theater. There's no other way to describe it. It's all so nonsensical, ridiculous and chaotic.

Joe Rogan

#40. It's impossible to measure the type of mental strength and determination that's required to be an elite wrestler.

Joe Rogan

#41. But it's hard for a chick to do comedy. It's not as open for them.

Joe Rogan

#42. You can't measure what's inside a man's heart.

Joe Rogan

#43. I don't care if you're gay, black, Chinese, straight. That means nothing to me. It's all an illusion.

Joe Rogan

#44. It's painful for me to watch someone who isn't funny. It's horrifying to sit in the back and watch some guy who just totally sucks.

Joe Rogan

#45. I've been inspired by a shitload of people in my life so if there's ever anybody that I can inspire, to me that's a huge gift. To be able to turn that back around.

Joe Rogan

#46. Mr. Hardie had little patience with that sort of conversation."Ye're born, ye suffer, and ye die. What made ye think ye deserved different?" he wondered aloud when the deacon's gentle answers failed to quiet them.

Charlotte Rogan

#47. And you're not hurt? Nothing's broken?" "No." "Oh good." Mad Rogan sank a vicious punch into Adam's jaw. Adam fell to his knees, his mouth bloody. "How about now, Adam? Anything hurt now?

Ilona Andrews

#48. After this whole acting thing is over and done, you eventually have to be human. Some people are never human. It's very weird.

Joe Rogan

#49. Every single religion that has ever been on the face of the Earth, ever, is a cult. That's all they are.

Joe Rogan

#50. It's been one of the most important tools for me in personal growth for understanding myself, how I am, and what effect I do have on other people.

Joe Rogan

#51. Someone else's success does not equal a failure for you.

Joe Rogan

#52. Live your life like you're the hero in your movie.

Joe Rogan

#53. So many times I've done a CD, and then the week after I record it, I've got this new tagline that's killer. And it makes the whole bit better. It happens all the time. But that's just the process of comedy.

Joe Rogan

#54. I can buy your contract." "No, you can't. Any sale of our mortgage requires my consent, and I won't consent to it." He grinned. "You don't want to work under me?" "I'm not even going to dignify that with an answer.

Ilona Andrews

#55. If life wasn't real it would be the craziest psychedelic trip ever

Joe Rogan

#56. When a ball goes into a net it only means something because we decided it means something. When somebody punches somebody in the face it always means something.

Joe Rogan

#57. The best way to pursue any discipline is the martial art way.

Joe Rogan

#58. People say you can abuse marijuana. You can abuse cheeseburgers. Does that mean we should close Burger Kings.

Joe Rogan

#59. One of the great things about Houston is that they police themselves. It's the way Boston was in the '80s. No hacks or thieves are tolerated in the community, and that's HUGE.

Joe Rogan

#60. So instead of investing your time in a passion, you've sold your life to work for an uncaring machine that doesn't understand you. That's the problem with our society. And what's the reward? Go home and get a big TV.

Joe Rogan

#61. I talk so much about sex that girls just want to meet me.

Joe Rogan

#62. That's my only goal. Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone has a good time and works hard.

Joe Rogan

#63. The two things I understand best are stand-up comedy and martial arts. And those things require an ultimate grasp of the truth. You have to be objective about your skills and abilities to compete in both.

Joe Rogan

#64. I see martial arts as moving forms of meditation. When you're sparring or drilling techniques, you can't think of anything else.

Joe Rogan

#65. In order to be truly great at something you have to give into a certain amount of madness.

Joe Rogan

#66. Most of my bits are long stream-of-consciousness- type things, and when I'm doing them onstage, other places to take the theme or idea will hit me, and I just go with it.

Joe Rogan

#67. This country has a mental health problem disguised as a gun problem, and a tyranny problem disguised as a security problem.

Joe Rogan

#68. I had a great time on News Radio, I got to make tons of money in relative obscurity and learn a lot about the TV biz and work on my standup act constantly. It was a dream gig.

Joe Rogan

#69. I prefer older people to college kids [as audience] for the most part. I want people with life experience, people that understand where I'm coming from.

Joe Rogan

#70. I really never had any ambitions to be a standup comic. I was talked into it by guys that I used to work out with.

Joe Rogan

#71. Well you see, Brazilian JiuJitsu Blackbelts have a blackbelt in ... Brazilian JiuJitsu

Joe Rogan

#72. I'm a huge Groucho fan. There were some great comic minds that would transfer into any generation, and Groucho is certainly one of them.

Joe Rogan

#73. There's a never-ending ocean of techniques out there.

Joe Rogan

#74. The key to happiness doesn't lay in numbers in a bank account but in the way we make others feel.

Joe Rogan

#75. The sensory deprivation chamber has been the most important tool that I've ever used for developing my mind

Joe Rogan

#76. People for the most part can smell lies.

Joe Rogan

#77. It's a very strange thing when you make nature illegal.

Joe Rogan

#78. I think it would do a lot of people good just to realize how vulnerable they are.

Joe Rogan

#79. He looked like he needed some jungle ruins to explore or some bad people to hit with a chair. Trouble was, he was the bad people.

Ilona Andrews

#80. I wondered if all a person could hope for was illusion and luck, for I was forced to conclude that the world was fundamentally and appallingly dangerous. It is a lesson I will never forget.

Charlotte Rogan

#81. I really never thought people would think that I was funny, I thought (my friends) thought I was funny because I was their friend, but other people would just think I was an asshole. I was at least partly right.

Joe Rogan

#82. If you can lie, you can act, and if you can lie to crazy girlfriends, you can act under pressure.

Joe Rogan

#83. On my left knee I have a long scar from an ACL operation. I've had both knees reconstructed.

Joe Rogan

#84. A lot of times, you beat a person who beat a person who can beat you. I mean, it doesn't make any sense.

Joe Rogan

#85. We 'chicks' have munched our popcorn while romantic comedies became just comedies, and then each female protagonist got recast for Matthew McConaughey or Seth Rogan.

Emma McLaughlin

#86. Kindness is one of the best gifts you can bestow ... We know that inherently that feels great.

Joe Rogan

#87. Build confidence and momentum with each good decision you make from here on out and choose to be inspired.

Joe Rogan

#88. The planet's spinning a thousand miles an hour around this gigantic nuclear explosion while these people roll these machines with rubber tires over this hard surface that we've laid down over the planet so that we can easily move ourselves back and forth.

Joe Rogan

#89. Jiu-Jitsu has been one of the most valuable tools I've ever had in my life.

Joe Rogan

#90. I always get what I want, Rogan. Always."
"And what about what I want?"
Wolfe pressed a soft, tender kiss to my lips, the arrogance giving way to deep sincerity. "I'll always give you what you want, Rogan. Always.

Samantha Young

#91. The Comedy Store in LA, it's a really loose room and it's really dark and creepy and a great place to explore your own thoughts onstage.

Joe Rogan

#92. We have to start treating each other as if we are treating ourselves living another life.

Joe Rogan

#93. How do we get out of this circle?" I asked him.
"We kill him," he said.
"Good. Let's kill him and go home."
"I thought you'd never ask.

Ilona Andrews

#94. One school of thought says that the best way to handle an issue like this is exposure therapy," Mad Rogan said. "For example, if you're terrified of snakes, repeated handling of them will cure it."
Aha. "I'm not handling your snake.

Ilona Andrews

#95. We're as different as that water and hot glass, Rogan."
"And as able to make something strong between us.

Nora Roberts

#96. If you prefer, I can acquire a windowless creeper van, and we can huddle in it and eat greasy take out.

Ilona Andrews

#97. Mr. Rogan," I frosted my voice over. "What I put into my body is my business." Okay, that didn't sound right.

Ilona Andrews

#98. If I could make the same amount of money doing standup it would be no contest. The problem is that if you do make that kind of money doing standup, it's not in clubs, it's in big auditoriums and large venues, and I really think something is lost when you do standup for a big crowd.

Joe Rogan

#99. I do cagefight commentary in my spare time.

Joe Rogan

#100. Cities are natural, that's why they're everywhere. It's not like there's only one city, and everybody's like 'What the f**k is this?' No, cities are all over the place. They're natural. You know what's not natural? You, in the middle of the mountains, in the middle of the winter.

Joe Rogan