Paul Rudnick Quotes

#1. Jincy Willett, Sam Lipsyte, Flannery O'Connor, and George Saunders. Oh, and I love Paul Rudnick in The New Yorker.

Pamela Paul

#2. Deeply funny musings and adventures elevate Paul Rudnick to the highest level of American comedy writing.

Steve Martin

#3. Paul Rudnick is a champion of truth (and love and great wicked humor) whom we ignore at our peril.

David Sedaris

#4. In so many YA books the heroine, who's just a regular girl, has to choose between two dreamboats who are both, for no particular reason, madly in love with her, which is probably why these books are labeled fiction.

Paul Rudnick

#5. I know there is a Supreme Being who rules the affairs of men and whose goodness and mercy have always followed the American people, and I know He will not turn from us now if we humbly and reverently seek His powerful aid.

Grover Cleveland

#6. I am not! said the guy's girlfriend, who was wearing a very short skirt, very high heels and the kind of complicated hairstyle that looks like it needs blueprints and a construction crew.

Paul Rudnick

#7. State your name."
"Venice Huber."
"Occupation?"
"Well, it's hard to say. I don't model, land of the seventeen bimbos. I don't act - after all, isn't an actress just a model who won't shut up? Let's say, oh - homemaker. Could you die?

Paul Rudnick

#8. I was once all by myself in a house on Fire Island. Where I compared the original cast recordings of two different versions of The Wild Party. A helicopter should have descended and taken me away to a gay penal colony. But of course, I was already there.

Paul Rudnick

#9. The only thing I have ever been asked [by a pollster] was the age at which I first indulged in oral sex (which, since it was a Yale Daily News poll, meant kissing).

Paul Rudnick

#10. Design must be proved before a designer can be inferred.

Percy Bysshe Shelley

#11. Does she really need that many pairs of kneesocks? Aren't kneesocks just chastity belts for your shins?

Paul Rudnick

#12. Money can add very much to one's ability to lead a constructive life, not only pleasant for oneself, but, hopefully, beneficial to others.

David Rockefeller

#13. For you, a thousand times over. Then I turned and ran. It was only a smile, nothing more. It didn't make everything alright. It didn't make anything all right. Only a smile. A tiny thing. But I'll take it. With open arms.

Khaled Hosseini

#14. A person's bathroom, I believe, is the only three-dimensional expression of their soul.

Paul Rudnick

#15. Most gay bashers will be wearing what gay people had on four years earlier - only in polyester with a Penney's label.

Paul Rudnick

#16. If God didn't want you to have it, He would never have let you see it.

Paul Rudnick

#17. Time Can Not Cure Heart's Wounds Never,But Wounds Spoil and Kill Heart On The Time

Mohammed Zaki Ansari

#18. No matter what size you are, you must be healthy. I focus on health as a model, whether it's doing yoga, hiking, kickboxing - those things bring me joy.

Crystal Renn

#19. My compulsive thoughts aren't even thoughts, they're absolute certainties and obeying them isn't a choice.

Paul Rudnick

#20. Rocher was on the floor, crawling on her stomach toward Jate's feet. "I love you ... ," she kept repeating, in a demonic whisper. "I have to show you ... my butt.

Paul Rudnick

#21. Virtue is too passive, too narrow. Virtue can motivate individuals, but for groups, societies, a whole civilisation, it's a weak force. Nations are never virtuous, though they might sometimes think they are.

Ian McEwan

#22. Sometimes I think that we should send all of the Killer Mediums to Afghanistan because al-Qaeda wouldn't stand a chance.

Paul Rudnick

#23. I never got that show - Les Miz. It's about the French guy, right, who steals a loaf of bread, and then he suffers for the rest of his life. For Toast. Get over it!

Paul Rudnick

#24. Writing is 90 percent procrastination: reading magazines, eating cereal out of the box, watching infomercials. It's a matter of doing everything you can to avoid writing, until it is about four in the morning and you reach the point where you have to write.

Paul Rudnick

#25. There is only one blasphemy, and that is the refusal to experience joy.

Paul Rudnick

#26. I believe in a benevolent God not because He created the Grand Canyon or Michelangelo, but because He gave us snacks.

Paul Rudnick

#27. No one under the age of eighteen needs a cell phone unless they're a surgeon, a drug dealer, or a prostitute.

Paul Rudnick

#28. I'm here," I continued, "to guide you into the light of truth, decency and perhaps pants.

Paul Rudnick

#29. I'd love to have Michael Jackson [in my show] because he's black and white. So he would appeal to a universal demographic.

George Lopez

#30. I just hate that gay role models are supposed to be just like straight people, as if even straight people are like that.

Paul Rudnick

#31. I love [my parents], but what if I could really talk to them? I mean, what if they had some answers? Or would that just be too weird?

Paul Rudnick

#32. There was a cable-TV program that documented how Peeps are made, and it showed unlimited hordes of Peeps bouncing merrily down a conveyor belt, right toward the camera. I came.

Paul Rudnick

#33. Dysmorphia is when someone looks in the mirror, and sees something else. While I studied my own whatever I was, I decided that maybe everyone has at least a touch of dysmorphia; maybe it's impossible for anyone to ever truly know what they look like.

Paul Rudnick

#34. When she is alone in the rooms I hear her humming to keep herself from thinking.

Jean-Paul Sartre

#35. A person living in everyone else's style reacts only to stimulus

Sunday Adelaja

#36. I root through your remains,

looking for the black box. Nothing left

but glossy chunks, a pimp's platinum

tooth clanking inside the urn. I play you


over and over, my beloved conspiracy,

my personal Zapruder film

Erin Belieu

#37. The outer eyes see only by reflection. The vibrationsfrom the inner eye, optic, is conveyed along the opticnerves and produced, spectacular, on the ether.

George Carey

#38. You're the most egotistical and the kindest man I know. And that doesn't make sense."
"Maybe the concepts don't make sense. Maybe they don't mean what people have been taught to think they mean.

Ayn Rand

#39. Most convicted felons are just people who were not taken to museums or Broadway musicals as children.

Paul Rudnick

#40. Oh my God. I love rich people. And royalty are the best because they're rich people who can't be fires.

Paul Rudnick