Top 52 Rudnick Quotes
#1. Jincy Willett, Sam Lipsyte, Flannery O'Connor, and George Saunders. Oh, and I love Paul Rudnick in The New Yorker.
Pamela Paul
#2. Deeply funny musings and adventures elevate Paul Rudnick to the highest level of American comedy writing.
Steve Martin
#3. Paul Rudnick is a champion of truth (and love and great wicked humor) whom we ignore at our peril.
David Sedaris
#4. There was a cable-TV program that documented how Peeps are made, and it showed unlimited hordes of Peeps bouncing merrily down a conveyor belt, right toward the camera. I came.
Paul Rudnick
#5. Rocher was on the floor, crawling on her stomach toward Jate's feet. "I love you ... ," she kept repeating, in a demonic whisper. "I have to show you ... my butt.
Paul Rudnick
#7. In so many YA books the heroine, who's just a regular girl, has to choose between two dreamboats who are both, for no particular reason, madly in love with her, which is probably why these books are labeled fiction.
Paul Rudnick
#8. I am not! said the guy's girlfriend, who was wearing a very short skirt, very high heels and the kind of complicated hairstyle that looks like it needs blueprints and a construction crew.
Paul Rudnick
#9. What was wrong with her? Why did things like this keep happening to her? Love wasn't supposed to hurt, yet it felt like all she knew when it came to love was pain. Every time she opened her heart, she just got burned. Or, in this case, frozen. And she was getting sick and tired of it.
Elizabeth Rudnick
#10. State your name."
"Venice Huber."
"Occupation?"
"Well, it's hard to say. I don't model, land of the seventeen bimbos. I don't act - after all, isn't an actress just a model who won't shut up? Let's say, oh - homemaker. Could you die?
Paul Rudnick
#11. I was once all by myself in a house on Fire Island. Where I compared the original cast recordings of two different versions of The Wild Party. A helicopter should have descended and taken me away to a gay penal colony. But of course, I was already there.
Paul Rudnick
#12. The only thing I have ever been asked [by a pollster] was the age at which I first indulged in oral sex (which, since it was a Yale Daily News poll, meant kissing).
Paul Rudnick
#14. Does she really need that many pairs of kneesocks? Aren't kneesocks just chastity belts for your shins?
Paul Rudnick
#15. The people who talk behind your back are destined to stay there.
Elizabeth Rudnick
#16. Love doesn't always make sense ... or happen the way you expect.
Elizabeth Rudnick
#17. Love is special, and anyone who gives you their heart is giving you a part of them.
Elizabeth Rudnick
#18. You and Sven and Sven. You're my family. I like you and you like me and we all helped each other back there. So isn't that family?
Elizabeth Rudnick
#19. A person's bathroom, I believe, is the only three-dimensional expression of their soul.
Paul Rudnick
#20. At some point you just have to let go ... knowing full well you might look back in a couple years and be embarrassed by the finished product. But that's life. And like I said before, if I were to strive for perfection I would never get anything done.
Elizabeth Rudnick
#21. Most gay bashers will be wearing what gay people had on four years earlier - only in polyester with a Penney's label.
Paul Rudnick
#22. If God didn't want you to have it, He would never have let you see it.
Paul Rudnick
#23. Don't those girls know that beneath this goofy exterior is someone honost and generally awesome in every way? I'm a winner dammit
Elizabeth Rudnick
#24. We find comfort in routine and in the warmth of our own living rooms.
Elizabeth Rudnick
#25. My compulsive thoughts aren't even thoughts, they're absolute certainties and obeying them isn't a choice.
Paul Rudnick
#26. Think of the place you've most wanted to see. First see it in your mind's eye. Now feel it in your heart.
Elizabeth Rudnick
#27. But, as many thought whenever they saw the graceful figure soaring through the air, it took a great hero and a terrible villain to make it all come about. And her name was Maleficent.
Elizabeth Rudnick
#28. Still, Mrs Potts wasn't going to let the girl just leave - not if she could help it. And having lived with a stubborn individual for quite some time, she knew that sometimes the best way to make people do what they didn't want to do was to give them the chance to do it on their own terms.
Elizabeth Rudnick
#30. From the other side of the hill, two enormous black wings appeared through the mist. Then a pair of sharp, twisted horns. Slowly, Maleficent rose into the air, looking like a creature from hell. Behind her, there was only mist. No army of her own. No faeries or creatures. Just Maleficent.
Elizabeth Rudnick
#31. I never got that show - Les Miz. It's about the French guy, right, who steals a loaf of bread, and then he suffers for the rest of his life. For Toast. Get over it!
Paul Rudnick
#32. Writing is 90 percent procrastination: reading magazines, eating cereal out of the box, watching infomercials. It's a matter of doing everything you can to avoid writing, until it is about four in the morning and you reach the point where you have to write.
Paul Rudnick
#33. People say a lot of things in anger," she said. "It is our choice whether or not to listen.
Elizabeth Rudnick
#34. There is only one blasphemy, and that is the refusal to experience joy.
Paul Rudnick
#35. I believe in a benevolent God not because He created the Grand Canyon or Michelangelo, but because He gave us snacks.
Paul Rudnick
#36. No one under the age of eighteen needs a cell phone unless they're a surgeon, a drug dealer, or a prostitute.
Paul Rudnick
#37. I'm here," I continued, "to guide you into the light of truth, decency and perhaps pants.
Paul Rudnick
#38. Hope flared in the Beast's eyes. "Really?" he asked. "You think you could be happy here?"
"Can anybody be happy if they aren't free?" Belle asked softly.
The Beast blinked guiltily, knowing she was right.
Elizabeth Rudnick
#39. I just hate that gay role models are supposed to be just like straight people, as if even straight people are like that.
Paul Rudnick
#40. You're his lobster. Or swan, Or penguin. The Spock to his Kirk
Elizabeth Rudnick
#41. Oh my God. I love rich people. And royalty are the best because they're rich people who can't be fires.
Paul Rudnick
#42. I love [my parents], but what if I could really talk to them? I mean, what if they had some answers? Or would that just be too weird?
Paul Rudnick
#44. Sometimes I think that we should send all of the Killer Mediums to Afghanistan because al-Qaeda wouldn't stand a chance.
Paul Rudnick
#45. I will not ask you for forgiveness. What I have done is unforgivable. I was so lost in hatred and revenge. I never dreamed that I could love you so much. You stole what was left of my heart. And now I've lost you forever.
Elizabeth Rudnick
#46. Dysmorphia is when someone looks in the mirror, and sees something else. While I studied my own whatever I was, I decided that maybe everyone has at least a touch of dysmorphia; maybe it's impossible for anyone to ever truly know what they look like.
Paul Rudnick
#47. Time to start getting more sleep. This beautiful physique needs royal treatment.
Elizabeth Rudnick
#48. Ice cream is just a Band-Aid. Pain is still there when you wake up.
Elizabeth Rudnick
#49. It was a lonely place. A place for the dark-hearted. It's where I deserve to be, Maleficent told herself every time she arrived. For only someone with a heart as dark as mine could do something so evil to a girl with a heart as light as Aurora's.
Elizabeth Rudnick
#51. Most convicted felons are just people who were not taken to museums or Broadway musicals as children.
Paul Rudnick
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