Motherhood Humor Quotes

#1. I can absolutely assure you that birth is nothing like holding an ice cube in your hand for a minute and breathing through the "pain.

Cassi Clark

#2. Even AWESOME MOMS use the F-BOMB!

Tanya Masse

#3. Maggie had learned a long time ago that each day with a child was filled with two kinds of battles: those that won the war, and those that did not.

Sydney Strand

#4. One very important key to maintaining our daily sanity is a simple scheduling tactic I call Putting Things the Hell Off.

Ian Frazier

#5. Sometimes being a MOM is like a good
ol' country song! You lose your sleep, you lose your hair, you lose your patience, you lose your energy, you lose your memory AND you lose your SANITY! But you DO IT all for LOVE!

Tanya Masse

#6. The physical relief of having fully drained boobs cannot be overstated.

Cassi Clark

#7. I would be the first to admit that my maternal instincts are not well developed
though in defense I must add that the raising of Ramses would have discouraged any woman.

Elizabeth Peters

#8. I suffer from CLAUSTROPHOBIA, a fear of closed spaces.For example, I'm petrified that the WINE store will be closed before I have time to get there!!!

Tanya Masse

#9. It was deflating to realize how much my own family's quality of life might improve if I replaced myself with a Fundamentalist stay-at-home daughter.

Quinn Cummings

#10. Go hug a nursing mom -- but not too hard. Her boobs may hurt.

Cassi Clark

#11. Motherhood is a constant battle of wanting to go to bed early so you can catch up on sleep and wanting to stay awake so you can enjoy some peace and sanity!

Tanya Masse

#12. Heaven is the feeling of hand warmers on sore nipples.

Cassi Clark

#13. My rugrats give me gifts that say "#1 Mom" on them and I'm like, bwhahahahaha, joke's on you, I'm more like the #1,297,279 Mom. But they truly think I'm the best mom on earth. And that's all that matters.

Karen Alpert

#14. It's tough being AWESOME all the time, but the kids need someone to look up to!

Tanya Masse

#15. WINE. Because...KIDS!

Tanya Masse

#16. It had been six weeks since I brought my second child, my daughter, kicking and screaming into the world. Six weeks, that magic number men everywhere look forward to and women dread.

Julia Arnold

#17. Toys have taken over my family room. I watch Mary Poppins, and no matter how many spoonfuls of sugar I eat, action figures won't march into a bin with the snap of my fingers.

Barbara Brooke

#18. Having a kid is like an industrial revolution of the emotions. Suddenly you can mass produce worry, and guilt.

S.K. Tremayne

#19. Half the time your kids end up hating you for at least 5 of their teenage years[.] And don't ever expect anything so mundane as a thank you

Donna Ball

#20. In case you haven't heard, let me tell you now, babies do not come out knowing how to breastfeed.

Cassi Clark

#21. If we wear our nursing covers backwards like capes, then everyone can see we're breastfeeding superheroes.

Cassi Clark

#22. The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.

Dorothy Parker

#23. I think I would scream too if someone violently jammed a big ass breast in my mouth.

Cassi Clark

#24. If nursing were easy, there wouldn't be so many helpful products.

Cassi Clark

#25. I sighed and deleted the message, imagining the dirty clothes multiplying like rabbits, because that's what they do when I'm not around.

Alex Owens

#26. For me, adoption was grief in reverse.

Jody Cantrell Dyer

#27. Poor woman! She probably thought change of air might agree with many of her children.

Jane Austen

#28. Though breastfeeding is supposed to the most natural thing ever, it seems like a rich-people sport for all the stuff we buy to help.

Cassi Clark

#29. MOMB - noun - One who can deal with all of the INSANITY of being a MOM ... Because she's the BOMB!

Tanya Masse

#30. These days, "getting lucky" means drinking an entire cup of COFFEE while it's still HOT!

Tanya Masse

#31. There is the sheer emotional, intellectual, physical, chemical pleasure of your children. The honest truth is that the world holds no greater gratification than lying in bed with your children, putting your leg on top of them in a semi-crushing manner, while saying sternly, You are a poo.

Caitlin Moran

#32. On a good day, my style is librarian chic. On a bad day, it's frumpy mother.

Cassandra Page

#33. Mama Ginger came calling, to set the alarm on my biological clock. Oh, and to remind me that there's no point to me being a woman if I never have children."
"Well, if that's true, I wasted a hell of a lot of money on panty hose and lipstick." Jettie snorted.

Molly Harper