Mortician Quotes

#1. A mortician can make a dead man look better than he ever did when he was alive. So churches like Sardis may appear very much alive when they are dead in the sight of the Lord. God knows the difference.

Vance Havner

#2. I am a mortician who tells you that you don't necessarily need a mortician.

Caitlin Doughty

#3. She had an insult waiting for Summerset, who she knew would comment about her being home early. She'd say it was Mortician's Day, and she'd taken off in his honor.
Quick and to the point.

J.D. Robb

#4. You mean something happened to him? Her voice faded off into sort of a sad whisper, like a mortician asking for a down payment.

Raymond Chandler

#5. I take classes to be a mortician.

Amber Cope

#6. Oh my God. I just got dumped by a red headed mortician in a funeral home named Crummy's, after pretending to be a circus freak at a visitation I had just crashed. I was pretty sure there'd be no bouncing back from this. -Dakota Bombay

Leslie Langtry

#7. The noblest lord is ushered in By the practicing physician, And the humblest lout is ushered out By a certified mortician. And in between, they find their foyers Alive with summonses from lawyers.

Ogden Nash

#8. We are buried when we're born. The world is a place of graves occupied and graves potential. Life is what happens while we wait for our appointment with the mortician.

Dean Koontz

#9. A lawyer is never entirely comfortable with a friendly divorce, anymore than a good mortician wants to finish his job and then have the patient sit up on the table.

Jean Kerr

#10. It smelled something like a keg of bad beer overturned in a mortician's storage room on a hot summer's day.

Scott Lynch

#11. 'Graveminder' is about a mortician, a young woman with commitment issues, a dead teenager, and a town called Claysville where the dead don't always stay dead.

Melissa Marr

#12. The mortician interviewing the corpses

Eugene McCarthy

#13. Don't think I'd really want to be a mortician. Wouldn't be getting much back.

Claudia Black

#14. It seems that 'rocket scientist' is a job category that's here for the long haul, like 'mortician.' But all this activity masks an important point: rockets are not a terribly efficient way to lift things into space.

Seth Shostak

#15. I happen to have a certain fondness for existing
soda wouldn't have that lovely fizzy feeling if you were dead. Think of all the things you would miss: Cartoons, music, movies, video games, music, art, fingernail growth, sex ... well, perhaps not sex, depending on how weird your mortician is.

Jhonen Vasquez

#16. Stock kernels will be the norm for some time.

Bill Hayden

#17. Nobody really wants to be your friend when they discover that you work with dead people.

Rebecca McNutt

#18. Presumption is our natural and original malady. The most vulnerable and frail of all creatures is man, and at the same time the most arrogant.

Michel De Montaigne

#19. I always get carried away when I'm kissing. I just go nuts! Walking away after it is the strangest moment for me. It's embarrassing - not knowing what to say to each other.

Robert Pattinson

#20. Well, I'm sorry to have to tell you, sir, that your polar ice caps are below regulation size for a planet of this category, sir.

Terry Pratchett

#21. Accuracy means something to me. It's vital to my sense of values. I've learned not to trust people who are inaccurate. Every aviator knows that if mechanics are inaccurate, aircraft crash. If pilots are inaccurate, they get lost-sometimes killed. In my profession life itself depends on accuracy.

Charles Lindbergh

#22. Directing a funeral isn't about death at all. Funerals are for the living, not the dead.

Rebecca McNutt

#23. You are now Red in the head, Silver in the heart.

Victoria Aveyard