Lampoon Christmas Quotes

#1. Reality is what it is, not what you want it to be.

Frank Zappa

#2. He was, after all, the ultimate rebel
it takes a lot of cojones to stand up to Zeus.

Jasper Fforde

#3. All children should be loved, protected, nurtured
emotionally and intellectually
respected, and never, under any circumstances, underestimated.

Augusten Burroughs

#4. I'm not leading them to some false God or something like that.

Joel Osteen

#5. Woe to those who prefer to spend their lives saying: "I never had any opportunities!" Because with each day that passes, they will sink deeper into the well of their own limitations,

Paulo Coelho

#6. It has been preached in every country, taught everywhere, but only believed in by a few, because until we get the experience ourselves, we cannot believe in it.

Bill Vaughan

#7. Here's a guy that when he puts his contacts in, he can see better.

Frank Caliendo

#8. I don't want my thoughts to die with me, I want to have done something. I'm not interested in power, or piles of money. I want to leave something behind. I want to make a positive contribution - know that my life has meaning.

Temple Grandin

#9. I lived in Shetland for a short while in the seventies and have been visiting ever since, so I have lots of useful contacts!

Ann Cleeves

#10. Let us consider what the glorious Virgin endured, and what the holy apostles suffered, and we shall find that they who were nearest to Jesus Christ were the most afflicted.

Teresa Of Avila

#11. Tastes change, Cherie. I find the older I get the more I like to be reminded of my youth.

Samuel Snoek-Brown