Top 32 Harvard Lampoon Quotes
#1. The parody is the last refuge of the frustrated writer. Parodies are what you write when you are associate editor of the Harvard Lampoon. The greater the work of literature, the easier the parody. The step up from writing parodies is writing on the wall above the urinal.
Ernest Hemingway,
#2. All of a sudden, he began to laugh. Had I said something funny? Had he? How long had I been spacing out for, slowly growing conscious that my fate was in the hands of a group of college kids who'd kill me off just for a laugh.
Little did they realize that I was organizing a revolt.
The Harvard Lampoon
#3. Nice one, Catpiss,' he says. That's not my real name. My name is actually Kantkiss. Kantkiss Neverclean.
The Harvard Lampoon
#4. And don't trouble yourself too much if you don't laugh at what you are about to read, for if you perk up your pink little ear, you may hear the silvery tinkling of merriment in the air, far, far away ... It's us, buster. Ching!
The Harvard Lampoon
#5. I was so attracted to him I could have peed myself right there on the spot, but I hadn't done anything like that in a while. I was older now, and harnessed my feelings in moments like these by opening and closing my fists very rapidly.
The Harvard Lampoon
#6. I had a dejected, brooding expression on my face, and I
could tell from the reflection in the window that it was also
an intriguing expression.
The Harvard Lampoon
#7. I'll have AB positive', I told Josh when he returned from the dance floor, 'What's it made of? Apples and Bananas?'
-Belle Goose
The Harvard Lampoon
#8. I decided to use 'Frown Power.' This is where you socially deter people from being bigoted by frowning at their ignorant remarks.
The Harvard Lampoon
#9. I noticed there was garlic above the doorframe. Edwart held a stake in one hand and a 'Team Jacob' shirt in the other.
The Harvard Lampoon
#10. Listen' he whispered ferociously, like a ferocious breeze or a very gentle hurricane.
The Harvard Lampoon
#11. And when I have to step in puddles, he lays himself down in the water so I can walk on his back to avoid getting wet. You know, normal friend stuff.
The Harvard Lampoon
#12. I typed in a single word: Vampre. Google asked, 'Did you mean vampire?' I said, 'Yes.
The Harvard Lampoon
#14. So all this time you thought I was a vampire?' Edwart whispered furiously, pulling me a few inches to the left.
'Sure,' I said, 'you know, the lion falls for the lamb ... '
'What?'
'Sorry. It's easier for me if I explain things in animal terms.
The Harvard Lampoon
#15. I had recently come into the possession of a Thesaurus. You would not believe how many words there are! When I opened that book, I was like, whoa! Word party!
The Harvard Lampoon
#16. The next day was wonderful...and terrible. So, overall, I guess it was okay.
The Harvard Lampoon
#17. I balked. Another vampire? I guess it made sense; the states of the Pacific Northwest were known for their lenient monster laws.
The Harvard Lampoon
#18. How about we walk back? Through the cemetery?' One thing my mom had taught me is that it's difficult to refuse requests made in italics.
The Harvard Lampoon
#19. Suddenly I blurted out. I love you more than everything in the entire galaxy combined into one potent, delicious piece of gum!
The Harvard Lampoon
#20. He made small talk on the way about how he was abandoned as a child and will only rest easy once he is avenged. His name was Tom.
The Harvard Lampoon
#21. Then, suddenly, I remembered the accident, and Edwart's snow-proof body, and his eyes that changed from I-don't-remember to green, and I knew.
The Harvard Lampoon
#22. You're lucky I was on that roof all day. That old man ... he was trying to sell you a Sega product.
The Harvard Lampoon
#23. Businesses may come and go, but religion will last forever, for in no other endeavor does the consumer blame himself for product failure.
The Harvard Lampoon
#24. It suddenly occurred to me that, after all that frolicking in the meadows, he hadn't kissed me. Was it because of the mold that grew in my sinuses?
The Harvard Lampoon
#25. I want to leave all my friends and the sunlight for a small, rainy town.
The Harvard Lampoon
#26. We began to butterfly kiss, which is when you touch your eyelashes to the other person's skin. I was going to respect Edwart's desire to wait, and he was going to respect my desire for winged creatures.
The Harvard Lampoon
#27. They all got really quiet and started to lick their lips, closing in on Lucy. I started to lick my lips, too, because it's one of those subconcious, contagious things like sneezing, but then I stopped because it just isn't worth it if you forgot to bring ChapStick.
The Harvard Lampoon
#28. The two things I look for in a guy is how tall he is and whether or not he's a vampire. Pretty much all my crushes have been one or the other. One guy, actually, was both big and a vampire, but he turned out to be gay.
The Harvard Lampoon
#29. When guys gnash their teeth and knit their brows in a broody, furious expression, it means they have found their soulmate.
The Harvard Lampoon
#30. Germs contagious, contagious alert!
But Edwart and Purell are stronger than dirt!
The Harvard Lampoon
#31. I took the one letter he had for us. It was from the Switchblade Gas & Electric Company. I didn't know I had admirers there too, but I wasn't that surprised. I threw it in the trash with the IRS's love letters and closed the door without reply.
The Harvard Lampoon
#32. I looked over at Edwart. It occurred to me that I had never seen him in direct sunlight. Interestingly enough, I had also never seen him sparkle. Could the two be related?
The Harvard Lampoon
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