Kinky Friedman Quotes

#1. I owe my discovery of the Hot Club of Cowtown to Kinky Friedman, leader of the Texas Jewboys. When I saw that Bob Wills and his Texas Playboys were headlining the 2003 Santa Clarita Cowboy Poetry and Music Festival, I thought it my duty to check out the band that had inspired the Texas Jewboys.

Clive Sinclair

#2. We enjoy talking about music, politics, and subjugation. - Kinky Friedman to Night Rider on KOKE-FM

Ray Palla

#3. Regaring Politics: You've got your cats on one side and your dogs on the other; someone has to walk the fence and feed the animals. - Kinky Friedman

Ray Palla

#4. All my adult life I've been in the practice of giving advice to people who are happier than I am.

Kinky Friedman

#5. Imagination, of course, is the money of childhood

Kinky Friedman

#6. The main health hazard in the world today is people who don't love themselves.

Kinky Friedman

#7. And I'll tell you another thing, you won't find any candidate that supports prayer in school and gay marriage. For that reason alone, people should vote for an independent-thinking person.

Kinky Friedman

#8. Like most of us, I determined that I'd rather be a large part of the problem than a small part of the solution.

Kinky Friedman

#9. Never re-elect anybody

Kinky Friedman

#10. I've always said money may buy you a fine dog, but only love can make it wag its tail.

Kinky Friedman

#11. What has six balls and screws Texans? The Texas Lottery.

Kinky Friedman

#12. No matter where you go, you always see yourself in the rearview mirror.

Kinky Friedman

#13. I was so high, I needed a stepladder to scratch my own ass.

Kinky Friedman

#14. Jerry Jones and Chris Christie are probably the most important latent homosexual relationship since Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson.

Kinky Friedman

#15. The distance between the limousine and the gutter is a short one.

Kinky Friedman

#16. I'm not pro-life, and I'm not pro-choice. I'm pro-football.

Kinky Friedman

#17. I have a better head of hair than Rick Perry; it's just not in a place I can show you.

Kinky Friedman

#18. The folks in Mississippi are saying, 'Thank God for Texas.'

Kinky Friedman

#19. Always respect your superiors, if you have any.

Kinky Friedman

#20. There's a fine line between fiction and non-fiction and I think I snorted it somewhere in 1979

Kinky Friedman

#21. I don't apologize to people with an agenda.

Kinky Friedman

#22. He looked a shade too healthy and nobody likes that. Particularly in New York.

Kinky Friedman

#23. Well, I hate to be the one to take the flyswatter to Tinker Bell, but ...

Kinky Friedman

#24. I rarely meddled in the cat's personal affairs and she rarely meddled in mine. Neither of us was foolish enough to attribute human emotions to our pets.

Kinky Friedman

#25. Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.

Kinky Friedman

#26. I want to fight the wussification of the State of Texas. I want to rise and shine and bring back the glory.

Kinky Friedman

#27. It wasn't a healthy attitude, but it wasn't really a healthy world.

Kinky Friedman

#28. I don't apologize to people who try to intimidate.

Kinky Friedman

#29. A happy childhood ... is the worst possible preparation for life.

Kinky Friedman

#30. Musicians can run this state better than politicians. We won't get a lot done in the mornings, but we'll work late and be honest.

Kinky Friedman

#31. Always beware of people offering you one-time money. That only works in an election year. How are you going to permanently pay for education?

Kinky Friedman

#32. These days, there are many people around the world who listen to the songs that made me infamous and read the books that made me respectable.

Kinky Friedman

#33. We're first on executions. We're 49th in funding public education. We're in a race with Mississippi for the bottom, and we're winning.

Kinky Friedman

#34. This system is really broken. No Child Left Behind has really failed and the only way to solve education is to leave one governor behind.

Kinky Friedman

#35. If you gotta kill two birds, might as well get stoned.

Kinky Friedman

#36. Inspiration thing is important, to teach the kids that JFK is not an airport, RFK's not a stadium, Martin Luther King ain't a street

Kinky Friedman

#37. You have to pretend that your life is a financial pleasure even when your autographs are bouncing.

Kinky Friedman

#38. If you don't love Jesus-go to hell!

Kinky Friedman

#39. Golf is the only opportunity that middle-aged WASPs have to dress up like a pimp.

Kinky Friedman

#40. The good teachers are bailing out. Education is very important ... This should be the centerpiece on the table of Texas.

Kinky Friedman

#41. In six days the Lord created the heavens and the earth and all the wonders therein. There are some of us who feel that He might have taken just a little more time.

Kinky Friedman

#42. A fool and his money are soon elected

Kinky Friedman

#43. May the God of your choice bless and keep you. I respect Him as long as He does not circumcise me anymore.

Kinky Friedman

#44. God created whiskey to keep the Irish from taking over the world.

Kinky Friedman

#45. There are more inspirational people in music than there are in politics.

Kinky Friedman

#46. My plan is to bring back like the Bracero Program (search) from 1944 that ran for 20 years where the Mexican government vets these people. I mean, they pay for it, and they get green cards, and they're actually legitimate. And then seal the border.

Kinky Friedman

#47. We're all worm bait waiting to happen. It's what you do while you wait that matters.

Kinky Friedman

#48. William Bennett is my patron saint, one of them. Redd Foxx is another.

Kinky Friedman

#49. Politics is the only field of human endeavor where the more experience you have, the worse you get.

Kinky Friedman

#50. You never marry the person you first see 'Casablanca' with.

Kinky Friedman

#51. The system is not perfect. Until it's perfect, let's do away with the death penalty.

Kinky Friedman

#52. Whether your destination is heaven or hell, you always have to change planes in Dallas.

Kinky Friedman

#53. I want to be governor [of Texas] because I need the closet space.

Kinky Friedman

#54. We've had to be creative to get on the ballot.

Kinky Friedman

#55. If Raymond Chandler came from the South, his name would be Ace Atkins.

Kinky Friedman

#56. The only currency I value is the coin of the spirit. That's very important in my life.

Kinky Friedman

#57. Finding a cat
or having a cat find you
can change your world as much as marriage, divorce, love, death, or even winning the lottery can, and sometimes more.

Kinky Friedman

#58. It's all very well going around thinking you're a cowboy, until you run into somebody who thinks he's an Indian.

Kinky Friedman

#59. I'm not afraid to live. I'm not afraid to fail. I'm not afraid to succeed. I'm not afraid to fall in love. I'm not afraid to be alone. I'm just afraid I might have to stop talking about myself for five minutes.

Kinky Friedman

#60. The only thing that really differentiates Texas from any other place in the world is the proclivity of its people to urinate outdoors and to attach a certain amount of importance to this popular pastime.

Kinky Friedman

#61. Cuban cigars is a big expense because I do smoke a lot of them, eight to 12 a day, so that would be almost as bad as a cocaine habit, a hundred bucks a day.

Kinky Friedman

#62. I see an issue I like, and I support it.

Kinky Friedman

#63. People are drooling for the truth. They want honesty from politicians, and they're not getting it.

Kinky Friedman

#64. I'll tell you right now. I'm for prayer in school.

Kinky Friedman

#65. Remember, I'm not running against Rick Perry; I'm running against apathy.

Kinky Friedman

#66. This is called "spiritual lifting." It's not heavy lifting. The governor of Texas should not be confused with Arnold Schwarzenegger. That's a powerful position. The governor of Texas can't do any heavy lifting really. It's not that powerful a position.

Kinky Friedman

#67. If you elect me the first Jewish justice of the peace, I'll reduce the speed limits to 54.95!

Kinky Friedman

#68. You've got to find what you love and let it kill you. I don't think any of us should ever forget that.

Kinky Friedman

#69. I just want Texas to be number one in something other than executions, toll roads and property taxes.

Kinky Friedman

#70. How hard can it be?

Kinky Friedman

#71. I believe that Willy Nelson is the hillbilly Dalai Lama.

Kinky Friedman

#72. Seventeen publishers rejected the manuscript, at which time we knew we had something pretty hot.

Kinky Friedman

#73. If you're lookin' for a helpin' hand, try the one at the end of your arm.

Kinky Friedman

#74. I've achieved many of my dreams, and I want to see that some others get a chance to, especially younger Texans.

Kinky Friedman

#75. I even went so far as to become a Southern Baptist for a while, until I realized that they didn't hold 'em under long enough.

Kinky Friedman

#76. I support gay marriage. I believe they have a right to be as miserable as the rest of us.

Kinky Friedman

#77. The art of writing fiction is to sail as dangerously close to the truth as possible without sinking the ship

Kinky Friedman

#78. I'd felt that a man without a woman was like a neck without a pain.

Kinky Friedman

#79. Happiness is a moving target.

Kinky Friedman

#80. I am not anti-death penalty, but I'm damned sure anti-the-wrong-guy-getting-executed.

Kinky Friedman

#81. We were a country band with a social conscience.

Kinky Friedman

#82. You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can't wipe your friends off on a saddle.

Kinky Friedman

#83. The Ten Commandments being taken out of the public schools. I want them back.

Kinky Friedman

#84. The child-teacher relationship is crucial.

Kinky Friedman

#85. You have to work at it if you want to be a good smoker. Especially today with all the non-smoking world constantly harassing you.

Kinky Friedman

#86. There will be a whole new spirit blowing through Texas. There will be a smile on everybody's face and a chill up the spine of every politician.

Kinky Friedman

#87. I don't believe in carrying a weapon. If somebody wants to shoot me, he'll have to bring his own gun.

Kinky Friedman

#88. I'm too young for Medicare and too old for women to care.

Kinky Friedman

#89. If you have the choice between humble and cocky, go with cocky. There's always time to be humble later, once you've been proven horrendously, irrevocably wrong.

Kinky Friedman

#90. He looked like an accountant or a serial-killer type. Definitely one of the service industries.

Kinky Friedman

#91. Well, I just said that Jesus and I were both Jewish and that neither of us ever had a job, we never had a home, we never married and we traveled around the countryside irritating people.

Kinky Friedman

#92. If Willie Nelson had been Rosa Parks, there never would have been a civil rights movement in this country, because he refuses to leave the back of the bus.

Kinky Friedman

#93. We've got to clear some of the room out of the prisons so we can put the bad guys in there, like the pedophiles and the politicians.

Kinky Friedman

#94. How can you look at the Texas legislature and still believe in intelligent design?

Kinky Friedman

#95. We're going to make that Lone Star shine again

Kinky Friedman

#96. Man's ability to delude himself is infinite.

Kinky Friedman

#97. The first thing I'll do if elected is demand a recount.

Kinky Friedman

#98. When you have a cat you assume certain responsibilities that, in a spiritual sense, transcend those of a marital or a business relationship.

Kinky Friedman

#99. Remember: Y'all is singular. All y'all is plural. All y'all's is plural possessive.

Kinky Friedman

#100. Every time you see a beautiful woman, just remember, somebody else got tired of her shit

Kinky Friedman