Top 47 Jesus Probably Quotes
#1. First she got Jesus, probably fifteen years ago, and that didn't work out, so she tried Scientology, and that didn't help, but it cost a lot of money, so she tried Buddhism and yoga, and those didn't work, so she started drinking. I think that helped, because she's still drinking.
John Sandford
#2. I said old Jesus probably would've puked if He could see it - all those fancy costumes and all. Sally said I was a sacrilegious atheist. I probably am. The thing Jesus really would've liked would be the guy who plays the kettle drums in the orchestra.
J.D. Salinger
#3. As a matter of fact, you know, Jesus probably would be, except for one or two issues, a liberal Democrat if he were around today.
Bernard Goldberg
#5. What I love to say when people ask me about being a Christian, I always say, 'Christians aren't perfect.' They're probably some of the worst people on the planet. They just know that they need Jesus. That's the only difference.
Yvette Nicole Brown
#6. Even the disciples of Jesus all fled from their master's cross. Christians who do not have the feeling that they must flee the crucified Christ have probably not yet understood him in a sufficiently radical way.
Jurgen Moltmann
#8. We will probably have to pay a price for devoting our lives to building the kingdom of God. Jesus did.
Bill Hybels
#9. The Manifestation of your dream is probably right around the corner, that is why the devil is working overtime on you trying to make you give up.
Joe Joe Dawson
#10. Teachers were both blamed for everything that went wrong with kids and turned to for their every salvation. This dual role of scapegoat and savior was downright messianic but even Jesus was probably paid better.
Lionel Shriver
#11. Religion kept some of my relatives alive, because it was all they had. If they hadn't had some hope of heaven, some companionship in Jesus, they probably would have committed suicide, their lives were so hellish.
Octavia Butler
#12. I like when people wear a WWJD bracelet, because it's like an example of the first thing Jesus wouldn't do, probably.
Demetri Martin
#14. Put his stamp on me?" Dee frowned. "It was a kiss, not a stamp. Jesus, do I have 'Ryder's Property' stamped on my forehead?" "Check your throat. Apparently he had his tongue down it, so it's probably there.
Angela Verdenius
#15. His eyes went again to the crucifix above his head, reflected in the mirror. The strained arms, the arched spine. All that effort to open the gates of heaven for us and we (he thought) probably spend out first hours among the heavenly hosts settling old scores with relatives.
Alice McDermott
#16. If Jesus were living in our culture, he would probably hang out in coffeehouses.
Mark Batterson
#17. It just makes me wonder what subject you blame for talking to me every night.'
I'm still settling on an answer for that one. Probably Chemistry.
Jesus Christ. I can't believe I just wrote that.
Megan McCafferty
#18. How long we talking?" Sacks asks. "We're closer to three years than we are over two now," Katie blabs. "Jesus, Mary, and Joseph," Candy says. "Talk about blue lady balls," Sacks joins in. "There's probably cobwebs up in your shit," Louise commiserates.
Jordan Marie
#19. One time, a Protestant minister said, "We made Jesus blonde haired and blue eyed and very cute. We made Jesus somehow a much more feminine figure." And there's probably truth to that.
Richard Rohr
#20. I know by experience that Jesus Christ is a very powerful spirit - I know by experience that he is probably the most powerful spirit in the universe. I know by experience he is not a mere human being. He is something beyond that.
Frederica Mathewes-Green
#21. It is really appropriate to call Jesus the word because God spoke him into existence through dozens probably a hundred different people over a four thousand year period of time. The Holy Spirit took these words and impregnated Mary.
Andrew Wommack
#22. Daisy looked up at him with the kind of expression that Jesus might have given someone who had just explained that he was probably allergic to bread and fishes, so could He possibly do him a quick chicken salad ...
Neil Gaiman
#23. It was probably in third grade - I had a super-fake gold herringbone chain. Yeah man, it was, like, super fake. I don't remember if it was my mom's or how I got it, but ever since then, I've loved chains. The first real chain I got was from Kanye. It was a Jacob the Jeweler Kanye West Jesus piece.
Big Sean
#24. If he'd [Jesus] been a little more concerned for his own safety and well being he may have toned things down a little bit and probably at best he'd be remembered as a Rabbi who said some cool things but that nobody really reads anymore. There's tons of them.
Brad Warner
#25. They probably would've taken Jesus if he hadn't been nailed down.
Kinky Friedman
#26. I started performing opera when I was 10 years old. I didn't perform as Zola Jesus until I was probably 18.
Zola Jesus
#27. I think they probably got it on, Jesus and Mary Magdalene.
Madonna Ciccone
#28. You're giving me two choices, and I'm choosing Donald Trump over Hillary Clinton. I would choose Jesus over Donald Trump, probably. But you're just giving me two choices.
Anthony Scaramucci
#29. Probably the label 'Jesus freak' is fine with me. Because I know who I am.
Troy Polamalu
#30. Probably the greatest need in the Church today is a body of men who are absolutely devoted, every selfish purpose and plan given up, to the one great end of magnifying the Lord Jesus Christ in the midst of the nation.
Wilbur Moorehead Smith
#31. I think if Jesus came for the first time, and he was 33 1/2 years old and hung out with these guys, where would he be? They'd probably be at a coffee bar getting a latte or something.
Michael W. Smith
#32. Jesus, how much stuff can one girl carry around in here?" he asked, waving a tampon. "Got your friend, huh? This is probably a good deterrent. Try waving it in the air if you run into trouble. Nobody will mess with your shit. Believe me.
Cassie Alexandra
#33. This hideous doctrine of eternal torment after death has probably caused more terror and misery, more cruelty and more violation of natural human sympathy, than any belief in the history of mankind. Yet this doctrine was taught unambiguously by Jesus.
Margaret E. Knight
#34. I wouldn't say I'm bigger than Jesus. If I had to guess, I'd say probably, yeah, but as far as I know, the bible is never clear on this.
Zach Braff
#35. My biography of Jesus is probably the first popular biography that does not use the New Testament as its primary source material.
Reza Aslan
#36. I just want to say, that if Jesus were alive, what would he be doing? Well, he would probably be accepting and loving people how they're made. And I always say this and it's really the truth. If being 4'11 was a sin, what would I do? Well, I could wear heels and I could add a wig.
Kristin Chenoweth
#37. I would like to ask you a question: how many of you pray to the Holy Spirit every day? Probably few, but we must satisfy this desire of Jesus and pray every day to the Holy Spirit, so that he opens our heart towards Jesus.
Pope Francis
#38. The way he was playing, he probably could have scored on Jesus.
Mo Williams
#39. But only two people known by name were also called "Son of God." One was the Roman emperor - starting with Octavian, or Caesar Augustus - and the other was Jesus. This is probably not an accident. When Jesus came on the scene as a divine man, he and the emperor were in competition.
Bart D. Ehrman
#40. Jesus, all this thinking about my feelings and hers was probably going to give me a period.
Jennifer L. Armentrout
#41. Jesus must make decisions on his own, choices that probably seem confusing, and, in this case, offensive to those around him. This is often true of all of us when we make truly free decisions.
James Martin
#42. Jesus Christ to me, is probably the most compassionate and revolutionary thinker of all time.
Scott Fujita
#43. There's an article about Chicago closing dozens of schools and I should probably read it because it seems important and relevant - but to be honest, the headline about the professor in Florida telling students to 'stomp on Jesus' has really got my attention.
Tucker Elliot
#44. The first miracle Jesus performed was instant winemaking. No wonder people loved Him! He probably received a bunch of wedding invitations after that one.
Dillon Burroughs
#45. Cheesecake. Are you shitting me? Who invented that? Probably Jesus of Nazareth. Or maybe Louis Pasteur. It makes me physically sick to think that Barack Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize, yet the name of the inventor of cheesecake isn't tattooed on Dick Cheney's face.
Rob Delaney
#46. I remember watching Robert Powell many years ago. He did 'Jesus of Nazareth,' and I remember thinking that was probably my favorite. Once I got the role, I didn't want to watch anything, because it only influences what you do.
Juan Pablo Di Pace
#47. What if reincarnation really happens, and Jesus were reincarnated, & you were a total d*ck to him? It could happen. You should probably treat everyone like they were Jesus reincarnated.
Ingrid Weir
