Humorous Sarcasm Quotes

#1. I am engaged in answering that Italian buffoon, Mazotti, whose views upon the larval development of the tropical termites have excited my derision and contempt ...

Arthur Conan Doyle

#2. A man doesn't like to have his ego popped, especially when he prides himself on his sagacity, and then to be proved wrong by a man who claims he doesn't know anything.

E.A. Bucchianeri

#3. Miss Green can call a turd a rose if she wants, but that don't mean people's going to be lining up to smell it.

K. Martin Beckner

#4. While the man is putting on it's shoes, the woman can buy dozens of high heels.

Ljupka Cvetanova

#5. An absence of antecedents and of relatives is sometimes an aid rather than an impediment to social advancement ...

Arthur Conan Doyle

#6. I have my own views about Nature's methods, though I feel that it is rather like a beetle giving his

Arthur Conan Doyle

#7. The less experienced a doctor is, the higher are his notions of professional dignity ...

Arthur Conan Doyle

#8. How many kids are in the Graveyard?"
"A bunch."
"Who sends your supplies?"
"George Washington. Or is it Abraham Lincoln? I forget."
"How often do you receive new arrivals?"
"About as often as you beat your wife.

Neal Shusterman

#9. Might I trouble you to open the window, for chloroform vapour does not help the palate.

Arthur Conan Doyle

#10. I feel that there is reason lurking in you somewhere, so we will patiently grope round for it.

Arthur Conan Doyle

#11. He had never seen a woman doctor before, and his whole conservative soul rose up in revolt at the idea. He could not recall any biblical injunction that the man should remain ever the doctor and the woman the nurse, and yet he felt as if a blasphemy had been committed.

Arthur Conan Doyle

#12. I bet she thought she was getting into a fight with a vanilla wafer on roller skates but little did she know she was getting into a fight with a spider sandwich.

Andrea Portes

#13. She said yes. If only she didn't talk so much!

Ljupka Cvetanova

#14. That's a good attitude. You should hate me more, curse me more, and detest me! Then you should take the power of that hatred and use it to survive this rotten world.

Hideaki Sorachi

#15. You're about as delicate as an AK-47.

Jill Hathaway

#16. Brothers are a blessing for one thing. There is no possibility of any young lady getting unreasonably conceited if she be endowed with them.

Arthur Conan Doyle

#17. Big people never scare me. I am a little man. I can easily hide.

Ljupka Cvetanova

#18. I think you want a little unofficial help. Three undetected murders in one year won't do, Lestrade. But you handled the Molesey Mystery with less than your usual - that's to say, you handled it fairly well.

Arthur Conan Doyle

#19. I watched you undress. Shame on you!

Ljupka Cvetanova

#20. There seems to me to be absolutely no limit to the inanity and credulity of the human race. Homo Sapiens! Homo idioticus!

Arthur Conan Doyle

#21. Men weigh love with hands.

Ljupka Cvetanova

#22. One dumb-bell, Watson! Consider an athlete with one dumb-bell. Picture to yourself the unilateral development - the imminent danger of a spinal curvature. Shocking, Watson, shocking!

Arthur Conan Doyle

#23. "I have seen those symptoms before," said Holmes, throwing his cigarette into the fire. "Oscillation upon the pavement always means an affaire de coeur."

Arthur Conan Doyle

#24. I have a headache. If only I had a crown to put on!

Ljupka Cvetanova

#25. I forgot my purse of laughter when I dressed this mornin'," she told me. "Have you not bought anythin' the last few days? Prices have gone up. Pay or starve, it's all one to me.

Tamora Pierce

#26. Sometimes we know people who are
too wonderful for words. I am not one of them.
Or you, for that matter, as you well know.

Michael Hogan

#27. They were all on his side. Hi boat sank.

Ljupka Cvetanova

#28. I will take all my rights! Can you deliver them to my house?

Ljupka Cvetanova

#29. Well, sir, let us do what we can to curtail this visit, which can hardly be agreeable to you, and is inexpressibly irksome to me.

Arthur Conan Doyle

#30. A painting is worth a thousand confused art-gallery visitors.

Ljupka Cvetanova

#31. The sky was of the deepest blue, with a few white, fleecy clouds drifting lazily across it, and the air was filled with the low drone of insects or with a sudden sharper note as bee or bluefly shot past with its quivering, long-drawn hum, like an insect tuning-fork.

Arthur Conan Doyle

#32. The sun came out the next day, which it had no right to do.

Maggie Hall

#33. Some of us are looking at the stars, but all of us are living in the gutter.

Vann Chow