Humor Taxes Quotes

#1. I believe that style is the only real luxury,that is really desirable

Giorgio Armani

#2. I've had these demons for years, maybe for my whole life. Then you came along to provoke them, expose them, and eventually rid me of them, because I believe you're the only human that can.

Crystal Woods

#3. Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks.

Bauvard

#4. Wouldn't you like to make sure all those millions you give to Uncle Sam went to schools and hospitals instead of nuclear warheads?'
As a matter of fact, he would. Playgrounds for big kids, preschool programs to little ones, and mandatory LASIK surgery for NFL refs.

Susan Elizabeth Phillips

#5. The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.

Mark Twain

#6. Then there was the man who declared in court, he wasn't a person. "Excuse me, sir, why haven't you paid your taxes." "Well, as you can clearly see, I am not a person." "Well, you look like a person." "No it's all done with mirrors, trust me!"

Lewis Black

#7. More than ever before, Americans are suffering from back problems, back taxes, back rent, back auto payments.

Robert Orben

#8. Buttercup's mother whirled on him. 'Did you forget to pay your taxes?' (This was after taxes. But everything is after taxes. Taxes were here even before stew.)

William Goldman

#9. Men live their lives trapped in an eternal present, between the mists of memory and the sea of shadow that is all we know of the days to come.

George R R Martin

#10. He was getting to the point that he didn't understand why tax attorneys didn't just kill themselves.

Orson Scott Card

#11. Death, taxes and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them.

Margaret Mitchell

#12. autopsy results?" "Natural causes," Cooper said. "Mrs. Owen was very ill and had a heart attack." Riley nodded. "Consistent with our findings." Lamond

Pamela Callow

#13. There is the sudden. There is the eventual. And in between, there is the living.

David Levithan

#14. They didn't agree on everything. They didn't share all the same opinions. In fact, there was enormous scope for disagreement, argument, even quarrels. But where it mattered - where the wellsprings of their personalities rose and gave meaning to their lives - they were the same.

David Weber

#15. A therapist might suggest my generosity is a way of buying affection. But buying people's love has never been an issue for me. Generally speaking, I don't want their love.

Julie Burchill

#16. I can be a little obsessive about avoiding colds and flu. Thera Zinc Echinacea lozenges are awesome, and I almost always have some with me.

Murray Bartlett

#17. We knew we were doomed. The kiss was a warm acceptance of years of bickering, years of me consuming foods that I found barely edible and Henry tidying up after someone who already thought she had tidied up. When I kissed Henry I wasn't imagining Ex-boyfriend #13; I was picturing Husband #1.

Lisa Lutz

#18. I believe in 'Positives' not Negatives the only thing about Alcohol I'm Powerless over is those Damn Taxes

Stanley Victor Paskavich

#19. Death and taxes are the only two certainties in life, as Mark Twain once said. Or was it Benjamin Franklin?

Stephen Leather

#20. Never thought I'd see the day when Death was denied. That leaves taxes as the only certainty.

Piers Anthony

#21. He was conservative, especially on the abortion issue, and he was death on taxes; on the other hand, he had a Clintonesque attitude about women, and even a sense of humor about his own peccadilloes.

John Sandford

#22. The heaviest burden that one has to bear in this life is the burden of delaying too long before putting the fruit in the Jell-O so it's too firm and the chunks just sit on top.

Harold B. Lee

#23. A man is what he does with his attention and mine is not for sale.

John Ciardi

#24. Americans would not mind higher taxes if they were wrapped in bacon

Todd Davis

#25. He's spending a year dead for tax reasons.

Douglas Adams

#26. The stock market is a financial redistribution system. It takes money away from those who have no patience and gives it to those who have." - Warren Buffet

John F. Demartini

#27. A shudder ran through her from head to foot when she found that the thread was actually taking her into the hole out of which the stream ran.

George MacDonald

#28. When I was young, I spent my days and nights trying to impress future generations. I spent them. They're gone. All because I was deathly afraid of being forgotten. And then came the regret. The worst things of all worst things.

Miguel Syjuco