Humor Banter Quotes

#1. I am still not used to being the possessor of such a grand title. I believe I shall have to start wearing a purple satin turban and carrying a lorgnette.

Mary Balogh

#2. Is it white wine? Red tastes like vinegar.'

'Of course it's white wine, I'm Japanese.

Natasha Pulley

#3. Fuck you!" "Right here?" He crossed his arms. "That definitely wouldn't help your getting over me.

Stacey Marie Brown

#4. What is that *smell*?"
Eliot shook his head. "I keep telling you, it's fresh air.

Keith R.A. DeCandido

#5. Neil Mars?! I could blame him for having killer looks but he could not be faulted for this. He couldn't have chosen that name for himself. No wonder he tortures his Mom by calling her by her name.

Rucy Ban

#6. Oh God, Oh God we're all gonna die doesn't really fit the definition of banter, now does it?

Lilith Saintcrow

#7. I'll give you a cake if you get him in the stream by the end of the afternoon,' Mori said to Six.

'Hold on,' Thaniel said. 'No making criminals of the orphans, Fagin.'

'But I want some cake,' Six frowned. 'And his name isn't Fagin.

Natasha Pulley

#8. I know what party you're talking about. I might have to swing through. Especially if you're going to be there in a costume." He winked and leaned back in his seat.
"I'm going as a homeless person."
"Sexy.

Chanelle Gray

#9. -it's the d-isomer of a compound, the name of which won't mean anything to you-
-oh, yeah? how do you know it won't mean nothing to me?
-three-methoxy-n-methylmorphinan
-you're right. don't mean a dam thing to me

Patricia Cornwell

#10. Well,' Frederick had said, 'I will see what can be arranged, Archie. But I will not have the girl frightened or compromised.'
'You sound like a grandfather who has raised fifteen daughters and is now starting on his granddaughters, Freddie,' Lord Archibald had said. 'It is most disconcerting.

Mary Balogh

#11. Nobody wants a house in Osaka,' he said, and it was strange to hear him switch suddenly to foreign pronunciation in the middle of his English. 'It would mean you had to live in Osaka.'

'What's wrong with it?'

'It's like . . . Birmingham.

Natasha Pulley

#12. His gaze settled on her mouth. "Have you been kissed before, inspector?"
"Why?" If he wanted virgin lips, she'd claim to have serviced an army.
"If it's your first, I'll do it differently."
"You won't do it at all."
"Yes, I will.

Meljean Brook

#13. Quick, Derek, it's your chance to shine," Ascanio said.
Derek gave him a withering look.
"Desandra is a mother, Robert is married, Kate's affianced, and I'm an old soul. You're the closest thing to a virgin we've got. Get on with growing some flowing locks.

Ilona Andrews

#14. What's that?' Thaniel said, curious. The postmarks and stamps weren't English or Japanese.

'A painting. There's a depressed Dutchman who does countryside scenes and flowers and things. It's ugly, but I have to maintain the estates in Japan and modern art is a good investment.

Natasha Pulley

#15. I'm a Buddhist. You might have a Christian obligation to catch pneumonia while you sit for two and a half hours listening to some twerp in a dress drone on about the virtue of wedded life but, dear as you are to me, I don't.

Natasha Pulley

#16. One of my favorite things about 'Star Trek' wasn't just the overt banter but the humor in that show about the relationships between the main characters and their reactions to the situations they would face; there was a lot of comedy in that show without ever breaking its reality.

J.J. Abrams

#17. You think batting your lashes is going to get you out of this?"

"Of course not. You're a married man, detective.

M. Kane

#18. I quite enjoy the banter actually. I mean, you don't meet many females who can come back at you as fast as you can throw it out at them. I prefer a more graphic dialogue as a forerunner to sex though: if they have the guts to spell it out for me in glorious Technicolor that always gets my interest.

Poppet

#19. Needle in a haystack's easy - just bring a magnet."
Eliot stared witheringly at Hardison. "You take the poetry out of everything."
"Says the man who'd just punch the haystack.

Keith R.A. DeCandido

#20. How about I call you when I finish this?"
"But you don't even have my phone number," he said.
"I strongly suspect you write it in the book.

John Green

#21. Horrible sense of humor?" Hunter's eyes twinkled as he engaged in our banter. "Compared to your one-word witticisms, I'm a fountain of entertainment.

Katherine McIntyre

#22. I just want mind-boggling sex tonight, but I don't think you can beat my vibrator.

Anna Bayes

#23. Lydia: What the devil do you mean by creeping up on me? You're suppose to be in a brothel.
Vere: I lied. I can't believe you fell for the old going-to-a-brothel ruse. You didn't even look out the window to make sure I'd gone away.

Loretta Chase

#24. His friend laughed. 'You missed your calling, Freddie,' he said. 'You should have been one of the aforementioned clergy. Is this what marriage does to you? One shudders at the very idea.

Mary Balogh

#25. Is that an invitation?"
"I suppose it is."
"Good." Cade's voice dropped lower, adding one last thing before hanging up. "And tell your friend in the striped shirt that he's in my seat.

Julie James

#26. I was incapable of producing
anything coherent at the moment so
rather than throwing out some witty
banter in response I said something like
"Ohgaahaad" instead. Feel free to quote
me.

N.M. Silber

#27. I do not think you are in any danger of starving," Maximus said. "The surgeon said only two weeks ago that you are too fat."
"The devil!" Berkley said indignantly, sitting up; and Maximus snorted in amusement at having provoked him.

Naomi Novik

#28. That easy, confident grin returned. "Don't worry, it's easily forgotten."
"Well," I said huffily, "it shouldn't be that easily forgotten."
"Would you like it better if I say I'll eventually forget it but not without a great deal of struggle and torment?"
"Yes."
"Done.

Richelle Mead

#29. Just get up. What's your name, kid?"
"G-man"
"I don't mean your codename down at the Dickhead Club. What does it say on your driver's license?

Tad Williams

#30. As a gentleman- assuming you still have some pretensions in that direction- of honor- again, perhaps presumptuous, but still supposing your passing acquaintance with the concept- it is your duty- I won't even trouble to speculate here, but remain naively hopeful- to protect those under your care.

Connie Brockway

#31. Jesus."

"I thought you were Jewish."

He pressed his lips together for a second before looking at me. "Fine. I'll say Moses. Or Abraham. Happy?"

"I doubt Jesus is.

M. Kane

#32. I would love a sandwich,' said Tybalt, with enough gravity to make it sound like a formal proclamation. Resolved: that we will have ham and cheese sandwiches.

Seanan McGuire

#33. Her name is Brienne," Jaime said. "Brienne, the maid of Tarth. You are still maiden, I hope?"
Her broad homely face turned red. "Yes."
"Oh, good," Jaime said. "I only rescue maidens.

George R R Martin

#34. You need to own your feelings. Get more comfortable expressing yourself."
"How about I express you out the nearest window?

Greg Cox