Top 32 Hilarious Humour Quotes
#1. I acknowledge that I can control only myself. I can't control how another person acts or reacts.
Lysa TerKeurst
#2. Rather than someone that i can't take my eyes off, I want to find someone that I can't take my heart off
Tablo
#3. I'm twenty-four, a first grade teacher, have a Yorkie named Pedro, a goldfish named Fish, have never had sex, or a serious boyfriend, and I'm the town lesbian who pukes when she sees a pussy. Nothing really to be jealous of at all.
H.J. Bellus
#4. give a reason for people to believe in what you stand for.
John Baldoni
#6. If you want to know what the camel stole from your kitchen yesterday, then you shouldn;t slit open its stomach. You should stare into its arsehole.
Jussi Adler-Olsen
#7. She looks me dead in the face and says, "The safe word is going to be 'immigration,' because you know I'll stop it.
Kayti McGee
#8. Life sometimes confuses us by making us discover in someone we hate a quality or qualities we love.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
#9. I've always been a monster,' Scapegrace told her, 'but now, finally, my physical for reflects my inner darkness.'
'You smell terrible.'
'That's the smell of evil.'
'It's like rancid meat and bad eggs.'
'Evil, Scapegrace insisted.
Derek Landy
#10. All I want is for my kids to have a good sense of humour. They don't have to be funny, just need to be able to recognise how hilarious I am.
Ade Bozzay
#11. When you exclude anything that is improbable, whatever is left, is not as hilarious.
Oleg Medvedkov
#12. Unbeknown to us, some of the people who we hope are missing us wherever they are do miss us; some miss someone else; and some are dead.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
#13. Many a man was caused to perish by something that he and many men cherish.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
#14. Toting around a full orchestra on tour is very ambitious. I would consider doing a show now and then, like do a show at Radio City or Carnegie Hall with a full orchestra.
Vanessa Carlton
#15. Science can make the legs of a dead frog dance by running electricity through them. But that doesn't mean dead frogs like to dance.
Carlos Hernandez
#16. Which college?'
'Hmm?'
'Which college do you go to?'
Fletcher nodded. 'Yes.'
'I'm sorry?'
'Oh,' Fletcher said, and laughed.
Valkyrie's parents looked at Fletcher in near bewilderment. Fletcher looked back at them in total bewilderment. Valkyrie shook her head.
Derek Landy
#17. It's a funny world, Hobbes."
"True."
"But it's not a hilarious world. ... unless you like sick humour."
"The world is probably funnier to people who don't live here.
Bill Watterson
#18. Sir,"she said,"you are no gentleman!"
An apt observation,"he answered airily."And, you, Miss, are no lady.
Margaret Mitchell
#19. God gives life and he takes life. Everybody who dies, dies because God wills that they die.
John Piper
#20. Words are both my vocation and my avocation - reading, writing, editing, teaching.
Christina Baker Kline
#21. In the '90s it was irrational exuberance. Now it may be irrational doom and gloom.
Robert Reich
#24. He liked murder. Murder and long walks had been two of his favorite things when he was younger.
Derek Landy
#25. Skul-man!' he exclaimed as he rushed forward to shake his hand. 'Last I heard you were trapped on a dead world overrun by evil trans-dimensional superfiends!'
Skulduggery nodded. 'Just got back.
Derek Landy
#26. Hmmm ... that's interesting."
"What?"
"There seems to be a gentleman walking towards us with a shotgun.
Derek Landy
#27. If flatness were funny, a dinner plate would be hilarious.
Walter Moers
#28. Please don't arrest me."
"Listen to me, I'm not going to arrest you, ok? I'm not a cop."
"Are you sure?"
"Am I sure I'm not a cop? yes, I'm sure."
"You could be undercover.
Derek Landy
#29. Just a few questions for you, Mr. Dunne. Or Kenny. Can I call you Kenny? I feel we've become friends in these past few seconds. Can I call you Kenny?
Derek Landy
#30. That is my rule of life. If fate means you to lose, give him a good fight anyhow. Do you remember Henley's magnificent lines?
'Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.' ?
That is my gospel. What do you think of it?
William McFee
#31. L shot Maki a disappointed look. But soon he forgot everything when Misa Amane appeared onstage. Enraptured he began to cheer with the girls in black lace and frilly skirts.
Tsugumi Ohba
#32. Like a lot of people, I've always enjoyed commenting on strangers' outfits. Unlike a lot of people, I now had a new megaphone to do it with. And, let me tell you, commenting on people's hilarious clothing choices through a megaphone makes it so much better.
Demetri Martin
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