Top 15 Funny Ticket Quotes
#1. I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.
Steven Wright
#2. Man is a rebel, and a rebel is naturally in confusion. He is in conflict with every other rebel. For a rebel by his very nature is selfish. He is seeking his own good and not the good of others.
Billy Graham
#3. Sunday is Senior Citizens' Day. And if you want to become a senior citizen, just call the Padre ticket office.
Jerry Coleman
#4. Deciding whether to trust or credit a person is always an uncertain task.
Aldrich Ames
#6. Jehovah's Witness? Don't sweat it. I'm going to hell, already booked my ticket. Bright side? I'm pagan. Your hell is my heaven ... if for no other reason than you won't be there.
Dennis Sharpe
#7. When a female cop pull you over for speeding, to get out of the ticket, talk nice to her, try to flirt or start crying, i bet she will save the ticket for you.
Werley Nortreus
#8. He who cannot withal keep his mind to himself cannot practice any considerable thing whatsoever.
Thomas Carlyle
#9. I'm inspired to do music. I really can't stop unless I stop being inspired.
Ziggy Marley
#10. Thane gazed down at her, his entire world tipped on its axis. He'd never seen anything more miraculous than what he'd just witnessed. He'd never seen anything so beautiful.
Can I keep you? The words raced through his mind, a thought - and a nearly undeniable compulsion.
Keep you.
Heather Killough-Walden
#11. I bought a scratch off lottery ticket, but then I accidentally spilled calamine lotion on it, so it did not need to be scratched. Shoot! I will not know if I have won!
Mitch Hedberg
#12. I always thought it was funny that my grandparents had bought a ticket to New York and ended up in Glasgow.
Peter Capaldi
#13. There's nothing funny about, 'Yeah, I took a First Class plane ticket and I went to some designer beach and made out with a Laotian slave girl.' Who cares?
Henry Rollins
#14. Funny songs, that's my ticket. I can't remember when it started or why it started, it's just something that I NEEDED.
Jack Black
#15. Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami." She said, "We can't do that!" I told her, "You did it last week!"
Henny Youngman
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