Top 15 Funny Ticket Quotes

#1. I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.

Steven Wright

Funny Ticket Quotes #140056
#2. Man is a rebel, and a rebel is naturally in confusion. He is in conflict with every other rebel. For a rebel by his very nature is selfish. He is seeking his own good and not the good of others.

Billy Graham

Funny Ticket Quotes #430282
#3. Sunday is Senior Citizens' Day. And if you want to become a senior citizen, just call the Padre ticket office.

Jerry Coleman

Funny Ticket Quotes #489893
#4. Deciding whether to trust or credit a person is always an uncertain task.

Aldrich Ames

Funny Ticket Quotes #561022
#5. It's necessary to use suffering. Otherwise, one is used by it.

Natalie Clifford Barney

Funny Ticket Quotes #644170
#6. Jehovah's Witness? Don't sweat it. I'm going to hell, already booked my ticket. Bright side? I'm pagan. Your hell is my heaven ... if for no other reason than you won't be there.

Dennis Sharpe

Funny Ticket Quotes #956908
#7. When a female cop pull you over for speeding, to get out of the ticket, talk nice to her, try to flirt or start crying, i bet she will save the ticket for you.

Werley Nortreus

Funny Ticket Quotes #987043
#8. He who cannot withal keep his mind to himself cannot practice any considerable thing whatsoever.

Thomas Carlyle

Funny Ticket Quotes #1124610
#9. I'm inspired to do music. I really can't stop unless I stop being inspired.

Ziggy Marley

Funny Ticket Quotes #1222549
#10. Thane gazed down at her, his entire world tipped on its axis. He'd never seen anything more miraculous than what he'd just witnessed. He'd never seen anything so beautiful.
Can I keep you? The words raced through his mind, a thought - and a nearly undeniable compulsion.
Keep you.

Heather Killough-Walden

Funny Ticket Quotes #1415148
#11. I bought a scratch off lottery ticket, but then I accidentally spilled calamine lotion on it, so it did not need to be scratched. Shoot! I will not know if I have won!

Mitch Hedberg

Funny Ticket Quotes #1464672
#12. I always thought it was funny that my grandparents had bought a ticket to New York and ended up in Glasgow.

Peter Capaldi

Funny Ticket Quotes #1529733
#13. There's nothing funny about, 'Yeah, I took a First Class plane ticket and I went to some designer beach and made out with a Laotian slave girl.' Who cares?

Henry Rollins

Funny Ticket Quotes #1593061
#14. Funny songs, that's my ticket. I can't remember when it started or why it started, it's just something that I NEEDED.

Jack Black

Funny Ticket Quotes #1832011
#15. Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami." She said, "We can't do that!" I told her, "You did it last week!"

Henny Youngman

Funny Ticket Quotes #1868182

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