Top 100 Foxworthy's Quotes

#1. Nothing in life prepares you to be famous.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #7752
#2. You might be a redneck if the hood and one door are a different color from the rest of your car.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #8009
#3. You might be a redneck if when you run out of gas, you put gin in the gas tank.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #13114
#4. My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #13131
#5. I've got nothing against tattoos. I don't have one myself. If I did, it would be right there next to my watch. It would say Your wife's birthday is August 2nd, your anniversary is September 18th, don't let Ron White drive your car again.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #19489
#6. You might be a redneck if you had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #38268
#7. You might be a redneck if in an effort to watch your cholesterol, you eat Spam Lite.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #41922
#8. You might be a redneck if your good deed for the month was hiding your brother for a few days.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #50774
#9. I never thought I would do a game show, but now I guess I'm now officially in that genre.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #51602
#10. You might be a redneck if you consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #52657
#11. If your thighs look like the hood of a white Toyota minivan after a hailstorm, you aren't juicy.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #52681
#12. You might be a redneck if your dogs name is Miller Light

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #59276
#13. I've been to all 50 states, and traveled this whole country, and 90 percent of the people are good folks. The rest of them take after the other side of the family.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #65073
#14. I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #66214
#15. You might be a redneck if ... the blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #70458
#16. You might be a redneck if you can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #74097
#17. You don't get married to get sex. Getting married to get sex is like buying a 747 to get free peanuts.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #81454
#18. I've gotten to the point I won't even watch the 11 o'clock news. You just walk away from it thinking how bad everything is.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #101772
#19. It seems like movies that have heart to them always do well, and they find their audience.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #110499
#20. I turned down a movie this summer because it was nine weeks in Vancouver and my oldest daughter is 14. I've got four more summers with her. I'm not giving away nine weeks of her summer to go do a silly movie.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #111812
#21. You might be a redneck if your sophisticated show-biz cousin is a rodeo clown.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #132019
#22. You might be a redneck if your birth announcement included the word rug rat.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #142339
#23. You might be a redneck if every electrical outlet in your house is a fire hazard.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #144249
#24. You might be a redneck if you have to go outside to get something out of the fridge.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #149599
#25. If you think a quaterhorse is that ride in front of Kmart.. You might be a rednneck

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #151881
#26. I actually had a chance to be in Delta Farce, but I couldn't do it because I read the script.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #152440
#27. You might be a redneck if it's easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #154322
#28. You might be a redneck if you're moved to tears every time you hear Dolly Parton singing I Will Always Love You.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #172683
#29. How is a redneck divorce similar to a tornado?
You know that somewhere, somehow, someone is gonna lose a trailer.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #174888
#30. You might be a redneck if your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #177148
#31. You might be a redneck if your daughter's Barbie's Dream House has a clothesline in the front yard.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #177880
#32. You might be a redneck if you grow Vidalia onions, rather than considering them a gourmet item.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #182658
#33. What I hated was doing what somebody in LA thought Jeff Foxworthy ought to do.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #187076
#34. If you don't have anything good to say about someone, you must be talking about Hillary Clinton.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #188993
#35. Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #198385
#36. We're a heart attack away from losing the right to bear arms.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #199329
#37. You might be a redneck if ... you've been on TV more than times describing the sound of a tornado.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #208094
#38. You might be a redneck if your grandmother has ever been asked to leave a bingo game because of her language.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #208321
#39. If you think fast food is hittin a deer att 65 miles per hr..
you might be a redneck

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #209944
#40. I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I'd spent about half the day in the woods.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #210381
#41. If your working television sits on top of your non-working television, you might be a redneck.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #214784
#42. You might be a redneck if your most expensive shoes have numbers on the heels.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #216582
#43. If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and
road construction, you may live in Canada

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #222625
#44. You might be a redneck if your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #225031
#45. Nowadays you can't even spank your kids. No, gotta give 'em a time out. My dad would take time out of his busy day ... to whip our ass.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #236117
#46. You might be a redneck if your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #239708
#47. You might be a redneck if the receptionist checks the rat traps at your place of business.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #242075
#48. You might be a redneck if you think that the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #249004
#49. Louisiana has the best food on the planet if you don't really ask too much about what you're eating.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #255254
#50. You might be a redneck if Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #276997
#51. You might be a redneck if motel 6 turns off the lights when they see you coming.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #283719
#52. I think with a comedian, when you get to the point of a greatest hits, it's kind of an acknowledgment that you've been doing stand-up a long time, which not very many people do.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #296468
#53. You can call us rednecks if you want. We're not offended, 'cause we know what we're all about. We get up and go to work, we get up and go to church, and we get up and go to war when necessary.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #298434
#54. Hell, when I was in high school, a drive-by shooting meant somebody had their rear end hanging out a car window!

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #300683
#55. I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #304216
#56. Talking with Gary Busey is kinda like sex. You want to do it, you just don't want to be alone when you do it.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #304981
#57. I don't know why my brain has kept all the words to the Gilligan's Island theme song and has deleted everything about triangles.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #307221
#58. I wish I could relate to the people I'm related to.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #309613
#59. You might be a redneck if Santa Claus refuses to let your kids sit in his lap.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #313072
#60. You might be a redneck if you dated your daddy's current wife in high school.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #342704
#61. If men have a smell it's usually an accident.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #388837
#62. You might be a redneck if your biggest ambition in life is to git that big ole coon. The one what hangs 'round over yonder, back'ah Bubba's barn ...

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #396390
#63. It's sad when you see somebody that talented that passes away and doesn't have to.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #399646
#64. The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #431689
#65. Country music is about new love and it's about old love.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #447651
#66. Find something in life that you love doing. If you make a lot of money, that's a bonus, and if you don't, you still won't hate going to work.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #480843
#67. When I was a kid, my parents had a 900-pound television on top of a TV tray. My dad's theory was, 'Let him pull it over his head a few times, he'll learn.'

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #565205
#68. I talked to Larry the Cable Guy the other day. Larry's made more money than 10 people should ever make in a lifetime. He was excited because he'd gone over to the livestock auction and bought 20 new feeder pigs.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #578961
#69. Barbara was actually Jeff Foxworthy's interior designer when we first met. So, not only was Jeff responsible for my success in my career, he also introduced me to the woman who I'm going to spend the rest of my life with, which, I think, makes us even.

Ron White

Foxworthy's Quotes #599958
#70. The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He's got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #656897
#71. You find out that all this stuff you've accumulated, you could care less about it. It's just the relationships that matter.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #664749
#72. I teach a Bible study for homeless guys in downtown Atlanta every week. Been doing it for years. That's the guys I'd rather go talk to. I'd rather take my act outside the church.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #745451
#73. The things that I'm talking about not knowing, they're not mysteries of the universe; it's just stuff I thought I would know by the time I was thirty-nine.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #749367
#74. [about sex and being married] It's like being the National Guard, we may not be seeing as much action as the front line, but we are living to fight another day.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #767502
#75. I'm two decisions away from putting up drywall for a living. I am, and there's nothing wrong with that, but whatever I got, it's through the grace of God, and I've got to use it right.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #1054345
#76. Buying a used rental car is kind of like going to a house of ill repute looking for a wife. Anything that's been driven that hard by that many people, you really don't want to put your key in it.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #1065495
#77. There's no down time any more.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #1092865
#78. That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #1098763
#79. If the veins in the back of your legs look like the street map of greater Pittsburgh, you ain't nobody's babydoll.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #1164661
#80. Between New York and LA, there's 200 million people that aren't hip, and they don't want to be hip.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #1194360
#81. When I did the sitcom I was too naive. I thought, Well, they know what they're talking about, let's do that.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #1249721
#82. There's a whole segment of the population with a mentality that bases good times on where they can go and what they can buy.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #1294648
#83. You might be a redneck if you've ever hauled a can of paint to the top of a water tower to defend your sister's honor.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #1340877
#84. I had to perform at the White House for the president, That's always kind of a weird set to try to put together.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #1373115
#85. Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks ... but not the ones she's been givin' me lately.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #1391783
#86. For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life's list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #1411837
#87. It's a weird sensation to be mad and learning at the same time.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #1427027
#88. It's hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #1449318
#89. I'm having my house repainted and we have a piano in the corner and the painter says, Is that y'all's piano? I said, No, that's our coffee table; it just has buck teeth. Here's Your Sign.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #1458939
#90. Please don't get me wrong here. I'm not making fun of old people. In fact I think that's the goal of everybody here tonite. We all want to be an old person someday.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #1484066
#91. My father-in-law gets up at 5 o'clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel. I don't know why there's this big rush to do this.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #1499565
#92. Do you know why it's so hard to solve a Redneck murder? 'Cause there's no dental records and all the DNA is the same.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #1523840
#93. The designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, drop them off at the wrong house.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #1538969
#94. If your wife's hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan, you might be a redneck.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #1611902
#95. I say, If everybody in this house lives where it's God first, friends and family second and you third, we won't ever have an argument.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #1755116
#96. It's like cuddling with a Butterball turkey.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #1801280
#97. Some people like to keep their grass cut really short, so they can see the intruders coming. Keep those kill zones open. I say let the grass grow tall so they don't know there's a house behind it. Some call it lazy, I say it's thinking.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #1805316
#98. My grandma's the most careful, safe driver in the world. You put her in a rental car, and she's doing doughnuts in the K-Mart parking lot!

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #1837071
#99. I'm very lucky in that I've gotten to do a lot of things. But if you ever put a gun to my head and said, "You can only do one," I'd think it would be stand-up. I think it's the coolest job in the world.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #1844067
#100. Ladies have come up with all these expressions to reassure men. "Oh, honey, it's not the size of the ship, it's the motion of the ocean." That may be true, but it takes a long time to get to England in a rowboat.

Jeff Foxworthy

Foxworthy's Quotes #1861178

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