Top 100 Jeff Foxworthy Quotes
#1. What I hated was doing what somebody in LA thought Jeff Foxworthy ought to do.
Jeff Foxworthy
#2. Barbara was actually Jeff Foxworthy's interior designer when we first met. So, not only was Jeff responsible for my success in my career, he also introduced me to the woman who I'm going to spend the rest of my life with, which, I think, makes us even.
Ron White
#3. Jeff Foxworthy is a legend. Every time I see his moustache it reminds me to wax my lip and every time I hear his jokes it reminds me to wipe my ass.
Lisa Lampanelli
#5. You might be a redneck if the hood and one door are a different color from the rest of your car.
Jeff Foxworthy
#6. You might be a redneck if when you run out of gas, you put gin in the gas tank.
Jeff Foxworthy
#7. My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family.
Jeff Foxworthy
#8. I've got nothing against tattoos. I don't have one myself. If I did, it would be right there next to my watch. It would say Your wife's birthday is August 2nd, your anniversary is September 18th, don't let Ron White drive your car again.
Jeff Foxworthy
#9. You might be a redneck if you had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.
Jeff Foxworthy
#10. You might be a redneck if in an effort to watch your cholesterol, you eat Spam Lite.
Jeff Foxworthy
#11. You might be a redneck if your good deed for the month was hiding your brother for a few days.
Jeff Foxworthy
#12. I never thought I would do a game show, but now I guess I'm now officially in that genre.
Jeff Foxworthy
#13. You might be a redneck if you consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.
Jeff Foxworthy
#14. If your thighs look like the hood of a white Toyota minivan after a hailstorm, you aren't juicy.
Jeff Foxworthy
#15. You might be a redneck if your dogs name is Miller Light
Jeff Foxworthy
#16. I've been to all 50 states, and traveled this whole country, and 90 percent of the people are good folks. The rest of them take after the other side of the family.
Jeff Foxworthy
#17. I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.
Jeff Foxworthy
#18. You might be a redneck if ... the blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.
Jeff Foxworthy
#19. You might be a redneck if you can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.
Jeff Foxworthy
#20. You don't get married to get sex. Getting married to get sex is like buying a 747 to get free peanuts.
Jeff Foxworthy
#21. I've gotten to the point I won't even watch the 11 o'clock news. You just walk away from it thinking how bad everything is.
Jeff Foxworthy
#22. It seems like movies that have heart to them always do well, and they find their audience.
Jeff Foxworthy
#23. I turned down a movie this summer because it was nine weeks in Vancouver and my oldest daughter is 14. I've got four more summers with her. I'm not giving away nine weeks of her summer to go do a silly movie.
Jeff Foxworthy
#24. You might be a redneck if your sophisticated show-biz cousin is a rodeo clown.
Jeff Foxworthy
#25. You might be a redneck if your birth announcement included the word rug rat.
Jeff Foxworthy
#26. You might be a redneck if every electrical outlet in your house is a fire hazard.
Jeff Foxworthy
#27. You might be a redneck if you have to go outside to get something out of the fridge.
Jeff Foxworthy
#28. If you think a quaterhorse is that ride in front of Kmart.. You might be a rednneck
Jeff Foxworthy
#29. I actually had a chance to be in Delta Farce, but I couldn't do it because I read the script.
Jeff Foxworthy
#30. You might be a redneck if it's easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.
Jeff Foxworthy
#31. You might be a redneck if you're moved to tears every time you hear Dolly Parton singing I Will Always Love You.
Jeff Foxworthy
#32. How is a redneck divorce similar to a tornado?
You know that somewhere, somehow, someone is gonna lose a trailer.
Jeff Foxworthy
#33. You might be a redneck if your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town.
Jeff Foxworthy
#34. You might be a redneck if your daughter's Barbie's Dream House has a clothesline in the front yard.
Jeff Foxworthy
#35. You might be a redneck if you grow Vidalia onions, rather than considering them a gourmet item.
Jeff Foxworthy
#36. If you don't have anything good to say about someone, you must be talking about Hillary Clinton.
Jeff Foxworthy
#37. Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?
Jeff Foxworthy
#38. We're a heart attack away from losing the right to bear arms.
Jeff Foxworthy
#39. You might be a redneck if ... you've been on TV more than times describing the sound of a tornado.
Jeff Foxworthy
#40. You might be a redneck if your grandmother has ever been asked to leave a bingo game because of her language.
Jeff Foxworthy
#41. If you think fast food is hittin a deer att 65 miles per hr..
you might be a redneck
Jeff Foxworthy
#42. I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I'd spent about half the day in the woods.
Jeff Foxworthy
#43. If your working television sits on top of your non-working television, you might be a redneck.
Jeff Foxworthy
#44. You might be a redneck if your most expensive shoes have numbers on the heels.
Jeff Foxworthy
#45. If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and
road construction, you may live in Canada
Jeff Foxworthy
#46. You might be a redneck if your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet.
Jeff Foxworthy
#47. Nowadays you can't even spank your kids. No, gotta give 'em a time out. My dad would take time out of his busy day ... to whip our ass.
Jeff Foxworthy
#48. You might be a redneck if your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.
Jeff Foxworthy
#49. You might be a redneck if the receptionist checks the rat traps at your place of business.
Jeff Foxworthy
#50. You might be a redneck if you think that the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.
Jeff Foxworthy
#51. Louisiana has the best food on the planet if you don't really ask too much about what you're eating.
Jeff Foxworthy
#52. You might be a redneck if Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.
Jeff Foxworthy
#53. You might be a redneck if motel 6 turns off the lights when they see you coming.
Jeff Foxworthy
#54. I think with a comedian, when you get to the point of a greatest hits, it's kind of an acknowledgment that you've been doing stand-up a long time, which not very many people do.
Jeff Foxworthy
#55. You can call us rednecks if you want. We're not offended, 'cause we know what we're all about. We get up and go to work, we get up and go to church, and we get up and go to war when necessary.
Jeff Foxworthy
#56. Hell, when I was in high school, a drive-by shooting meant somebody had their rear end hanging out a car window!
Jeff Foxworthy
#57. I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.
Jeff Foxworthy
#58. Talking with Gary Busey is kinda like sex. You want to do it, you just don't want to be alone when you do it.
Jeff Foxworthy
#59. I don't know why my brain has kept all the words to the Gilligan's Island theme song and has deleted everything about triangles.
Jeff Foxworthy
#60. I wish I could relate to the people I'm related to.
Jeff Foxworthy
#61. You might be a redneck if Santa Claus refuses to let your kids sit in his lap.
Jeff Foxworthy
#62. You might be a redneck if ... your high school basketball game got rained out.
Jeff Foxworthy
#63. You might be a redneck if you own all the components of soap on a rope except the soap.
Jeff Foxworthy
#64. You might be a redneck if you watch Little House on the Prairie for decorating tips.
Jeff Foxworthy
#65. You might be a redneck if your satellite dish payment delays buying school clothes for the kids.
Jeff Foxworthy
#66. When you get to your third millionth frequent flyer mile, I think something snaps in your brain.
Jeff Foxworthy
#67. You might be a redneck if three quarters of the clothes you own have logos on them.
Jeff Foxworthy
#68. You might be a redneck if you have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.
Jeff Foxworthy
#69. You might be a redneck if your vehicle has a two-tone paint job - primer red and primer gray.
Jeff Foxworthy
#70. You might be a redneck if you were shooting pool when your kids were born.
Jeff Foxworthy
#71. You might be a redneck if you dated your daddy's current wife in high school.
Jeff Foxworthy
#72. If most people wanted to be incognito, they put on a fake beard or mustache. If I wanted to I'd just shave mine off.
Jeff Foxworthy
#73. You might be a redneck if getting a package from your post office requires a full tank of gas in the truck.
Jeff Foxworthy
#74. People are like, Hey, Jeff, lemme tell you ... I'm like, Hold on, let me get a pen and a piece of paper.
Jeff Foxworthy
#75. Have you ever seen people so ugly that you have to get someone else to verify it?
Jeff Foxworthy
#76. Comics don't usually have very long careers, and I'm 22 years into this.
Jeff Foxworthy
#77. You might be a redneck if the first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are Howdy!, Hey! or How Y'all Doin'?
Jeff Foxworthy
#79. Redneck is: the glorious absence of sophistication
Jeff Foxworthy
#80. You might be a redneck if your biggest ambition in life is to git that big ole coon. The one what hangs 'round over yonder, back'ah Bubba's barn ...
Jeff Foxworthy
#81. It's sad when you see somebody that talented that passes away and doesn't have to.
Jeff Foxworthy
#82. You might be a redneck if you have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.
Jeff Foxworthy
#83. You might be a redneck if the biggest fashion risk you take is which plaid you'll wear to the 4-H Fair.
Jeff Foxworthy
#84. The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.
Jeff Foxworthy
#85. You might be a redneck if ... your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.
Jeff Foxworthy
#86. Country music is about new love and it's about old love.
Jeff Foxworthy
#87. You might be a redneck if your mother has been involved in a fist fight at a high school sports event.
Jeff Foxworthy
#88. You might be a redneck if you use a radiator hose to fix your kitchen sink.
Jeff Foxworthy
#89. As an actor, there was that freedom of not having to worry about lights or marks or other people. It was just going out there and having fun with the character.
Jeff Foxworthy
#90. Find something in life that you love doing. If you make a lot of money, that's a bonus, and if you don't, you still won't hate going to work.
Jeff Foxworthy
#91. If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck.
Jeff Foxworthy
#92. If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'You know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.
Jeff Foxworthy
#93. Women in bed are like Diesel engines. What I mean by that is, it may take them a while to get going, but when you do, they can go for a long, long time. Whereas men are like ... bottle rockets.
Jeff Foxworthy
#94. I got my wife a mood ring. It works real good! When shes in a good mood it turns blue, but when shes in a bad mood theres a red mark across my forehead
Jeff Foxworthy
#95. You might be a redneck if your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded.
Jeff Foxworthy
#96. You might be a redneck if you saved lots of money on your honeymoon by going deer hunting.
Jeff Foxworthy
#97. I always wore cowboy boots and drove a truck, and talked like this. So everywhere I would go in comedy people would say, "Foxworthy, you ain't nothing but a redneck from Georgia!" It kind of became a formula joke.
Jeff Foxworthy
#98. If you can't remember the last time you had sex with a woman, you're either gay, or married.
Jeff Foxworthy
#99. When I was a kid, my parents had a 900-pound television on top of a TV tray. My dad's theory was, 'Let him pull it over his head a few times, he'll learn.'
Jeff Foxworthy
#100. I talked to Larry the Cable Guy the other day. Larry's made more money than 10 people should ever make in a lifetime. He was excited because he'd gone over to the livestock auction and bought 20 new feeder pigs.
Jeff Foxworthy
Famous Authors
Popular Topics
Scroll to Top
