For My Ex Girlfriend Quotes

#1. I've spent the past two years looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer ... but no one will do it.

Anthony Jeselnik

#2. I said to my girlfriend, you shouldn't eat before you swim. She said, "why not"? I said, you look fat.

Jimmy Carr

#3. My girlfriend always laughs during sex - no matter what she's reading.

Steve Jobs

#4. how you would feel if your old girlfriend showed up and she had the IQ of a frog. You'd

Bobby Adair

#5. I went to church. It didn't help. In those days that was the best place to meet a girlfriend. In church! All of us praying to be different.

Jeffrey Eugenides

#6. Ryan, when did you get a girlfriend?" his sister asked.
"She's not my girlfriend, Kaylen," Ryan replied. "Go away.

S. Walden

#7. In 1940 I was just turning 5 years old and being taken to the movies. For those of us who were not old enough to understand the horror of war it was a very romantic era because these guys were kissing their wives and girlfriends goodbye and going off to fight and become heroes.

Woody Allen

#8. When your girlfriend broke your heart, don't even say a word, just smile because she gives you the opportunity to find someone better than her.

Werley Nortreus

#9. No relationship is perfect nor will anyone ever be the best boyfriend or girlfriend. Long as you put in the effort and try to make your lover happy. That's all we can ask for.

Kevin McCarty

#10. My girlfriend bought a cook book the other day called 'Cheap and easy vegetarian cooking'. Which is perfect for her, because not only is she vegetarian ...

Jimmy Carr

#11. If I don't get a girlfriend soon (number one on the list) I may have to resort to drastic measures like surgery (me) or hypnosis (them).

J.A. Buckle

#12. The goal of Christian dating is not to have a boyfriend or girlfriend but to find a spouse. Have that in mind as you get to know one an- other, and if you're not ready to commit to a relationship with the end goal of marriage, it's better not to date but simply to remain friends.

Mark Driscoll

#13. I never broke up with my girlfriends, they broke up with me.

Manny Pacquiao

#14. If this were a [Hollywood] studio film, I wouldn't have pushed my father into a table, I would have beat him up. My father wouldn't have kissed my girlfriend; he would have raped her.

Noah Wyle

#15. People say love is a gift but i say love is a burden, loving someone and having to watch them be in love with someone else.

Joshua

#16. Sookie: Hey, our hair's the same color.
Eric: Sure is, Girlfriend.

Charlaine Harris

#17. What would you call your decorating style?" I asked. "Boring-bachelor? Or messy-loner? He looked over at me. "More like distracted-about-my-detainee-girlfriend," he said.

Katie Kacvinsky

#18. Dash is for sure straight!" Boomer announced. "He has a super-pretty ex-girlfriend named Sofia, who I think he still has a thing for, and also, in seventh grade, there was a game of spin the bottle and it was my turn and I spun and it landed at Dash, but he wouldn't let me kiss him.

David Levithan

#19. You should change your Password"
"not exactly a priority so I haven't got'round to it"
"I'll do it for you"I offered.
His arms gave me a squeeze and he grinned.
"What'll you chose?"
before I could stop my mouth from forming the words, I said "Shebitchfromhell666

Kristen Ashley

#20. I quit my job. I bought myself a real cheap, like, around-the-world flight ticket, and I went to 16 countries for six months just backpacking, living in cheap hostels, looking for stories with a camera and my ex-girlfriend.

Malik Bendjelloul

#21. My last girlfriend was a Showgirl - But we eventually broke up because she wouldn't Tell me anything. Now I'm dating a girl who looks exactly like my grandma, only my girl older.
-James Lee Schmidt and Jarod Kintz

James Lee Schmidt

#22. If you make your best friend and your significant other the same person, you don't have to disconnect to go tell your girlfriend everything.

Niecy Nash

#23. You want to take me to a movie?" I asked.
"Well, not really," he said. "What I really want is for you to be my girlfriend. But I thought saying that might scare you off.

Sarah Dessen

#24. The lips on my upper right bicep are my girlfriend's lips. She has the most amazing lips, and I wanted to carry them around with me everywhere I go, considering I can't carry her lips physically with me. So I decided to place them in a discreet location, such as the inside part of my bicep.

Jake Owen

#25. When I don't have a girlfriend, who I am answerable to, I can go out and hang with people. But whether you go for a movie with someone or a meal or a drive, it is assumed that you are dating that person.

Shahid Kapoor

#26. A Bridgeport, Connecticut, man presented his girlfriend with an engagement ring and handed her one end of a ribbon; the other end disappeared into his pocket. "A surprise," he said, and urged her to pull it. She obliged. The ribbon was attached to the trigger of a revolver. The man died instantly.

Erik Larson

#27. Did any agents ever put Diane Ladd up for some of the great parts, even though she always got great reviews? No! But do they put up the girlfriend of the studio executive who's gonna do them a favor later? You betcha.

Diane Ladd

#28. I would like to have a girlfriend who is more mature than my mental age.

Yuki

#29. I mean, you can't have sex until you're married if you're Mormon. The first time I had sex, my parents found out. They were listening in on the phone while I was talking about sex to my girlfriend. They freaked out, man. They both cornered me in my bedroom.

Bert McCracken

#30. I gave my girlfriend something she didn't expect for Valentine's day ... Chlamydia.

Frankie Boyle

#31. I don't date my girlfriend because she's a model. I date her because I love her.

Adam Levine

#32. Why is your skin the best feeling in the world?

Kamand Kojouri

#33. Henry unpacked the car and loaded himself up with everything they'd brought, little bags and big ones, a string tote, a knapsack.
As he started up the driveway, his girlfriend said, "Do you have the wine, Hank?"
Whoever Hank was, he had it.

Melissa Bank

#34. I'm not a militant lesbian. I carry myself in a way that makes it easier for women to relate to. I can be your best girlfriend.

Jackie Warner

#35. The irony of talking to animals and an imaginary girlfriend, who keep me sane, even though I know I look like a raving lunatic, isn't lost on me.

Elyse Draper

#36. I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

Mitch Hedberg

#37. I'm more likely to give you a cuddle than a punch in the face. I have a soft side, especially with my girlfriend. I send her flowers and use my culinary skills to pull off romantic meals. I do great Thai dishes.

Jai Courtney

#38. Girlfriends are not wives. I draw the line at married women. Actually, women married to men with guns. If someone's girlfriend wants to make herself available, that's her business. Just don't give my name to your boyfriend.

Jack Dancer