Cynical Humor Quotes

#1. Anyway, that's what life is, just one learning experience after another, and when you're through with all the learning experiences you graduate and what you get for a diploma is, you die.

Frederik Pohl

#2. It seemed perverse to some, but for all their apparent militarism the Gzilt had remained peaceful over many millenia; it was the avowedly peaceful Culture that had , within living memory, taken part in an all-out galactic war against another civilisation.

Iain M. Banks

#3. Our town was known for two things--no, three: salted fish, expertly dyed fabrics, and corruption.

Angela Elwell Hunt

#4. I think I'm too cynical for L.A. My sense of humor doesn't go down well here, which probably affects my love life. I need to have a laugh track following me around so people know I'm trying to be funny.

Teddy Thompson

#5. My condolences, you're still alive.

Fakeer Ishavardas

#6. Are you always so cynical?' said Angelica.
'No,' said Katherine. 'Sometimes I'm asleep.

Sam Byers

#7. They tugged plans and ambitions out their asses and held tight to the first that didn't smell so strongly of shit.

Patrick Bryant

#8. His joy was a release of Paul's conversion, not the heavy backslapping practical-joking humor of the Victorians, nor the cynical satire or the flippancy of the twenty first century mass media, just the gift of not taking himself or his adversaries too seriously.

John Charles Pollock

#9. Well, I just don't want you to think that this piece of shit is anything other than a pathetic, human defect. Nothing more. Not a monster, not a bogeyman. Nothing but another reason to feel better about yourself. Understand that it's just a person - not worth devoting any nightmares to.

Jhonen Vasquez

#10. alcohol played the midwife

James Branch Cabell

#11. I'm with the federal government, Drummond, Trust me is another way of saying I'm lying.

Brian Haig

#12. It's war, you jackasses," Keyes snapped. "I'm sorry it's not terribly convenient or comfortable for you.

John Scalzi

#13. It's nice to be able to do things for other people, isn't it?

That's why it's fun to talk in the third person sometimes.

Patrick Bryant

#14. I've been waiting my whole life to fuck up like this.

Robert Stone

#15. It's easy to be cynical in this day and age, but I believe that everyone has some good in them. And by good, I'm referring to "good cholesterol".

John Hartnett

#16. If by 'foe' you mean a brutal killer, then I suppose I'd fall into the 'friend' category," I replied cynically. "Although in your case, we may have to find a secret option number three.

M.A. George

#17. It's kind of depressing, if you think about it. I mean, me being so young, and yet so cynical and suspicious.

Meg Cabot

#18. The law enforcement in this town is terrific. All through prohibition Eddie Mars' place was a night club and they had two uniformed men in the lobby every night-to see that the guests didn't bring their own liquor instead of buying it from the house.

Raymond Chandler

#19. The only way of rendering life endurable is to drink as much wine as one can come by.

James Branch Cabell

#20. Yes, world.
Truly.
You disgust me.
Please continue.

Eric Jarosinski

#21. Billions of years before twelve step groups, God committed shotgun suicide. Today wall scrapings share His gratitude stories.

Brian Spellman

#22. It's weird, marriage. It's like this license that gives a person the legal right to control their spouse / their 'other half.

Jess C. Scott

#23. Why do people who so obviously hate children have so many of them? Audrey asked...Because they hate everyone else more. Their bratty kids are their revenge on a society that has denied them the riches they so rightly deserve.

Shaun David Hutchinson

#24. I like to think my sense of humor is sort of smart and dumb at the same time. I like to work on multiple levels - smart and dumb, funny and sad, profound and mundane, cynical and hopeful.

Robert Lopez

#25. Piers took a leisurely look at Linnet. There was the beauty, sure enough. But it didn't detract from the intelligence in her eyes. And in his opinion the slightly cynical lilt in her voice just made her all the more beautiful, as if Aphrodite had been crossed with Athena.

Eloisa James

#26. If there was anything that depressed him more than his own cynicism, it was that quite often it still wasn't as cynical as real life.

Terry Pratchett

#27. Breslin gives me his wise-teacher smile, which is kind and crinkly and would make me feel warm all over if I was dumber than a bag of hair.

Tana French

#28. In modern medicine, we have a name for nearly everything, but a cure for almost nothing.

Charles F. Glassman

#29. Do you know what happens when you play a country song backwards? You get your wife back, your dog back and your job back.

Richard Belzer

#30. I don't think it's ever easy to be funny. I find it easy to amuse myself with a certain sort of cynical dark humor that tends toward the meaner side, like my character in Happy Gilmore. Those kinds of characters come easily to me.

Ben Stiller

#31. For a moment, or a second, the pinched expressions of the cynical, world-weary, throat-cutting, miserable bastards we've all had to become disappears, when we're confronted with something as simple as a plate of food.

Anthony Bourdain

#32. Has anybody ever told you you're a remarkably cynical person?"
"I like to think of it as learning from experience.

Benedict Jacka

#33. I want to attend a Pampered Chef party about as much as I want to go to a used auto parts party where you can win a baby monkey as a door prize.

Carol Maloney Scott

#34. Nobody has any rights unless they've got a machine gun.

Kent Anderson

#35. The only activity a cynic will find contagious is yawning, that is, with other people, at other people.

Criss Jami

#36. This is some sort of joke, isn't it?" asks Hunt, staring at the flawless blue sky and distant fields.
I cough as lightly and briefly as possible into a handkerchief I have made from a towel borrowed from the inn. "Probably," I say. "But then, what isn't?

Dan Simmons