Charley Davidson Humor Quotes

#1. You take everything onto your shoulders like that guy who holds up the world, and you shouldn't. You're not nearly as muscular.

Darynda Jones

#2. Our relationship was a lot like underwear in a dryer without a static control sheet. One minute we were floating through life, buoyant and carefree. The next we were attached at the crotch

Darynda Jones

#3. They get me, and I get them. They have empathy. Most people don't, they really don't.

James Patterson

#4. My calculations - allowing for a 12 percent margin of error, based on the radius of the corresponding confidence interval and the surgeon general's warning - concluded that they probably didn't stay behind for the tacos.

Darynda Jones

#5. Pretending to drink coffee was similar to faking an orgasm.

Darynda Jones

#6. I've always felt a bit hard done by in England - you know, I've won the Bisto three times in Ireland, but it has felt like nobody has even heard of me in my home country.

Kate Thompson

#7. Think of me, the uneducated child reading books in my room at 22 Hyde Park Gate
now advanced to this glory ... Yes; all that reading, I say, has borne this odd fruit. And I am pleased.

Virginia Woolf

#8. Any man who is a man may not, in honor, submit to threats or violence. But many men who are not cowards are simply unprepared for the fact of human savagery.

Jeff Cooper

#9. Cotton balls is an example of something I would buy, but not want to have as a nickname. Cinnamon buns, on the other hand, is something I would buy and want to have as a nickname. 'Are you Cinnamon Buns?' 'You bet your sweet ass I am.'

Demetri Martin

#10. The next time you feel really good, just keep feeling that way for the rest of your life.

Donny Miller

#11. I do feel that houses have faces - and feelings too.

Alanna Knight

#12. This is like the town council just hired a new marshal to clean up the town, I guarantee you, if I stay here long enough, they'll get rid of me, too.

Bobby Knight

#13. Charley's "FOR THE LOVE OF":
"Oh,FOR THE LOVE OF gravy"
"Just be honest with me, FOR THE LOVE OF applesauce, Gemma."
"But FOR THE LOVE OF marinara, I typed, don't shoot anyone.

Darynda Jones

#14. This was insane. What was wrong with the world? Didn't they know that ghosts and supernatural powers where little girls helped their dads and uncles solve case didn't exist?
It was books. It was television shows and movies. They had desensitized the world.
Damn writers.

Darynda Jones

#15. I knew dating the son of Satan would turn out badly

Darynda Jones

#16. Every man is the craftsman of his future, whether he hone it himself or allow fate do it.

Ogwo David Emenike

#17. My powers of persuasion are only as strong as the bullshit I have to back it up.
- Charley Davidson

Darynda Jones

#18. I felt like the girl who showed up at a formal dinner party in jeans and a Pink Floyd T-shirt. Probably 'cause I did that once.

Darynda Jones

#19. Holy mother of banana cream pie. They had pictures.

Darynda Jones

#20. I don't know. You just seem different now. Distant. Like you have PTSD.
I knew from where I spoke. My TSD got P'd when I was tortured by a monster named Earl.

Darynda Jones

#21. He who strives for excellence strives for greatness.

Matshona Dhliwayo

#22. Suddenly I'm that chick from Fatal Attraction. Next thing you know, I'll be boiling rabbits.

Darynda Jones

#23. And who came up with the animals for these euphemisms, anyway? Why bat shit? Why not cow shit or grasshopper shit? And why don't we give a rat's ass as opposed to a hamster's ass?

Darynda Jones

#24. What's wrong? Has Francis been rude? Then you must try to overlook it. I know you wouldn't think so, but he is thoroughly upset by Tom Erskine's death; and when Francis is troubled he doesn't show it, he just goes and makes life wretched for somebody.

Dorothy Dunnett

#25. The rush of adrenaline helped. Not a lot. I still needed a caffeine fix, but at least I was awake enough to realize I quite possibly had my underwear on inside out. Something didn't feel right down yonder.

Darynda Jones

#26. The dead guy looked at me with wide eyes. "I can't move my legs."
I snorted. "You can't move your arms either, or your feet or your freaking eyelids. You're dead.

Darynda Jones

#27. Gemma was so determined for me to deal with my PTSD, but I thought I was doing pretty well with it. We were friends now. I had my incontinence under control

Darynda Jones

#28. Okay but he has a case for you," she said again, her voice singsong.
"Don't care."
"It's right up your alley. There's been a rash of suicide notes."
"That's not right up my alley. That's, like, two blocks over from my alley.

Darynda Jones

#29. I was freaking her out, but someone had to do it, damn it

Darynda Jones

#30. My mother did literally hitchhike barefoot to the country store.

Moon Unit Zappa

#31. I called my friend Pari on the way home. "I need you to do my apt."
"I'm not that attracted to your apt."
"I think I'm being bugged."
"Like I am? Right now?

Darynda Jones

#32. You can be a dynamic actor, but could never be a star if you never spend time with the media. That's something that I neglected to do.

Bokeem Woodbine

#33. Oh, yeah, this girl was going down. She had no idea who she was messing with. And, sadly, she didn't seem to care.
I hoped her drawer came up short at the end of her shift. Karma's a bitch.

Darynda Jones

#34. Gemma," I said, adding a singsong whine to my voice, "now I can't scare her. You can't go around telling people about me.

Darynda Jones

#35. Oh. That's because I've stopped smiling," Mathilde said. "For so many years, I never let anyone see me without smiling. I don't know why I didn't stop earlier. It's enormously relaxing.

Lauren Groff

#36. Walk to the well.
Turn as the earth and the moon turn,
circling what they love.
Whatever circles comes from the center.

Rumi

#37. Cookie&Charley Coffee moments:
"You did your dishes with shampoo?"
"It was either that or my apricot body scrub."
"No, good call. A little shampoo won't hurt you.

Darynda Jones