Top 100 Barber Quotes
#1. A brigand, a barber, a beggar, two orphans, and a boy whore. With such do we defend the realms of men.
George R R Martin
#2. Beckham? His wife can't sing and his barber can't cut hair.
Brian Clough
#3. Who would preach at the funeral? This was a question (like who cuts the barber's hair)
Stephen King
#4. You don't ever ask a barber whether you need a haircut.
Warren Buffett
#5. I must to the barber's, monsieur, for methinks I am marvellous hairy about the face.
William Shakespeare
#6. Then when you want free association, you could stretch your patient out the way the barber does to lather up his customer, and when the fifty minutes are up, you could tilt the chair forward again and hand him a mirror so he can see what he looks like on the outside after you've shaved his ego.
Daniel Keyes
#7. I grew up, really, in the days before air conditioning. So I can remember what it was like to be really hot, for instance, and I can remember what it was like when your barber shop and your local stores weren't air conditioned, so it was hot when you went in them and they propped the doors open.
Bill Bryson
#8. I don't have any beauty shop memories. I remember the barber shop.
Jenifer Lewis
#9. You can find out a lot sitting in the barber's.
Dizzee Rascal
#10. Years ago there was an old man I knew that told me he didn't trust me, because people with beards were hiding from something. I told him, That's true, I'm hiding from the barber!!
Neil Leckman
#11. Every businessman enjoying customer patronage, whether he be a baker, banker, or barber is conferring a public benefit, raising production, and reducing unemployment; businessmen earn their livelihood by producing products and rendering services where ever they are needed.
Hans F. Sennholz
#12. In a way the philosopher and the barber are of the same guild; the barber cuts hair and the philosopher splits hairs.
Jose Ortega Y Gasset
#13. For me ... you know, the most I've paid for a haircut was in Australia. Usually I go to a black barber or a Latino barber. I can't just go into Supercuts.
Hannibal Buress
#14. If I was switched from whatever I'm doing, and I was, for some reason, made the chief football writer in any newspaper, then I'd retire. I'd go back to being a barber.
Steve Bunce
#15. The barber in his shop, warmed by a good stove, was shaving a customer and casting from time to time a look towards this enemy, this frozen and brazen gamin, who had both hands in his pockets, but his wits evidently out of their sheath.
Victor Hugo
#16. A book hasn't caused me this much trouble since Where's Waldo went to that barber pole factory
Tina Fey
#17. My real father died when I was two years old, so I never knew him. He was a barber in Chicago.
Donald Johanson
#18. Colloquial poetry is to the real art as the barber's wax dummy is to sculpture.
Ezra Pound
#19. I'm in a position where, theoretically, I could play the same ten concertos and make a very good living bouncing around playing Mendelssohn, Tchaikovsky and Barber, but I really think artists should keep pushing limits and trying new things.
Joshua Bell
#20. ... those were the subjects that Barber dealt with as a historian, and no matter how scrupulous and profession he was in treating them, there was always a personal motive behind his work, a secret conviction that he was somehow digging into the mysteries of his own life.
Paul Auster
#21. Miss Tox left her seat in a hurry, and returned to her plants; clipping among the stems and leaves, with as little favour as a barber working at so many pauper heads of hair.
Charles Dickens
#22. This is Red Barber speaking. Let me say hello to you all.
Red Barber
#23. Time is like a barber, it shears you first and then shows you your own face in the mirror. (Marrying Nusrat)
Manjul Bajaj
#24. I must to the barber's, mounsieur; for methinks I am marvellous hairy about the face; and I am such a tender ass, if my hair do but tickle me I must scratch.
William Shakespeare
#25. I love hats. On tour, it's difficult to stop in at a barber. It's good to have a hat nearby.
OMI
#26. So she went into the garden to cut a cabbage-leaf, to make an apple-pie; and at the same time a great she-bear, coming up the street, pops its head into the shop. 'What! no soap?' So he died, and she very imprudently married the barber.
Samuel Foote
#27. No barber shaves so close but another finds worke.
George Herbert
#28. When you go into your customary barber shop, you will wait for the man who gives you a little better shave, a little trimmer hair-cut. Business leaders are looking for the same things in their offices that you look for in the barber shop.
Charles M. Schwab
#30. If the guy that writes you checks says cut your hair, off to the barber shop you go. That's that.
Paul Konerko
#31. yet the poor knight still didn't wake up, until the barber brought a large bucketful of cold water from the well and drenched him from head to toe, and then he did awaken, but not fully enough to be aware of his situation.
Miguel De Cervantes Saavedra
#32. She wasn't born for this kind of life. You have to be born for this like you have to be born a butcher or a barber, I guess. Wouldn't anybody be either of them just for money or fun.
William Faulkner
#33. Growth of human hair is the absolute blessing for a barber
Munia Khan
#34. My first clue time travel could be possible was in the barber's chair the day before my girlfriend's funeral.
Timothy C. Ward
#35. And then you rushed off afterward because of that business with the barber in Gleam Street." "Sweeney Jones," said Vimes. "Well, he was killing people, Sybil. The best you could say is that he didn't mean to. He was just very bad at shaving -
Terry Pratchett
#36. There was a barber and his wife. And he was beautiful. A proper artist with a knife but they transported him for life. And he was beautiful
Anonymous
#37. I resent my barber when he charges the full cost after he cuts my hair, but he says he's charging me for finding it.
Tim Conway
#38. Ho, pretty page, with the dimpled chin That never has known the barber's shear, All your wish is woman to win, This is the way that boys begin. Wait till you come to Forty Year.
William Makepeace Thackeray
#39. My father had the main barber- and beauty-supply business in the African-American community in Buffalo.
Helene D. Gayle
#40. I have a personal barber, Mister C. He lives in Brooklyn, but he travels with me. He used to cut Lady Gaga's hair, but he fired her to work for me.
Theophilus London
#43. A man of Seville is shaved by the Barber of Seville if and only if the man does not shave himself. Does the barber shave himself?
Bertrand Russell
#44. When I was a barber, me being extreme was how I got popular: you name it, I was drawing it on someone's head.
Swizz Beatz
#45. (Don't ask the barber whether you need a haircut.)
Warren Buffett
#46. Then quote Hall-of-Fame announcer Red Barber: "Baseball is dull only to dull minds.
Zack Hample
#47. When's the last time you went into a barber shop and saw everyone there unconsious?
Bobby Heenan
#48. When that man left her, and then the barber ran off with all the money and the few valuables she had saved up over the years, she didn't swallow caustic soda. She shook herself down as if nothing had happened
Magda Szabo
#50. Fighting with tangles,
fighting with curls,
the poor barber yanked,
the poor barber pulled,
until with one last effort
(and to the wonder of us all)
a GINORMOUS Polar Bear
landed on the floor.
Mili Fay
#51. Who the heck is Donald Trump to fire me? I regret I didn't tell Donald Trump, 'You need to fire your barber. I'm sorry. I ain't feeling you, man. You're fired! I fire you, Donald Trump.'
Sinbad
#52. I wanted to be Red Barber, Mel Allen or Howard Cosell. I loved their personalities and all of their sounds.
John C. McGinley
#54. Right at the end of the war I wrote a piano sonata, which was written at a time when Sam Barber used to come down here and we used to have lunch together in a very nice old hotel that's now not there.
Elliott Carter
#55. A prating barber asked Archelaus how he would be trimmed. He answered, In silence.
Plutarch
#56. No matter what ailed you, you went to see the barber surgeon who wound up cupping you, bleeding you, purging you. And, oh yes, if you wanted, he would give you a haircut and pull your tooth while he was at it.
Abraham Verghese
#57. I've had the same barber since I was about 14 years old.
Victor Cruz
#58. The rumors about me being with Jamal Lewis, Adam Carolla and Tiki Barber are absolutely false. I've never even met Adam or Tiki Barber in person'we did phone interviews. What happens is that a lot of high-profile men saw topless photos of me.
Kola Boof
#59. I do believe that you have to bring some degree of truth from yourself to the role [Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street ]in and I'll admit it here, I have shaved a grown man before. I have done it. And it wasn't Tim [Burton].
Johnny Depp
#60. Both were military. That was clear.Reacher could tell by their haircuts. No civilian barber would be as pragmatic or as brutal.
Lee Child
#61. Don't blame me for the fact that competent programming, as I view it as an intellectual possibility, will be too difficult for the average programmer, you must not fall into the trap of rejecting a surgical technique because it is beyond the capabilities of the barber in his shop around the corner.
Edsger Dijkstra
#62. To make a fine gentleman, several trades are required, but chiefly a barber.
Oliver Goldsmith
#64. The killing of everyone was the easy part, the most difficult part was lathering them up and shaving them, that's the part that freaked me out the most in [Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street ].
Johnny Depp
#65. Every small town has its dramatic group, its barber-shop quartet, every home has music in one form or another.
Kate Smith
#66. What is there of the divine in a load of brick? What ... in a barber shop? ... Much. All.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
#67. Since you (US "drug tsar" McCaffrey) control a federal budget that has just been increased from $17.8 billion last year to $19.2 billion this year, is asking people like you if we should continue with our nation's current drug policy like a person asking a barber if one needs a haircut?
James P. Gray
#68. That was the time calculated by the barber who based his estimate on the length of his customers' stubble.
Jeff VanderMeer
#69. Whatever you hear at the barber shop, stays at the barber shop.
Bernie Mac
#70. From two niches (to use Barber's word), North and South, we've splintered into hundreds of thousands, a nation of tribes connected not by kinship or even creed. We're merely tethered together by the Internet, by our brand loyalties and shared consumer obsessions.
Lisa Samson
#71. Take your ass to the barber shop. Tell the barber that you're sick of looking like an asshole.
Wesley Willis
#72. A grave aspect to a grave character is of much more consequence than the world is generally aware of; a barber may make you laugh, but a surgeon ought rather to make you cry.
Henry Fielding
#74. My primary school teacher once poured a bottle of curdled school milk forcefully down my throat. Then I threw it up all over her suede shoes. I'd rather have drunk from the spittoon in Barney's barber shop.
Paul O'Grady
#75. It's a small town; everybody eats in the same cafe; everybody gets their hair cut in the same barber shop. That kind of community building, I think, begins to bridge those gaps.
Joe Thompson
#76. In the Middle Ages, bloodletting was often performed by barbers, which is why the traditional barber's pole - like the bloody towels that once hung outside barber shops - is colored red and white.
Cary McNeal
#77. Donald Trump's mother, who said, Donnie! Stop playing Monopoly and get in that barber's chair! Never got a dinner!
Red Buttons
#78. I've lived in L.A. for a long time, and they say, 'If you sit in a barber's shop for long enough, you will get a hair cut.' Well, if you live in Los Angeles for long enough, you're going to get some surgery.
Robbie Williams
#79. Availability is a consistent factor in how most people choose to attempt suicide, said Ms. Barber, regardless of age. People trying to die by suicide tend to choose not the most effective method, but the one most at hand.
Anonymous
#80. When I was 16 I'd watch 'The Godfather,' but I didn't think, 'Right, I'm going to go down the barber's and get some protection money off him.'
Noel Gallagher
#81. I sat in the barber's chair in David Miller's makeup shop, hours and hours of trial and error. While David poked at me with his crusty brushes, I grew more and more profane. That's how I started to find the voice of Freddy.
Robert Englund
#82. Again, do you call those men leisured who spend many hours at the barber's simply to cut whatever grew overnight, to have a serious debate about every separate hair, to tidy up disarranged locks or to train thinning ones from the sides to lie over the forehead?
Seneca.
#83. In the sixties, everyone you knew became famous. My flatmate was Terence Stamp. My barber was Vidal Sassoon. David Hockney did the menu in a restaurant I went to. I didn't know anyone unknown who didn't become famous.
Michael Caine
#84. For reliable information, apply to a lawyer, a barber or prostitute. My informant hasn't found out so far who paid the captain.' 'But she will,' said Margaret, her face grave. 'I hope so,' he said with equal gravity,
Dorothy Dunnett
#85. I really can't be bothered going to a barber. And shaving every morning, that's nightmarish. I spent my teenage years covered in tiny little bits of toilet paper.
Alan Moore
#86. I've been cutting my hair ever since college. I try to do that whenever it gets rough. I'm not too cheap to go the barber shop, but I mostly try to do that by myself. I try to keep my skills sharp.
D'Brickashaw Ferguson
#87. Above his olive-skinned neck a Low Dark Fade they call it at the barber's school where I go for a $4.99 haircut and an experience.
Joseph McElroy
#88. Asking for financial advice from a financial planner is like asking a barber if you need a hair cut.
Warren Buffett
#89. I did study the art of being a barber because I wanted to figure out what my routine would be. Do you start in the front or back? Top or bottom? Swivel the chair or walk around? What I did discover is there's no such thing as the perfect haircut!
Sean Patrick Thomas
#90. You might be a redneck if you need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.
Jeff Foxworthy
#91. You oughta see Kathy's brother. Now there's a hood. He's so greasy he glides when he walks. He goes to the barber for an oil change, not a haircut.
S.E. Hinton
#92. The moment to tell my barber I was gay just never came up.
Yotam Ottolenghi
#93. In the half-reclined bed, Yaz slept, mouth open, snoring - probably doped. Mike turned on the TV. For twenty minutes, he watched retired generals on CNN discussing Afghanistan and troop surges as though they knew what the hell war was all about.
Pete Barber
#94. How awful that the artist has become nothing but the after-dinner mint of society,
Samuel Barber
#95. Independence used to be the ticket for liberty. But today, security and freedom, whether it's in the Arab Spring, whether it's in Iraq or whether it's right here in the United States, means working cooperatively and interdependently with others.
Benjamin Barber
#96. On radio, you're an artist. On TV, you're a servant.
Red Barber
#97. It's simple and delicious. So quit being such a snob.
James Barber
#98. I was meant to be a composer and will be I'm sure. Don't ask me to try to forget this unpleasant thing and go play football - please.
Samuel Barber
#99. Try to help others. Consult their weaknesses, relieve their maladies; strive to raise them up, and by so doing you will most effectually raise yourself up also.
Joseph Barber Lightfoot
