Top 36 Aging Humor Quotes
#1. I'm over the hill for come-on lines. On a quiet day, I can hear my liver rotting. For exercise, I fall down. ~ Clete
James Lee Burke
#2. If all women revealed their age, men would have nothing to hide from each other.
Bauvard
#4. The amount of women you hear say, "If Donald - or Arthur - or whatever his name was - had only lived." And I sometimes think but if he had, he'd have been a stout, unromantic, short-tempered, middle-aged husband as likely as not.
Agatha Christie
#5. When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it.
Mark Twain
#6. I Didn't Ask to Be a Senior Citizen (I Was Drafted)
Doug Jensen
#7. His age was indeterminate. But in cynicism and general world weariness, which is a sort of carbon dating of the personality, he was about seven thousand years old.
Terry Pratchett
#8. When Mama starts to move across a room, people pay attention. You can never be sure she's not going to grab you by the top of the head to steady herself. And she's pretty free with that walking stick, too.
Bailey White
#9. It's a good thing you're an aging orphan," he murmured, gently pushing the hair away from her face. "I don't have to wait around to get anyone's permission."
"Permission for what, you rat bastard?" she said.
"Such language, dragon. I'm afraid you're going to have to marry me.
Anne Stuart
#10. The two best anti-aging agents: humor and a sense of wonder.
Marty Rubin
#11. Past age fifty-five, I experienced the advancement of exquisite fabric choices, paint distinctions that were celestial in scope, yet so many other man-made objects, such as people, became drab, redundant and boring.
Carol A. Elliott
#12. Aging gracefully - A that is rejected in 40s, but gracefully accepted in 50s...
Sandhya Jane
#13. I'm growing fonder of my staff;
I'm growing dimmer in my eyes;
I'm growing fainter in my laugh;
I'm growing deeper in my sighs;
I'm growing careless of my dress;
I'm growing frugal of my gold;
I'm growing wise; I'm growing
yes,
I'm growing old.
John Godfrey Saxe
#14. An old man with overalls walked by; I don't think old people should wear overalls; it makes them look like shrivelly toddlers.
Aimee Bender
#15. A tip for increased sales or in situations of life or death: Try to always refer to the lady as Miss. or Ms. Using the term: Ma'am could piss her off.
Ginnetta Correli
#16. We can never skip growing old. As we grow older, we understand old things and things of old times better!
Ernest Agyemang Yeboah
#17. Old is always fifteen years from now.
Bill Cosby
#18. Wearing glasses for reading meant surrendering to old age without the least bit of a fight.
Andrea Camilleri
#19. The only options I have are a four fingered shuffle and an aging vibrator whose batteries, the last time I looked, were leaking a sticky liquid.
I long to do the same."
Time Was by Paul Adams
Paul Adams
#21. We don't ask when people age out of singing, or eating ice cream; why would we stop making love?
Ashton Applewhite
#23. Here's to another year and let's hope it's above ground.
Carol Shields
#24. I need to stop saying LMAO because that is precisely what's happening; I wish I could rewind time by two decades, immortalize my derriere in wax, and then kiss it goodbye.
Donna Lynn Hope
#25. To a man and woman, all of her elderly patients had been surprised to be old - which Avery privately regarded as a serious failure to pay attention.
Lionel Shriver
#26. REFUSAL
When you refuse
to tell your weight
and age,
people know
you're fat and old.
Chocolate Waters
#27. You get tired of always wondering anew why life has to take the place of youth.
Gary Lutz
#28. My last girlfriend was a Showgirl - But we eventually broke up because she wouldn't Tell me anything. Now I'm dating a girl who looks exactly like my grandma, only my girl older.
-James Lee Schmidt and Jarod Kintz
James Lee Schmidt
#29. I call the Change of Life "Orchids" because menopause is such an ugly word. It's got men in it for goddsakes.
Lisa Jey Davis
#30. You can do this (this thing, where your body will cease to produce hormones and your skin, hair, muscles and bones ... basically every part of you will notice, go into withdrawals, and stage a coup). Be prepared for this mentally, and you'll own this thing.
Lisa Jey Davis
#31. My friends scoffed at my anxiety and said dumb things like, 'Fifty is the new forty!' Which just made me realize that there are a whole lot of other people who suck at math as bad as I do. No. Fifty is fifty.
Celia Rivenbark
#33. Nat: Maybe you broke something.
Midge: I know. Never fall down, never fall down!
Nat: Ah, it's nothing. I fall down every morning. I get up, I have a cup of coffee, I fall down. That's the system. Two years old, you stand up and then BOOM! seventy years later, you fall down again.
Herb Gardner
#34. He put his hand on his forehead and scoured the French department of his memory for a word. He knew it was in there. He'd put it in almost fifty years before and hadn't had cause to remove it. But for the life of him he couldn't find it.
Colin Cotterill
#35. I was young once and slender and pretty and I made the most of it. It's somebody else's turn now.
Abigail Thomas
#36. Wow. Look at the lines in your face, Missy. It's like your bitterness just dug in and stayed.
Shelly Laurenston
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