Top 100 Josh Stern Quotes
#1. There's a fine mascara line between genius and insanity
Josh Stern
#2. When it comes to relationships, I find it best to have two feet out the door
Josh Stern
#3. Don't ever mistake silence for ignorance, when it is obviously stupidity
Josh Stern
#4. Every rule has an exception, and it's usually remedial
Josh Stern
#5. Don't you wish some people came with a silencer?
Josh Stern
#6. My greatest fault is trying to stuff the baggage of an impossible situation into the trunk of an elegant solution
Josh Stern
#7. Camus said 'Love Lasts or Love Burns'. I want a Lasting Burn-just nothing requiring a series of painful treatments by a rubber-gloved Doctor
Josh Stern
#8. There's always someone we'd love to kill, the trick is to make it not look like an accident
Josh Stern
#9. Never borrow trouble, the payback's a bitch
Josh Stern
#10. I'd rather be a nodding acquaintance, than a bobble head
Josh Stern
#11. Only the good die young'- especially when they're milk fed
Josh Stern
#12. You'll never know what psychopathic heights you're capable of, just lying there on the sofa
Josh Stern
#13. When you're out in the wilderness and get back to base camp only to discover sleeping bag turndown service ... .that's no chocolate on the pillow
Josh Stern
#14. The only threesome I've ever experienced is with Pantene 2 in 1
Josh Stern
#15. Trashy Women should probably exclusively date Garbage Men
Josh Stern
#16. Hotness and Genius have the same byproduct: Insanity
Josh Stern
#17. Flying is simple. Hitting the ground is hard
Josh Stern
#18. If it's the thought that counts, then ignorance must use a calculator
Josh Stern
#19. Come Hell or High Water usually depends on the kind of plug you use in the bath tub
Josh Stern
#20. Anyone can spin a victory, it's a total loss that demands creativity
Josh Stern
#21. Who enjoys life more? Well to start with, definitely the Living
Josh Stern
#22. Everything is a drive-thru. You just have to aim really fast
Josh Stern
#23. Manners without sincerity, is called polite society
Josh Stern
#24. Sure I eat my feelings, but I save the emotional roller coaster for dessert
Josh Stern
#25. Does speed dating necessarily end up in a quickie divorce ... ?
Josh Stern
#26. People who live in brick houses shouldn't throw wrecking balls
Josh Stern
#27. Treat me like a king and I'll treat you like a queen ... Treat me like a queen and off with your head
Josh Stern
#28. There is truth in wine, but you never see it listed in the ingredients on the label
Josh Stern
#29. If you live life on your own terms, people will definitely not understand you
Josh Stern
#30. The only way I'd ever die of a broken heart, is if I slammed into something really hard
Josh Stern
#31. When it comes to exacting revenge, it gets harder and harder to top yourself each successive time
Josh Stern
#32. Waiting for something to fall into your lap is a good way to get goosed
Josh Stern
#33. Maturity is when you no longer get the urge to make snow angels in mud season
Josh Stern
#34. I wanted to marry the first girl that I fell in love with, but there were religious differences.
I was an agnostic and she was a Polycarbonate
Josh Stern
#35. I have a keen sense of the oblivious
Josh Stern
#36. If life is a bowl of cherries ... do you know how many virgins it took to make that ...
Josh Stern
#37. If Life is short, then mine is fat and balding also
Josh Stern
#38. Give a man a fish and you will feed him for a day, give him some horns and he can be a Circus Seal act
Josh Stern
#39. Not only will those ultra bright European sulphur diode high beams ' catch a deer in the headlights' they'll vaporize it too
Josh Stern
#40. You always miss 100% of the shots you don't order
Josh Stern
#41. it can't be wrong, if it feels so wrong
Josh Stern
#42. Patience is learning to take a deep breath while you're exhaling
Josh Stern
#43. As for Chicks with Daddy Issues: Do I really want to be with a Woman who wants to be my Father?
Josh Stern
#44. Death is life's way of telling you, you've been recalled
Josh Stern
#45. My Anorexic Ex was so skinny she didn't give head, she gave skull
Josh Stern
#46. I spread eggshells all over my room, so anyone who tries to get close when I sleep will know what they're walking on
Josh Stern
#47. If you're not part of the problem, you're not ambitious enough
Josh Stern
#48. All the world's a stage and I'm just going through a phase
Josh Stern
#49. If bliss are a type of potato, then ignorance can be french-fried
Josh Stern
#50. I love Shark Week, where all kids under 12 swim for free
Josh Stern
#51. Friends might lose touch but never lose feelings
Josh Stern
#52. When she says 'I've never done this before she just means with you
Josh Stern
#53. Women need a reason to have sex, while men just need an angle
Josh Stern
#55. If Life flashes before your eyes just before you die ... mine will be wearing a trench coat
Josh Stern
#56. Trying to balance chivalry with equality, I always open a door for a Lady ... then stick my foot out
Josh Stern
#57. The practice of doing more than necessary works best when packing lunch boxes
Josh Stern
#58. If the second date seems to be going well, it's pretty much a given that by dessert I'll renounce my faith
Josh Stern
#59. I always splash on the cologne before a blind date because dogs can smell fear
Josh Stern
#60. I've always been a poor sport and a sore loser ... any other behavior might encourage a repeat performance
Josh Stern
#61. When people try to rain on your parade, ... pee on theirs
Josh Stern
#62. I started to enjoy the regal sport of cockfighting ... but I'm still having trouble getting the hang of windmilling the bayonet
Josh Stern
#63. Some people try to climb the ladder of success, while others try to jump on it
Josh Stern
#64. There's a fine line between stuff, and if you stare at it long enough it'll drive you insane or to genius
Josh Stern
#65. Y'know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations, like sitting on frozen peas after a vasectomy
Josh Stern
#66. I might feel ten feet tall, but I wouldn't touch you with my pole
Josh Stern
#67. I freely admit to enjoying the attentions Women lavish on me- Although it's usually when they're taking my order
Josh Stern
#68. If you love somebody set them free- it also works equally well if you hate somebody
Josh Stern
#69. Revenge is a dish best served by a tennis racket
Josh Stern
#70. If you're going to walk down the aisle together, best to go single file
Josh Stern
#71. I hate cutting my wrists while shaving
Josh Stern
#72. Life is a very brief candle especially when you burn it at both ends
Josh Stern
#73. An alibi is one alliterative consonant short of being a magic carpet
Josh Stern
#74. I try not to take things lying down, especially rectal thermometers
Josh Stern
#75. Never wear a top hat and tails and bring a saw to a funeral
Josh Stern
#76. Everyone comes with baggage, make sure you get one that comes with a rack
Josh Stern
#77. 'Having' Your Cake ... a little perverted ...
'Eating' it too ... a lot perverted!
Josh Stern
#78. The line forms on the right, but I prefer the chaos on the left
Josh Stern
#79. I hate carrying a torch, which is weird because otherwise I'm such a pyromaniac
Josh Stern
#80. If we are expected to show a gentle compassion for humanity, shouldn't we all have a wash care label sewn into each & everyone of us?
Josh Stern
#81. Loving someone is sticking a pin through a voodoo doll and not hitting any vital organs
Josh Stern
#82. Date rape is just plain moronic when you consider how slutty figs are
Josh Stern
#83. The Spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.... but it's willing too
Josh Stern
#84. The only drinking problem I've ever had, is figuring out why I'm still stuck in this salad spinner
Josh Stern
#85. In order to butterfly kiss, does it require caterpillar lips?
Josh Stern
#86. I hate pulling out ... I mean, I'm really bad at the whole parking thing ...
Josh Stern
#87. My recipe for success: Have someone else do it
Josh Stern
#88. To err is human, to accept full responsibility is to just run with it
Josh Stern
#89. If you're stuck in the past, you go forward in reverse
Josh Stern
#90. To acknowledge the absurdly surreal is the clarity to embrace life as it is, not as we desire it- what you do with this information, hell if I know
Josh Stern
#91. Dating should really be more like furniture store commercials ... I would love to' pay no interest for 6 months
Josh Stern
#92. Never send a Man in to do a Donkey's job
Josh Stern
#93. At this point in my life, beaming confidence is largely a matter of mind over bladder control
Josh Stern
#94. If you see the light at the end
of the tunnel, you're looking
through binoculars the wrong
way
Josh Stern
#95. Ever feel like dialing 911 is just simply not enough, and you really need to speak to someone on the Supreme Court ... ?
Josh Stern
#96. If positivity is not your mindset, then reset
Josh Stern
#97. The gene pool could use a deep end
Josh Stern
#98. If a picture paints a thousand words, then a naked picture paints a thousand words without any vowels ...
Josh Stern
#99. If you know how to open doors with just a smile, you must need your teeth capped every six months
Josh Stern
#100. Some Women have this thermogenic effect on you, even after they've left, you can still breathe her scent, feel her electricity & be stunned
Josh Stern
Famous Authors
Popular Topics
Scroll to Top
