Top 43 Zaphod's Quotes
#2. One of Zaphod's heads looked away. The other turned round to see what the first was looking at, but it wasn't looking at anything very much.
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#3. Today was the day; today was the day when they would realize what Zaphod had been up to. Today was what Zaphod Beeblebrox's presidency was all about.
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#4. But that's incredible." "No, Zaphod. Just very very improbable." "Er, yeah.
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#5. What, are you, crazy?' 'It's a possibility I haven't ruled out yet', said Zaphod quietly. 'I know as much about myself as my mind can work out under its current conditions. And its current conditions are not good.
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#6. Zaphod marched quickly down the passageway, nervous as hell, but trying to hide it by striding purposefully.
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#7. The little waiter's eyebrows wandered about his forehead in confusion.
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#8. The waiter approached.
'Would you like to see the menu?' he said. 'Or would you like to meet the Dish of the Day?'
'Huh?' said Ford.
'Huh?' said Arthur.
'Huh?' said Trillian.
'That's cool,' said Zaphod. 'We'll meet the meat.
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#9. The ship did. All by itself." "Huh?" "While we were in Improbability Drive." "But that's incredible." "No, Zaphod. Just very very improbable.
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#10. Only six people in the entire Galaxy understood the principle on which the Galaxy was governed, and they knew that once Zaphod Beeblebrox had announced his intention to run as President it was more or less a fait accompli: he was ideal presidency fodder.*
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#11. Zaphod did not want to tangle with them and, deciding that just as discretion is the better part of valor, so was cowardice is the better part of discretion, he valiantly hid himself in a closet.
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#12. If I ever meet myself,' said Zaphod, 'I'll hit myself so hard I won't know what's hit me.
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#13. Hey this is terrific!" Zaphod said. "Someone down there is trying to kill us!
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#14. According to the legends," he said, "the Magratheans lived most of their lives underground." "Why's that?" said Arthur. "Did the surface become too polluted or overpopulated?" "No, I don't think so," said Zaphod. "I think they just didn't like it very much.
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#15. Will you stop counting!' snarled Zaphod.
'Yes,' said Ford Prefect, 'in three minutes and thirty-five seconds.
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#16. Don't try to understand me, just be grateful that you felt the warmth of Zaphod Beeblebrox's aura on your wonderstruck face.
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#17. But what about the End of the Universe? We'll miss the big moment."
I've seen it. It's rubbish," said Zaphod,"nothing but a gnab gib."
A what?"
Opposite of a big bang. Come on, let's get zappy.
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#18. I figure this," said Zaphod. "Whatever happened to my mind, I did it. And I did it in such a way that it wouldn't be detected by the Government screening tests.
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#19. What are you after?"
...
"Well," said Zaphod airily, "It's partly the curiosity, partly a sense of adventure, but mostly I think it's the fame and the money ...
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#20. Zaphod had never heard of this. He believed that he had heard of all the fun things in the Galaxy, so he assumed that the Total Perspective Vortex was not fun.
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#21. What is this? Some sort of galactic hyperhearse?
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#22. Listen, Ford," said Zaphod, "everything's cool and froody." "You mean everything's under control." "No," said Zaphod, "I do not mean everything's under control. That would not be cool and froody.
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#23. As a child, Zaphod had been diagnosed with ADHDDAAADHD (ntm) ABT which stood for Always Dreaming His Dopey Days Away, Also Attention Deficit Hyperflactulance Disorder (not to mention) A Bit Thick.
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#24. Hey, er ... " said Zaphod, "what's your name?"
The man looked at them doubtfully.
"I don't know. Why, do you think I should have one? It seems very odd to
give a bundle of vague sensory perceptions a name.
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#25. Yeah, could you just sort of keep this robot with you and guard this end of the passageway. Okay?" "Guard?" said Arthur. "What from? You just said there's no one here." "Yeah, well, just for safety, okay?" said Zaphod. "Whose? Yours or mine?
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#26. Yeah," said Zaphod patting the thing on a glittering pink wing, "and you, baby, should be in real life.
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#27. Zaphod Beeblebrox, adventurer, ex-hippie, good-timer (crook? quite possibly), manic self-publicist, terribly bad at personal relationships, often thought to be completely out to lunch.
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#28. I'm up to here with cool, okay? I am so amazingly cool you could keep a side of meat in me for a month. I am so hip I have difficulty seeing over my pelvis.
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#29. You're crazy, Zaphod," he was saying, "Magrathea is a myth, a fairy story, it's what parents tell their kids about at night if they want them to grow up to become economists,
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#30. Zaphod was so surprised that they had to shoot him again before he fell down.
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#31. Zaphod Beeblebrox crawled bravely along a tunnel, like the hell of a guy he was. He was very confused, but he continued crawling doggedly anyway because he was that brave.
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#32. Arthur and Trillian had the fixed expressions of rabbits on a night road who think that the best way of dealing with approaching headlights is to stare them out. Zaphod
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#33. Much to his annoyance, a thought popped into his mind. It was very clear and very distinct, and he had now come to recognize these thoughts for what they were. His instinct was to resist them.
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#34. Computer," said Zaphod, "tell us what our present trajectory is.
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#35. Only six people in the Galaxy knew that the job of the Galactic President was not to wield power but to attract attention away from it. Zaphod Beeblebrox was amazingly good at his job.
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#36. Look," said Zaphod, "will you get it into your heads? That's just a recorded message. It's millions of years old. It doesn't apply to us, get it?
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#37. Marvin," he said, "just get this elevator go up will you? We've got to get to Zarniwoop."
"Why?" asked Marvin dolefully.
"I don't know," said Zaphod, "but when I find him, he'd better have a very good reason for me wanting to see him.
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#38. Impact minus twenty seconds, guys . . ." said the computer. "Then turn the bloody engines back on!" bawled Zaphod. "Oh, sure thing, guys," said the computer.
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#39. Zaphod felt he was teetering on the edge of madness and wondered if he shouldn't just jump over and have done with it.
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#40. If there's anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught and shot now.
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#41. Marvin started his ironical humming again. Zaphod hit him and he shut up.
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#42. Mr. Beeblebrox, sir,' said the insect in awed wonder, 'you're so weird you should be in movies.;
'Yeah,' said Zaphod patting the thing on a glittering pink wing, 'and you, baby, should be in real life.' The insect paused for a moment
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#43. I'm afraid you cannot leave,' said Zarniwoop, 'you are entwined in the Improbability Field. You cannot escape.' He smiled the smile that Zaphod had wanted to hit and this time Zaphod hit it.
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