You Will Be My Girlfriend Quotes

#1. The lips on my upper right bicep are my girlfriend's lips. She has the most amazing lips, and I wanted to carry them around with me everywhere I go, considering I can't carry her lips physically with me. So I decided to place them in a discreet location, such as the inside part of my bicep.

Jake Owen

#2. If I don't get a girlfriend soon (number one on the list) I may have to resort to drastic measures like surgery (me) or hypnosis (them).

J.A. Buckle

#3. My girlfriend always laughs during sex - no matter what she's reading.

Steve Jobs

#4. I went to church. It didn't help. In those days that was the best place to meet a girlfriend. In church! All of us praying to be different.

Jeffrey Eugenides

#5. Sookie: Hey, our hair's the same color.
Eric: Sure is, Girlfriend.

Charlaine Harris

#6. I want a girlfriend who eats as much as I do, which is a lot.

Niall Horan

#7. Wouldn't it be a waste to not try and stay with the one I liked?

Cara McKenna

#8. Dash is for sure straight!" Boomer announced. "He has a super-pretty ex-girlfriend named Sofia, who I think he still has a thing for, and also, in seventh grade, there was a game of spin the bottle and it was my turn and I spun and it landed at Dash, but he wouldn't let me kiss him.

David Levithan

#9. I'm always the kind of friend or girlfriend who suggests, when there's some cataclysmic problem in the relationship, I'm like, "Well, maybe we can come up with a creative activity that will help us out." I'm like, "Let's get out the pens! Draw a picture of how much you hate me!"

Miranda July

#10. I like to play pranks on my girlfriend, you know, keep things fresh for me, make me laugh, you know? She hates it. But like, the other night, I put Saran wrap over the toilet seat, you know, which doesn't sound that original, but she's bulimic.

Anthony Jeselnik

#11. It would be a bit awkward to be with a girlfriend who didn't love what you do.

Ashton Irwin

#12. You mistake my intent on our non-existent boyfriend/girlfriend relationship." He steps closer. "We might not be using the titles, but I still claim you as mine.

Skyla Madi

#13. Dios, she'd never come so hard in her life. How many people died this way? How would he ever explain to the ambulance crews that he'd chained his girlfriend out on the deck and killed her with too many orgasms?

Cherise Sinclair

#14. I'm coaching 'swing at this, don't swing at that,' and in the middle of it, a kid looks at me and says, 'Coach, I think I'm going to fail history.' Or maybe their girlfriend just dumped them. These are kids, and once I embraced that, this became a lot more fun.

Tony Gwynn

#15. Ex-girlfriends will find themselves in my new routine. Sometimes they like that, and sometimes they definitely do not. But comedians should come with a giant warning or disclaimer: IF YOU DATE ME, IT WILL BE IN MY ACT.

Dane Cook

#16. You get to a certain age and it really occurs to you: "My mother and my father will not always be here. My spouse or my girlfriend or boyfriend are here right now, but someday they won't be." You realize that you need to like yourself.

Angel Olsen