Third Child Funny Quotes

#1. I said: All right, talk, but do you mind putting the gun away? My wife doesn't care, but I'm pregnant and I don't want the child to be born with ...

Dashiell Hammett

#2. Children are very overprotected now, in lots of ways. We're very nervous about them. You know, people go, "Don't go outside! Or inside! Get into the cupboard with some spinach!" When I was a child they'd kick you out and you weren't expected to come back until there were bats!

Dylan Moran

#3. It's funny, when you're a child you think time will never go by, but when you hit about twenty, time passes like you're on the fast train to Memphis. I guess life just slips up on everybody. It sure did on me.

Fannie Flagg

#4. Inner child, what do you suggest? 'I WANT A TREEHOUSE!' Anything else to add? 'FARTY NOISE UNDER THE ARM!'

Russell Howard

#5. It's funny - more people talk about my 'babe-dom' now than they did before I had a child. Whatever. I guess I'm a role model in hot pants now. That's cool!

Lauryn Hill

#6. It's a funny thing about mothers and fathers. Even when their own child is the most disgusting little blister you could ever imagine, they still think that he or she is wonderful.

Roald Dahl

#7. I once took a poo in the woods while hunched over like an animal. It was AWESOME.

Drew Barrymore

#8. When you say 'Bedtime, bedtime, bedtime!' that's not what the child hears. What the child hears is 'Lie down in the dark ... for hours ... and don't move ... I'm locking the door now.'

Dylan Moran

#9. If you want to save your child from polio, you can pray or you can inoculate ... Choose science.

Carl Sagan

#10. Returning his pen to its holder, he told us, 'I will have him gutted with that scythe. I will hang him by his own intestines.' At this piece of dramatic exposition, I could not hep but roll my eyes. A length of intestines would not carry the weight of a child, much less a full grown man.

Patrick DeWitt

#11. Who the hell do you think you are?" your darkest interior voices will demand. "It's funny you should ask," you can reply. "I'll tell you who I am: I am a child of God, just like anyone else. I am a constituent of this universe. I have invisible spirit benefactors who believe in me, and who labor

Elizabeth Gilbert

#12. It is a sign of immaturity to believe that being older than someone (automatically) makes you more (mentally) mature than them.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

#13. As a child, I'd always liked cowboys and Indians stories where there were two layers - gruesome in the foreground but funny in the background.

Anthony Browne

#14. "Peggotty!" repeated Miss Betsey, with some indignation. "Do you mean to say, child, that any human being has gone into a Christian church, and got herself named Peggotty?"

Charles Dickens

#15. As a kid my heart would break for the villains.

Criss Jami

#16. And while all of your friends are grieving at your wake, I hope the sprinkler system turns on and sprays them with AIDS, hepatitis C and liquified genital warts. And while they're all running out and crying, I hope one of them slips and accidentally molests a child.

Jim Norton

#17. When I was a child, I always wanted to be funny and to please people in my family. As you grow up that instinct becomes more refined, but it's still there.

Romola Garai

#18. It'll leave you feeling hollow and helpless, and there is where you'll stay. Ain't it funny child, love sometimes leaves you as dead as yesterday.

Zakk Wylde

#19. When I was kidnapped as a child my parents sent a letter to the hijackers me Pay 5,000 dollars or your back

Rodney Dangerfield

#20. Every child needs a father. Even if he turns out to be Darth Vader.

Jackson Radcliffe

#21. Congratulations to your mom and dad for birth of a sweet child!

Sorry that I couldn't wish them when you were born.

Hasil Paudyal

#22. I've never worked in my natural accent, having studied so hard to get rid of it when I moved to England as a child where I was bullied at school for 'talking funny.'

Gina Bellman

#23. Regarding creating a new work ... Sometimes you have to beat it like a red-headed step-child.

John P. Sousa

#24. I think that comedy is a good defense for a child. Because you know childhood is a nightmare as it is. And so why not use comedy and being funny as a defense to get through your life as opposed to drugs, alcohol and good looks? Because those things are dangerous when your young.

Joy Behar

#25. Do you think pandas know they're Chinese and they're taking the one child policy a bit too seriously?

Jim Jefferies

#26. I saved you," Andersen said at last, slowly but firmly, like Pat was an idiot child who had to be reminded of the basic rules of the universe. To wit: Gravity exists. Time purports to flow in a linear fashion, but it's only trying to fool us. I saved you.

Alex Gabriel

#27. I have little sister Lola, she is small and very funny.

Lauren Child

#28. It's very hard to find a good child actor. There are a lot of child actors out there, especially in America, and they're cute kids, but most child actors appear on sitcoms where their main role is to be cute and make funny little remarks.

George R R Martin

#29. Child-- "I can't be patient, that's not a word, so don't even say it mommy."

Mommy-- "What?

Mel Brown

#30. It was a hard name having growing up as a child. Some kids would call me names like "Birbiglebug" and "Birbibliography" and "Faggot". Some were more clever than others.

Mike Birbiglia