Top 86 Stewart Lee Quotes
#1. I love Stewart Lee's 'Comedy Vehicle' on BBC2. The guy is a genius.
Jez Butterworth
#2. Ugh." Cole rolled his eyes, gave a small laugh. "In a move straight out of Lee's playbook, I rolled over in bed this morning and hit the dresser. Already killing it this morning.
Alexandra Bracken
#3. Grow the lawn and mow the lawn
always keep the TV on,
brush your teeth and kill the germs,
poison apples, poison worms.
Trenton Lee Stewart
#5. I'm really glad I'm not on Twitter. Because I'd have to be answering things that I didn't really know anything about, and I'd rather just wait for the dust to settle and then say something.
Stewart Lee
#6. One problem with being a leader, is that even among your friends you are alone, for it is you
and you alone
to whom the others look for final guidance.
Trenton Lee Stewart
#8. I've only just arrived, Kate. It may surprise you to learn that you were my top priority.
Trenton Lee Stewart
#10. If you are a young comic reading this and are worried that you have sold out, or may sell out at some point, DO IT! KILL YOURSELF NOW!
Stewart Lee
#11. I was always interested in the possibility maybe of finding my way into a big adventure.
Trenton Lee Stewart
#12. I'm just confusing the thrill of being young with the notion that the era in which I was young was in any way especially creative or remarkable.
Stewart Lee
#13. Rules and school are tools for fools! I don't give two mules for rules.
Trenton Lee Stewart
#14. Good grief! They're going to call us inside soon, and Sticky hasn't even met Madge yet!"
"Who's Madge?" Sticky asked.
"Her Majesty the Queen!
Trenton Lee Stewart
#16. As a reformed procrastinator, I'm now getting things done in the first 10 seconds of the last minute.
Stewart Lee Beck
#18. If political correctness has achieved one thing, it's that it has made the Conservative party cloak their inherent racism behind more creative language
Stewart Lee
#22. Now listen, we need to be quiet as mice. No, quieter than that. As quiet as ... as ... "
"Dead mice?" Reynie suggested.
"Perfect," said Kate with an approving nod. "As quiet as dead mice.
Trenton Lee Stewart
#23. I wanted to go to Sesame Street! I remember distinctly running through my neighborhood, thinking I knew how to get to Sesame Street, and then finally finding myself among some scrub trees and realizing I don't know where to go from here. I had to just mope back home.
Trenton Lee Stewart
#25. Remember, children. For every exit, there is also an entrance. ~ Milligan, The Mysterious Benedict Society
Trenton Lee Stewart
#26. No one seems to realize how much we are driven by FEAR, the essential component of human personality. Everything else - from ambition to love to despair - derives in some way from this single powerful emotion.
Trenton Lee Stewart
#27. I was like a woman at a drawer, putting away her party dresses between tissue paper, and there he stood in the doorway-- not Stewart Applebaum, but this feeling-- gentlemanly, feral, breathtaking, peaceful, something very close to life itself, asking me for one more dance down in the meadow.
Rebecca Lee
#28. Why, then, do you think the white player might have done it?"
Reynie considered. He imagined himself moving out his knight only to bring it right back to where it started. Why would he ever do such a thing? At last he said, "Perhaps because he doubted himself.
Trenton Lee Stewart
#30. My partner and I were going to renew our vowels, but the consonants revolted.
Stewart Lee Beck
#31. My wife says I'm full of half-baked ideas, so from now on, I'll microwave myself for 45-seconds before speaking.
Stewart Lee Beck
#32. Ironically, I am reliably informed that Michael McIntyre doesn't actually have a "man drawer", and invented the concept in order to ridicule ordinary people, for whom he has nothing but haughty contempt.
Stewart Lee
#33. They stared out their window at night enough to know where the darkest shadows lay, and it was to the darkest shadows they kept.
Trenton Lee Stewart
#34. At this time to refuse or neglect to give coffee to their wives was a legitimate cause for divorce among the Turks." William H. Ukers (1873-1945).
Stewart Lee Allen
#35. I knew about things like Iggy Pop and The Velvet Underground, weirdly, before I knew about David Bowie. I didn't know what David Bowie was, when I was a kid. I thought he was like Visage.
Stewart Lee
#36. Reynie's fce fell. 'It's not funny, Kate.'
For a moment - a fleeting moment - Kate looked desperately sad. 'Well, of course it's not funny, Reynie Muldoon. But what do you want me to do? Cry?
Trenton Lee Stewart
#39. Listen, just do what you think is right, and we'll support it." ~ Sticky Washington, The Prisoner's Dilemma
Trenton Lee Stewart
#40. The power itself comes from the fact that you can do something and people can't see you do it and what kind of responsibility do you have when you can do it. What kind of good things can you do or can you do good things from being invisible in this way?
Trenton Lee Stewart
#41. Even if he did explain it, no one would believe him because no one would understand him. That's the downside to being a genius - just because you understand something doesn't mean anyone else will.
Trenton Lee Stewart
#44. Generally, a lot of the things people think are made up are real, a lot of the things people think are real are made up, a lot of the things people think are spontaneous are cleverly faked, and a lot of the things people think are fake are spontaneous.
Stewart Lee
#45. I hope you haven't given up on the S.Q.'s of the world, Reynie. As you see, there are a great many sheep in wolves' clothing. If not for S.Q.'s good nature, we'd never have escaped.
Trenton Lee Stewart
#47. If we're just trying to be accurate, then how about 'The Doomed to Fail Bunch'?" said Constance.
"Honestly! We can't even name ourselves.
Trenton Lee Stewart
#48. Milligan! Come and tell us why you're so dreadfully glum!" ~ Constance, The Mysterious Benedict Society
Trenton Lee Stewart
#49. May your adventures bring you closer together, even as they take you far away from home.
Trenton Lee Stewart
#50. You must remember, family is often born of blood, but it doesn't depend on blood. Nor is it exclusive of friendship. Family members can be your best friends, you know. And best friends, whether or not they are related to you, can be your family.
Trenton Lee Stewart
#51. And when I do crave privacy, I have only to flip the "Closed" sign on my shop door until I'm feeling sociable again. Everyone should have such signs on their doors, don't you think?
Trenton Lee Stewart
#52. Is this what family is like: the feeling that everyone's connected, that with one piece missing, the whole thing's broken?
Trenton Lee Stewart
#54. Was it worse for him, Reynie wondered, to have felt loved and then rejected? Or was it worse to have always felt alone?
Trenton Lee Stewart
#55. Browsing the first editions at my local independent bookstore, I came across 'Pastoralia,' a collection of stories by George Saunders. I'd read one of the stories in it already, and several other Saunders stories in magazines and anthologies, and liked them all.
Trenton Lee Stewart
#56. 'Is that really the best you can say? An average-looking boy? An awful lot of boys are average-looking, S.Q.!' And poor S.Q., he just kept arguing that 'this boy was especially average-looking.' " ~ Kate Wetherall, The Mysterious Benedict Society
Trenton Lee Stewart
#57. There was a unique pleasure in knowing a friend so well, Reynie reflected, rather like sharing a secret code.
Trenton Lee Stewart
#59. Go on, Kate. I don't want to have fallen four stories for nothing. - Milligan
Trenton Lee Stewart
#60. Oh, here's a clever one. Do you remember this question from the first test? It reads, 'What's wrong with this statement?' And do you know what Constance wrote in reply? She wrote, 'What's wrong with you?
Trenton Lee Stewart
#62. Kate laid her hand against his cheek. "Why do you keep doing this? Why do you keep getting hurt?"
"Bad habit," Milligan mumbled.
Trenton Lee Stewart
#65. Don't thank me,' Mr. Curtain called as the door slid closed. 'Impress me!
Trenton Lee Stewart
#67. My grandad always said, "You should never judge a book by its cover." And it's for that reason that he lost his job as chair of the British Book Cover Awards panel.
Stewart Lee
#68. Within a few years these "jokes" as we comedians call them, will have been entirely purged from my work in favour, exclusively, of grinding repetition, embarrassing silence and passive-aggressive monotony.
Stewart Lee
#69. He pulled the tiller and shouted the words, "Ready about ... LEE HO!" I stared at him incredulously. What sort of things was that for one sensible adult to shout at another?
Chris Stewart
#70. I think when I started to write 'The Mysterious Benedict Society' that I had that kind of thing in mind - the notion of having to be able to solve puzzles and riddles because enormous stakes rode upon your ability to do that.
Trenton Lee Stewart
#71. She was a thin woman in a mustard-yellow suit, with a yellowish complexion, short-cropped rusty red hair, and a stiff posture. She reminded Reynie of a giant walking pencil.
Trenton Lee Stewart
#73. At this, Constance sat down on a rock and covered her face. She seemed smaller than ever now - so small the harbor breeze might catch her up like a scrap of paper and carry her away, carry her into nowhere.
Trenton Lee Stewart
#74. The missing aren't missing, they're only departed,
All minds keep all thoughts - so like gold - closely guarded,
Trenton Lee Stewart
#75. And please don't call me that.
I didn't call you 'that', I called you George Washington.
Trenton Lee Stewart
#76. I am sick of reading on Daily Mail message boards that I am 'one of these foul-mouthed modern comedians' when I am absolutely not. Honestly, who are these cunts?
Stewart Lee
#77. In short, if Cameron said "bunch of migrants" by accident, he is a dick, but if he said it on purpose, in order to draw the eye, dead-cat-style, away from the Google atrocity, which he did, then he is a bastard, which is worse.
Stewart Lee
#78. ... I see that something's are hard to do, but that you can't live with yourself if you don't do them. I see that the best way to help myself is to help the people I care about. The rest will sort itself out. It has to, right?
Trenton Lee Stewart
#79. When the time comes to face McCracken, I don't want you anywhere near."
"I agree with Milligan!" Sticky whispered.
Milligan winked at him and quickly ushered the children back to the double doors.
Trenton Lee Stewart
#80. You know what i like about buttons? They're very small things that hold bigger things together. Awfully important, buttons - little but strong.
Trenton Lee Stewart
#81. She announced her age right away, for children consider their ages every bit as important as their names.
Trenton Lee Stewart
#82. So began one of the fiercest and strangest battles ever fought, a battle that involved all manner of business supplies, elegant clothing and accessories, and no shortage of trickery and taunts.
Trenton Lee Stewart
#83. We [Americans] became a nation of java junkies, wired from dawn to dusk intent on running faster, getting richer, dancing harder, playing longer and getting higher than anybody else.
Stewart Lee Allen
#84. If you like to tell stories and compose sentences, and if you work hard at being good at these things, then you are a writer even if you haven't published anything.
Trenton Lee Stewart
#85. Au contraire..."
"What?" Constance demanded.
Curtain blinked.
~ The Perilous Journey
Trenton Lee Stewart
#86. I'm an orphan!" Constance cried gleefully. "I'm an orphan!" ~ The Prisoner's Dilemma
Trenton Lee Stewart
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