Top 100 Skulduggery's Quotes
#1. We can do this the easy way,' Oblivious snarled. 'Or the hard way.'
'What's the easy way?'
'You leave immediately.'
'And what's the hard way?'
'We make you leave.'
Skulduggery's head tilted. 'What was the easy way again?
Derek Landy
#2. It's fairly standard. Also, I'm fourteen. Also, your
beard's stupid."
"Isn't this fun?" Skulduggery said brightly. "The three of us
getting along so well.
Derek Landy
#3. You have no idea about presents or what they mean. The last
present you gave me was a stick."
"You wanted a weapon."
"It was a stick."
"It had a bow on it."
"It was a stick."
"I thought you liked the stick. You laughed.
Derek Landy
#4. I don't show off. I merely demonstrate my abilities at opportune times.
Derek Landy
#5. If you don't see me in five minutes, then I've probably died a brave and heroic death.
Derek Landy
#6. I am a rational man, but haven't you heard? i'm also insane. It gives me a unique perspective on things.
Derek Landy
#7. Stephanie: I wouldn't mind a sister either
Tanith: Any chance of that happening?
Stephanie: I can't see what would be in it for my parents. I mean, they have the perfect daughter already - What more could they want?
Derek Landy
#8. Serpine underestimates you. Everyone underestimates you. You're stronger than they know. You're stronger than you know - Skulduggery
Derek Landy
#9. We're not retreating, we're advancing in reverse.'
Skulduggery Pleasant
Derek Landy
#10. You can only anticipate what someone is going to do if you know exactly what that someone has just done.'
Skulduggery
Derek Landy
#11. Wow," she said. "It's like you're teaching me something and being all wise."
"You are not easy to get along with," Skulduggery said.
Derek Landy
#12. It would be fun," Skulduggery nodded. "I like kicking Wreath in the face. I haven't had a chance to do it nearly as much as I'd like.
Derek Landy
#13. Why did you have to jump out of the window?"
"You know why," Skulduggery said, walking away.
Axle looked up, tears streaming from his eyes. "Why did he do that? Why?"
Stephanie glowered. "Because doors are for people with no imagination," she said.
Derek Landy
#14. What about you?" he asked, his words not much more than a mumble. "Regrets?"
"Many," Skuduggery said.
Tesseract's breath rattled in his chest. "That's the goo thing about living. You get to make up for past mistakes."
"Or make brand-new ones.
Derek Landy
#15. Skul-man!' he exclaimed as he rushed forward to shake his hand. 'Last I heard you were trapped on a dead world overrun by evil trans-dimensional superfiends!'
Skulduggery nodded. 'Just got back.
Derek Landy
#16. Do not try to hit me again." "How about me?" Skulduggery said as he ran up behind him. "Can I hit you?
Derek Landy
#17. We're not robbing him," Skulduggery said." But I'm afraid I have some bad news."
"Is it Deacon?" Francine asked, her eyes wide.
"It is."
"Is he sick?"
"It's a little worse than that."
She gasped. "He's dying?"
"He was briefly dying," said Skulduggery. "Now he's dead.
Derek Landy
#18. The rain battered the cottage. Valkyrie risked a look up at Skulduggery.
"What is it?" she whispered.
"It's a box," he whispered back.
"What kind of box?"
"A wooden one."
She gave him a look.
Derek Landy
#19. Mum, Dad, Fergus... this is Skulduggery Pleasant
Derek Landy
#20. Serpine: You have caused me so much trouble over the years detective. It's almost a shame to end it
Skulduggery: You're surrendering?
Derek Landy
#21. Through the gaps in the books, Ryan could see someone in the next aisle over, moving slowly. Someone in black. Someone whistling. Ryan recognized the tune. It was the theme music to Harry Potter.
Derek Landy
#22. He said he was Lord Vile. - Skulduggery
Derek Landy
#23. Strike from the shadows, disapear into darkness
Derek Landy
#24. You'll know they've spotted us when they screech," Skulduggery told her. The creatures screeched.
Derek Landy
#25. Bravery, after all, isn't the absence of fear. Bravery is the acknowledgement and the conquering of fear.
Derek Landy
#26. Well, for future reference, this is my serious face.
Derek Landy
#27. I used to be so good at that kind of thing," Skulduggery said quietly.
"Well, my morale is certainly boosted," Valkyrie informed him.
"Really?"
"god no. That was terrible
Derek Landy
#28. So what does that actually mean?'
'To be honest, Ghastly, I haven't a bull's notion.'
'Elder Bespoke should be addressed by his full title,' Tipstaff said.
'Of course,' Skulduggery said. 'To be honest, Your Highness, I haven't a bull's notion.
Derek Landy
#29. Violence?"Skulduggery said. "Violence is never the answer, until it's the only answer.
Derek Landy
#30. Ryan, you're not real. You don't exist ... You're Deacon Maybury," Skulduggery said. "You're a hiding place who thinks it's a boy.
Derek Landy
#31. Ghastly and Anton have been murdered. Ravel's betrayed us. Valkyrie is ... gone. The Dead Men have had their last stand and we've fallen, Saracen. The three of us are all that remain. - Skulduggery
Derek Landy
#32. She's actually a friend of yours... Myosotis Terra. And you wouldn't know, actually. Or to be precise, you wouldn't remember. - Skulduggery (Myosotis Terra)
Derek Landy
#33. Have to be honest with you Darquesse, I cannot feel that. That must be one of your special abilities, because to me, it looks like you just killed a whole bunch of people for no reason."
"Oh," said Darquesse. "That's so sad
Derek Landy
#34. The Baron, unfortunately, turns it all the way up to eleven."
"Seriously? Because, you know, that's one more evil
Derek Landy
#35. Skulduggery? Where's Skulduggery?"
"I'm here," Skulduggery said. "I was beginning to think you were lost to us."
Finbar's mouth twitched into a brief smile. "Sorry. You're not going to get rid of me so easily.
Derek Landy
#36. What is it?' Stephanie whispered.
'That, my dear Valkyrie, is what we call a monster.'
She looked at Skulduggery. 'You don't know what it is, do you?'
'I told you what it is, it's a horrible monster. Now shut up before it comes over here and eats us.
Derek Landy
#37. We're not really intruding," he called down. "This is all a big misunderstanding."
"Stop right there!" shouted one of them.
Skulduggery held his hand to an ear he didn't have.
"What's that?"
"Stop!"
"Keep going?"
"STOP!"
"OK, we'll keep going.
Derek Landy
#38. The enemy of my enemy is not necessarily my friend - Skulduggery Pleasant.
Derek Landy
#39. Kenspeckle: Have you eaten?
Valkyrie: One of your assistants brought me a burger for breakfast
Kenspeckle: I meant, have you eaten sensibly?
Valkyrie: I was very sensible while I was eating the burger. Didn't miss my mouth once
Derek Landy
#40. If things go wrong, I'll lead them away. Once it's clear, get back to the car. If you don't see me in five minutes, then I've probably died a very brave and heroic death. Oh and don't Oh, and don't touch the radio
I've got it tuned right where I want it and I don't want you messing that up.
Derek Landy
#41. Did you know, and this is a fact here, did you know that most spiders are ugly? It's true. The woman spiders have it really hard time of it. I saw it on a documentary. Why do you think the Black Widow kills the guy she mates with? Shame, that's why - Tanith Low
Derek Landy
#42. Valkyrie smiled patiently. I like how you do your make-up. Do you use a brush, or just dip your head in the bucket?
Derek Landy
#43. You know," Ghastly said to Skulduggery, "for someone who hates plans, you've got an awful lot of them."
"Well, yes," Skulduggery replied, "but really, the likelihood of any of them actually working is extraordinarily slim.
Derek Landy
#44. It always surprised Valkyrie whenever she realized just how close the weird and the wonderful, and the fierce and the frightening, lived to the rest pf the non-magical, mortal world.
Derek Landy
#45. Tanith: Serpine is used to the Elders taking forever to make their calm, thought-out decisions. So he won't be expecting anything as amazingly rash and reckless as this
Ghastly: That'll teach him to underestimate stupid people.
Derek Landy
#46. She's you, without your conscience, or your feelings. She's you without your humanity."
"You're saying she's a mood swing?"
He shrugged. "Or maybe you're her mood swing."
"Don't even joke about that.
Derek Landy
#47. The sparrow flies south for the winter.
Derek Landy
#48. I'm sorry? No more smooches is worse than the world ending?
Derek Landy
#49. So that plan worked out well.'
Skulduggery, your entire plan consisted of, and I quote, "Let's get up close and then see what happens."'
All the same,' he said, 'I think the whole thing worked out rather beautifully.
Derek Landy
#50. That man," Carol said. "The thin man at Gordon's will reading, with the ridiculous name. He's involved in this, isn't he?"
"Skulduggery Pleasant," Valkyrie nodded. "And yes, he is.
Derek Landy
#51. I didn't think they even existed. They're in stories, in legends, and we have Dragon Eye jewels and dragon threads and dragon this and that, but no one ever seriously thought these things came from actual dragons. That would have been... ridiculous. - Skulduggery
Derek Landy
#52. Just put the stone in your pocket, then leave me in an empty room so I can gaze out at all the Edgleys and laugh. Or maybe I'll pretend to be a ghost and haunt Beryl - Echo-Gordon (Skulduggery Pleasant: Playing With Fire)
Derek Landy
#53. What is it with you women? You come into out lives, you take everythin'! Throughtout the years you got little peces of me, of my very soul, and now? Now you got my damn straight razor! How am I supposed to kill people? How am I supposed to even shave? - Billy-Ray Sanguine
Derek Landy
#54. Do you have a weapon for me, or do you want me to beat her to death with a large stick? - Mr Bliss
Derek Landy
#55. Skulduggery, she's not being professional - Tanith Low
Derek Landy
#56. Sanguine: That hurt
Tanith: I can make this easy on you
Sanguine: You gonna give me that sword of yours?
Tanith: No, but if you tell me what Baron Vengeous is planning, I'll let you walk away from here
Sanguine: But I drove here.
Derek Landy
#57. I'm in the mood for some fighting." "If there is," Stephanie said, handing him his gun, "here's something you can use." "Ah, bless. I've missed her. Do you have bullets?" "Uh, no." Skulduggery paused. "Excellent," he said, and tucked the gun away.
Derek Landy
#58. Cheer up everyone, since we're all going to die horribly anyway, what's there to be worried about? - Skulduggery Pleasant.
Derek Landy
#59. I love you all, even those I don't
particularly like. That's you, Beryl.
Derek Landy
#60. Of course I want to kill you," said Skulduggery. "I want to kill most people. But then where would I be? In a field of dead people with no one to talk to.
Derek Landy
#61. He looked natural and unrushed, and had obviously had a lot of experience at either chicanery or skulduggery, depending on which word was better suited for describing officially sanctioned mischief.
Jeff Lindsay
#62. The fate of the world depends upon whether or not you can bring yourself to visit your relatives ..." ~ Skulduggery Pleasant
Derek Landy
#63. They're not going to arrest you,' Skulduggery said as they walked through the door. 'They might glare at you and say angry words, but they won't arrest you. Well, they might arrest you. There's a good chance they will. But the important thing is that I've done nothing wrong.'
'For once.
Derek Landy
#64. We can hold them off," Shudder said. "What do you think, Skulduggery?"
"Should be fun," Skulduggery responded. "Valkyrie here has never held off a horde of zombies before. It'll be a good experience for her."
"Oh, joy," she muttered.
Derek Landy
#65. Warlocks are dark sorcerers on a dark path. They eat the souls of their enemies to absorb their strength. I haven't gone up against one of them in ... a long time. I didn't think there were any left. - Skulduggery
Derek Landy
#66. China's voice came through the phone. "Has the shark eaten him yet?"
"Not yet," Skulduggery muttered. "So what happens if I do it wrong?"
"Geoffrey gets eaten," China said. "Am I on loudspeaker?
Derek Landy
#67. Skulduggery was right by Valkyrie's elbow, but remained quiet. She appreciated that. Any other man would have leaped in to defend her honour. Valkyrie was quite capable of doing that herself.
Derek Landy
#68. Oh, escape is easy once you have the right plan.'
'Do we have the right plan?'
'Not yet.'
'Do we have any plan?'
'Not yet.
Derek Landy
#69. Skulduggery: I don't know what they are, but there are dozens of them, relatively small, moving as a pack
Valkyrie: They might be kittens
Skulduggery: They're stalking us
Valkyrie: They might be shy
Skulduggery: I don't think they're kittens
Valkyrie: Puppies then?
Derek Landy
#70. This is preposterous. Why would I lie? I'm not a criminal. The criminals are the ones in the cells." - Mien
"The prisoners are the ones in the cells," Skulduggery corrected. "Criminals can be anyywhere.
Derek Landy
#71. Detective, have you ever considered the fact that violence is the recourse of the uncivilised man?" Skulduggery looked back. "I'm sophisticated, charming, suave and debonair, Professor. But I have never claimed to be civilised.
Derek Landy
#72. Sanguine: You mind if I take pictures? Brought my own camera and everythin'
Valkyrie: Knock yourself out
Sanguine: Thanks
Valkyrie: No, really, run head first into a wall and knock yourself out
Derek Landy
#74. Do you think we'll be waiting long?" Valkyrie asked,
keeping her voice low.
"The last time we were in this building, we accused the
Grand Mage of being a traitor," Skulduggery said. "Yes, I think
we'll be waiting long.
Derek Landy
#75. Skulduggery," the tall man said eventually, his voice deep and resonant, "trouble follows in your wake, doesn't it?"
"I wouldn't say follows," Skulduggery answered. "It more kind of sits around and waits for me to get there.
Derek Landy
#76. Serpine: No, my old enemy, I think for the moment anyway, we're all alone. And you have something I want
Skulduggery: A winning sense of style?
Derek Landy
#77. Sometimes it's not what you say, Valkyrie, it's just the fact that you're saying it.
Derek Landy
#78. I wasn't always who I am now. No one ever is. I've spent my entire lifetime becoming who I am. Finally, I'm here and I'm old. It's depressing, it really is.
Derek Landy
#79. Tanith: How did Skulduggery sound?
Valkyrie: Angry and worried; He's only OK when I'm attacked by people he knows. He'd never even heard of this Sangunie guy
Derek Landy
#80. Valkyrie: Guild doesn't like me
Skulduggery: That's true
Valkyrie: He doesn't like you either
Skulduggery: Now that is mystifying.
Derek Landy
#81. Stephanie had no problem doing what she
was told, just so long as she was given a good reason why she
should.
Derek Landy
#82. The workshop door opened and Skulduggery emerged. "Ryan," he said, "stop leaning on my car.
Derek Landy
#83. That was a good day for me," Skulduggery said. "I didn't have to hit anyone. I didn't have to shoot anyone. I just sat around and talked to my good friend and partner, Valkyrie Cain.
Derek Landy
#84. Valkyrie: "You are such a moron."
Skulduggery: "Don't be jealous of my genius.
Derek Landy
#85. Well, OK then." He narrowed his eyes. "How about you? Do you have any ... romances I should know about?"
"Nope. Not one."
"Well, good. Excellent. There'll be plenty of time for boys when you leave college and become a nun."
She smiled. "I'm glad you have such ambitious dreams for me.
Derek Landy
#86. Sanguine: Shackles can't hold me, pretty lady. I'm immune to just about every binding spell I reckon you ever heard of, and a few more you haven't. That's what makes me special
Tanith: That and your psychopathic tendencies
Sanguine: Oh, they don't make me special. They just make me fun.
Derek Landy
#87. Kindness suits you."
"Really? I think I'm quite allergic to it.
Derek Landy
#88. Donegan Bane and Gracious O'Callahan - the Monster Hunters. Adventurers, inventors, authors of Monster Hunting for Beginners and it's sequels, Monster Hunting for Beginners is Probably Inadvisable and Seriously, Dude, Stop Monster Hunting.
Derek Landy
#89. Weren't expecting this, were you, Mr. Detective? Probably thought, once a mountain fell on her, you'd seen the last of our sister, eh?"
"To be honest," Skulduggery said, "yes.
Derek Landy
#90. Well," Skulduggery said, "purely to get this out of the way, I'll just go ahead and say it. There does not seem to be any sign of a railway track on the carpet or, indeed, a train hiding behind the sofa. And I don't think one could have fitted through the door.
Derek Landy
#91. Palaeontology and archaeology and other skulduggery were not subjects that interested wizards. Things are buried for a reason, they considered. There's no point in wondering what it was. Don't go digging things up in case they won't let you bury them again.
Terry Pratchett
#92. The next time? Oh, my dear Eliza, you're not going to carry on with this, are you? The Faceless Ones had their chance. They returned and they were sent away again. It's time to move on. Time to take up another hobby, like crocheting, or serial killing.
Derek Landy
#93. To betray is to act against, I just haven't acted at all - China Sorrows
Derek Landy
#94. Cow," Tanith muttered, and that was it, the floodgates opened, and Stephanie doubled over with laughter that echoed throughout the warehouse. Tanith pointed at Stephanie and backed away. "Skulduggery, she's not being professional!
Derek Landy
#95. I kill a sofa for you and you go and sit in a chair?" Skulduggery asked. "I don't think you appreciate the sacrifice that has been made for you.
Derek Landy
#96. He has a name."
"Oh yeah. Skulduggery isn't it?" Fletcher responded. "That's an unusual one. Tell me were you born a skeleton or were your folks just disturbingly hopeful?
Derek Landy
#97. That girl," Skulduggery muttered, "never does what she's bloody well told ...
Derek Landy
#99. Punishment is not the answer. Punishment is easy. It's lazy. Redemption is hard. Redemption makes you work.
-Skulduggery
Derek Landy
#100. And I have lifetimes inside me, I'm the girl you see standing here,and I'm a cranky old professor, and I'm a peace-loving man, and I'm a killer and a maid and a king and a peasant. I am a dozen more. You think you're old? You got nothing on me.
Derek Landy
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