Top 100 Silverman's Quotes
#1. That's basically the mantra of Herr Silverman's teaching - think for yourself and do what's right for you, but let others do the same.
Matthew Quick
#2. Some people need Hell. If you're the type of guy who sees a hooker in an alleyway and instinctively thinks, "Hey, now there's something I could rape and kill without any consequences," then the concept of Hell might really keep you out of trouble.
Sarah Silverman
#3. That's not to say that I don't find anything offensive.
Sarah Silverman
#4. The sun shines directly on this great country, and it can be harvested, it's not owned by anybody. It's something the Jews and the Palestinians share and could work together to make the whole world a better place, not just this Middle East stuff, but the whole world.
Sarah Silverman
#5. I do know that I can take a punch. I've been punched in the face three times. That's, I think, a really important thing to know about yourself. It helps you in life. It helps you be brave when you know you can take a punch. I'm a lover, not a fighter. But, God bless me, I can take a punch.
Sarah Silverman
#6. I love going to weddings. And I love it when my friends get married. I'm not against marriage but it's just not for me. I'm a vegetarian, but I don't have a problem if you want a hamburger.
Sarah Silverman
#8. I made my daughter read the whole. That's how you make atheists.
David Silverman
#9. Anything television trivia I'm good at. But when you're on your couch, you're really good at it, but when you're standing there, it's probably scary.
Sarah Silverman
#10. Comedy is about talking about my own experience, and I'm a woman, and that's my experience, and just because it isn't yours doesn't invalidate it.
Sarah Silverman
#11. If women could ejaculate, I would have exploded hot jizz all over my manager's face. Instead, I hugged him. (about getting the SNL gig as a writer)
Sarah Silverman
#12. When you are buying companies, everyone in the company feels very good. Their chests are puffed out. At Blackstone, I used to tell people that there is nothing more fun than buying a company with somebody else's money. The business is growing, which creates more opportunity for your employees.
Henry Silverman
#13. It's written that learning is more precious than rubies, more lasting than gold. Rubies may be lost and gold stolen, but that which you learn is yours forever.
Erica Silverman
#14. I don't think half my stuff would be funny if the audience didn't feel at least a little bit safe that it's not how I truly feel.
Sarah Silverman
#15. I'm always in those tabloids where they show who's badly dressed. It's funny, because each time I'm getting my picture taken, I'm thinking, This is a nice outfit.
Sarah Silverman
#16. I know I'm not funny. I mean, let's face it, I'm no Groucho Marx. But if you're a guy, and you're watching late night television, are you gonna start jacking off to Groucho? I don't think so!
Sarah Silverman
#17. I was sent to sleepover camp since I was 6, and you know, it's a recipe for disaster.
Sarah Silverman
#18. The sum total of all scientifically valid proof supporting the existence of all of world's gods, combined, is zero.
David Silverman
#19. I have heard many times that atheists know more about religion than religious people. Atheism is an effect of that knowledge, not a lack of knowledge. I gave a Bible to my daughter. That's how you make atheists.
David Silverman
#20. I'm doing a lot of stand-up, but not like when you're living in New York and you can do three sets a night and it's your life, and you sleep all day and you wake up and you eat with a bunch of other comics and then get ready for the night.
Sarah Silverman
#21. My comedy notebooks are filled with random journal entries. It's all the same. I can look back on old joke notebooks, and know exactly what was going on in my life.
Sarah Silverman
#22. Nothing is taboo if you have an angle on it. That said, critiquing women's human shells isn't my thang. Though there's probably something funny or interesting to be said about those who do it, and what that comes from.
Sarah Silverman
#23. It's really stupid to defend your own jokes. That is for other people to do if they choose to.
Sarah Silverman
#24. Why would I become involved with something that doesn't include everyone? If you're getting married today, it's the equivalent of joining a country club that doesn't allow blacks or Jews.
Sarah Silverman
#25. Well, I'm not afraid to say something if I think it's funny, even if it's harsh or racist.
Sarah Silverman
#26. I never want to be in a position where I have to defend my material. It's too subjective. It's for other people to defend or not defend.
Sarah Silverman
#27. In a shooting day in the U.K., every few hours, everyone takes a bit of a tea break - not coffee, but a tea break. They bring out these little finger sandwiches with the crust cut off. Everyone sits around for a few minutes, with their pinkies in the air, drinking. It's so cultured.
Jonathan Silverman
#28. One thing I learned over the years since then is that the hours you work on a show are directly related to the happiness of the head writer's marriage.
Sarah Silverman
#29. All comics want to be musicians. There's a part of me that wants to be a serious musician. I love songs about heartache and heartbreak.
Sarah Silverman
#30. Any dope with a checkbook can buy a company. It's what you do afterward that matters.
Henry Silverman
#31. Some things are just for private. It's like people thinking I'm cold or this or that. It's unfortunate, but I don't need strangers to know that I'm warm. I don't need strangers to know the real me.
Sarah Silverman
#33. I don't get this shitty attitude that only gays should care about gay issues and only women should care about women's issues.
Sarah Silverman
#34. I feel so confident and awesome and sexy when I'm with people who are older than me, and I've always been surrounded by people who are older than me. But to be vital in comedy, you have to exist in a world that's dominated by young people.
Sarah Silverman
#35. Everyone's got their own velocity, and there's no real time frame with comedy.
Sarah Silverman
#36. Don't forget, God can see you masturbating. But don't stop. He's almost there.
Sarah Silverman
#37. The beginning of a painting is a very energized, exciting time, and it generates most of the energy I have. If I've gotten 75 per cent of it down, then it takes an effort to really get up that kind of energy to finish it in the same way it's begun.
Burton Silverman
#38. 'Monday Mornings' is terrific. It's my wife's show. I'm just lucky enough that David Kelley threw me a bone on it as well. It's a wonderful piece based on a novel by Dr. Sanjay Gupta called 'Monday Mornings.'
Jonathan Silverman
#39. As soon as a woman is old enough to have an opinion and have a voice and be unafraid, she's very much encouraged by all sorts of people to crawl under a rock and die. And it's so weird. My crime is not dying.
Sarah Silverman
#40. People can't help what topics cut them deep. It all depends on who's inferring - and what the contexts of their lives are at the time.
Sarah Silverman
#41. I have lows, you know, everybody does ... but I kind of know how to handle it. I like to let myself wallow in it. I enforce it with terribly sad music, and it kind of pushes me through to the other side eventually, and I always know it's going to pass.
Sarah Silverman
#42. I've had the pleasure of working in the U.K. a few times before. I've shot a few movies there before. One of them was Neil Simon's 'London Suite,' which was based on his play. I also shot a film in Dublin, a little film with Bernadette Peters, called 'Bobbie's Girl.'
Jonathan Silverman
#43. I'm always writing; I'm always jotting things down on paper or making notes in my iPhone. Then I'll make myself sit down and kind of shape it up, but there's really no other way to practice other than onstage.
Sarah Silverman
#44. Your inability to see yourself clearly is what's keeping you alive.
Sarah Silverman
#45. As soon as a women gets to an age where she has opinions and she's vital and she's strong, she's systematically shamed into hiding under a rock.
Sarah Silverman
#46. I do love poop. I can't help it. The heart wants what it wants. I enjoy being clever and pithy and political, but nothing's going to get me like dumb stuff.
Sarah Silverman
#47. I like my messiness on stage, though I watch comics who come at a joke from every angle and I think, 'Yeah! That's how it's done!' But for me it's the audience. If I feel connected to them, I have so much fun, and if not, it stinks.
Sarah Silverman
#48. I learned pretty early is I never defend my material; it's for other people to if someone is offended. It's so subjective, and if you don't find it funny, it's definitely going to be offensive.
Sarah Silverman
#49. I never intended to become a zombie huntress; I had only intended to protest prom, high school's last bastion of patriarchal society.
G.G. Silverman
#50. Listen up, Little Miss Fun Hater. Off the record, if it wasn't for our school's strict but smarmy anti-bullying laws, I would bitch-slap you into next summer.
G.G. Silverman
#51. I think the difference between being miserable and finding happiness is just a matter of perspective. If you live your life defining yourself by what other people think of you, it's a form of self-torture.
Sarah Silverman
#52. Comics who grew up surviving their childhood by being able to be the first one to make the joke about their weight or their hairy arms - like me - whatever they're insecure about, whatever they're apologizing for, that becomes their strength.
Sarah Silverman
#53. Jews are the most liberal, scrappy, civil-rightsy people there are.
Sarah Silverman
#54. I don't want to make any judgments, and I don't want to preach, but I'm hoping that marriage can work: that when people do fall in love, when people do find their soul mate, everyone sticks to it. It has the potential to be a very powerful thing, marriage.
Jonathan Silverman
#55. There's something satisfying about going faster than you can on the legs you were born with.
Laura Silverman
#56. But I think you can make fun of anything as long as it's funny enough.
Sarah Silverman
#57. I am not your victim because you are not a predator any more than a bottle of scotch stalks an alcoholic.
Sue William Silverman
#58. I thought how unpleasant it is to be locked out; and I thought how it is worse, perhaps, to be locked in.
Virginia Woolf
#59. I remember my first standup act when I was seventeen; I did a really lame song about being flat chested. I was doing it in New York, and I remember Kevin Brennan, the guy I lost my virginity to, was like "That song doesn't make sense, you have tits."
Sarah Silverman
#60. Men like to squash you. I just want someone who's happy with himself, happy with his life. He doesn't have to squash mine.
Sarah Silverman
#61. When I came out to L. A., I got a part in an episode of 'Star Trek: Voyager,' and I hired an acting coach.
Sarah Silverman
#62. I happen to think that there are already tons of perfectly good babies out there already born.
Sarah Silverman
#63. The audience works as such a mob. They either all laugh or all don't laugh, and, you know, changes from audience to audience.
Sarah Silverman
#64. Look at the people who are kind of the funniest cultures, they're the cultures of the people who have been the most oppressed, black people and Jews. Not that they're the only funny people, but culturally, it comes from the pain, you know?
Sarah Silverman
#65. I was a bedwetter until I was about 15, and it was humiliating.
Sarah Silverman
#66. When you're a bed wetter there's only one group of people you can feel better than, bed shitters, and unfortunately they're hard to come by.
Sarah Silverman
#67. People who call themselves divas ... you are not a diva. I'm pretty sure you're a cunt.
Sarah Silverman
#68. I do not believe that the way paint is applied should be more important than what is portrayed.
Burton Silverman
#69. She loved dogs, New York, television, children, friendship, sex, laughing, heartbreaking songs, marijuana, farts, and cuddling.
Sarah Silverman
#70. I talk to friends who get their feelings hurt when they read Twitter mentions. I have an amazing solution - don't read Twitter mentions.
Sarah Silverman
#71. In high school, I was performing "forensics." You take a section of a play and portray all the characters. I even went to camp for forensics.
Allison Silverman
#72. I will always try to be happy. I don't think people really understand the value of happiness until they know what it's like to be in that very, very dark place. It's not romantic. Not even a little.
Sarah Silverman
#73. I'm sympathetic to the nuns' violent impulses. I mean, if I'd given up sex to devote myself to a man who I had to just trust loved me, despite never being physically around to prove it, I'd probably be smacking little children too.
Sarah Silverman
#74. The morning, when I need to have opinions and answers across the board very quickly, is a constant fight between ease and inspiration, what will make our lives easier versus what will make us excited because we were ambitious.
Allison Silverman
#75. I like to think of myself as 'hot-larious' I'm cute, but I'm totally approachable.
Sarah Silverman
#76. I dress normal because I want people to treat me regular. And their brains explode. It's really fun.
Sarah Silverman
#77. The anxiety of being in Heather's stuff was stress-gravy on an already terror-filled plate.
Sarah Silverman
#78. I can't cater to everyone's needs and what they're going to be offended by; that's one freedom I have.
Sarah Silverman
#79. I'm a native of L.A. I've seen the city change and develop over time, and I still believe there's no place like home.
Jonathan Silverman
#80. We're all idealists," said Lord Silverman, smoothing over the conflict like a good host. "That's why we're in politics. People without ideals don't bother. But we have to confront the realities of elections and public opinion.
Ken Follett
#81. My dad was a bedwetter; I think his dad was a bedwetter. I like to talk about it because it's something that I thought would be my deepest, darkest secret my whole life, and then you become an adult, and it's not.
Sarah Silverman
#82. My dad loves to be talked about, good or bad. He just loves it. He's not even hearing the content, he's just hearing him. When I'm onstage, he's looking at the audience members and can't believe that there are strangers listening to me, and he's just delighted by the whole thing.
Sarah Silverman
#83. If I were somebody else looking at my character, I'd be like, "She's beautiful." I'm practicing. I'm not succeeding.
Sarah Silverman
#84. Unvisited tombstones, unread diaries, and erased video game high-score rankings are three of the most potent symbols of mankind's pathetic and fruitless attempts at immortality.
Sarah Silverman
#85. I just look like a transvestite when I try to dress up. There's no place to hide my balls.
Sarah Silverman
#86. I mean, I talk about being Jewish a lot. It's funny because I do think of myself as Jewish ethnically, but I'm not religious at all. I have no religion.
Sarah Silverman
#87. I'm all sentimental. I've probably been ruined by romantic movies, but I really do believe in love. I've experienced it, I've had it, so I know it's real.
Sarah Silverman
#88. I like my life alone. I mean, I love being with friends, and I love kissing and loving someone to pieces. But it's hard to find someone who doesn't ultimately start judging you and your choices.
Sarah Silverman
#89. I can only speak from my own experience, and I would say that the depression I experienced feels like a chemical change. When it came over me, when it comes over me, it feels like it's coming over me like a flu.
Sarah Silverman
#90. Growing up, I always loved Disney movies, but the first movie I remember seeing is 'Sleepers,' so I wasn't really taken to children's movies.
Sarah Silverman
#91. Making my family laugh when I was little - it became an addiction. It was a kind of survival.
Sarah Silverman
#92. I started out in clubs, and I've always liked clubs. I like theaters because people are there for the show.
Sarah Silverman
#93. Alas, it is just a single image - an extended moment perhaps. Unlike a biography, a portrait cannot present the many differing moments that make up a personality.
Burton Silverman
#94. I am stuck with my passion for the objective world, for the constantly shifting shades of meaning to the events of my life, to the states of being of the people I paint, and to the persistent need to get it right.
Burton Silverman
#95. Atheism is an effect of that knowledge [a poll showed atheists knew more about religion than anyone else], not a lack of knowledge. I gave a bible to my daughter. That is how you make atheists.
David Silverman
#97. When you're a comic, it's like being born gay. It's what you want to do every night when your other friends are out at night going to parties.
Sarah Silverman
#98. A lot of gifted kids are angels who are on this earth with responsibilities to help others.
Linda Kreger Silverman
#99. If you decide to do comedy that involves risk, risk means risk, and you can't complain of flesh wounds if you sit down at the table to play.
Sarah Silverman
#100. The thing about depression is that, if you're not the one who's actually suffering from it, there's very little you can do to be proactive. If someone in your family is depressed, all you can really do is send them to the shrink, get them their meds, be gentle, and wait.
Sarah Silverman
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