Religious Humour Quotes

#1. Getting to a higher spiritual level is like increasing your credit score. You get a lot more points for sinning and repenting than if you have no credit history at all.

Lisa Kleypas

#2. Merry Christmas!

Pope John Paul II

#3. When you think of the condition the world is in now you sometimes wish that Noah had missed the boat.

Fulton J. Sheen

#4. Are you saying that the Rebel Alliance were religious terrorists and Yoda was a benefit cheat?

Dave Turner

#5. While earning your daily bread, be sure you share a slice with those less fortunate.

H. Jackson Brown Jr.

#6. I love all those great 'f' words - feminism, folk music..

Ani DiFranco

#7. ...unmystical, hard-headed, argumentative, and possessed of a powerful personality that did not take easily to being contradicted. [Galileo]

Allan Chapman

#8. What really ruins our character is the fact that none of us looks back over his life.

Seneca.

#9. If I could pray with my cock, I'd be much more religious

George R R Martin

#10. American men are so embarrassed about napping," she said. "They think it is some sort of feminine indulgence. I detest a man who can't nap.

Peter Cameron

#11. Rumor is rarely more interesting than fact, but it is always more readily available.

Stephen L. Carter

#12. But people will do anything rather than admit that their lives have no meaning. No use, that is. No plot.

Margaret Atwood

#13. I'm as religious as the next man - which is to say I'll keep in with the local parson for form's sake and read the lessons on feast-days because my tenants expect it, but I've never been fool enough to confuse religion with belief in God. That's where so many clergymen ... go wrong

George MacDonald Fraser

#14. Fever jumped aside just in time to dodge the shower of urine, and stumbled into the path of a religious procession - celebrants in robes and pointed hats whirling and clapping and chanting the name of some old-world prophet, 'Hari, Hari! Hari Potter!'

Philip Reeve

#15. At present men make shift to wear what they can get. Like shipwrecked sailors, they put on what they can find on the beach, and at a little distance, whether of space or time, laugh at each other's masquerade.

Henry David Thoreau

#16. Tip for the day: never eat a bible when you're starving to death.

Kevin Brooks

#17. I don't mean to mock the gods,
but Freyja seems to me a bitch.
- Hjalti Skjeggjason

Robert Ferguson

#18. Religion and nationalism? I defecate on the altar of religious conviction, and wipe my arse on the flag of national pride.

Ian Martin

#19. I worked in a health food store once. A guy asked me, 'If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?

Steven Wright

#20. By requiring that any surplus in Social Security taxes be returned to the American people in personal savings accounts, the plan ensures that Social Security taxes will be used for Social Security.

Mike Pence

#21. When we see the face of God we shall know that we have always known it. He has been a party to, has made, sustained and moved moment by moment within, all our earthly experiences of innocent love. All that was true love in them was, even on earth, far more His than ours, and ours only because His.

C.S. Lewis