Top 79 Quotes About Jeeves
#1. I used to love 'Jeeves And Wooster.' That theme tune was great. I remember writing to them when I was little to get the music so I could learn it on the piano, and they sent me the sheet music.
Lydia Leonard
#2. Jeeves' eyes had taken on the look of cautious reserve which you see in those of parrots, when offered half a banana by a stranger of whose bona fides they are not convinced.
P.G. Wodehouse
#3. He must be provided with a claque. It will be your task, Jeeves,
P.G. Wodehouse
#4. One of the rummy things about Jeeves is that, unless you watch like a hawk, you very seldom see him come into a room.
P.G. Wodehouse
#5. Just as you say, sir. There is a letter on the tray, sir."
"By Jove, Jeeves, that was practically potry. Rhymed, did you notice?
P.G. Wodehouse
#6. I don't want to seem always to be criticizing your methods of voice production, Jeeves, I said, but I must inform you that that 'Well, sir' of yours is in many respects fully as unpleasant as your 'Indeed, sir?
P.G. Wodehouse
#7. Jeeves, you really are a specific dream-rabbit."
"Thank you, miss. I am glad to have given satisfaction.
P.G. Wodehouse
#8. It's brain," I said; "pure brain! What do you do to get like that, Jeeves? I believe you must eat a lot of fish, or something. Do you eat a lot of fish, Jeeves?"
"No, sir."
"Oh, well, then, it's just a gift, I take it; and if you aren't born that way there's no use worrying.
P.G. Wodehouse
#9. How does he look, Jeeves?"
"Sir?"
"What does Mr Bassington-Bassington look like?"
"It is hardly my place, sir, to criticize the facial peculiarities of your friends.
P.G. Wodehouse
#10. Feminine psychology is admittedly odd, sir. The poet Pope ... "
"Never mind about the poet Pope, Jeeves."
"No, sir."
"There are times when one wants to hear all about the poet Pope and times when one doesn't."
"Very true, sir.
P.G. Wodehouse
#11. There was a sound in the background like a distant sheep coughing gently on a mountainside. Jeeves sailing into action.
P.G. Wodehouse
#12. Jeeves, whatever his moral defects, would never go about in skirts calling me Bertie.
P.G. Wodehouse
#13. Ask Jeeves! Who ever used that thing? College freshmen to find out who Goethe was - that's it.
Walter Kirn
#14. In the spring, Jeeves, a livelier iris gleams upon the burnished dove."
"So I have been informed, sir."
"Right ho! Then bring me my whangee, my yellowest shoes, and the old green Homburg. I'm going into the Park to do pastoral dances.
P.G. Wodehouse
#15. I don't know if I've ever derived such an immediate sense of calm and well-being from any book as I did from 'Right Ho, Jeeves.' It was like I was Pac-Man and the book was a power-up.
Lev Grossman
#16. Wooster: Wait a second; this white mess jacket is brand new.
Jeeves: I assumed it had got into your wardrobe by mistake, sir, or else it had been placed there by your enemies.
P.G. Wodehouse
#17. What are the chances of a cobra biting Harold, Jeeves?"
"Slight, I should imagine, sir. And in such an event, knowing the boy as intimately as I do, my anxiety would be entirely for the snake.
P.G. Wodehouse
#18. The boy is of an outspoken disposition, and had made an opprobrious remark respecting my personal appearance."
"What did he say about your appearance?"
"I have forgotten, sir," said Jeeves, with a touch of austerity. "But it was opprobrious.
P.G. Wodehouse
#19. -'What do ties matter, Jeeves, at a time like this?'
There is no time, sir, at which ties do not matter
P.G. Wodehouse
#20. Tell him my future is in his hands and that, if the wedding bells ring out, he can rely on me, even unto half my kingdom. Well, call it ten quid. Jeeves would exert himself with ten quid on the horizon, what?
P.G. Wodehouse
#21. I turned round and Jeeves shied like a startled mustang.
P.G. Wodehouse
#22. You are falling into your old error, Jeeves, of thinking that Gussie is a parrot. Fight against this. I shall add the oz.
P.G. Wodehouse
#23. I pity the shrimp that matches wits with you Jeeves
P.G. Wodehouse
#24. We Woosters freeze like the dickens when we seek sympathy and meet with cold reserve. "Nothing further Jeeves", I said with quiet dignity.
P.G. Wodehouse
#25. The ambassador was part of the special remedial dating program," Jeeves explained. "All of the other species on the station sign up with a dating service to find their best match, but some humans can't coherently describe what they want for breakfast, much less for the rest of their lives.
E.M. Foner
#26. I was surprised to learn that doing household chores qualifies as romantic for most of you [women]. That's exactly why you should never hire a butler if you strike it rich - the minute that Jeeves starts unloading the dishwasher without being asked, your wife is going to start humping his leg.
Scott Adams
#27. I turned on the pillow with a little moan, and at this juncture Jeeves entered with the vital oolong. I clutched at it like a drowning man at a straw hat.
P.G. Wodehouse
#28. It was one of those cases where you approve the broad, general principle of an idea but can't help being in a bit of a twitter at the prospect of putting it into practical effect. I explained this to Jeeves, and he said much the same thing had bothered Hamlet.
P.G. Wodehouse
#29. I hadn't the heart to touch my breakfast. I told Jeeves to drink it himself.
P.G. Wodehouse
#30. I remember, back in England, the man I had before Jeeves sneaked off to a meeting on his evening out and come back and denounced me in front of a crowd of chappies I was giving a bit of supper to as a useless blot on the fabric of Society.
P.G. Wodehouse
#31. I must say my heart leaped up, as Jeeves tells me his does when he beholds a rainbow in the sky.
P.G. Wodehouse
#32. Jeeves."
"Sir?"
"Are you busy just now?"
"No, sir."
"I mean, not doing anything in particular?"
"No, sir. It is my practice at this hour to read some improving book; but, if you desire my services, this can easily be postponed, or, indeed, abandoned altogether.
P.G. Wodehouse
#33. She might not have the same survival instincts as us.' 'It's amazing,' said Jeeves. 'You keep talking and you keep coming up with things, and yet not one of them is ever remotely comforting.' 'It's a gift,' I said.
Simon R. Green
#34. Presently, I was aware that Jeeves was with me. I hadn't heard him come in, but you often don't with Jeeves. He just streams silently from spot A to spot B, like some gas.
P.G. Wodehouse
#35. Jeeves, Mr Little is in love with that female."
"So I gathered, sir. She was slapping him in the passage."
I clutched my brow.
"Slapping him?"
"Yes, sir. Roguishly.
P.G. Wodehouse
#36. I looked round the place. The moment of parting had come. I felt sad. The whole thing reminded me of one of those melodramas where they drive chappies out of the old homestead into the snow.
'Good-bye, Jeeves,' I said.
'Good-bye, sir.'
And I staggered out.
P.G. Wodehouse
#37. There are moments, Jeeves, when one asks oneself, 'Do trousers matter?'"
"The mood will pass, sir.
P.G. Wodehouse
#38. I'm lonely, Jeeves.'
'You have a great many friends,sir.'
'What's the good of friends?'
'Emerson,' I reminded him,'says a friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of Nature,sir.'
'Well, you can tell Emerson from me next time you see him that he's an ass.'
'Very good, sir.
P.G. Wodehouse
#39. Well, if he comes when I'm out, tell him to wait. And now, Jeeves, mes gants, mon chapeau, et le whangee de monsieur. I must be popping.
P.G. Wodehouse
#40. Writing Jeeves stories gives me a great deal of pleasure and keeps me out of the public houses.
P.G. Wodehouse
#41. What would Jeeves do that for?"
"It struck me as rummy, too." ...
"I mean to say, it's nothing to Jeeves what sort of a face you have!"
"No!" said Cyril. He spoke a little coldly, I fancied. I don't know why. "Well, I'll be popping. Toodle-oo!
P.G. Wodehouse
#42. Jeeves, I'm engaged."
"I hope you will be very happy, sir."
"Don't be an ass. I'm engaged to Miss Bassett.
P.G. Wodehouse
#43. Well, there it is. That's Jeeves. Where others merely smite the brow and clutch the hair, he acts. Napoleon was the same.
P.G. Wodehouse
#44. Jeeves," I said, when I had washed off the stains of travel, "tell me frankly all about it. Be as frank as Lady Bablockhythe.
P.G. Wodehouse
#45. The blighter's manner was so cold and unchummy that I bit the bullet and had a dash at being airy.
"Oh, well, tra-la-la!" I said.
"Precisely, sir," said Jeeves.
P.G. Wodehouse
#46. He put the good old cup of tea softly on the table by my bed, and I took a refreshing sip. Just right, as usual. Not too hot, not too sweet, not to weak, not too strong, not too much milk, and not a drop spilled in the saucer. A most amazing cove, Jeeves. So dashed competent in every respect.
P.G. Wodehouse
#47. Yes, sir,' said Jeeves in a low, cold voice, as if he had been bitten in the leg by a personal friend.
P.G. Wodehouse
#48. In a scientific age, the challenge for the believer is to recognize God's divine upholding of the overall visible process.
Malcolm Jeeves
#49. Never mind," I said crisply. "I have my methods." I dug out my entire stock of manly courage, breathed a short prayer and let her have it right in the thorax.
P.G. Wodehouse
#50. He looked at me like Lillian Gish coming out of a swoon.
"Is this Bertie Wooster talking?" he said, pained.
"Yes, it jolly well is!"
"Bertie, old man," said Bingo, patting me gently here and there, "reflect! We were at school - "
"Oh, all right!
P.G. Wodehouse
#51. She said I would find Oswald out in the grounds, and such is a mother's love that she spoke as if that were a bit of a boost for the grounds and an inducement to go there.
P.G. Wodehouse
#52. The scheme had been, if I remember, that after lunch I should go off and caddy for Honoria on a shopping tour down Regent Street; but when she got up and started collecting me and the rest of her things, Aunt Agatha stopped her.
P.G. Wodehouse
#53. I don't know if you have had the same experience, but the snag I always come up against when I'm telling a story is this dashed difficult problem of where to begin it.
P.G. Wodehouse
#54. Mr Wingham has the advantage of being on the premises. He and the young lady play duets after dinner, which acts as a bond. Mr Little on these occasions, I understand, prowls about in the road, chafing visibly.
P.G. Wodehouse
#55. Bertie, it is imperative that you marry."
"But, dash it all ... "
"Yes! You should be breeding children to ... "
"No, really, I say, please!" I said, blushing richly. Aunt Agatha belongs to two or three of these women's clubs, and she keeps forgetting she isn't in the smoking-room.
P.G. Wodehouse
#56. I mean, imagine how some unfortunate Master Criminal would feel, on coming down to do a murder at the old Grange, if he found that not only was Sherlock Holmes putting in the weekend there, but Hercule Poirot, as well." ~ Bertram "Bertie" Wooster
P.G. Wodehouse
#57. His brow was sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought and his air that of a man who, if he had said 'Hullo, girls', would have said it like someone in a Russian drama announcing that Grandpapa had hanged himself in the barn.
P.G. Wodehouse
#58. The fact that pigs were abroad in the night seemed to bring home to me the perilous nature of my enterprise.
P.G. Wodehouse
#59. Some slight friction threatening in the Balkans, sir.
P.G. Wodehouse
#60. Sheh walks in beauty like the night of cloudless climes and starry skies; and all that's best of dark and bright meet in her aspect and her eyes. Another bit of bread and cheese, he said to the lad behind the bar.
P.G. Wodehouse
#62. With respect to human nature, we believe that the idea of God's image implies relationship and not any characteristic that would have left a mark in the paleoanthropological record.
Malcolm Jeeves
#63. She looked like a tomato struggling for self-expression.
P.G. Wodehouse
#64. Look in at the Drones and ask the first fellow you meet 'Can the fine spirit of the Woosters be crushed?' and he will offer you attractive odds against such a contingency.
P.G. Wodehouse
#65. Are there any books of that sort nowadays? The only ones I ever see mentioned in the papers are about married couples who find life grey, and can't stick each other at any price.
P.G. Wodehouse
#66. At that moment the gong sounded, and the genial host came tumbling downstairs like the delivery of a ton of coals.
P.G. Wodehouse
#67. This was not Aunt Dahlia, my good and kindly aunt, but my Aunt Agatha, the one who chews broken bottles and kills rats with her teeth.
P.G. Wodehouse
#68. What are you giving us?"
"Cold consomme, a cutlet, and a savoury, sir. With lemon-squash, iced."
"Well, I don't see how that can hurt him. Don't go getting carried away by the excitement of the thing and start bringing in coffee.
P.G. Wodehouse
#69. What I'm worrying about is what Tom is going to say when he starts talking."
"Uncle Tom?"
"I wish there was something else you could call him except 'Uncle Tom,' " Aunt Dahlia said a little testily. "Every time you do it, I expect to see him turn black and start playing the banjo.
P.G. Wodehouse
#70. When it comes to letting the world in on the secrets of his heart, he has about as much shrinking reticence as a steam calliope.
P.G. Wodehouse
#71. My earnest hope is that the entire remainder of my existence will be one round of unruffled monotony.
P.G. Wodehouse
#73. Bertie, old man," said young Bingo earnestly, "for the last two weeks I've been comforting the sick to such an extent that, if I had a brother and you brought him to me on a sick-bed at this moment, by Jove, old man, I'd heave a brick at him.
P.G. Wodehouse
#74. Bar a weekly wrestle with the "Pink 'Un" and an occasional dip into the form book I'm not much of a lad for reading, and my sufferings as I tackled The Woman (curse her!) Who Braved All were pretty fearful.
P.G. Wodehouse
#75. I mean, if you're asking a fellow to come out of a room so that you can dismember him with a carving knife, it's absurd to tack a 'sir' on to every sentence. The two things don't go together.
P.G. Wodehouse
#76. The man was goggling. His entire map was suffused with a rich blush. He looked like the Soul's Awakening done in pink.
P.G. Wodehouse
#77. She laughed - a bit louder than I could have wished in my frail state of health, but then she is always a woman who tends to bring plaster falling from the ceiling when amused.
P.G. Wodehouse
#78. There's no getting away from the fact that, if ever a man required watching, it's Steggles. Machiavelli could have taken his correspondence course.
P.G. Wodehouse
#79. Judge of my chagrin and all that sort of thing, therefore, when, tottering to my room and switching on the light, I observed the foul features of young Bingo all over the pillow.
P.G. Wodehouse
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