Top 100 Quotes About George Carlin
#1. I had one really memorable line. It was all the words you're not allowed to say on the airwaves, so it's one long list of swear words. I knew it anyway, because I was a huge George Carlin fan.
Peter Jacobson
#2. I was a huge fan of comedy and movies and TV growing up, and I was able to memorize and mimic a lot of things, not realizing that that meant I probably wanted to be an actor. I just really, really amused myself and my friends with memorizing entire George Carlin or Steve Martin albums.
Hank Azaria
#3. Well, I'm kinda like George Carlin. I think that there ought to be a time where everybody should have all the drugs they want and there'd be nobody in charge, sort of like ... now!
Merle Haggard
#4. The seven words George Carlin said you couldn't say on TV or radio ("fuck," "piss," "shit," "cunt," "motherfucker," "cocksucker," and "tits").
Mary Norris
#5. When I was a bit older I had all of the George Carlin records, all of the Steve Martin records, all of the Cheech and Chong records and all of the Richard Pryor records.
Marc Maron
#6. I loved George Carlin and Dean Martin. I was one of those kids who had every comedy album.
Stephen Colbert
#7. George Carlin's album, 'Class Clown,' came out when I was in high school. I memorized a lot of that album. I'd come home from school, put it on, and listen over and over. I started memorizing it. I don't even know why. I loved it so much I memorized it.
Steven Wright
#8. Show me one guy or woman as funny as Rodney Dangerfield or as good as George Carlin, Richard Pryor, Bill Cosby, or Joan Rivers. There are a lot of good comics out there, no doubt, but as far as the quality of the comics goes, I think what you have is a bunch of situational comics.
Chris Rock
#9. I like George Carlin's jokes. I like his humor. He's one of my heroes, and I like what he did with talking about everyday things.
Steven Wright
#10. I love comedy and I would write things to myself as an exercise in writing. I didn't do well for years, and I quit. I started to break down why I was afraid and started to look at people I admired, like Richard Pryor, Eddie Murphy, Freddie Prinze, George Carlin and all.
George Lopez
#11. I just liked stand-up comedy so much. I used to memorize Bill Cosby albums and other people's albums, George Carlin, Flip Wilson.
Drew Carey
#12. Everybody is different. Some comedy is more musical like Steven Wright. His is a pillar of comedy to me. He invented a whole form and all his jokes are poems. So it's different. I wanted to do it like George Carlin. Now I do it like me.
Louis C.K.
#13. The first thing I said to myself on 9/11 was, 'There go our civil rights.' I found out by comparing notes later that George Carlin and I both said that at the exact same time. That's the first thing that popped into our head.
Penn Jillette
#14. George Carlin is kind of my template now because George Carlin before was straight laced regular comic and he had short hair, a tie, suit, nightclub guy. Then he said screw it, let his hair grow, just started telling what he thought was the truth. So that's what I'm trying to do.
Drew Carey
#15. George Carlin was great right up to the end of his life. But Richard Pryor was probably the best, most gifted stand-up comedian who will ever live.
Denis Leary
#16. And George Carlin was a guy that the more he aged the younger he seemed.
Kevin Smith
#18. When I was a young comic just starting out, I was very cautious, as I didn't want to alienate people. George Carlin's bravery became a benchmark. I became perfectly fine with alienating some people in the audience. That just comes with the territory.
Paul Provenza
#19. The things that make me angry still make me angry. George Carlin is 67, and he's still as funny as he's ever been, and he's still angry. And that makes me feel good, because I feel like if I stick around long enough, I'll still be able to work.
Denis Leary
#20. George Carlin maintained that anything and everything is funny given the right context. This context also includes your own history with a given group. What I can get away with and where I can go is not a problem with my audience because they know me.
Paul Provenza
#21. I was influenced by a lot of stand-up comedians ... Eddie Murphy back when he was doing 'Raw.' I watched that so many times as a kid, I can probably still quote the entire thing to this day. Chris Rock. Dave Chappelle. George Carlin. A lot of the guys who were sort of edgy for their time.
Ray William Johnson
#22. U mad bro? magicandtechnology George Carlin fly freaky gargamel Diamonds MODDED 404 i dont care
Bradley Harris
#23. I did stand-up. I loved George Carlin and Steve Martin.
Steve Buscemi
#24. Every day I think, 'Gosh, I wish I could be like George Carlin, Bill Maher: I want that edge.' But every time I start to get that edgy thing, I get kind of mean.
Tom Smothers
#25. George Carlin is brilliant with words, and Johnny Winters is very creative. It's taking something common and drawing out the humor, being clever with words.
Bill Cosby
#26. I do not believe in God. I'm an atheist. I consider myself a critical thinker, and it fascinates me that in the 21st century most people still believe in, as George Carlin puts it, 'the invisible man living in the sky'
Seth MacFarlane
#27. I did a lot of thinking, and used mental activity to relieve whatever feelings I had. I became very left-brained, and I was good in school. That is, I was a smart kid.
George Carlin
#29. President George Bush declared a National Day of Prayer for Peace. This was after he had carefully arranged and started the war.
George Carlin
#30. We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing
George Carlin
#31. The New Testament is not new anymore' it's thousands of years old. It's time to start calling it the Less Old Testament.
George Carlin
#32. It's important in life if you don't give a shit. It can help you a lot.
George Carlin
#33. Did you ever look at your watch, and you look away ... and you don't know what time it is?
George Carlin
#34. I'm not a person who thinks they can have it all, but I certainly feel that with a bit of effort and guile I should be able to have more than my fair share.
George Carlin
#35. Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one has shown the slightest interest in it.
George Carlin
#36. My mother and I had a lot of distance between us emotionally, although, on the surface, most of the time, we appeared good and friendly, and all that. But I was a problem. I was a street kid.
George Carlin
#37. Everybody in America is a part of this big herd of cattle being led to the marketplace, not to be sold, which is usual with cattle, but to do the buying. And everyone is branded.
George Carlin
#39. Capitalism tries for a delicate balance: It attempts to work things out so that everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from getting violent and trying to take other people's stuff.
George Carlin
#40. Environmentalists changed the word jungle to rain forest, because no one would give them money to save a jungle. Same with swamps and wetlands.
George Carlin
#41. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
George Carlin
#43. The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the intellect.
George Carlin
#44. Regarding jam sessions: Jazz musicians are the only workers I can think of who are willing to put in a full shift for pay and then go somewhere else and continue to work for free.
George Carlin
#45. In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
George Carlin
#46. Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
George Carlin
#47. In high school, when I first heard of entropy, I was attracted to it immediately. They said that in nature all systems are breaking down, and I thought, What a wonderful thing; perhaps I can make some small contribution to this process, myself.
George Carlin
#48. Electricity is really just organized lightning
George Carlin
#49. Nothing rectifies out-of-control market failures like a healthy dose of
government intervention and mountains of bureaucracy.
George Carlin
#50. My mother would say, 'Why are you always playing alone?' And I would say, 'I'm not playin', Ma. I'm fuckin' serious!
George Carlin
#51. When people asked me, "Do you get high to go onstage?" I could never understand the question. I mean, I'd been high since eight that morning. Going onstage had nothing to do with it.
George Carlin
#52. I never take credit for anything, because it's mostly genetic to my way of thinking. Even the need to work hard with some genetic talent you're given - the need to go out and develop it, and push hard to bring it to people.
George Carlin
#53. Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. Then you're just what they're looking for. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers.
George Carlin
#54. I'm in favor of personal growth as long as it doesn't include malignant tumors.
George Carlin
#56. I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
George Carlin
#58. If you want to get rid of counterfeit money, put it in the collection plate at church.
George Carlin
#59. What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?
George Carlin
#60. Suppose I could shoot myself in the mouth, but what if I miss? People will laugh at me.
George Carlin
#62. There are no bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions, and wooooords.
George Carlin
#63. I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
George Carlin
#64. Because we were a poor area, the school had a small budget and was unable to teach the second half of the alphabet.
George Carlin
#65. I'm not collegial, I don't hang out. I'm soloist, I like my solitude, I don't really hang around with comedians.
George Carlin
#66. And if they tell you you're not a team player, just congratulate them on being so observant.
George Carlin
#67. People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.
George Carlin
#68. More people have been killed in the name of God than for any other reason.
George Carlin
#69. If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
George Carlin
#70. That's basically what the drive is: "I want to be famous, I want to be noticed, and I want to be approved of." That's basically what you're after. "Give me attention, give me applause, give me an audience. A. A. A. Straight As." That's all you're looking for.
George Carlin
#72. The older you get, the better you realize you were.
George Carlin
#73. Israeli murderers are called "commandos," Arab commandos are called "terrorists."
George Carlin
#74. In adolescence you have to separate yourself and establish your identity. So, being very independent anyway, I took charge.
George Carlin
#75. Every time you're exposed to advertising in America you're reminded that this country's most profitable business is still the manufacture, packaging, distribution, and marketing of bullshit. High-quality, grade-A, prime-cut, pure American bullshit.
George Carlin
#76. I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.
George Carlin
#77. Without the laughs, the audience wouldn't be there at all, so in that sense, yes, I am a comedian.
George Carlin
#79. Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.
George Carlin
#80. I've never owned a telescope, but it's something I'm thinking of looking into.
George Carlin
#81. I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
George Carlin
#83. Some people think of the glass as half full. Some people think of the glass as half empty. I think of the glass as too big.
George Carlin
#85. Why do they bother with a suicide watch when someone is on death row? "Keep an eye on this guy. We're gonna kill him, and we don't want him to hurt himself."
George Carlin
#86. If the Cincinnati Reds were really the first major league baseball team, who did they play?
George Carlin
#87. Picture your grandmother in Hell, baking pies ... without an oven.
George Carlin
#89. I'm certainly a skeptic. I always quibble with people.
George Carlin
#90. Nothing you see on the Internet is mine unless it comes from one of my albums, books, HBO specials, or appeared on my website.
George Carlin
#91. There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It seems only right. 'Tom, I'd like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.' These days, Trajedi.
George Carlin
#92. I hope no one asks me to show them the ropes; I have no idea where they are. Maybe I could pull some strings and find out.
George Carlin
#93. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea ... does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
George Carlin
#94. I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him.
George Carlin
#95. I finally figured out what e-mail is for. It's for communicating with people you'd rather not talk to.
George Carlin
#96. There will be a rain dance Friday night, weather permitting!
George Carlin
#97. 'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence?
George Carlin
#98. I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
George Carlin
#99. Medical researchers have discovered a new disease that has no symptoms. It is impossible to detect, and there is no known cure. Fortunately, no cases have been reported thus far.
George Carlin
#100. Bullshit is the glue that binds us as a nation.
George Carlin
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