Top 49 Quotes About Carlin Life
#1. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves.
George Carlin
#2. The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.
George Carlin
#3. They're not pro-life. You know what they are? They're anti-woman. Simple as it gets, anti-woman. They don't like them. They don't like women. They believe a woman's primary role is to function as a brood mare for the state.
George Carlin
#4. George Carlin was great right up to the end of his life. But Richard Pryor was probably the best, most gifted stand-up comedian who will ever live.
Denis Leary
#5. Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school.
George Carlin
#6. Looking back, I realize that my life has been a series of incidents where one person has said to another, "Get this asshole outta here!"
George Carlin
#7. God bless the homicidal maniacs. They make life worthwhile.
George Carlin
#8. That's the whole meaning of life, isn't it? Trying to find a place for your stuff.
George Carlin
#9. Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life. Football begins in the fall, when everything's dying.
George Carlin
#11. Leftovers make you feel good twice. First, when you put it away, you feel thrifty and intelligent: 'I'm saving food!' Then a month later when blue hair is growing out of the ham, and you throw it away, you feel really intelligent: 'I'm saving my life!'
George Carlin
#12. You have to be realistic about terrorism. Certain groups of people, certain groups, Muslim fundamentalists, Christian fundamentalists, Jewish fundamentalists, and just plain guys from Montanta, are going to continue to make life in this country very interesting for a long, long time.
George Carlin
#13. You're really spread out now, you've got stuff all over the WORLD! You've got stuff at home, stuff in storage, stuff in Honolulu, stuff in Maui, stuff in your pockets ... supply lines are getting longer and harder to maintain.
George Carlin
#14. Every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.
George Carlin
#15. So I do have this ambivalence. Obviously I'm against militaries, because of what militaries do. In many ways though, the air force was unmilitary-like. They dropped bombs on people, but ... they had a golf course.
George Carlin
#16. I wanna live. I don't wanna die. That's the whole meaning of life: Not dying! I figured that shit out by myself in the third grade
George Carlin
#17. Life is sacred? Who said so? God? Hey, if you read history, you realize that God is one of the leading causes of death! Has been for thousands of years! Hindus, Muslims, Jews, Christians; all taking turns killing each other because God told 'em it was a good idea.
George Carlin
#18. O. J. Simpson has already received the ultimate punishment: For the rest of his life he has to associate with golfers.
George Carlin
#19. You have to have other things in your life apart from swimming to focus on. It's not going to be just swimming in my life.
Jazmin Carlin
#20. Everyone should get more involved in exercising, not just for the health benefits, but for the social side too. There are so many different aspects in your life where sport can help. Even if you only go to a class at a local pool, you'll feel the benefits.
Jazmin Carlin
#22. The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
George Carlin
#23. It's depressing to see blacks wanting to dive into the mainstream of American commercial life. They come from a magnificent African culture based on aesthetics, and they all want to become fort builders like the vicious people who originally enslaved them.
George Carlin
#25. I feel sorry for confetti. Its useful life lasts about two seconds. And it can never be used again.
George Carlin
#27. I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it.
George Carlin
#28. Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body.
George Carlin
#29. Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
George Carlin
#30. They [the Reagan Administration] want to put street criminals in jail to make life safer for the business criminals. They're against street crime, providing that street isn't Wall Street.
George Carlin
#31. Every time you use the phrase all my life it has a different meaning.
George Carlin
#32. Females create life, males end it. War, crime, violence, are primarily male franchises. Man shit. It's nature's supreme joke.
Deep in the womb, men start out as the good thing, and wind up as the crappy thing. Not all men. Just enough. Just enough to fuck things up.
George Carlin
#33. I train 10 times over six days every week. I also have three gym sessions and four physio sessions so it's a very busy life, but I wouldn't do it unless I enjoyed it and unless I had all that support around me.
Jazmin Carlin
#34. Writing is really wonderful art. A lot of this is discovery. A lot of things are lying around waiting to be discovered and that's our job as writers is to just notice them and bring them to life.
George Carlin
#35. I'm a high-tech low-life. A cutting edge, state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond!
George Carlin
#36. Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life.
George Carlin
#38. It's important in life if you don't give a shit. It can help you a lot.
George Carlin
#39. Dogs lead a nice life. You never see a dog with a wristwatch.
George Carlin
#40. Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.
George Carlin
#41. People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
George Carlin
#42. Once you leave out all the bullshit they teach you in school, life gets really simple.
George Carlin
#43. Only now, on the other side of his success, Bruce had come to understand what time and experience can do to the most closely held dreams. The point in your late twenties when you're grown up enough to realize that 'life is no longer wide open'.
Peter Ames Carlin
#44. Why do so many people need help?! Life is not that complicated. You get up, you go to work, eat three meals, you take one good shit and you go back to bed. What's the fucking mystery?!
George Carlin
#45. People say life begins at conception, I say life began about a billion years ago and it's a continuous process.
George Carlin
#46. Grudges are a waste of perfect happiness. Laugh..apologiz e..let go of what you can't change.
George Carlin
#47. I always wanted and enjoyed sex, but I never put much importance on scoring or having an athletic sex life. I guess I define myself more by my career and my commitment to a relationship than by my ability to have a lot of chicks or achieve ten orgasms in an evening.
George Carlin
#48. In some company it's perfectly all right to prick your finger, but very bad form to finger your prick.
George Carlin
#49. When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.
George Carlin
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