Top 100 Quotes About Braff
#1. If I wasn't an actor? Hmm, I'd probably be a serial killer. I'm just so damn likeable, no one would ever suspect me.
Zach Braff
#2. I don't get why arabs are so pissed off at us. I mean they have enough oil for all of them to drive a hummer at what, maybe 1.50 a gallon?
Zach Braff
#3. It's a good thing I'm a professional and could see the pure genius talent behind the raw sexual beauty.
Zach Braff
#4. For me, acting in scenes with other people is like playing soccer with a bunch of legless five year olds. It's not really fair to them, but what else can I do, you know?
Zach Braff
#5. Dude, writing, acting and directing are such easy jobs. But to do them all as awesomely as Zach Braff does, well that ... that's something.
Zach Braff
#6. Complete garbage. It's like Garden State, but in outer space.
Zach Braff
#7. They say that guys who like chick flicks tend to do a little better with the ladies. Well, I INVENTED the chick flick, so you can pretty much guess where that leaves me.
Zach Braff
#8. Every single person wants to do it, don't hate me because I had the guts to follow my heart!
Zach Braff
#9. Of course killing people is 'wrong', but I think history shows that sometimes it serves the greater good.
Zach Braff
#10. I don't mind it if blacks want equal rights, as long as they mean rights equal to a dog
Zach Braff
#11. What else could I tell them? I like my women like I like my whiskey: 12 years old and mixed up with coke.
Zach Braff
#12. I know I probably should be sad about my mother's cancer ... but she still hasn't seen The Last Kiss, you know?
Zach Braff
#13. A lot of people consider 9/11 to be a tragedy, and in some ways it is, but I think there's also opportunity for a lot of humor there.
Zach Braff
#14. I'm kind of jealous of the life I'm supposedly leading.
Zach Braff
#15. People still make New Year's resolutions? Wow. I figured those were pointless once I perfected myself by directing, writing, and acting in Garden State. I guess it makes sense, though. It gives people a chance to hope that they can become as great as me someday.
Zach Braff
#16. I'm hanging out with my New York friends, my Jersey boys, my family and loving every single second of it.
Zach Braff
#17. I'm a busy guy; I just get a lot of people that sound like me to go out and visit them. They don't know the difference and, let's face it, they aren't going to be paying to see my movies anytime soon.
Zach Braff
#18. I think a lot of people are drawn to seeing people that want to be better. We see it in ourselves.
Zach Braff
#19. At this point I feel like I could go out and accomplish anything. I'd just love to see Will Smith's face if he found out I, Z-Braff, have the number one rap album in the country. That'd show that no-talent uncle tom.
Zach Braff
#20. I think the [New England] Patriots' season should have an asterisk next to it because everything they're accomplishing is against teams coached by people other than me.
Zach Braff
#21. I was kosher until I had my Bar Mitzvah, and I parlayed officially becoming a man into telling my father I wanted to eat cheeseburgers.
Zach Braff
#22. Yeah i thought about making the character of JD gay ... But then i thought, but what about all the poor girls dreams you'll be crushing
Zach Braff
#23. Minutes to learn, a lifetime to master. People just don't understand that
Zach Braff
#24. Most people just aren't grateful for the lives they have, and it really saddens me. For instance, I said 'hello' to a man the other day, and he didn't even recognize me. It just really saddens me.
Zach Braff
#25. Now that 'Scrubs' is over, people seem to feel more comfortable telling me that I was a total douche to them for the past 8 years. And the whole time I'm thinking, 'Who ARE you?'
Zach Braff
#26. It's kind of ironic that my character is a doctor who acts very gay with his best friend. I don't see how gays could ever be doctors, they spend too much time whining about everything. Just get off your soapbox and go back to designing floral arrangements
Zach Braff
#27. I'm not saying eating babies should be legal, but when they're so delicious, what's the harm in it? I don't know what tastes better, their innocence or their gooey rib butter.
Zach Braff
#28. I once looked in the mirror at myself and noticed that, without a doubt, I am a sexy man. In fact, I don't think I'll ever get married ... it just wouldn't be fair for my spouse to catch me enjoying a look in the mirror more than having sex with her.
Zach Braff
#29. It has been pretty much downhill ever since the 13th amendment
Zach Braff
#30. I think the Bible should be re-written for today's society. We can call it 'Scrubs.'
Zach Braff
#31. Oh I love children, but I could never eat a whole one.
Zach Braff
#32. I'm always being told by directors that I add chemistry to scenes, so I mean how difficult could it be?
Zach Braff
#33. I like the punch beggers and panhandlers when they ask me for change. I feel like I am doing my part to clean up the streets.
Zach Braff
#34. I've always preferred Marvel over DC. I just relate to their characters better. I mean look at Wolverine, at first he was just a bit player in an ensemble cast. Now he's the only reason people read X-Men. Just like me and Scrubs.
Zach Braff
#35. Im just not really attracted to black chicks.
Zach Braff
#36. Some people just can't handle that they will never be a better actor than me
Zach Braff
#37. Once both gay marriage and marijuana are finally legal, those of you against them are not invited to the really fun parties I'm gonna throw.
Zach Braff
#38. I really don't know why we need a whole month dedicated to blacks. It's not like they're the only ones that suffered. I mean, what about us whites? We're the ones that have to deal with these monkeys everyday, but you don't see us demanding a whole month to ourselves.
Zach Braff
#39. I wouldn't exactly call it 'Intelligent', but somebody has to be behind designing the human form other than just biological necessity. Why else would women have arms? Or feet? Or mouths?
Zach Braff
#40. I love queers as much as the next guy, I just don't think I should have to sit beside them on public transport.
Zach Braff
#41. People are always going to find fault with anything you do, any process that you're a part of. The creative process means taking risks, I've taken risks and I've made mistakes, but the bottom line is, could anyone else have done any better ? I have to believe that what I created was worthwhile.
Zach Braff
#42. When you were a kid and the circus came to town it was awesome to see these little creatures, but these things go out of fashion, like polyester blazers with rolled up sleeves. We don't have to suffer them anymore so why are there all these little people running around?
Zach Braff
#43. It turns out Superman is weak to Kryptonite and horses.
Zach Braff
#44. I'm sure lots of actors and creative people go through this, where you have some weeks where it's all going according to plan and some weeks where you're super frustrated.
Zach Braff
#45. I love music and I love musicians and when I hear something that's great, I always say it's like you go to a movie and you can't wait to tell your friends about it.
Zach Braff
#46. Put a person like this with four developing children and you're gonna need more than love poems and ice sculpture to stay afloat. Trust me. So. So, we're done here.
Joshua Braff
#47. My tears cure cancer too, it's just that I laugh at cancer patients.
Zach Braff
#48. Retarded kids are the best. When they ask for an autograph I just fake sign a picture and tell them that it's in invisible ink and it will show up later. They totally buy it. It saves me a fortune in markers.
Zach Braff
#49. It's just Gods way of getting babies to heaven faster!
Zach Braff
#50. Its not that I'm in love with myself, I'm just trying to pick up everyone else's slack.
Zach Braff
#51. I don't like the term 'black people', I find it demeaning to those of us that actually qualify as 'people'.
Zach Braff
#52. I'm pretty sure Africa was made up by the media to scare people. I mean, I've never seen it. Have you? I didn't think so.
Zach Braff
#53. I mean, I know thousands of people died and everything, but if it happened today, there's just no excuse. They'd be much safer inside a movie theater watching one of my movies instead of burning alive in a collapsing skyscraper.
Zach Braff
#54. Yea, I had a dream too. Looks like mine came true.
Zach Braff
#55. I was excited about The Dark Knight until Heath Ledger gave away the ending, Batman always wins.
Zach Braff
#56. I've turned down a lot of proposed scripts for Scrubs episodes, mainly ones with AIDs patients. It sickens me, really. If you don't want AIDs, don't be a ice cream man. Or African. I'm neither and I'm fine.
Zach Braff
#57. I'm not lazy, I drive everywhere myself, the dog could've learned something from me.
Zach Braff
#58. Let's face it, it's only called Scrubs because I'm saving 'Zach Braff' for my autobiography.
Zach Braff
#59. I really love young Tom Hanks. He's just one of my favorites. He's a great, quirky every-man. I also love Zach Braff. I really love actors that are quirky and interesting, that sort of try to portray 'normal' people.
Jake Epstein
#60. Ya know, Hitler was this evil, evil man. But with the World Bank and Israel manipulating America, he might have been on to something ...
Zach Braff
#61. I'm not the kind of person who digs through things other people have thrown away.
Zach Braff
#62. Well it's not that I HATE them, but honestly if I saw two homeless people begging for money, one white and one black, and I only had one quarter ... Well I'd probably keep it actually.
Zach Braff
#63. I definitely try to play a common man in my roles so people can identify with my characters, but the truth of the matter is that it doesn't really matter what I do or my lines are, I'm still Zach Braff, and people know I'm better than them.
Zach Braff
#64. One of the things about Scrubs is that it's about great friendships and ... as broad and as serious as we get it's always really about friendship. It's about getting through the challenging parts of your life with the help of your friends.
Zach Braff
#65. My hands are huge. When I was on 'Scrubs,' Zach Braff used to make fun of them all the time. And now I made some list. I guess Jennifer Garner is on the top of the list for best hands and I'm fourth down. But that's for people who really like an NBA star's hands.
Eliza Coupe
#66. I had a dream once. I wanted to do a line of cocaine off a hooker's ass. That's when I realized, 'Hey, I'm freakin' Zach Braff.' I did it the next morning.
Zach Braff
#67. Oh sure, I have a few black people in my family tree. They're probably still hanging there.
Zach Braff
#68. I know every politician spins the truth a little.
Zach Braff
#69. When we shoot 'Scrubs' I spend every waking hour of my life in an abandoned and haunted hospital. All I can date there are ghosts and they tend to be horrible snugglers.
Zach Braff
#70. I mean, I'm a writer, actor, AND director. Not to rock the boat or anything, but compare that to a carpenter and, in the end, who is the better man?
Zach Braff
#71. People always tell me I should run for president, but I don't think they'd give me enough time off to make my films.
Zach Braff
#72. I use the N word almost daily. It reminds me that I'm successful
Zach Braff
#73. I've had to remove all mirrors from my home. I just can't seem to look at myself without having to buff the bishop, you know?
Zach Braff
#74. I'm sick of people saying I hate blacks, women, and gays. It's false and slanderous. Everyone who knows me knows I hate the Chinese.
Zach Braff
#75. It's ... it's such a weird thing. After Garden State, so many companies wanted to make my movies, and after The Last Kiss, I realized people would make anything I was in. As long as I keep this up I'll be swimming in chubby indie girl pussy.
Zach Braff
#76. Don't get me started on cold toilet seats.
Zach Braff
#77. I'd never hit a woman unless I was already out of Viagra.
Zach Braff
#78. I'm not actually an arrogant guy. It's just that, truthfully, nobody else can really compare to me.
Zach Braff
#79. That image is a couple different people's homes that I knew growing up.
Zach Braff
#80. I'm not saying I hate Jews, I'm just saying that I think they shouldn't be alive any more.
Zach Braff
#81. The success of 'Scrubs' allowed me to pursue anything I felt passionately about without having to worry about money. It allowed me to spend my summer work shopping my show at a nonprofit theater.
Zach Braff
#83. I think slavery was an awful, awful period in our history, but when I look at what's become of black culture since emancipation, I think you have to admit, maybe the Confederacy was on to something
Zach Braff
#84. I'd always fantasized about writing a new play. Even when I had all this success in television, what I was daydreaming about in my dressing room is that one day I would do it.
Zach Braff
#85. When I was little I always wanted to drive a train. That, and become a baker.
Zach Braff
#86. Incognito mode? What do they have to hide? Zach Braff doesn't have anything to hide - Zach Braff lays it all out there for everybody to see. That is Zach Braff's secret to Zach Braff's success.
Zach Braff
#87. That Hugh Laurie show is nothing but Scrubs fan fiction.
Zach Braff
#88. People have always wondered what my opinion on Stevie Wonder is. I say if he's so great how come he can't see? I mean, God doesn't make mistakes, just look at me for example.
Zach Braff
#89. I went to film school and wanted to learn everything there was about making movies.
Zach Braff
#90. It's just people trying to get on TV, not like it's really going to do them any good since people can just watch me.
Zach Braff
#91. I'm not gay, but I'm still the kind of guy where, even though you have no chance, they still want to hang around me so you can get a good mental image and jerk off to me later.
Zach Braff
#92. It raises several serious questions. For example, how can there possibly be more than one person as awesome as me?
Zach Braff
#93. After all meat is meat. I don't understand why so many people are bithing about it. It's very healthy and contains lots of vitamins
Zach Braff
#94. I always encourage over-tipping if you can afford it because ... share the wealth.
Zach Braff
#95. There is one person I can think of better than me. And that's Zach Braff. What a cool guy.
Zach Braff
#96. Hitler was about population control.
Zach Braff
#97. You know, I've occasionally tried to watch other shows besides Scrubs, but comparing them is a bit like me competing in the special Olympics. Obviously I would win without contest, but the point is that they are trying their best.
Zach Braff
#98. It's always weird being the only white person in a group. It feels like everyone's looking to me for guidance.
Zach Braff
#99. If we're going to solve the problems in North Korea, the first thing we're going to have to do is start helping them get basic amenities like electricity, televisions, and DVD players over there. Otherwise, how can they watch 'Garden State'?
Zach Braff
#100. Whenever I'm feeling a bit down, I always visit the local children's hospital. Knowing that those cancer-kids wont be able to live long enough to surpass me in fame just warms my heart, you know?
Zach Braff
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