Top 100 Quotes About Artie

#1. Emily wondered whether Artie would be so carefree if he knew The Book Club was performing grand theft imagination.

S.A. Tawks

Quotes About Artie #2006
#2. I'm very resilient. The only thing I'm missing right now are abs.

Artie Lange

Quotes About Artie #18300
#3. To tell you the truth, there are all these websites predicting my early death, and it's starting to work on me!

Artie Lange

Quotes About Artie #22934
#4. It ["Begin the Beguine"] became such a hit that it superseded anything that any band had ever had. It was the first time that a so-called swing band played something melodic and still gave it a beat.

Artie Shaw

Quotes About Artie #23142
#5. An artist should write for himself & not for an audience. If the audience likes it, great. If not, they can keep away.

Artie Shaw

Quotes About Artie #31585
#6. I never went through a period were I wanted to be a doctor, a cop or even a rock star. All I wanted to do was play short stop for the Yankees from the time I was about 5. Then I turned 15 and realized how silly that was and just gave up on it.

Artie Lange

Quotes About Artie #32621
#7. I got cast on 'MADtv' as one of eight permanent cast members chosen from 8,000 comics who'd been screened. For any comic trying to make something of themselves, that was like hitting triple 7s-jackpot.

Artie Lange

Quotes About Artie #84224
#8. I have gay friends, I support gay rights, I have nothing against the gay community, but when I see two guys kissing, I think it's gross. And, by the way, it's gross when 99% of straight people do it, too.

Artie Lange

Quotes About Artie #85591
#9. There's such a cynicism about the phrase 'I laughed all the way to the bank.' It's as though money is what you're doing, rather than playing music. If you're playing a money game, why not get into banking?

Artie Shaw

Quotes About Artie #97531
#10. I like gambling on stuff that you don't know anything about. That's when it's exciting.

Artie Lange

Quotes About Artie #108011
#11. When I was 15, I made a solo record. It made Artie very unhappy. He looked upon it as something of a betrayal.

Paul Simon

Quotes About Artie #113864
#12. I want to see Toby Maguire fight Christian Bale.

Artie Lange

Quotes About Artie #134330
#13. It's entirely up to you, Artie. He lives or dies by your word. (Acheron) No, akri! Don't ask her that. She never let me have no fun. She a mean goddess! (Simi)

Sherrilyn Kenyon

Quotes About Artie #156243
#14. If I could have done anything more, it would have been less

Artie Shaw

Quotes About Artie #172231
#15. Jason Alexander is a committed actor, he went from working on a show about nothing to actually doing nothing.

Artie Lange

Quotes About Artie #173582
#16. What did you do to him?" he asked in a hushed voice. "Did you get him addicted to happy pills? Did you give him a personality transplant? Hypnotism? You have to tell me, because I have a bet going with Artie.

Katie Ruggle

Quotes About Artie #174752
#17. My father was a really good athlete, so his pop-ups really were sky high. Eventually I learned how to judge them properly and catch them well. It was great training for when I started to play on teams, which I did all through school.

Artie Lange

Quotes About Artie #182230
#18. 'Course the world of sports takes itself way too serious. Sports writers are all high and mighty.

Artie Lange

Quotes About Artie #189201
#19. Comedians, we're just people who whine. But we happen to be funny when we whine.

Artie Lange

Quotes About Artie #196032
#20. You know you're on stage being the life of the party and trying to get laughs, and then, in a lot of ways, you don't have anything to give once you give it to the people.

Artie Lange

Quotes About Artie #208652
#21. And now it looks like I'm probably going to shoot a movie that I wrote. I got the money to do it, and I would star and all, because of being on Howard.

Artie Lange

Quotes About Artie #210277
#22. The bandleader is a musician trying to sell a mass commodity; and in order to do so successfully he must accommodate himself to mass standards. Unless he can do this comfortably, sooner or later he is sunk.

Artie Shaw

Quotes About Artie #211435
#23. Richard Lewis is the master at taking a joke that he's told a million times in a row in the past year, on the road, and making it look like he's pulling it out of thin air.

Artie Lange

Quotes About Artie #221224
#24. To tell you the truth, I always wanted to be a sketch comedian and a comedy actor.

Artie Lange

Quotes About Artie #240530
#25. Whiskey will always be a part of my life.

Artie Lange

Quotes About Artie #244441
#26. When I black out, it's the happiest time of my life.

Artie Lange

Quotes About Artie #254901
#27. Jim: By the way Artie. How are you going to escape?
Artie: Oh, the usual way. Guile.. cunning ... trickery.
Wild Wild West Season 3
Night of the Arrow

Wild Wild West TV

Quotes About Artie #268352
#28. The distance between me and Benny [Goodman], was that I was trying to play a musical thing, and Benny was trying to swing. Benny had great fingers; I'd never deny that. But listen to our two versions of 'Star Dust.' I was playing; he was swinging.

Artie Shaw

Quotes About Artie #291631
#29. Listening to Benny [Goodman] talk about the clarinet was like listening to a surgeon get hung up on a scalpel.

Artie Shaw

Quotes About Artie #307606
#30. The only reason I can't recommend heroin to kids is because the effects wear off.

Artie Lange

Quotes About Artie #321397
#31. Dear Artie: "The young fellow has disappeared into a dead end. I think the long-necked bastard planned to wind up in Paris and sent him there but he may also have used the underground railroad. Ask your round-heeled contact. Maybe you can find more than I could. "Roy

John Pearce

Quotes About Artie #334895
#32. A-Rod wants to be like Babe Ruth. And people don't realize this, he's a lot like Babe Ruth. Before the playoffs a couple of years ago, A-Rod went to the hospital and promised a dying kid he'd ground out to second for him.

Artie Lange

Quotes About Artie #341667
#33. It's weird because standup can be like therapy. Comedians can't be satisfied with just having fun with our friends. We've got to figure out a way to do it on stage.

Artie Lange

Quotes About Artie #349978
#34. When political correctness first started coming around, it ruined Andrew Dice Clay and Eddie Murphy's stand-up career. Sam Kinison died at just the right time, 'cause no one was going to tolerate what he was saying anymore either.

Artie Lange

Quotes About Artie #364907
#35. As a child, as far as I was concerned, my dad had an amazing job, and we had all the money we needed. My life was so fun and carefree that I didn't realize at all that we weren't rich - until I met someone rich. Still, I've never met a rich kid who grew up as happy as I did.

Artie Lange

Quotes About Artie #418864
#36. The regular guy still relates to him and Howard is a $500 million guy now who dates a model and drives about in a limo all day. But Howard still knows how to make a plumber laugh and those guys still have him on in the morning, because he is a real talent.

Artie Lange

Quotes About Artie #424412
#37. I've never been swimming, and that's because it's never been more than half an hour since I last ate.

Artie Lange

Quotes About Artie #479383
#38. I'm not comfortable with categories, and I distrust most definitions. The word 'definition' is based on the word 'finite,' which would seem to indicate that once we've defined something, we don't need to think about it anymore.

Artie Shaw

Quotes About Artie #534933
#39. You know how screwed up censorship is, two girls just agreed to make out naked in front of their fathers, and we went wait, don't curse.

Artie Lange

Quotes About Artie #551300
#40. Life moves fast, in an undesired harmony with time. The moment one blinks, one doesn't know where the next view may take them.

Artie Margrave

Quotes About Artie #560479
#41. Vegas means comedy, tragedy, happiness and sadness all at the same time.

Artie Lange

Quotes About Artie #564020
#42. Artie travels all the time. The rehearsals were just miserable. Artie and I fought all the time. He didn't want to do the show with my band; he just wanted me on acoustic guitar.

Paul Simon

Quotes About Artie #569204
#43. When I got on Stern I realized that this was the one job where you could be really honest and open, almost like Richard Pryor or something. You can be honest about your life and get laughs.

Artie Lange

Quotes About Artie #651757
#44. I am not the easiest guy to live with. It is probably the lack of stability in my life.

Artie Lange

Quotes About Artie #656981
#45. Don't do drugs to be cool, do 'em because you hate yourself.

Artie Lange

Quotes About Artie #675937
#46. I found a way for her to fall asleep, Paris Hilton, talk to herself.

Artie Lange

Quotes About Artie #682966
#47. When I became a standup comic, my hero, one of them, was Richard Pryor, and you know, I think that comedians, like, comedians talk about hacks, and what a hack is, is someone who does stuff that's not original.

Artie Lange

Quotes About Artie #709623
#48. You know you have a gambling problem when it's 4 A.M. at the Mirage Sports Book and you're walking around going, 'Hey you get the lacrosse scores?'

Artie Lange

Quotes About Artie #718228
#49. I wish I was this dark genius artist - like Richard Pryor or something.

Artie Lange

Quotes About Artie #732244
#50. Artie is going to do what ever Artie wants to do.

Artie Lange

Quotes About Artie #739545
#51. Maybe, in the final analysis, they saw me as something I wasn't and I tried to turn them into something they could never be. I loved them all but maybe I never understood any of them. I don't think they understood me.

Ava Gardner

Quotes About Artie #746174
#52. I hate you! (Artemis)
Don't keep saying that, Artie. It's cruel to get my hopes up. (Acheron)

Sherrilyn Kenyon

Quotes About Artie #775948
#53. You have no idea of the people I didn't marry.

Artie Shaw

Quotes About Artie #819017
#54. Eddie Murphy said once in an interview that nothing is offensive if it's funny. I sort of agree with that, but if something's funny and you're the subject of it, sometimes it's more offensive. If someone's insulting you, you want them to sound like an idiot.

Artie Lange

Quotes About Artie #828529
#55. Artie is a singer, and I'm a writer and player and a singer. We didn't work together on a creative level and prepare the songs. I did that.

Paul Simon

Quotes About Artie #841187
#56. I'm the type of guy where one thing leads to another and eventually it gets awful. If I put a $5 bet on a roulette table tonight at 10 o'clock, by tomorrow at noon I would be running guns to Cuba.

Artie Lange

Quotes About Artie #843129
#57. Unlike a lot of comics, I didn't care about getting on 'Saturday Night Live.' That show had such history and was so established that I didn't see the point.

Artie Lange

Quotes About Artie #855814
#58. I have a bad gambling problem. You're not in show business for 12 years and dress like this without a bad gambling problem.

Artie Lange

Quotes About Artie #864302
#59. Only when you're in that ditch, lying there in the muddy runoff you've made of your life, gazing up at the peak you fell from, do you truly know how small you are and understand how tall you used to be.

Artie Lange

Quotes About Artie #877641
#60. Have you ever Googled yourself? I did, most depressing thing ever. People have websites hoping I die at 38.

Artie Lange

Quotes About Artie #885889
#61. Googling me, you talk about being depressed. First of all there's 18 websites that predict my early death.

Artie Lange

Quotes About Artie #918929
#62. An audience is in many respects no more than a mob under loose control.

Artie Shaw

Quotes About Artie #935536
#63. It's a life of five-card draw, and you know what? When God asked me - I'm fine with the card I got. I'm gonna play this.

Artie Lange

Quotes About Artie #963519
#64. Howard's unbelievably nutty, politically incorrect style is probably the single biggest influence on me.

Artie Lange

Quotes About Artie #985765
#65. Somebody asked me once, 'Do you think that swing will ever come back?' And I said, 'Do you think the 1938 Ford will ever come back?'

Artie Shaw

Quotes About Artie #995348
#66. Women will do anything Oprah Winfrey says, and that is why we can't have women voting.

Artie Lange

Quotes About Artie #996597
#67. Shoot for the moon - if you miss you'll end up in the stars.

Artie Shaw

Quotes About Artie #1023622
#68. I'm a comic, so I like to stay nocturnal. I work 10 p.m. to 1 a.m.

Artie Lange

Quotes About Artie #1025509
#69. It's not a drug problem, until you run out of money. Until then it's just drugs.

Artie Lange

Quotes About Artie #1058354
#70. If you are a black woman, you get two history months in a row.

Artie Lange

Quotes About Artie #1125502
#71. Benny Goodman plays the clarinet. I play music.

Artie Shaw

Quotes About Artie #1153663
#72. Thank God I have a financial planner who is really conservative.

Artie Lange

Quotes About Artie #1171098
#73. Of course in show business there are two ways to play it and I am not politically correct so I am not going to get endorsements or anything like that.

Artie Lange

Quotes About Artie #1190604
#74. I can't understand guys who just have to have your autograph. What do you do when you get home, take it out & look at it?

Artie Shaw

Quotes About Artie #1197177
#75. An entertainer pleases others while an artist only has to please himself.

Artie Shaw

Quotes About Artie #1198885
#76. Historically, a successful life in comedy is a dream that's as equally pondered and unpursued as being an astronaut.

Artie Lange

Quotes About Artie #1219384
#77. I'm like the master of ceremonies being funny, and then sometimes people you're with, girlfriends and stuff, are like, 'God I wish I had the person on stage to be with all the time.'

Artie Lange

Quotes About Artie #1247598
#78. The Howard Stern Show is a big hit because it entertains dumb and smart people at the same time for different reasons.

Artie Lange

Quotes About Artie #1252294
#79. I was always a thin kid; I was an athlete.

Artie Lange

Quotes About Artie #1253411
#80. 'Swing' is an adjective or a verb, not a noun. All jazz musicians should swing. There is no such thing as a 'swing band' in music.

Artie Shaw

Quotes About Artie #1275083
#81. Karma: I know I've seen this man someplace before.
Artie (as McGuffey): Considering some of the places I frequent lady that's a comprising remark!
Wild Wild West TV Season 1
Night of the Flaming Ghost

Wild Wild West TV

Quotes About Artie #1286992
#82. Artie: It's in here.
Jim: Let's check this [box] first, Artie.
Artie: Oh. [Finding a fake Sword of Kuniyoshi] Phony! How do you like that? Phony!
Jim: Artie ... so are our bonds.
Artie: Oh. You can't trust anybody these days.
Wild Wild West (TV) Season 3
Night of the Samurai

Wild Wild West TV

Quotes About Artie #1288556
#83. A weekend in Vegas without gambling and drinking is just like being a born-again Christian.

Artie Lange

Quotes About Artie #1298105
#84. If you wanna dance, a windshield wiper'll do it-all you need is a beat.

Artie Shaw

Quotes About Artie #1301801
#85. The point of drinking in moderation is that sometimes you don't drink in moderation.

Artie Lange

Quotes About Artie #1310874
#86. I had a career before the Stern show, on Mad TV. I was on the first two seasons of that and I got kicked off it because of possession of cocaine.

Artie Lange

Quotes About Artie #1320454
#87. I'm not going to lie to you fellas, I've been drinking

Artie Lange

Quotes About Artie #1328077
#88. If Mike Tyson was the voice of your GPS, would you ever not use it?

Artie Lange

Quotes About Artie #1373283
#89. If you don't see the wonder in the most ordinary phenomenon, you're not going to resonate very much.

Artie Shaw

Quotes About Artie #1406960
#90. I did all you can do with a clarinet. Any more would have been less.

Artie Shaw

Quotes About Artie #1422261
#91. I ain't apologizing for anything, especially if it's a joke.

Artie Lange

Quotes About Artie #1430568
#92. But I live an interesting life and I can tell a pretty good story and it has helped my career. But the downside is people know everything.

Artie Lange

Quotes About Artie #1432990
#93. For a degenerate like me, Vegas is like a walk down memory lane. Last time I went to Vegas, I went to my old coke dealer's kid's bar mitzvah.

Artie Lange

Quotes About Artie #1443840
#94. It's good to be alive.

Artie Lange

Quotes About Artie #1459105
#95. I like the music. I love it & live it in fact. But for me the business part of music just plain stinks.

Artie Shaw

Quotes About Artie #1489645
#96. Any more would have been less.

Artie Shaw

Quotes About Artie #1499718
#97. I got into comedy so I could stay out all night.

Artie Lange

Quotes About Artie #1509977
#98. You run into a party and [a] woman comes up to you. She's the most beautiful creature you ever saw - Ava Gardner - and says, "I like you and why don't we get together?" What are you going to say, "No"? You'd have to be an idiot. She was an incredible creature.

Artie Shaw

Quotes About Artie #1529927
#99. - Aunt Artie?
- Why do you keep saying it like that? We loved each other more than anything. I can't imagine we could be different in your world.

Sherrilyn Kenyon

Quotes About Artie #1533801
#100. Dance music-as I keep saying, you can dance to a windshield wiper ... a windshield wiper that's fairly steady gives you a beat and all you need is an out-of-tune playing 'Melancholy Baby' and you've got dance music.

Artie Shaw

Quotes About Artie #1535729

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