Top 100 Pratchett's Quotes
#1. Terry Pratchett's right up my alley ... give him a try!
Piers Anthony
#2. Michael Connelly's Series Order Diana Gabaldon's Series Order Patricia Cornwell's Series Order Fern Michael's Series Order Robert Ludlum's Series Order Harlan Coben's Series Order Terry Pratchett's Series Order J.A. Jance's Series Order Tom Clancy's
A.J. Stone
#3. The apothecary's name was Owlglass. He hummed to himself as he worked in his back room. He'd found a new type of blue fluff, which he was grinding down. It was probably good for curing something. He'd have to try it out on people until he found out what.
Terry Pratchett
#4. Ach, people are always telling us not to do things" said Rob Anybody, "that's how we ken the most interesting things to do.
Terry Pratchett
#5. This is not a book about Australia. No, it's about somewhere entirely different which happens to be, here and there, a bit ... Australian. Still ... no worries, right?
Terry Pratchett
#6. Weddings are quite similar to funerals in that, apart from the main players, when it's all over, people are never quite sure what they should be doing next, which is why they see if there is any wine left.
Terry Pratchett
#7. He could hear his granny speaking. "No one's too poor to buy soap." Of course, many people were. But in Cockbill Street they bought soap just the same. The table might not have any food on it but, by gods, it was well scrubbed. That was Cockbill Street, where what you mainly ate was your pride.
Terry Pratchett
#8. If you want something done, give it to someone who's busy!
Terry Pratchett
#9. YOU FEAR TO DIE?
It's not that I don't want ... I mean, I've always ... it's just that life is a habit that's hard to break ...
Terry Pratchett
#10. It's not that he doesn't appreciate beauty, he just appreciates it in his own way. I mean, if a poet sees a daffodil he stares at it and writes a long poem about it, but Twoflower wanders off to find a book on botany.
Terry Pratchett
#11. WHERE'S MY COW?!
IS THAT MY COW?!
HRRRUUUUGGGH!!!!
THAT'S NOT MY COW!
THAT'S A HIPPOPOTAMOUS!
Terry Pratchett
#12. The whole of life is just like watching a film. Only it's as though you always get in ten minutes after the big picture has started, and no-one will tell you the plot, so you have to work it out all yourself from the clues.
Terry Pratchett
#13. It seems sensible to me that we should look to the medical profession, that over the centuries has helped us to live longer and healthier lives, to help us die peacefully among our loved ones in our own home without a long stay in God's waiting room.
Terry Pratchett
#14. What's to be afraid of?' she managed. 'Us,' said Granny Weatherwax, smugly. The
Terry Pratchett
#15. You got no soul, Cap'n," he said. "When a stranger comes into the city under the thrall of the dragon and challenges it with a glittery sword, weeell, there's only one outcome, ain't there? It's probably destiny.
Terry Pratchett
#16. I know about people who talk about suffering for the common good. It's never bloody them! When you hear a man shouting "Forward, brave comrades!" you'll see he's the one behind the bloody big rock and the wearing the only really arrow-proof helmet!
Terry Pratchett
#17. High magic requires a great clarity of thought, you see, and women's talents do not lie in that direction. Their brains tend to overheat.
Terry Pratchett
#19. Amazin'.' he said again. 'He just looks as though he's thinking, right?'
'Er ... yes.'
'But he's not actually thinking?'
'Er ... no.'
'So ... he just gives the impression of thinking but really it's just a show?'
'Er ... yes.'
Just like everyone else, then really,' said Ridcully
Terry Pratchett
#20. The girls were expected to grow up to be somebody's wife. They were also expected to read and write, those being considered soft indoor jobs that were too fiddly for the boys.
Terry Pratchett
#21. Moist realized that there had to be an explanation for this, but the only one he could think of now was: It's strange.
Terry Pratchett
#22. It's very rare that I ever go and research a particular subject. Mostly I do serendipitous research, I read stuff, things spinning out of the page.
Terry Pratchett
#23. You know, after a woman's raised a family and so on, she wants to start living her own life.
Terry Pratchett
#24. When you look into the abyss, it's not supposed to wave back.
Terry Pratchett
#25. Freedom may be mankind's natural state, but so is sitting in a tree eating your dinner while it is still wriggling.
Terry Pratchett
#26. Well, I hear things," she began. "And ... well, writing things down? I suppose that's a suitable job for a lady, isn't it? It's practically cultural.
Terry Pratchett
#27. As they stepped out into the silent street he wondered if Lord Vetinari had been right about the press. There was something ... compelling about it. It was like a dog that stared at you until you fed it. A slightly dangerous dog. Dog bites man, he thought. But that's not news. That's olds.
Terry Pratchett
#28. That's how it goes. Meetings in rooms. A little diplomacy, a little give and take, a promise here, an understanding there. That's how real revolutions happen.
Terry Pratchett
#29. Odd thing, ain't it ... you meet people one at a time, they seem decent, they got brains that work, and then they get together and you hear the voice of the people. And it snarls." "That's mob rule!
Terry Pratchett
#30. You're not going to tell me they built fifty-foot-high killer golems, are you?"
"Only a man would think of that.
It's our job," said Moist. "If you don't think of fifty-foot-high killer golems first, someone else will.
Terry Pratchett
#31. He's got a box with a demon in it that draws pictures," said Rincewind shortly. "Do what the madman says and he will give you gold.
Terry Pratchett
#32. The little man's total obliviousness to all forms of danger somehow made danger so discouraged that it gave up and went away.
Terry Pratchett
#33. Then there's those wizards on it, who must all be gifted hydrophobes - " "You mean they hate water?" said Twoflower. "No, that wouldn't work," said Rincewind. "Hate is an attracting force, just like love. They really loathe it, the very idea of it revolts them.
Terry Pratchett
#34. I think the Dutch certainly get British comedy. And let's face it; a lot of it is pretty low-hanging fruit for the whole world now. There are probably tribes in the heart of the Papua New Guinean rainforest that know all the words to the Dead Parrot sketch.
Rhianna Pratchett
#35. ARE YOU SUGGESTING THAT I WILL KILL THE CAT BY LOOKING AT IT?
- It's not quite like that, sir
- I MEAN, IT'S NOT AS IF I MAKE FACES OR ANYTHING
Terry Pratchett
#36. I'm referred to, I see, as 'the biggest banker in modern publishing'. Now there's a line that needed the celebrated Guardian proof-reading.
Terry Pratchett
#37. Let's see, now ... in HOGFATHER there are a number of stabbings, someone's killed by a man made of knives, someone's killed by the dark, and someone just been killed by a wardrobe. It's a book about the magic of childhood. You can tell.
Terry Pratchett
#38. - YOU SHOULD HAVE WORKED OUT BY NOW THAT EVERYONE GETS WHAT THEY THINK IS COMING TO THEM. IT'S SO MUCH NEATER THAT WAY.
Terry Pratchett
#39. It's a well-known fact. It's well known at the organic level, like a lot of other well-known facts which overrule the observations of the senses. This is because if people went around noticing everything that was going on all the time, no one would ever get anything done.*
Terry Pratchett
#40. The thing is, I mean, there's times when you look at the universe and you think, "What about me?" and you can just hear the universe replying, "Well, what about you?"
Terry Pratchett
#41. Aliens don't get stuck in air ducts. It's practically a well-known fact.
Terry Pratchett
#43. Just because a woman's got no teeth doesn't mean she's wise. It might just mean she's been stupid for a very long time.
Terry Pratchett
#44. I'm made up of the memories of my parents and grandparents, all my ancestors. They're in the way I look, in the color of my hair. And I'm made up of everyone I've ever met who's changed the way I think. So who is
Terry Pratchett
#45. Cats don't hunt seals. They would if they knew what they were and where to find them. But they don't, so that's all right.
Terry Pratchett
#46. Willow bark," said the Bursar. "That's a good idea," said the Lecturer in Recent Runes. "It's an analgesic." "Really? Well, possibly, though it's probably better to give it to him by mouth,
Terry Pratchett
#47. One minute I'm just another rabbit and happy about it, next minute whazzaam, I'm thinking. That's a major drawback if you're looking for happiness as a rabbit, let me tell you. You want grass and sex, not thoughts like What's it all about, when you get right down to it?
Terry Pratchett
#49. At least two of those present tonight were wearing Granny Weatherwax's famous goose-grease-and-sage chest liniment.
Terry Pratchett
#50. Aagragaah. It mean lit'rally der time when you see dem little pebbles and you jus' know dere's gonna be a great big landslide on toppa you and it already too late to run. Dat moment, dat's aagragaah.
Terry Pratchett
#51. Yes! I'm me! I am careful and logical and I look up things I don't understand! When I hear people use the wrong words, I get edgy! I am good with cheese. I read books fast! I think! And I always have a piece of string! That's the kind of person I am!
Terry Pratchett
#52. It is probably a full description of Henry Lawsy's mind that if you had given him a book called How to Improve Your Mind in Five Minutes, he would have read it with a stopwatch.
Terry Pratchett
#53. Why does everyone run toward a blood-curdling scream?" mumbled the Senior Wrangler. "It's contrary to all sense.
Terry Pratchett
#54. He was tongue-tied in the presence of a fourteen-month-old baby. All the things he thought of saying, like 'Who's Daddy's little boy, then?' sounded horribly false, as though he'd got them from a book. There was nothing to say, nor, in this soft pastel room, anything that needed to be said.
Terry Pratchett
#55. Ella turned to the fireplace where a blackened kettle hung over what Granny Weatherwax always called an optimist's fire: two logs and hope.
Terry Pratchett
#56. Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life.
Terry Pratchett
#57. They're always telling folk how much better it's going to be when they're dead. We tell them it could be pretty good right here if only they'd put their minds to it.' Mort
Terry Pratchett
#58. But all this business about kings and lords, it's against basic human dignity. We're all born equal. It makes me sick.'
'Never heard you talk like this before, Frederick,' said Nobby.
'It's Sergeant Colon to you, Nobby.
Terry Pratchett
#60. It's amazing how people define roles for themselves and put handcuffs on their experience and are constantly surprised by the things a roulette universe spins at them.
Terry Pratchett
#61. My name is immaterial,' she said.
That's a pretty name,' said Rincewind.
Terry Pratchett
#62. It's not for nothing that advanced mathematics tend to be invented in hot countries. It's because of the morphic resonance of all the camels who have that disdainful expression and famous curled lip as a natural result of an ability to do quadratic equations.
Terry Pratchett
#64. It's better to ask Santa Claus for a pair of slippers for Christmas rather than peace on earth. You might actually get it.
Terry Pratchett
#65. I know it's a very human thing to say 'Is there anything I can do,' but in this case I would only entertain offers from very high-end experts in brain chemistry.
Terry Pratchett
#66. I was just a kid then. But I won't forget. Nor will others. There's lots of people with reason to hate the Church.
Terry Pratchett
#67. My advice is this. For Christ's sake, don't write a book that is suitable for a kid of 12 years old, because the kids who read who are 12 years old are reading books for adults. I read all of the James Bond books when I was about 11, which was approximately the right time to read James Bond books.
Terry Pratchett
#69. What's the good of having mastery over cosmic balance and knowing the secrets of fate if you can't blow something up?
Terry Pratchett
#70. Rincewind switched to High Borogravian, to Vanglemesht, Sumtri and even Black Oroogu, the language with no nouns and only one adjective, which is obscene. Each was met with polite incomprehension. In desperation he tried heathen Trob, and the little man's face split into a delighted grin.
Terry Pratchett
#71. Cahoots.' He repeated the word, forming the syllables with exaggerated motions of his lips. 'Lovely word, that. The kind of word that's necessary to use, purely for the pleasure of saying it.
Terry Pratchett
#72. There's a saying that all roads lead to Ankh-Morpork. And it's wrong. All roads lead away from Ankh-Morpork, but sometimes people just walk along them the wrong way.
Terry Pratchett
#73. A man can learn all of an opponent's weaknesses on that board,' said Gilt.
'Really?' said Vetinari, raising his eyebrows. 'Should not he be trying to learn his own?
Terry Pratchett
#74. I grow as many of our vegetables as I can, because my granddad was a professional gardener, and it's in the blood.
Terry Pratchett
#75. Showing a videogame character terrified and scared is something that's not really done that much.
Rhianna Pratchett
#76. Everything looks interesting until you do it. Then you find it's just another job.
Terry Pratchett
#77. Well, that's society for you, I'm afraid," said Carrot. "Everything is dumped on the people below until you find someone who's prepared to eat it. That's what Mr. Vimes says.
Terry Pratchett
#78. Have a chocolate-covered raisin," he said.
"They look like rat droppings," said the Chair.
The Dean peered at them in the gloom.
"So that's it," he said. "The bag fell on the floor a minute ago, and I thought there seemed rather a lot.
Terry Pratchett
#79. Its like people care more abput their pride than about what's correct, about the truth.
Terry Pratchett
#80. But if it is true that the act of observing changes the thing which is observed (because of Quantum), it's even more true that it changes the observer.
Terry Pratchett
#81. Normally the only decoration in there was on Sham Harga's vest and the food was good solid stuff for a cold morning, all calories and fat and protein and maybe a vitamin crying softly because it was all alone. Now
Terry Pratchett
#82. On the other hand, Teatime's corkscrew of a mind was exactly the tool to deal with something like this. And if he didn't ... well, that was hardly Downey's fault, was it?
Terry Pratchett
#83. It doesn't matter how you live and die, it's how the bards wrote it down.
Terry Pratchett
#84. Of course, Ankh-Morpork's citizens had always claimed that the river water was incredibly pure. Any water that had passed through so many kidneys, they reasoned, had to be very pure indeed.
Terry Pratchett
#85. When you can flatten entire cities at a whim, a tendency towards quiet reflection and seeing-things-from-the-other-fellow's-point- of-view is seldom necessary.
Terry Pratchett
#86. Er ... er ... Just because someone's a member of an ethnic minority doesn't mean they're not a nasty small-minded little jerk, sir?
Terry Pratchett
#87. Making money is good, but there's no pockets in a shroud.
Terry Pratchett
#88. But cats are good at steering people. A miaow here, a purr there, a little gentle pressure with a claw . . . and Maurice had never had to think about it before. Cats didn't have to think. They just had to know what they wanted. Humans had to do the thinking. That's what they were for.
Terry Pratchett
#89. No! That's not the way! This is not the time! Hold it back! Tame it! Don't waste it! Send it back! It'll come when you call!
Terry Pratchett
#90. But what's worth more than gold?"
"Practically everything. You, for example. Gold is heavy. Your weight in gold is not very much gold at all. Aren't you worth more than that?
Terry Pratchett
#91. Many an ancient lord's last words had been, You can't kill me because I've got magic aaargh.
Terry Pratchett
#92. He only drinks when he gets depressed,' said Carrot.
'Why does he get depressed?'
'Sometimes it's because he hasn't had a drink.
Terry Pratchett
#93. I heard it was made of the same stuff they make them fortune-telling crystals out of. You can't tell me that's right. And he looks at you with it," said the first speaker. He was known as Peachy, although no one had ever found out why.*
Terry Pratchett
#94. It's certain death anyway, said Ridcully. That's the thing about Death, certainty.
Terry Pratchett
#95. I don't think it's weak to admit you made a mistake. That takes strength, if you ask me.
Terry Pratchett
#96. His philosophy was a mixture of three famous schools
the Cynics, the Stoics and the Epicureans
and summed up all three of them in his famous phrase, 'You can't trust any bugger further than you can throw him, and there's nothing you can do about it, so let's have a drink.
Terry Pratchett
#97. I THINK PERHAPS YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND. PEOPLE'S WHOLE LIVES DO PASS IN FRONT OF THEIR EYES BEFORE THEY DIE. THE PROCESS IS CALLED "LIVING." WOULD YOU LIKE A PRAWN?
Terry Pratchett
#98. You couldn't say: It's not my fault. You couldn't say: It's not my responsibility. You could say: I will deal with this. You didn't have to want to. But you had to do it.
Terry Pratchett
#99. I don't want to hurt you, Mistress Weatherwax," said Mrs Gogol.
"That's good," said Granny. "I don't want you to hurt me either.
Terry Pratchett
#100. No-one is finally dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away ... The span of someone's life, they say, is only the core of their actual existence.
Terry Pratchett
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